Tag: real cheesemakers

Swindon Gets Shuffling!

Despite the population of Devizes throwing confetti and paint at each other in their most celebrated annual ritual, I believe I picked the right weekend to visit Swindon; deffo, or are they always ‘aving it there?!

The Wildcats whipped butt at their first league game of the season on Friday, but my Saturday was dedicated to exploring the arts, something criticised stereotypically by outsiders. I could sigh, with partial agreement, historically perhaps. Swindon caressed industrial boom, somewhere along the line forgoing its arts and culture. This is changing, and fast, the Shuffle is a skeleton key opening said transpose.

What’s not thankfully changed is Old Town, while central Swindon is unrecognisable compared to twenty years ago. Just as Swindon Paint Fest has decorated the walls with impressive street art, the Swindon Shuffle is the event pushing the town’s boundaries in locally sourced live music. There’s few annual events in Wiltshire showcasing entirely local music, I best liken the Shuffle to The Bradford Roots Festival at the Wiltshire Music Centre. Save, this is spread across the choicest pubs in Swindon rather than under one purpose-built complex.

And it is a mammoth simultaneous exhibition of musical talent, a taster of what the county offers, of which it’d be impossible to witness entirely; best I approach this diary-like, apologies to the many bands I missed. We’re talking over seventy acts spread across nine venues for this four-day beast in its eighteenth year, and it remains free, fundraising via donation buckets for Prospect Hospice. 

Available for the Saturday only, my intention is to take as big a bite of it as I can, taste some known favourites and cross a number of must-sees off my ever-growing list.

Swindon Shuffle is a beautiful thing, a convention for local musicians, promoters, media types and aficionados. I stepped off the bus at The Tuppenny, in a hurry and frustrated I’d now missed Sienna Wileman and likely Chippenham’s singer-songwriter Meg, to bump into Sienna’s father Richard, big Shuffle chief Ed Dyer on the door, and luckily, Meg’s dad Paul; the latter meaning Meg was still playing and I managed to catch the last few songs of this unique and emotive rising star.

This tavern was bustling yet functioning happily, a crowd immersed in Meg’s magical words, set the stage for Americana soloist Jol Rose, up next. Something of a Swindon optimistic Dylan, he retains his concentrated narrative songs in favour of the more lighthearted ditties and banter to appease, though there was a poignant one on the Gaza conflict, but whichever his outlook, Jol is a proficient entertainer and skilled master of his craft.

Breaking familiar territory, new one for me, David Corrigan of The Astral Ponies followed, with an inspiring set of acoustic versions of his band’s songs. The dilemma of going tried and tested against treating the Shuffle as a voyage of discovery set in; solved by the next few hours whereby acts I’m making a beeline for I’m aware of but yet to see live. I tend to get over-excited about such prospects, and figured drinking cider like water might help.

Make no mistake, I could’ve cemented myself in at The Tuppenny, such is its comfy atmos, but, hot on this must-see list, Swindon’s Afro-Latin collective Zambalando are due in a coffee shop on Commercial Road called Baristocats, so I’m moving on. The café was bustling and I was early, recalling a Facebook post that the Midlife Krisis sound system was set up in the courtyard of Level III, exterior to the Shuffle program. I thought I’d temporarily breach the Shuffle and check. Bass rolling down the street like the millennium never happened, I turned one corner to find a throbbing little afternoon rave going on, with their symbolic milk-float fronted DJ booth, a wall of sound and smiley ravers giving it some.

Observing street art of city magnitude I left assured, Shuffle or no, Swindon has embraced diverse arts on a level unrivalled by its recent history. Only the thought of Zambalando dragged me away from the old skool vibes, but upon arrival back at Baristocats it seemed they’d cancelled. Nevertheless I commandeered a sofa, tea and toastie, chatting to Swindon’s premiere reggae/ska keyboardist Erin Bardwell, who’s collective Subject A played the Shuffle on Thursday. Baristocats are hip, make a damn fine toastie, and XTC’s keyboardist Barry Andrews, aka Stic Basin, was taking us on a blissful journey of ambient dub.

