Month: Oct 2017

Remember, remember, the, oh when was it again?

The 5^th of November being Sunday this year, and the Devizes Football Club not holding their usual quality do, where, you may ask, can you catch some firework displays?

1: Friday the 3^rd has one at Nursteed Community School for £3 tickets from Devizes Books or Brittox News, or £3.50 on the door. Doors open at 6pm and the show kicks off at 7.

2: Bishops Cannings School also have one organised for Friday, by Distant Thunder, with fire performers too, it’s £2.50 for grownups and kids go free. They promise snacks, BBQ and hot chocolate, and note the Crown is open for business.

3: Saturday the New Inn at Coate have their ever-popular FREE fireworks event with inside and outside bars, the bonfire will be lit at 6:30 and display starts at 7pm. They do have a no obligation charity collection. All monies collected go to two nominated charities.

4: Rowdefield Farm are also having an event on Saturday, described as a mini-firework display, they’ve also a bonfire. With a variety of stalls, Rowde Toddlers Pick & Mix Sweets, live music from Tom Miller, fire poi and hula hoop entertainer De Valentine, glitter makeup by Courtney Ball, Younique, hand knitted gifts and glow sticks, there are refreshments and a pedal tractor course as well as the machinery display, it promises to be quite alternative to the norm. It starts at 6pm and fireworks at 7. Tickets in advance only for this one guys, and it’s a fiver.

‘Cause baby I be a West-Country firewerrrk,
Be comin’ ter shows yer hows I twerk,
Makes ’em go “Oo, arr, oo!” an art,
As I shoots acrass yer sky lioke a gurt lush far-arr-arr-t.

If you know of one we’ve not listed, let us know and we’ll add it before the big night, whenever it is again. At least it’ll stop me from my Katy Perry impressions, which I should’ve saved exclusively for Halloween instead.

These stunning, collectable cards are from the ‘Christmas Cats’ collection by South West artist Elly Shaw and each card is hand made and unique.

Signed by the artist, they can be framed or sent as Christmas cards to your special people. Oil on silk with trimmings. They will be available at the trade price of £2.50 each or 5 for £10 only at the Craft Fair on November 25th at The Cross Keys, Rowde. 12pm onwards.

I like tea, full stop. You pamper to taste; a “milky builder,” others like it as black as the ace of spades, or some like the teabag to stew for exactly one minute, twenty-seven seconds. No, don’t dare add milk before taking out the teabag or they’ll spoon your eyeballs and wear them as earrings; that kinda subtle specification.

Me, I’m impartial; I’ll drink any tea made any way. As long as it is tea and not warmed mud from the farmer’s welly, I’ll drink it; desperate enough I’d even consider the mud.

I’m eclectic in my taste for most things, treat food, books and music just like tea; provided it’s of quality. I don’t worship any particular genre, pigeonhole or dedicate my life to one style. Some do, s’alright, that’s fine, but it’s not my cup of tea, so to speak.

City life can be diverse; you wander a street to find a-la-carte Benin vegan cuisine next door to a Tasmanian tarantula burger stall, you could host a night of minimalist Cambodian folk synth-pop techno and still fill the Albert Hall. But here in deepest darkest Wiltshire, often you have to make do with the conventional; a Chinese takeaway considered exotic.

When someone dedicates themselves to bringing us diversity it deserves our full support, but it comes at a cost; the rural event promoter’s dilemma. Example; country & western music, not really my cup of tea, but what exactly is my cup of tea anyhoo?

Give it, I’ll drink it, ta; where we left off last week, I’m at the doors to the Conservative Club on a Sunday evening, to check out Devizes diversity in action. Hand it to them, the Cons Club offers variety, last Saturday it was skanking to the sounds of Swindon’s two-tone band The Killertones, courtesy of the Scooter Club, and this Saturday it turned all Blues as the Long Street Blues Club bought us Carvin Jones.

