Guest written by Half-a job-Bob
Hey-ho, Half-a-job-Bob here! Yeah, I’m a real Highways operative, and not just a puerile attempt at humour by a Conservative town councillor out for any old cheap shot he can aim to slander the majority opposition on our town council, despite the plain fact our roads are governed by Wiltshire Council and isn’t actually anything to do with our town council anyway; dunno why they’re squabbling about it really….
Still, every slice of misinformation and national party pointscoring works, I suppose, even if it’s a load-a tosh. If it convinces the good folk to vote Conservative again that’s alright with me; the party for working class folk, the Daily Mail told me, so it must be true.
It’s not like the Conservative-led Wiltshire Council neglected road repairs for two decades and is the entire reason they’re in the state they are; that’s technicalities, and oh, an extended teabreak for me while the Liberals play catch up. Pass me my lunchbox, I’ve got cheese and pickle sandwiches today.
Anyways, people of Devizes, how do you like your new yard of resurfaced road?! I did it all by myself with no help from my mum! Though, truth be told, she did make the sandwich, if truth comes into any of this!
Smooth as a baby’s botty that are stretch of road be, pal; just as long as the stretch of your imagination you’d require to acknowledge falsehoods in what the Conservative town councillor said on his Faceache page!
Course, everything around it is so dilapidated you risk breaking your neck getting to it, but it makes it look better than it actually is. Better than a kick in the teeth, eh? Which is, incidentally, a verbal version of what any town councillor is going to get if they dare to call it “progress!”
Apparently, right, when Devizes Guardians say in a Facebook post, “progress with the road surface repairs along Sidmouth Street and Maryport Street,” and that they’ve “passed on some feedback ahead of that meeting, including the section that is incomplete,” plus, “Sidmouth Street and Maryport Street are now significantly better than they were,” actually means those Guardians are “singing praises.” I dunno much about singing praises myself, like, but if that Conservative town councillor said it is, then that’s what it be, innit?!
Yeah, he did say this, mate; saw him on a video, sitting around the Ruth Pierce monument, making about as much sense as the others who usually loiter there. Naturally those Guardians have hit back with a few facts. Who needs facts when you’ve got good ol’ prevarication?! Much more exciting that way.
So Devizine asked me, right, to write a piece about the fiasco for them, and I was like, alright, but the guy said I had to include the facts. Apparently, they “like” facts, even if they water down the sensationalism surrounding the whole shebang and make it a bit, well boring, like!
Much as you might like the cobbles, I was asked to tarmac them. The Guardians point out that, “these works followed representations made to the Highways Officer team, on behalf of the local community, and the subsequent engagement and collaboration helped ensure that residents’ concerns were at the heart of the project, including the removal of the cobbles, as they were deemed unsafe and an obstacle for those with disabilities.”
See? I told you; boring!! Health and safety for people with disabilities, whatever next? It’s really not good enough; they should have replaced the cobblestones with diamonds, they should have paved the road with gold; Devizes, it deserves that much, dammit!!
Here’s the boring bit, then, as told by those Devizes Guardians:
1. A meeting was organised by Devizes Guardians with Highways officers in the spring to discuss the condition of Maryport and Sidmouth Street. All Devizes unitary councillors were invited.
2. Resident concerns were put directly to Highways officers.
3. A plan was agreed, including a timetable for the works.
4. Sidmouth Street and Maryport Street have now received significant repairs and improvements.
Then, right, they go on about how they “believe that residents should remain at the heart of local decisions.” And that “local representation should be about listening, working together and delivering for our communities, rather than national political point scoring or individual ambitions coming before the community.” Ha! No chance, pal!
“There is a post-works review with the Highways team tomorrow,” they said, but I thought I was having a half day, to sit around the Market Place, perhaps make a video. “We have already passed on some feedback ahead of that meeting, including the section that is incomplete,” they said.
Excuse me, I’ve got to go. I need a wet wipe. I’ve only gone and got pickle running all down my high viz vest. Know of any wet wipes around here?!!
devizine.com 