Need to keep informed and updated on the general election and its effect locally? Don’t bother with national media sources, everything you need to vomit over is available on the Devizes Issues (but better) Facebook page; use it if you dare, or your fake profile is Charles Bronson.
It’s all happening over there, I tell you, wok snowflicks gitting whipped for the luff of Nigel Firage, all in a style akin to Full Metal Jacket….
Yeah, we’ve made a few perfectly justified satirical stabs at other local Facebook groups in the past, one in particular which governs towards Conservative bias with an iron fist and billboard sized victim card, only to be bitter and tetchy by the end of this week no doubt! This one is equally as nauseous and poisonous, but for entirely the opposite reasons; censorship is something other people, somewhere else do. All in the name of fairness, you understand? Any publicity is good publicity, after all; yeah, okay I’ll buy that for a dollar. I take it all back, you were right all along Mr Wallish, they need to be controlled, dammit!
Devizes Issue (but better) by name, perhaps. It’s an uncensored masquerade ball of bitchery which makes watching the EastEnders omnibus on diazepam seem like a good idea. At least it displays our true colours. Although colour isn’t a subject you should bring up there.
Without the power-tripping control of the Devizes lord executioner of decorum, Heir Wallish, their ejection from his Tory-only claptrap gang being the sole reason folk joined this group in the first place, if all hell doesn’t break loose on a daily basis there, and someone dares to post something unbiased, or about an actual issue in Devizes, they’ll be witch-hunted until they submit to licking all the racism off Nigel Farage’s ring, and I don’t mean the one on his finger.
Post something sensible and relevant to the group’s title and it won’t receive any attention anyway, so you might as well share a malicious lying meme about Diane Abbott, you cheeky Nazi you.
Hitler would’ve loved it, he gets name dropped more than anyone who would know where Devizes is. Some seem to love Hitler there, and desire to resurrect him to kiss his feet, others, not so much, but whatever your opinion on the impending rise of fascism in town, a rise which will only happen if fake profiles also get a vote, the entertainment value is in the debate, which while English culture is encouraged, a primary school level of basic English grammar isn’t necessary.
You can post anonymously, many do, slagging off anyone who posts anonymously, without fear of accusations of hypocrisy, not one without a laughing emoji anyway, and they don’t count because everyone knows you can slander anyone there and provided you add a laughing emoji it was all unintentionally offensive and just good, ol’ banter. Take it lying down like a good sport, so you can be kicked in the head again; even a laughing emoji is treated with contempt, because they’re laughing at you, not with you.
Alternatively you could dare to use your own name to get a wonky opinion or just traditional fairness off your manly chest rug, should you wish to receive idol death threats through your messenger by a shirtless tattooed knob jockey, ignorant to the extreme notion screen captures can be emailed to the police.
But post anonymously through fear of retribution and you’ll be hunted down like a fox on boxing day. They’ll find you and feed you to keyboard warrior bloodhounds and flat earth theorists. Either way, show your opinion, true colours, or just what you had for lunch, and you’ll be doomed, especially if vegans swapped your gammon steak for a nut roast.
It would be a potential hunting ground for lawyers if they could bear the perpetual scrolling of nastiness and vanity, hypocrisy, and idiocy….oh, but they’re lawyers! Admin there either couldn’t give a finger nor fudge so long as you’re racist, sexist, homophobic and hateful about Gary Lineker. It’s all fair game, that or they’re Lord Lucan.
Even our right honourable MP Michelle Donenought, at least for today, had a pop at someone bloody well asking for it on there the other day, confirming her dedication to public service. No, she really did, calling out a loony leftie’s rant as liable, without a smidgen of hypocrisy. Bless, she doesn’t realise normal folk have to pay court costs or out of court settlements from their own pocket.
It really scrapes the bottom of the barrel, a true example of how hurtful people of Devizes can be when behind a phone screen. See them shopping for spam and potato waffles in Morrisons, and they’d probably be pleasant to your face; yeah, it is a nice day, though, isn’t it?
Admin there should treat their users to those squashy sumo wrestling suits and lay down a gauntlet in a Mad Max Thunderdome style; two go in, one comes out, and it’ll probably be a local racist plumber who posts frequently, just to psychologically scar someone for kicks. Be thankful Louis Armstrong is not a member, or we’d never have his timeless recording of Wonderful World.
Who knows what our town will look like tomorrow, Disneyland on dope, or changed in some way, perhaps? It’s deep in the imagination of dreamers to wonder if we’ll ever see a change from a hundred years of Tory regime, but it is for Lib Dem Brian Mathew which the strategic vote goes to, and I’m okay with that, met him, great bloke and perfectly capable of making this constituency better, couldn’t make it any worse; only biker Malc can do that, with his genius plan to prevent an environmental disaster, by ignoring it. Yeah, that’ll work. Climate change is a bully, ignore it, and it’ll go away.
Though we should fear the polling cards of the affluent silent majority here, who blindly vote for the blue rosette even if it was pinned to Voldemort, for they don’t partake in the Devizes Issues, but better, or worse, or even the Devizes Issues (same as) which is due out soon; none of them are vindictive enough!
We should fear them more than that of the retaliation of crying blackshirts, angered by their own ignorance and their own AI images; the popularity of Reform on the group was only apparent because the three of them used so many fake profiles, and the march down Sidmouth Street might well have more cups of Costa coffee than that of the Battle of Cable Street, but it will be so insignificant you won’t read about it on Wikipedia, only on the Devizes Issues (but better!)
Go there, fill your boots with a taste of a poison paradise, I’m addicted to Devizes Issues, but better, but don’t you know that it’s toxic, Britney?!
devizine.com 