Alternative Sundays are the turn of the Devizes CMC; it’s going country & western all the way. There are elements to this genre I do love; the creative plots of songs, and twangy banjos and the whole Americana atmosphere; however there’s a clear label of “Achy Breaky Hearts” and line dancing which, well, puts me off to be Frank.

Sheriff of the CMC, Dean Czerwionka is keen to highlight his efforts to break this stereotype, and brings diversity in the genre to local venues. His Dead Kool Country Promotions operate not only in Devizes, but at the Owl in Bromham and Trowbridge too. He explained to me that while some bands he books are traditional Country styles, he often books ones which are more experimental and assorted in styles.

So, generally American theme occurs in the Club, Dean tipped his Stetson at the bar where we chat, but there’s also something quintessentially English about the event; I order a cider rather than a bourbon, there’s no hog-roast but ham and cheese rolls sold on the bar, and while within the crowd are a sprinkling of those dressed the part, there’s others dressed more conventionally, it’s informal.

There are no cowboys having a farting contest around a campfire, but a fun and friendly atmosphere, which is endearing. Even the performer Trey Jackson, who was booked last minute due to a cancelation, speaks with a Geordie accent.

I felt comfortable and not out of place, a surprise in Devizes; I reckoned I needed to cast my labels aside and enjoy the music and atmosphere, for it was homely and warming; I like it here, you would too.

Dean explained to me that specialist magazines cater towards the American scene and the big names when they visit, rather than focus on home-grown talent. Here then is the dilemma, can he wipe the stereotype and bring people through the door when it’s Sunday in a narrow-minded market town like Devizes?

No easy task, Dean tells me many local C&W clubs have closed, there’s no club like this left in Swindon, and punters willingly travel to visit his Dead Kool nights; this doesn’t surprise me, they’re clearly worth the effort.

We break off our conversation for a moment, while Dean sells raffle tickets. The marvellous thing about these nights is each one is dedicated to raising funds for local schools.

Everything Dean tells me is spritely, an enthusiasm dedicated to his passion for Country and bringing it to the good folk of Wiltshire. On 12^th November, for example, when Peter Donegan, son of the ‘Godfather of British Rock n Roll’ and ‘King of Skiffle’, the late Lonnie Donegan, visits the club.

So we chat about Johnny Cash and Dolly, of the movie Oh Brother Where Art Thou, and my love for the music of Woody Guthrie. We talk about bluegrass and the various styles of country music, which Dean celebrates and books artists who cross those borders and fuse said styles. So there really isn’t anything to dislike about these nights, no matter how much you care for the music.

There’s a good mixture of age here, yeah there’s older folk but there’s girls in short skirts (it’s the little things I notice) and while we chat, people get up and start dancing the night away. Trey has an authentic voice and the whole scene is entertaining. It’s this kind of diversity which keeps Devizes from being so narrow-minded.

Similarly Saturday night when I shipped out to Market Lavington to see Los Palmas 6, the Madness tribute band, these events are endearingly good but it’s often difficult for promoters like Dean and the delightful character of Ted Osborn of the Market Lavington Music & Comedy Club to continue, bands don’t come cheap, bums need to be on seats and in a village or small town it’s no easy task, unless we support them.

So I highly recommend these nights to you, without compromise and pray these decent guys will persevere so we’re never in doubt that #nothingeverhappensindevizes and the surrounding villages, is ironic banter.

So, yeah, Saturday at the Market Lavington Music and Comedy Club was a top, top night, but I’m running out of space here, I’ll write a separate review of the night, and of Ted’s hard work, equal to Dean’s, in hope you’ll take heed and support these guys in their quest.

For Dead Kool Country Promotion’s future dates, check Devizine’s event calendar, or visit their website here, and like their Facebook page here.

Resident or just passing through, The Food Gallery is the premier café in Wiltshire. Standing proud on Marlborough High Street and voted Best Café in Wiltshire this year, its owner, Bob Holman announced there’s a free coffee for the emergency services at his family business, whilst also raising funds for SWIFT Medics, a support charity for the emergency services across Wiltshire and beyond.