If I’m complimenting Swindon, may as well include some infrastructure too, for tucked behind the now commercialised Regent Circus is the steep Prospect Hill, ingeniously with a pub at both the top and bottom. This would be my resting place for the duration, the short distance from the Beehive to the Castle manageable, if uphill, to switch between multi-musician Richard Wileman & singer and saxophonist Amy Fry’s gorgeous experimental jazz-come-psychedelia at the Beehive, and Liddington Hill who’ve created their own subgenre, Celtic-grunge, and were currently giving it what’s for at The Castle. Allowing me to cross two must-sees off my list. Liddington Hill was brilliantly loud and in your face, everything I’d imagined and more, and crowds gathered to salute that.

Unlike the Beehive, I was unfamiliar with the Castle, yet felt immediately at home; it had been invaded by both ‘Talkers’ awaiting the headliner, and cheesemakers from Calne, real ones! It’s fine, off territory, no dispute, love The Real Cheesemakers’ hilarious wurzel take on heavy rock, and boy did they blast it superbly!

Only good things heard about the next band were certainly not fibs. The Belladonna Treatment is a remedy for an off-balance in indie-rock, pop and punk; all subgenres were subtly intertwined idiosyncratically, and beguilingly delivered to sardine-packed admirers, and a new fan here. Unfortunately Trunk, the penultimate act at the Castle I had to miss due to an emergency burger mandate. It’d be fifteen minutes wait at the chippy, I was content, it’s opposite the Victoria, Swindon’s stalwart music venue and one I unusually gravitate towards.

Age thing, the lineup was particularly heavy and aimed at the younger demographic at the Vic tonight, NervEndings headline, and I’m well aware of their force of nature as they spawned in Devizes, adding our quintessential blues module to their furiously yet accomplished sound. A whistlestop no longer than a burger on a grill, enough to note it was equally as packed and having it there as the Castle, Lucky Number Seven were ensuring it.      

But if you know me well enough you’ll know if indie-pop virtuosos Talk In Code are there, so am I. It’s a march back to the Castle for a grand finale of eighties-tinged goodness. I never doubt, Talk in Code pulled it out of the bag, the place was thumping, the crowd were jumping, and the end, for me, to Swindon Shuffle was the icing on an exceptionally tasty cake.

The show continued Sunday, had to miss Concrete Prairie, Courting Ghosts, Cooper Creek, Leon Daye, and others, but I believe I took a fair bite out of this extravaganza, this local music expose, certainly enough to know if you only spend one weekend a year in Swindon, you’d be best advised to make it this one.

You can still donate online to Swindon Shuffle’s fund for Prospect Hospice HERE.

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James and the Cold Gun, Lucky Number Seven, Nobody’s Dad, The Real Cheesemakers at The Pump, Trowbridge

Brian Yeates 

Images: Greg Stoner

This was the first time I’d heard about the Pump, and realised it did not refer to the popular local festival. I was familiar with James and the Cold Gun from a support run they did with Therapy a few years back. And I was planning to go and see them at the Fleece a few weeks ago when we had a few days away in Bristol, but the gig was sold out….

The Pump, part of the grounds to The Lamb public house, on outward appearances appears to be not much more than an old stable building next to the pub. Being a former member of Melksham covers band El Niño a number of years back, I could recollect playing at the Greyhound just up the road. However, inside is a different story. Two floors, the upstairs has old cinema seating, capacity is seventy. The venue is fitted out for gigs, with sound and lighting facilities, thanks to lottery funding. A nice intimate, quirky venue with musical instruments and stable paraphernalia adorning the walls, as well as “the pump”. If you’re tall like me there are a few places to exercise caution due to low ceilings! Most of the beams have been painted with blackboard paint so that visiting bands can chalk their name up on there.

I quickly set about trying to engage my friends to join me at this event and I managed to get a group of five of us to make the trip from the Vale of Pewsey over to the big lights of Trowvegas! The fact that for the princely sum of £11 each, we actually got to watch four bands, sealed the deal.

So first of all we headed to the Lamb to get some drinks as there is no room to have a bar in the Pump.

Unfortunately we missed a lot of the set by the Real Cheesemakers because we were outside but could tell from what we could hear that the audience inside were being treated to some top music. When we finally ventured in and got our wristbands we were taken aback by the witty and clever lyrical content of the Real Cheesemakers songs. As the set finished we were disappointed that we hadn’t caught more.

Next up was the young but very talented Nobody’s Dad, playing a lively and grungy Pixie-esque set, not to be missed if you get the chance to watch them live. The two lads and two lasses worked really well together and there were great harmonies from the ladies throughout the set.

