No jumping bandwagon election articles from us this week; we’ve had no election here, move along if that’s what you came here looking for! But, what were our Wiltshire Councillors up to on election day, instead of temptingly campaigning with a bag of peanut M&Ms outside polling stations, or nervously twitching in their seats?! We thought we’d ask them…..
Note; we thought we’d ask them for fun, hoping for an amusing response…. These are councillors, though, the real McCoy, I didn’t hold out much hope. Not that they couldn’t be amusing, you understand?! No, silly, I just prayed some might be daring/crazy enough to actually answer!
I desperately despatched a dodgy message on the day, to a few we know and like. No point in asking Reform councillors; too busy painting roundabouts and shouting at hotels, I’d expect no more. National result for them though; who’d thought swapping empathy for anger, and accountability for a blame game would make such an appealing prospective?!
“Stop thar boats,” is all they’ve got; Swindon is landlocked, nincompoops! What, are they coming across Coate Water in a paddleboat now?! Deform took Penhill, Pinehurst and everything else in Swindon beginning with a P; like Primark. You do realise a local councillor isn’t Prince Namor the Sub-Mariner, right?! Unfortunately for you, they approve shed extensions, there’s little they can do to stop a boat.
Anyway, such was the wording in the message those few who I sent it to probably thought my phone was pinched by Michael McIntyre. Perhaps they shampooed the dog, or went to Ikea and brought a nice, fluffy cushion for their safe seat, I wondered. It’s thoughts like this which get me through the tougher days!
Fingers crossed in anticipation, first to answer was our very own MP, Brian Matthew. Not as complimentary as it might sound, given our track record of preceding MPs, but Brian is deffo the friendliest! Always where the action is, he’d been in Swindon on the day, helping with the election process/rumble there. Not really amusing, but at least they have a TK Maxx.
Phil Chamberlain, Wiltshire Councillor for Box & Colerne was with Brian, also in Swindon helping with the process. Phil explained he “spent the morning at Wroughton’s polling station, along with one of Wiltshire’s Reform councillors and we chatted with each other and with voters. One voter got him to look after their dog while he cast his ballot.” Eh? The dog voted?! Might explain a few things!
Big but, what gives in Swindon? With just a 50% turnout they took a geochronologic unit to count the votes. The Returning Officer requested more counting assistants. Apparently they’ve run out of fingers and toes.
The most comfy person at County Hall responded next, Laura Mayes. No, right, cos if I read it right, not only has she the seat for Rowde and Bromham, but also has a chair too; something extra to put your feet up on! They don’t even give The Munster so much as a pouffe, which could be why he’s so crotchety! Black Dog crossroad is safer now; give the geezer a scatter cushion at the very least!!
Laura told me she was “as far away from elections as possible!” Training for a triathlon, Laura spent the day working on her fitness; running, and swimming in the sea. “Council work never stops,” she explained, “I have been answering emails and helping some residents with a flood protection plan.” Surely the only one to benefit from answering emails while swimming is The Apple Store?!
Whilst Laura risked water damage to her phone to answer emails, in top hat and tails, Devizes East Councillor Taylor Wright and his partner were poshing it at Buckingham Palace for the Royal Garden Party. Ooh, get you! Seriously, he sent me a smashing picture; a lovely couple. We need more youthful councillors like this proud family man.
Meanwhile, Ben Reed for Devizes North broke his Waiblingen Way leaflet delivery record. Maybe he should’ve also been at the palace, being awarded a Victoria Cross for bravery!
I didn’t ask Taylor if the King was serving up Iceland hotdogs in khaki shorts and a bucket hat, as such an image my warped imagination might conjure, but Taylor called it “an incredible opportunity” adding, “quite easy to say I’d prefer this over an election count!”
After her fitness regime, Laura also revealed it’ll be “cocktails and dancing tonight,” for her. “Who needs elections?” she jested, “not me!!” And that’s it in a nutshell, isn’t it? Wiltshire Council aren’t doing such a bad job in my honest opinion. We were safe from the fiasco here. Whatever happened elsewhere is nought to do with us; we’re fine as we are, thank you all the same!
I thank Laura, Brian and Taylor for their time, and for playing my silly game. The rest were quite rightly like, mind your own business! And who could blame them?! If they see this and foolishly think “I could’ve contributed,” then, more the merrier, I can edit it. Fix a pothole or two first, and I’ll gladly consider it!
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