Mr Holman, also a Trustee of SWIFT Medics, plans to offer a free coffee to any member of the emergency services; ambulance, fire brigade or police, by asking his customers to make a voluntary donation of £1 every time they buy a coffee at his shop.

In return, The Food Gallery will donate 50 pence to SWIFT Medics, who, although they are a Wiltshire-based charity and entirely funded by the public, are regularly called out by the Emergency Services to assist them and work alongside them saving lives and helping to prevent more serious injury.

Bob, who runs The Food Gallery with his wife Nikki and children Rich and Kat, said: “This is a win-win situation; we are a community coffee shop with valued local customers, so it makes sense to ask them to help us support our vital emergency services, which too often we all take for granted.”

“We think it will give a boost to those unsung heroes in the Emergency Services to know that the public value them enough to donate money for a coffee. We all like to know we are appreciated and it is particularly important for the Emergency Services to realise that. It is a small gesture but we think it is an important one.”

All members of the Emergency Services have to do is show their ID at The Food Gallery for a regular coffee, from 7:00am on 27th October 2017. Although, Devizine points out, they also do a superb brownie!

The volunteers of SWIFT Medics are trained Pre-hospital Emergency Care Doctors who attend road traffic accidents and medical emergencies in Wiltshire and surrounding counties when an incident is so serious that the NHS ambulance team need an appropriately qualified Doctor at the scene.

Approximately once a week, these volunteer Doctors either save a life or prevent a life-changing injury in Wiltshire. SWIFT Medics is a registered charity and are 100% reliant on voluntary donations for our funding.

http://www.swiftmedics.net/

http://www.thefoodgallery.co.uk/

I don’t know with all these “arty types,” I mean, remember the gallery on Vine Street? Well, change one letter and they shift the whole shebang to the White Horse Business Centre on Hopton, but it’s worth a trip down London Road. The new space at number 10 is airy, bright and awash with friendly atmosphere.

The Wine Street Gallery is never without interesting contemporary art, and hosts exhibits regularly. This November it’s the turn of local oil painter Anna Simmons, who creates figures within a sense of space and light in architectural backgrounds. The importance of the figures stressed, adding extra dimension, a kind of “bridge between worlds.”

Former teacher, Anna had always painted, but only received formal training later in life. She studied at St. Martin’s, which shaped the particular direction her work continues on today. She has exhibited in London, Bath and even America, and her work has sold worldwide.

This has to be a great excuse, if you need one, to visit the gallery. Join the private view, from 6-9pm on Friday 17th November, and you’ll aptly get a glass of wine too! And the Recent works by Anna Simmons show continues until Saturday 18^th November.

Normal opening hours are 11am – 4pm, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, or by appointment.

Wine St Gallery @ No 10, White Horse Business Centre, Unit 10, Hopton Road, Devizes SN10 2HJ.  facebook.com/winestreetgallery Instagram: dawngalbraith10

Why hello there, I’m back. Did you miss me?

You don’t have to answer that.

A-polo-gees, but due to a family issue I’ve been back and forth from Southend-on-Sea, a place which makes Swindon look like Monte Carlo, with bells on. Hoping we can start back where we left off? Unless, of course, you’ve found a new causerie, a kind of prose rebound, no doubt, a Daily Mail column. I understand really I do, does it do what No Surprises used to do for you, only grammatically; you literate hussy, you.

Southend is quite different from Devizes, maybe it’s the sea air but there’s a “salt of the Earth” spirit in the majority, a kind of cockney-pride of an East-End, retired now to the nostalgic littoral illusion of “South-Enders.”

So, despite the constant race to construct glass façades to ersatz castles, larger than that of their neighbours, allowing their view to pass over pink and white panelled beach huts with star-shaped fairy-lights tacked on, to a murky estuary and its heavyweight industrial dock horizon, there appears to be minimal snobbery there; one significant difference.