The hard hitting post punk duo Lucky Number Seven were up next. Just drums, guitar and a big sound from their backing tracks/samples. We’d seen these before at the Underground in Swindon and they did not disappoint with their charged and effervescent set.

As we hear Kate Bush piped over the PA, my mate looks over and says to me that’s her song, ‘James and the Cold Gun;’ time for the main event. The band walked in exuding rockstar. The experience gained since the last time I saw them drips out of every pore, having extensively toured the U.K., two runs in the US including the SXSW (South by SouthWest) festival as well as a support slot for Guns n Roses at Hyde Park and some interesting studio time in the home of grunge.

A lively set with plenty of audience interaction followed covering all of James and the Cold Guns repertoire. With bangers such as Chewing Glass (a personal favourite,) She Moves, dedicated to bassist Gaby, and the recently released Sting in the Tail as well as a new song. Their hard hitting, pacey alternative heavy rock with hints Queens of the Stone Age amongst many other influences was just what the crowd wanted.

The end of the set saw the front men encourage the crowd to form a mosh pit, which members of the band joined in with as well as hugs and handshakes for the audience members that were wearing their band’s merch, reciting lyrics word for word or actively involved in the mosh pit.

All in all a thoroughly good night and we would love to do it all over again!

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Professor Elemental Booms Trowbridge Town Hall with Raccoons and Cheesemakers

Type “smack me” into Google, at your own risk, and third predicted search is “…on the bottom with a woman’s weekly.” Six years since her passing, and over three decades since Victoria Wood first performed the Ballad of Barry and Freda her finest hour is everlastingly. Proof while often pushed into the “novelty” pigeonhole, comical songs can be as eternal as serious songs; if I had a penny for every time someone called me Ernie……

Horse and carriage association, comedy and music, since day dot. Be you come at it from a comedian background or as musician, the aged hybrid functions, and it’s effective equally if, like me Saturday night at Trowbridge Town Hall, your jawbone aches from grinning like a jester as much as your feet do from dancing!

It’s been something of a music-comedy weekend at the county town, Barnsley’s The Bar Steward Sons of Val Doonican played the Pump Friday, with their cheeky, seventies children’s TV presenter style of pop adaptions, chief coordinator Kieran sung their praises while I regretted my absence. But I crossed the border and landed in Vegas for Saturday’s offering at the Town Hall; couldn’t resist.

Hosting three acts of varying genres, tenaciously linked by the comical element, the night will end bizarrely, with naturally witty Brighton chap-hopper Professor Elemental rapping through a horse’s head and encouraging the audience to knock an inflatable unicorn between them. But the assorted crowds gathered this wasn’t going to be the archetypal hip hop gig.

Starter for ten the first act is Bristol’s conscious, anarchist, cross-dressed trio, Boom Boom Racoon. An acoustic ska-punk band I’ve been raving, but dubious they’d fit into Devizes’ rather polarised music epoch. Apologies are made for the bassist recovering from a gum infection, as his usual shouty exclamations will be reduced. Nevertheless, offerings approximately casing their fondness of invading dustbins, the NHS, and Lotus Biscuits were purveyed with finesse, and the poignantly satirical Fuck You, Ashley, the final tune on their second album, Songs From Before the Times.

I’d argue though unconventional, in a geek post-punk fashion, veganomics, LGBT and other leftist subjects maintain a seriousness edge, making Boom Boom Racoon uniquely placed at a comical gig, yet concluding on their amusing high-energy adaption of the Venga Boy’s Boom, Boom, Boom, Boom, wherein they dub their own band name into the title, there’s forever a feeling not to take them seriously.

Calne’s Real Cheesemakers on the other hand blast loud rock in your face, all the while maintaining a heap of West Country humour. Akin to Boom Boom Racoon in only one factor, hilarity. Their psychedelia, surrealist-edged rock is aptly introduced with The Tortoise is Coming, and retrospective contemplation with Unicorns of the 1980s.

It becomes almost Dr Seuss at times, such as the vaudeville Trouserland. There’s a ballad involving dinosaurs, local banter with the Roundabouts of Swindon, and a Springsteen-fashioned lengthy, emotional build-up to a song which lasts but a second. The Real Cheesemakers nonsensically mock everything, in a metal style, even down to the dark, satanic ethos of the genre, as if Spike Milligan was Iron Maiden’s frontman, yet they were a Wurzels tribute, naturally.

