Featured Image: Danny Kruger, and an alien egg he’s fertilising in hope the creature will vote for him
I’d bet Cheddar Man would’ve had something to say about this. Blonde blue-eyed boyish Nightmare on Elcot Lane star Danny Kruger has gone off on one, again. The High Priest of Deform defecting, Marlborough Mackdaddy published a lengthy rant-type-proposal on his social media accounts, which, basically summarised, suggests he’ll nick Johnny Foreigner’s votes, in the name of democracy….
Oh, Danny boy, the pipes, the pipes are calling from glen to glen, and down the mountain side. The summer’s gone and all the roses are falling. It’s you, it’s you who must go, and I must bide…. for a general election. Marlborough posse, you’re not going to stand idly by and allow yourself the default Reform ramification to recklessly ruin you, are you?!
Send that Eton rifle back to Richmond like an out of date skinless sausage. Cos, he’s tabling “amendments to the Representation of the People Bill;” he began off the hip.
Reckons he’ll “end Commonwealth voting, restrict postal voting, end foreign language election materials, and crack down on coercive ‘family voting’.” Not if the vote doesn’t get you first, or better still, zippy zealot, Judgement Day.
Tiny tears off the back of Thursday’s Wandsworth by-election where the multicultural London borough crucified Reform’s Josh Stanton, nipping a mere 1.5% of the votes. Basically, 51 cockwombles out of the population of 341,000 thought stopping the boats over saving the NHS was a plan worthy of their cross in a box, which might be their last for some of them; when pigs fly!
Meanwhile, Danny Dog barks like he’s singing a reggae song, “it’s all designed to restore the principle that we are one nation, speaking a common language, taking part together in one electoral system – a system built on the principle of individual voting and the secret ballot.”
It’s not though, is it? It’s the polar opposite. It’s a destiny of draconian division at the highest order. Don’t come at me with your Orwellian Ministry of Love contradiction Danny. I used postal vote because I worked on the zero hour contract your previous party installed, and I had no idea when I’d be home.
If you think the inconvenience of my taxpaying labour was a “flagrant abuse of a system,” and propose to “restrict postal votes to members of the Armed Forces and diplomats serving away from home,” it’s likely because your hands that do dishes can feel soft as your farce, with your mild green Fairy Fantasy; you’ve never worked a day in your fucking sad little life, pal.
With xenophobia unabashed he continued, pointing out to the knuckle-draggers, “2.5 million non-British citizens from Nigeria, Pakistan, India and elsewhere – people here on temporary work visas, family visas, student visas, i.e. by definition not fully attached to our country – have the right to vote in Parliamentary and local elections because of their Commonwealth links.”
“That is wrong,” he reckoned, “and we will insist you must be British (or Irish) to vote in a British election.” When really, it’s only wrong in Reform’s eyes, because anyone with foreign blood joins the few remaining Brits with brain cells, and wouldn’t vote for racist fascists, even if they do sell football shirts. And it burps up this ongoing debate on “what it means to be British.”
These people on student visas could be our next doctors and nurses; they can empty our bedpans, but they’ll never get our democratic right!
He sulked about the Gorton and Denton by-election, blamed mass migration for the supposed lessening of implicit voting rights, and hoped “other parties will support these amendments.” And yeah, he did use the word “democracy,” without irony, as in suggesting these amendments are supportive of it; buy the boy a dictionary.
I mean I could suggest a few other amendments, such as no votes for anyone who doesn’t like cottage pie and Cliff Richard, or anyone who hasn’t painted a roundabout, but True & Fair party’s previous candidate for East Wiltshire, Peter Force Jones, has kindly provided a penny for his thoughts, and whilst clearly not as funny as mine, I think this force of nature is bang on the money.
Peter said, “Well this is utterly bonkers, and far from democratic as: We are not one single homogeneous nation, we are English, Scottish, Welsh, etc, and though English is the primary (only) language spoken by many, it is not the first language for all.”
“Those who pay their taxes here should have every right to vote in UK elections (both local and national) No taxation without representation informing this viewpoint. The inclusion of Irish citizens but exclusion of ALL others in his rather illogical ‘dream enfranchisement’ is simply bizarre.”
“British politics is affected by and historically has affected world politics. Matters stretching beyond our isolated islands matter to us, and to those living here, and in the regions affected. The situations in Gaza, Ukraine, Iran, matter to British people, they affect us (as once did Nazi Germany’s systematic extermination of ethnic groups and aggression) it seems Reform would rather we remained silenced on such matters? Dare we ever bother to consider the resultant shortages of supplies raising our own cost of living, let alone the murder of civilians by warring factions.”
“Labelling so many of the UK electorate who choose to express their democratic voice by post as ‘abusing a system’ simply stinks”
“Since 1998, Electoral Commission records show there have been only nine convictions for postal vote fraud – a rate of less than one every two years. More than half of all reported cases were about campaigning offences.”
On the family voting claim, Peter said, “Kruger seems to utterly ignore the findings of Greater Manchester Police and appears to be whipping things up with zero evidence.” He quoted the GMP: “We’ve concluded our investigation into alleged ‘family voting’ at last month’s Gorton and Denton by-election, finding no evidence of any intent to influence or refrain any person from voting.”
On voting rights and ‘undue influence,’ Peter continued, “Instead of fretting about people not understanding the democracy they are a part of (and who exactly would determine whether a person understands enough of the nuances of our democracy to be ‘allowed to vote’ as to be brutally honest there are very very few who understand our archaic democratic system inside out?) maybe parties should concern themselves rather more with Article 21 of the UDHR (universal declaration of human rights) and the following: ‘Today, the right to vote faces new challenges, including disinformation campaigns, often facilitated by new technologies and particularly through social media, hate speech and negative discourse targeting marginalised and discriminated-against groups, including LGBTQI+ people, migrants and ethnic and religious minorities, have been weaponised for political gain, further polarising societies.’”
“The cheek of Reform claiming to desire electoral integrity with questions surrounding £5m (dodgy) undeclared donations from a Thai based crypto billionaire still unanswered,” he pointed out, “and possible criminal investigations into party donations from a known (convicted) fraudster does little to convince me of their commitment to British democracy.”
I thank Peter for his points. He does go on a bit, understandable when triggered by Kruger, the man from our nightmares (except with words rather than fingers for knives,) and he’s certainly not Binface, so I will invoice him for the penny.
If you’ve nothing nice to say, naughty Danny…. The only agreeable thing he did say in his rambling piffle was “we are one nation.” Although he didn’t divulge if it is under the same groove as Funkadelic, please allow me a little speculation for artistic licence!
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