If the Labour Party wins this next general election, they could change the name of Star Wars Day to ‘Sci-Fi’ Day so as not to offend Trekkies. Although they’ve not said they would or made any mention of it at all, it’s just the kind of woke idiocy you’d expect from them...
It’s high time the Jedi and Sith of this country stand united and use the force against Starfleet; coming into OUR Star Wars universe in their D-class escape pods, getting put up in five-star Holodecks, and now demanding we change OUR traditions of May 4th…..
May 4th is, and always has been a sacred day for Star Wars fans worldwide, and thus it should remain so. We will not stand for spotty Star Trek geeks, with their pointy ears and phasers set to spoil OUR fun.
So, remember, when you tuck into your roasted Ewok, and Porgs in blankets this afternoon, how Jyn Erso, Cassian Andor, and many others of the rebel alliance perished on Scarif. Spare a prayer for Obi-Wan Kenobi, who sacrificed himself so we can live without fear of the Empire.
The cancel culture of our dark side values and traditions must be stopped too, for the sake of the New Order, and Kylo Ren should see to it himself that Keir Starmer is put before Sheev Palpatine for a ruddy good Force lightning strike, boldly going where no man has gone before; right up his Trekkie-obsessed bottom. Let’s see Diane Abbott, in her sixties knee-high boots, tricorder and miniskirt beam him out of that one!
In a reading from the Jedi scriptures, Yoda told of the moment Obi-Wan was reunited with Anakin as Darth Vader, and I believe there’s an important message here to not allow ourselves to succumb to the Starfleet Federation of woke liberals, and that includes allowing Trekkies to interfere with our faith. Do not forget how Jean-Luc Picard was assimilated by the Borgg. It is highly likely Keir Starmer was too, though as of yet, this has not been proven:
“And, was it so, that the evil Lord Vader unto said to Obi-Wan ‘We meet again, at last. The circle is now complete. When I left you I was but the learner, but now I am the master.’ And thus it was, Obi-Wan Kenobi replied did, ‘Only a master of evil, Darth.’ Begun which, it was, commenced a mighty lightsaber battle, whence did Vader taunt Obi-Wan, and said unto him, “your powers are weak, old man.’
At this point twas, Jedi Master Obi-Wan Kenobi defences did he lowered, and said unto Vader, ‘you can’t win, Darth. If you strike me down I will become more powerful than you could possibly imagine.’ And was it so, Obi-Wan right so he was, whence he transformed into that bloke from Trainspotting, and Disney did commission a TV series in his name.” Master Yoda, 4 ABY.
We could argue Obi-Wan Kenobi looked a lot like Jeremy Corbyn, and like him, he openly fibbed about not remembering he owned the two droids R2D2 and C3PO, so he is not to be trusted, but if we let Sci-Fi Day happen things could be far worse. Imagine, if that filthy perv, Will Riker got his hands on OUR Princess Leia in her gold bikini; OUR childhood wet dreams would be forever ruined. Imagine if that wet blanket Wesley Crusher was allowed to roam the Star Wars universe freely. He’d probably reintroduce Jar Jar Binks, then what would happen? We’d never see the fourth season of The Mandalorian without Vulcan logic as what to do with baby Yoda, that’s what! Spock would constantly refer to him as Grogu, and that would just confuse my timeline, simples.
Happy Star Wars day, may the force be with you!
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