They’ve supported Professor Elemental in the past, allowing him bound majestically on stage for a duet. Then the stage was stripped bare for the Prof to do his thang, an astounding hilarious stand-up routine, rapped.

Unlike the others, I suspect Professor Elemental comes from the comedian-turned-musician angle, as he weaves rap so effortlessly into what’s best described as stand-up. Topically waxing lyrical, satire and observational humour abound, astute in audience participation, such as the cliché rapper’s request to the crowd to “make some noise,” the Prof appeals they make specific noises.

As any professional stand-up he comments on his surroundings, the venue’s similarities to a council hall, cos it is; he elects himself mayor. He’s also no stranger to character assassinations, whipping off the jacket of his rainbow suit and trademark hunter’s Pith helmet, to become a crude and condescending businessman, heckling an unsuspecting girl in the crowd.

Everything the Professor does is astutely performed, with whimsical yet chivalrous charisma. He simply charms with lyrics chockful of pop culture references and judicious observations, it’s nothing less than hilarious. As the show progresses so too does the insanity level, to the aforementioned section where he’s donned a horse’s head and encouraging the crowd to bounce an inflatable unicorn between them.

Never a dull moment, there’s so much jammed into this show it’s tricky to pin the man down, like a one-man Airplane movie, blink and you’ll miss something. He explodes with colour and amusement, while attracting hip hop aficionados his performance is favourable to all, still, in his own unique manner, he can execute a fine rap too. He comes with a treasure trove of merchandise: comics, books, stickers and of course CDs, though I’d suggest the live show is his forte.

Once he lost the pith helmet, I realised he was older than I assumed, a stand-up comedian stage presence attributing hip hop into his act, he cited the Sugarhill Gang, suggesting his roots lie as old skool as I, a genre he salutes rather than mocks.

I sincerely hope he’s happy independently doing circuits, seemed as if he is, as his professionalism and natural comical ability would be ideal for mainstream TV to wreck, theoretically selling-out as a game show host, or mores to the pity, the best damn Doctor Who post-Tom Baker.

If I pondered through pigeonholing how divergent the three acts were, I was pleasantly surprised when they came together for an improvised finale, and in this the gig was a prime example of Trowbridge Town Hall’s diversity in programming; this was something I’d expect to see at a city venue or festival. A highly enjoyable evening with an assortment of hilarious class acts, in which I got to bounce a unicorn.

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So, you’re planning to go out-out, the decision rests on music or a night of comedy. An unnecessary dilemma, no need for a crystal ball, tarot cards or Paul the psychic octopus, you can do both in the land of chips n ham. In fact, if you happen to own a psychic octopus, this will be right up your street.

I’ve been waffling on the subject of comical music of recent, reviewing release from Monkey Bizzle, Death of Guitar Pop, Mr B, and Scott Lavene, but here’s an evening not to be missed for your dancing shoes and funny bone alike.

Professor Elemental

Lord of whimsy himself, Brighton’s steampunk chap-hop artist Professor Elemental, who’s been in a friendly feud with the very same Mr. B The Gentleman Rhymer, goes head-to-head with Calne’s nonsensical Real Cheesemakers, and the ref will be Chippenham’s own legend and Edinburgh Festival favourite Wil Hodgson in a night not to be missed or dissed.

The Real Cheesemakers

One randomly selected lyric of Professor Elemental might whet your appetite, “this one’s for the crusty festivals and shows, where a fan tries to hug me and I get a dreadlock up my nose,” and honey, he’s got rhymes you haven’t heard yet. Expect hilarity at the Old Town Tavern on 16th October, demand trousers, horses and dinosaurs, tickets are eight quid, a brown one on the door. Facebook yo bad self, tell ’em you want in.

Win 2 free Tickets HERE

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Best of Luck to The Real Cheesemakers, Selected for National Musical Comedy Awards

Wishing the best of luck to Wiltshire’s homegrown musical comedians, the nonsensical Real Cheesemakers, who have been selected for the 2021 national Musical Comedy Awards.

Far from matured, the crazy Calne four-piece released their “Grated Hits,” last year, which we fondly reviewed in February 2020.  

They will play at The Phoenix, Cavendish Square, London, on 25th September, competing with nine other acts vying for a place in the final at the Bloomsbury Theatre in October. Let’s they hope those city dwellers appreciate our West Country humour, and get the jokes about Cheddar Gorge and the roundabouts of Swindon!

