Traders in Devizes were slightly miffed that the hardcore fascist regime of Wiltshire Council shoved their fingers in their ears and blew raspberries at them when they attempted to discuss their ideas at a Devizes Parking Working Group and Devizes Town Council meeting on Wednesday, for car parking in the town.
“We’re not listening, so na-na na-na-na,” mocked Wiltshire Council cabinet member Philip Whitehead, demanding an extra £95,000 be raised every year, or else he’ll get his mates round to, “sort you lot out. They’re green beret ninja warriors, so you better watch out.”
Basically, the only way Wiltshire Council say they’re going to budge on the hefty increased parking fees would be to have “a mixed use scheme for the Market Place which prioritised public space but could include a small amount of parking provision.” In other words, you might have a small area with a stall selling mobile phone covers, the rest will be high priced parking spaces.
The only other options are to either remove parking entirely from the Market Place or introduce extortionate paid parking; because removing parking entirely is going to be a popular and functional idea, solve all congestion issues in the town, and is not, in any manner, a threat.
The idea the market place could be a vibrant arts and entertainment space has been put forward by Council members, while they turned their faces away and giggled into handkerchiefs.
Wiltshire Council have already expressed their need to raise the extra revenue. “We are nearly all out of Green & Blacks Velvet Edition organic dark chocolate bars at County Hall’s vending machine,” expressed Mr Whitehead, “and Laura gets real mad when we ran out last time, threatened she’d close down children’s education centres if we didn’t nip down Waitrose and buy some.”
Part of that extra £95,000 has been already been spent by the Council to employ a graphic artist to visualise how wonderful the Market Place in Devizes could look if the vibrant arts and entertainment space went ahead, and another depicting what the Market Place might look like should higher parking charges be introduced. “There’s always Trow-Vegas,” suggested Mr Whitehead, “and they have a Wagamamas.”
Here are the well spent pictures to persuade you to succumb without protest.