Wiltshire Council’s Public Transport Survey, Answered!

Wiltshire Council are asking public transport users, residents, businesses and visitors in the county to take part in a public transport review, to help shape the future of sustainable public transport in Wiltshire. “Have your say on the future of bus services in Wiltshire,” they said, okay, I will thank you…..

I was hoping for questions such as, “for how many days do you usually camp by the bus stop waiting for the number 33?” or “if two quid can get you anywhere on a bus, ever wondered why we run one to Calne?!” but shamefully, they simply didn’t come up.

See, radical as it may be to Wiltshire Council, but I strongly believe, and always have, that the wheels on the bus should go round and round, round and round, round and round. But here’s the clinch in the deal, the wheels on the bus go round and round, as they should, all day long, and not, as they currently do, run until half-past four and stop wherever it happens to be at that point! Night buses; a thing other councils have. Here, they couldn’t imagine why anyone would require a bus after the ungodly hours of five pm, as you should all be safe and warm in your houses by such a time, masticating on Aldi cheesy puffs and watching a TV show with Ant and Dec in.

Secondly, the people on the bus go up and down, up and down, up and down, the people on the bus go up and down, because the roads are rife with potholes and defects the size of moon craters, where Wiltshire Council has failed dismally to keep up with the repair of them, assuming we can all afford a Chelsea tractor like them. No, we have not been hit by a meteor shower, and we don’t require Bruce Willis’s drilling team, just some councillors who give a toss.

Now, if the wipers on the bus go swish, swish, swish, swish, swish, swish, swish, it’s because it’s always chucking it down, and unfortunately this is something I cannot blame Wiltshire Council for, but if I could find a valid reason, I would, just for the crack.

Hey, am I right in thinking, the boy on the bus waves his hand, waves his hand, waves his hand, the boy on the bus waves his hand, because he’s futilely attempting to waft away carbon monoxide fumes coming in through the dust and dirt layered window? Many other county councils have graduated to electric buses, ours wait until Salisbury has a coastline before acting to protect the environment. The boy must be waving at his own reflection, as the windows on the bus haven’t seen a clean rag since the nineteen eighties.

I’ve also be told, the horn on the bus goes beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, the horn on the bus goes beep, beep, beep, because sensible infrastructure planning in local towns is far too proactive and intelligent for councillors who need instructions on shampoo bottles; congestion solutions are for girls!

If indeed, the doors on the bus go open and shut, open and shut, open and shut, and the doors on the bus go open and shut, all day long, it must be a fault in the hydraulics somewhere, because it’s not so popular really, is it, getting a bus around here? The only people who can afford a bus here are the ones who don’t need a bus.

So, the baby on the bus goes wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, and if you politely sigh you’re likely to get a gob-full from some Karen. The mother on the bus going hush, hush, hush, hush, hush, hush, is an outright lie, isn’t it? If she dedicated the same time to her baby as she has TikTok the poor little one wouldn’t be going wah, wah, wah, now, would it? Personally, I’m sceptical about this entire verse. How did the baby get on the bus? By the time the bus arrives at their stop the baby will be off to college.

Now, go figure why using Wiltshire buses is the last desperate resource for many, and aren’t gathering any popularity anytime soon, but if you fancy it, the survey is HERE! The consultation begins on Tuesday 3 October and ends at 23:59 on Friday 10 November, which is, coincidently, a quicker service than the 49 from Swindon!

Seriously though, we’ve a lovely bus service really, you know I’m only kidding….. answer the survey, sensibly!