The sight of Essex’s arch-nemesis Kent, with burning chimneys and industrial plants, seems to dissuade no one, as they saunter a hectic coastal highway of ramshackle Tropicana and neon amusement arcades, with disregard to seasonal change and gale forces blowing along the Thames, in search of a polystyrene cup of jellied eels or a boggy whippy ice cream.

The entire inlet from London to the south-end is one analogous sprawling suburb of pleasant and generous mediocre folk, unfortunately with a princely sprinkling of avaricious braggers, voluble tattooed hoodies swapping beard-trimming techniques, and hordes of overdressed Billericay girls all called Anastasia, with earrings larger than their boobs, yapping bargain hauls and neighing through whitened teeth at their own jokes; inappropriately, they bulk the laughable Essex stereotype we love to encourage here.

You’d love it, if you pretend you never witnessed the dank arches outbound from Liverpool Street station, where if you gaze past train lights, you can see occupants huddled under filthy duvets and rotting sleeping bags.

I admit, it feels like everything is bloated folly there, a neon phoney philosophy forged into residents, blinding them from the certain doom this government is sailing us into, and it takes an individual from a Tory-infested affluent zone to explain it? Yeah, right on. Still I adhere, snobbery is absent; no one looks down their nose and scoffs, which is a pleasant change.

If this week has taught me one thing, it’s that life is too short to whinge and rant, so I planned a nice column today. Then I returned home and read some local news.

Say what you will, but Southend is functional; they allow a freedom of street art, they’ve frequent and affordable buses, and they get both bins and recycling done weekly, with a far more extensive recycling process. As opposed to our maggot-infested fortnightly collected bins which you’re expected to climb inside to squash last week’s rubbish.

So as the train returns me to the beautiful West Country downs, the first local post I see on Facebook is photos of the aftermath of some prick clearing out for the season of goodwill, and fly-tipping the garbage they couldn’t fit in their overflowing bin, over our idyllic rural landscape.

Ha, it’s like they just shoved the mountain of dead badgers aside and dumped their crap there, as if recycling centres are only in the imagination. How is this lesser a crime than Swindon’s window-licking Noel Gallagher lookie-likie, if not far less amusing? They need to be named and shamed in the local rag.

Honestly, what was going on there with the window licker, or has the Oasis star fallen on hard times? I mean licking windows is one thing, but in Swindon? It’s equally as unhygienic as making candy floss in a rugby club’s stag-do toilet bowl, which no doubt you think happens in Southend? Least they put their rubbish in the bin, cos they’ve the facilities to do so.

So Wiltshire Council jump on the bandwagon, groaning it costs two and a half million quid picking up litter in the county, omitting the opportunity of finding an old five pound note. They’re campaigning for volunteers to tidy up a bit, taking credit for the idea; as if it hasn’t already been in existence in Devizes for many a year. Thank you CUDs, it’s a big society success story that’d make Cameron oink and blush.

This tomfoolery is seriously biting into the Council budget, which needed to raise their councillor’s expense allowances again, just to have a meeting about it; pass the caviar hors d’oeuvres while we discuss it. Parking tariffs in the Market Place simply will not cover it, maybe because the ticket-machines they do have malfunction more than HAL 9000 with a Morris Worm bought from Curry’s.

“Take your litter home,” the council says; I agree, even though my bin is full. I’m not paying £1.70 an hour to sift through your litter, just to get a loaf. Still we feel it imperative to groan about people in other places, like how shallow Essex is, for example.

I withdraw the cliquey rant about Southend; Essex is Constable Country don’t forget it mate. Go sleep in a railway arch you idiot fly-tippers, oh and Councillors who make it awkward to make alternative options practical too. Stick a cold tin of beans and dirty mattress on your expense forms and kip with the dossers; see what some folks endure.

We need a rodeo roundup, a cowboy style lynch mob to march into county hall all guns blazing.

So, before I fled town, I went in search of some able-bodied men; but where could I find some West Country rouges, larger than the Council’s for a showdown at high noon?

