No Surprises Living in Devizes: Deliberations and Publications

I admit, I’m having deliberations about the future of my No Surprises Living in Devizes column upon this, it’s second birthday. How much is there really to whinge about in Devizes, haven’t we got it fairly nice after all said and done?

Sometimes then I swerve off on a tangent, I comment on worldwide issues, which I think, being all eyes are set on our nearest city, there’s a tenacious link; though the whole thing’s beyond satire and is now just plain petrifying.

Yes toxic gases worry me, the major concern being the toxic gas coming out of Theresa May’s gapping bullshit dispenser she calls a mouth. When she is all over and done with fucking up this once proud nation and, just like Thatcher, doctors diagnose dementia, which she’s had for some years, don’t say I didn’t tell you so.

boris meme
Like a little yappy Terrier in cute pink doggie-coat picking on a Rottweiler, this scrap with Russia has two possible scenarios; one that we get all get nuked, the second we finally see the light that this current government has abandoned this country in favour for multinationals lining their purses, as opposed to “building the better Britain,” they vomited at the time; you gullible idiots. Here’s hoping for the latter.

If Salisbury’s to be the epicentre, Devizes is wiped off the map; what time is Lidl opening Sunday? Tia.

The point of arguing over free school meals if we’re all dead? You tell me, still we head on into a situation akin to events which started The Great War, on a fucking whim. It pales Blair’s acts of a whim by comparison. This is the big one folks yay; Queen and country, over the top lads, what-o; it’s a long way to Tipperary.

Media tell us the world, the UN and every Tom, Dickhead and Harry from the EU are with us, but I fail to see that’s fact; we’ve hardly been uniting Europe recently, ha-ha. Our nearest neighbours France said, hold on, let’s gather at least one scrap of evidence prior to moving into battle.

Whereas the only man to question the gung-ho attitude of the Tory party is held up as a Russian sympathiser and mocked on Newsnight, a supposedly unbiased show from media we all pay into by law; how utterly pathetic BBC; I liked Red Dwarf, but this is comical tragedy. Even Have I got News For You would’ve stopped to consider this gag, and they’re intentionally satirical. Stop this damn unamusing propaganda and get real for a minute; Putin is not Stan Laurel.

That’s it, I’ve said my rant this week; don’t why I doubted myself at the beginning; that is to say, I think No Surprises has lost its way slightly. Over the year I questioned the very nature of it, after the wonky snap election where we went hammer and tongs, I mellowed it. We’ve had some amazing guests though, who I thank for being such good sports, particularly Claire Perry.

It was Jemma Brown who suggested on a Facebook post, where I asked for suggestions for subjects, that I covered all the great events happening in Devizes, and this in turn led to the development of Devizine. In the episode “Hashtag the Town,” I said, “we need a central what’s-on guide, not distributed across a zillion feuding Facebook pages.” And again in the episode “Musical Madness,” where, after covering upcoming events, I wailed, “What am I, some kind of human event calendar now?” So blame Jemma, not me! Now Devizine does the what’s-on bit, there’s only one way forward for No Surprises and that’s untainted, opinionated ranting; problem with that?

So it only leaves me to conclude with a whopping gurt plug, cos just as last year, it’s time to reveal the compilation where you can find all my whinges you’ve already read online for fuck-all, in one big, nightmare manuscript. Yeah! Just two quid will keep you wound up for eons, till the next nuclear war at the very least. Unless of course this is all a smokescreen to bodge out a super-hard Brexit while we worry about death and silly matters like that.

It’s only out as an eBook at the moment: download it off Amazon, for Kindle or the free kindle app on your devise, here. Alternatively, other formats and options are here at Smashwords; who will distribute it to iTunes and Kobo etc through the following weeks….at least until they discover how shit it is!
Thanks, enjoy and long live No Surprises; god bless you all.



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