Basil Brush Missing

Much loved television presenter and comedian, Sir Basil Brush is reported missing and not been seen for four days. His family and friends are deeply concerned for his welfare, following recent claims the superstar was feeling “anxious and suicidal.” They call for anyone with any idea of his whereabouts to contact them or the police with information, not matter how minor.

Basil’s last known whereabouts, pictured with Wiltshire PCC candidate Johnathon Seed

Above is a photograph of Basil’s last known location, recently invited to the Wiltshire village of Bromham, for “a nice cup of tea and biscuits,” by local police crime commissioner candidate, Johnathon Seed. Mr Seed said he was saddened to hear of his disappearance, he was a bubbly character, full of life and who loved the thrill of the chase. “He made his way west,” Mr Seed informed, “I believe he said he was heading for Chippenham. So, I replied tally-ho, and off he went. I haven’t seen him since.”

A spokesman for Wiltshire Police said, “it is entirely possible, this news story is a spoof, created to mock the beloved field sport pastimes of the conservative candidate. I should point out Mr Seed has never been convicted of any illegal activity involving hunting, despite his association with various local hunts groups, his vigorous campaign to legalise it, and oh, the photos of him in full huntsman uniform amidst a group of hounds, carrying a slaughtered fox.”

“If this story turns out to be a hoax,” they went on to say, “it is a terrible waste of police time, in organising a search team for Sir Brush, and we have one thing to say to the perpetrator of the scoop; Ha-Ha-Ha! Boom! Boom!”

Amusing as it may be, hunting is no laughing matter. Support your local hunt sab groups. Our one today shared news of this terrible incident, where a Cornish hunter’s hounds killed a domestic cat, and he threw it over the neighbour’s fence. What a friendly country gent….