Hold on, every other Sunday at the Conservative Club is Devizes Country Music Club. So I busted through the saloon doors, nodded to Sheriff Dean Czerwionka, who tipped his Stetson. I scanned the tavern, are there cowboys here, would it be best to try Kwik-Fit, or is it another of those uncharacteristic surprises in Devizes?

Tune in next episode to find out…. cue the sunset.

I had to walk back to Rowde last time I attended a Moonraker Comedy night at the Bear Hotel’s Cellar Bar, I tried to hitch a lift but had to be honest with myself, no one about to pick me up in the dark with the insane giggling smirk awash my boat race. I was still sniggering at Mark Felgate and supporting comedians into the following week.

Thursday 2^nd November sees another tsunami of laughter with Andrew Doyle headlining the evening. Writer and comedian, Andrew is the co-writer of the spoof news reporter, created by Tom Walker, Jonathan Pie who has become an internet sensation.

Andrew started writing for Pie in December 2015, and has since collaborated with Tom on weekly online videos, and a live tour culminating a sell-out performance at the London Palladium. Their online video responding to the US election result has had in excess of 130 million views.

Andrew recently appeared at the Soho Theatre, London, in his fifth solo stand-up show “Future Tense.” All five of his solo shows have run at the Edinburgh Festival Fringe. Johann Hari of The Independent had this to say, “One of the funniest, sharpest, cruellest comedians out there. Prepare for all your internal organs to burst with laughter.”

Andrew is supported by award winning comedian Nathan Cassidy who’ll open the show, fresh from The Comedy Store, Bearcat and Mirth, Nathan has performed full-length shows at comedy festivals for several years. And Quick-witted Tim O’Connor, who has “been making people laugh since forever,” but has only recently taken to comedy club stages as it allows people to laugh at him in a more appropriate setting. Recently recruited to present a monthly radio show for Frome FM, Tim is a published comedy writer.

Doors open at 8:00pm, it’s definitely for 18 and over, and its ten notes for a ticket (from The Bear Hotel, Devizes Books, The British Lion, The Vaults, The Southgate Inn, or on-line at “We Got Tickets” and also some availability on the door on night; if you need a giggle, this performance-on-your-doorstep comes highly recommended.

https://www.facebook.com/events/162470411017096/

Probably the youngest and freshest duo on the Devizes music scene, Larkin, retain the classic combination of guitar and keyboards; a modern answer to Simon & Garfunkel, with a slice of Bastille thrown in for good measure. Even the cover of their forthcoming album, Set You Free, has a strong resemblance to that of The Sounds of Silence.

We’re eagerly anticipating this release, which is due in December. I probed Sam Bishop for what we can expect, being I know they’ve been working so hard on this crowdfunded project.

Set You Free will be all original material, generally conceived by Sam and written in collaboration with guitarist Finley Trusler. “The album is called Set You Free,” he explained, “because that was the first song as a duo we wrote together and everything that has transpired because of this!”

Working on tracks for over a year now, Sam described, “The songs are about a variety of things, whether it be ex-girlfriends, events that have happened in my life, how crazy the world is, and even the plot of a film.”

With a totally DIY approach, they’ve played all the instruments on the album; Sam reasoned it’d be “a more personal feel!” There’s also old films sampled in the tunes, “to give more context and a vibrant feel, as I’m a fan of old cinema and it adds more layers to the tracks.”

These young guys are confident of their goals and exceptionally enthusiastic and motivated. “The album means a lot to us,” Sam continued, “it’s always been ‘a dream to release a debut album and thanks to kind donations while busking and gigging, we’ve finally be able to get into the studio and nail tracks.”

Larkin have been working with fantastic producer Martin Spencer at the Badger Set in Potterne, and tell me he, “has been amazing; works tirelessly to get good results. Not only is he local, so we can keep the album linked to Devizes, but he is a good mate of ours and knew he’d give his best.”

I’d like to congratulate the duo, Martin and the team behind this project as it pertains to a bright future for music in Devizes and sets a goalpost for others to attain. If you’d like to witness them in their comfort zone, Larkin are appearing at the Moonrakers in Devizes on the 21^st October, and they’re making Great Cheverall that bit greater, appearing at the Bell, there on 28^th October.

But the big cheese here is their album release gig on a risky December 30^th at an unconfirmed venue in Devizes. “The release gig will be amazing,” Sam explained with enthusiasm, “It’ll be in Devizes, with easy access from the town centre, and depending on how many emails, to let us know they want to come, the venue size will change accordingly. We’ll have a support band, and all our songs will be played as a live band, with saxophone, drums, bass and synth, as well as our keys, vocals and guitar.”

Tickets will be a mere three quid, which entitles you to a half price copy of the CD; I mean, what else are you going to be doing on that date, cabbaged on the sofa stuffing dry turkey sandwiches and watching the Enders Christmas special?

“It’d be great to see so many familiar and new faces turn up to support us!” Sam finished with, “We’ve put so much into the album and would love people to turn up and chat about it.

Let Larkin know you’re up for it, by clicking here!

More info on Larkin

The Errant Stage is a new​ ​mobile​ ​performance​ ​venue​ ​in​ ​a​ ​van, it​ ​offers​ ​affordable
space​ ​for​ ​artists​ ​and​ ​accessible​ ​theatre​ ​for​ ​the​ ​masses; sounds cute eh? Yeah, that’s what I thought too, that’s why I’m here, telling you about it!

The travelling venue, a big red van, is off exploring the West for an affordable
and sustainable future of the performing arts.

 
​”An​ ​initiative​ ​like​ ​this,​ ​which​ ​places​ ​accessibility​ ​and​ ​sustainability​ ​at​ ​its​ ​core,
nurturing​ ​new​ ​talent​ ​and​ ​enabling​ ​artists​ ​to​ ​tour​ ​their​ ​work​ ​successfully,​ ​merits​ ​all​ ​the
support​ ​the​ ​UK​ ​theatre​ ​sector​ ​can​ ​give​ ​it.​” -Simon Hart, Puppet Animation Scotland.

This alternative, professional platform launched at the beginning of August and is
currently​ ​crowdfunding​ to raise enough money to complete the conversion to an
eco-friendly venue and get on the road. The stage has been created to offer artists an
affordable space to perform and create work, whilst allowing new audiences access to a quality of performance they may not have seen before.

The girls at the Errant Stage want to provide affordable​ ​performance​ ​space​ ​for​ ​artists,​ ​and accessible​ ​theatre​ ​for​ ​the​ ​masses​; from puppetry to performance art. What with Arts funding cuts greatly affecting the amount of new performances, the restrictive cost of venue hire and production for emerging companies, it’s a fresh and exciting project.
The alternative off-grid travelling stage has an audience capacity of 20+ inside, creating a
“welcoming and accessible,” “magical” and “wonderfully intimate” performance space.

For larger shows and spectacles the van can swing open it’s doors and serve an unlimited outside audience. The venue offers artists an affordable professional platform to perform their work in front of an audience, whilst enabling that audience to be anyone, anywhere.

 
“Theatre​ ​and​ ​the​ ​arts​ ​is​ ​more​ ​than​ ​just​ ​an​ ​industry;​ ​It​ ​is​ ​a​ ​community.​ ​A
community​ ​that​ ​we​ ​want​ ​to​ ​continue​ ​growing,​ ​to​ ​keep​ ​putting​ ​new​ ​work​ ​in​ ​front​ ​of
new​ ​audiences.​ ​A​ ​community​ ​that​ ​is​ ​fuelled​ ​by​ ​passion​ ​and​ ​belief​ ​that​ ​the​ ​arts​ ​and
performance​ ​are​ ​essential​ ​to​ ​our​ ​human​ ​connections​ ​with​ ​each​ ​other​ ​and​ ​the​ ​world
around​ ​us;​ ​The​ ​Errant​ ​is​ ​our​ ​contribution​ ​to​ ​that,” said Wiltshire’s Kate Powell, and with  Jonna Nummela  from Helsinki, has had this vision for an alternative performance venue since they first met in drama school in 2011.

The pair lived together on a canal boat in London.​ ​Then, when Kate bought the van from Kilter Theatre in January 2017, and The Errant Stage concept began to take physical form, she quickly joined forces. Growing increasingly frustrated with the current restrictive funding climate, Nummela jumped on the chance to make space for artists and their audiences through a more accessible venue.

 
“The​ ​Errant​ ​Stage​ ​is​ ​our​ ​vision​ ​for​ ​the​ ​future​ ​of​ ​the​ ​performing​ ​arts.​ ​It​ ​is​ ​a
future​ ​of​ ​empathy​ ​and​ ​community​ ​instead​ ​of​ ​egoism​ ​and​ ​competitive​ ​industry,” Kate continued.

 
Support for the van is already evident, the team launched their crowdfunding
campaign and has raised​ ​over​ ​40%​ ​from​ ​70+​ ​backers​ ​in​ ​the​ ​first​ ​three​ ​weeks.​ The
Indiegogo campaign is looking to raise funds to enable ongoing maintenance and further conversion of the van into a more accessible​ ​and sustainable​ ​venue​ ​and will continue until the 21st October, 2017.​

Work started on the van back in January with structural repairs and insulation; Now attention turns to the inside of the van and its transformation into a multi-use performance space with high quality technical resources and a new, lighter stage design. They’re also researching sustainable power sources, from solar to wind, aiming to make The Errant Stage a trailblazer of sustainable off-grid venues.

The Errant Stage embarked on it’s maiden voyage when it was invited to the Ventnor
Fringe Festival (www.vfringe.co.uk) on the Isle of Wight in August 2017. Following the
success of this soft launch, the venue continued to travel the UK, hosting performances and scratch events at Puppet Place’s Bristol​ ​Festival​ ​of​ ​Puppetry​ and Skipton International Puppet​ ​Festival​.

With interest and return invites from various puppet and theatre festivals across the
UK in 2018, including new Moving​ ​Parts​ puppet festival in Newcastle and Manipulate
Festival​ ​in Scotland, it’s looking to be a busy and successful first season for The Errant
Stage.

Support the Errant Stage’s Crowdfunding campaign, running from 8th September – 21st October 2017.  https://igg.me/at/errant-stage-fundraiser

Next appearing at:
– Isle of Wight 23rd-28th October 2017, tour collaboration with Ventnor Exchange and
Isle of Wight Museums.

“Hello and welcome to another episode of 999: What’s Your Emergency?” (Cue soothing countryside harmony.) “Today we’re in Wiltshire, where local Bobbie, Hugh Janus cycles into the village to inquire about Mrs Bun’s lost tart.” The creaking of an old bicycle on cobblestone pauses.

“Good afternoon Mrs Bun, I understand you’ve had a tart go missing from your bakery?”

“Oh, thank goodness you’re here PC Janus!”

“Do you think it’s been stolen Mrs Bun?”

“Oh bless, not at all, one of the puppies pinched it. No, it’s just I have these lovely cupcakes left over from the village fete.”

PC Janus smiles at the baker, “Never mind Mrs Bun, officer Dweeb and I’ll guarantee they don’t go to waste.” The baker smiles gratefully.

“Well, that’s the end of this week’s show; next week police in less conservative areas of the country will be tackling drug dealers, thieves and burglars.” (Pan across a sunset scene of downs, with cows grazing and a hummingbird fluttering, to a squad car parked in a layby with two officers admiring the view, while enjoying tea and cupcakes.

There you go Wiltshire Councillors; sounds better doesn’t it? Realism has no place in a reality TV show anyway; drama has never been less enthralling.

Councillors wanting the episode of a police action reality show set in Wiltshire to be akin to an episode of Heartbeat, were shocked to see edited results, and complained it’d have a detrimental effect on investment in the county.

In the same week I drove to Trow-Vegas for a new pair of work boots. Simple job, you park free, pick up a cheap pair of boots, and leave as fast as you came. You can’t do this in Devizes, shoe shops thinner than the soles of 70’s market-bought plimsoll, but I’d rather it not be a parade of hackneyed, chain-store trite, for our peace of mind and abject infrastructure.

The need to park without fee in the county town vital to its consumer attraction, I’m certain the Council will retain the idea. But parking free in Devizes, for tourism, those who need a few items without the hassle of large towns, and others who merely like to browse or saunter our town, will be a thing of the past.

Face it, Trowbridge has no aesthetic value, it’s pure functional I’m afraid, which is sad but why I’m in and out of Dodge faster than you could say “shall we pop in Wilkos?”

Some, it seems, crave for something other than a pleasant tranquil Devizes, arguing on social media we need a McDonalds, and we need a Matalan and a Tesco the size of Wales too. They overlook a larger shopping centre needs a larger town to fund it, which brings larger social issues.

You could drive to Trow-Vegas, Chips-n-ham; spoiled for choice. But we can’t have our cake and eat it; you really want Devizes to be another Trowbridge? I rest my case.

You’d sacrifice the pleasantness of wandering relatively safely through our dwelling, our serene backdrop, and friendly tenet, for the chance to grab a discounted pair of shoes and stop for a Chicken McSandwich? Go on, get off with yer; Trowbridge bus leaves in ten.

Anyway, attracting chain stores to Devizes is about to get trickier, as while the county-town’s rarity of free car parking lingers, our suspicions a fortnight ago, that Wiltshire Council will focus parking tariffs on our Market Place came true. Kaboom, it’s now going to cost a quid per hour, £1:70 for two; more expensive than other similar towns. Who rattled their cage?

It’s a forbidding tax we’ve no choice but to accept, doubtlessly not reducing traffic as people’s needs remain the same; suck it up. Using an environmental excuse, as they did, was a smokescreen. As a town we’ve thrown our political opinions aside and upon a post on the Devizes Debate Facebook page, are in agreeance, it’s farcical, and as Andy Fawthrop summed it, “totally bonkers.”

To rub salt in the wound, the post by Our Wiltshire headlined: “Have your say…” when as we explained in a previous week, the whole consultation was veiled unless you enquired, even then I couldn’t locate the online file I was directed to. Akin to this obscurity, it was absent of a section in which to indeed, “have your say.” The questions, as Rosalind pointed out, were skewered. Even Iain Wallis and I were united in its injustice; I love it when we agree Iain, got my blue tie out and everything mate!

He rightfully pointed out its prohibited to fund other failing services with revenues from parking, and that it will have an effect on local business; of course it will, until such a time we cave under pressure and allow our town to explode with sprawling repetitive housing estates, tawdry commercial hypermarkets, gigantic billboards advertising the latest Nike trainers and, of course, overpriced parking meters.

The Council won’t be able to brush anything under the carpet when the cameras switch on then; hell in a town. Yep, this is the same council who were worried a flimsy TV show, of the variety no one really recollects its setting seconds after it’s over anyway, might have an damaging effect on local business; hypocrisy. Now I’m no economist, but I’d reckon racking up parking fees would be worse.

You ever think while you remain sane, the rest of the world has flipped? A world where it was suggested Dr Suess books were racist when given out in schools in US by Melania Trump, wife of the most bigoted man in the free world.

A world where we believe a tabloid that dogging is depicted in a children’s book, when they simply omitted pages to make it look like it. Where judges spared a criminal from a jail sentence, who unprovoked, stabbed her boyfriend, simply because she has a pretty face and good career opportunities.

Oh whatever Wiltshire Council, charge us a quid to stop in our own town; justice a farce anyway.