“It was serendipitous to learn that an event exists that not only encourages, but rewards the type of nonsense that we have been creating for so very long,” say the Cheesemakers. “We are thrilled to have the opportunity to now showcase it to more people.”

The Musical Comedy Awards (MCAs) is an annual competition to support, promote and celebrate the best emerging musical comedians in the UK. Now in its eighth year, the MCAs have grown in stature to become an annual fixture in the comedy calendar.

MCAs has provided a launch pad to superstar acts like Frisky & Manish, Abandoman and Jay Foreman and created a thriving independent platform to celebrate the art-form that is musical comedy.

You cannot vote online for this, band member Greg Stoner told me it’s all based on judges and audience reaction, but we’re rooting for you all the same here on Devizine, guys!

Tickets available here. Meanwhile, in the land of the Bumbley Boo, or Swindon to its citizens, you might be lucky to find The Real Cheesemakers at the Swindon Shuffle, Friday 10th September at the Castle, with Richard Davies & The Dissidents headlining that venue, with Room 101, Pretty Vacant and Port in a Storm.

The Grated Hits of the Real Cheesemakers

There it goes again, that blasted TV Anchor butter advert. Why, oh why have they used the theme from the classic sitcom Desmond’s? I swear, every time I hear it, I swish around with excitement that rather than the cliché reruns they’ve decided to air Desmond’s again, but it is not to be, just a butter advert. Far from Anchor’s bane of my life, considering they made me redundant when the Swindon plant closed in 2000, where I worked in the cheese hall for five interminable years. People thought I was some kind of expert of cheese production working there, firing all kinds of technicalities at me such as the separation of curd and whey, when all I did was prep and pack the stuff!

I could ask Calne’s Real Cheesemakers the same annoying question, if I wanted to, but I suspect the name derives from cheese’s informal definition; the eminence of being too apparently mawkish. Their debut album, Grated Hits edges this with West Country hilarity. If my hope for a chance rerun of Desmond’s doesn’t qualify me for interest its unsubtle and cringeworthy eighties cultural references, perhaps only the sound of a ZX Spectrum loading would.

Late on the off with this, the album released in November last year, it’s been a monumental twenty-seven years in the making. Twenty-seven years wasted; they’d have got less for murdering a politician. For our local music scene though, it’s a tongue-in-cheek awakening and worthy of your attention. It does to heavy metal-ish banality what The Bonzo Dog Doo-Dah Band did to jazzy psychedelic sixties pop.

Apt that the band cite the Bonzo Dog Band in their bio, as they “formed in 1992 as a duo following the discovery of said band’s records in founding member, Egg’s mum’s record collection.” They continue to explain, “The Real Cheesemakers spent years creating top-quality nonsense and walloping the finest of cods.” They finally played to “an actual audience for the first time,” in 2011, “to some acclaim, and have since performed across the south of England, and added two new members who actually know how to play musical instruments.”

Cover

Nonsensically avant-garde from the start, said eighties cultural references from John Craven to Rick Moranis and Marathon’s name change to Margaret Thatcher’s milk snatching, get slammed in “Unicorns of the 1980s.” The blurb explains it as “the now infamous rejected Eurovision Song Contest entry, United by Cheese, and the collaboration with the Godfather of chap-hop and steampunk legend, Professor Elemental.” From here it’s a good guess this album isn’t going to take itself too seriously, and for that, it’s bloody brilliant.

Through a cascade of local refences too, from Cheddar George to the Roundabouts of Swindon, they bash out seventeen songs of confessed love for He-Man and dinosaurs, a dedication to eggs, bacon, chips and beans, pre-assumed affection for cheese, fear of psychopathic tortoises and annoyance of supermarket queuing, with a Pink Floyd-esque ballad to the weasel and a plodding brass explanation for airborne trousers. Like a snail on a lettuce leaf, I’m only teetering the edge of this odd iceberg here, I’d suggest, if you love your nonsense humour and surrealism you steam headlong into it like a Titanic crew comprising of Spike Milligan and the Monty Python team.

Because of its decades-spanning production period, the band explain Grated Hits gives “each song a slightly different feel, but offers high-end production value without overly contaminating the group’s purity and no-fi roots.”

The release topped off a huge year for the “Cheesers,” playing to a sold out Neeld Hall crowd with Professor Elemental and support slots with fellow Chap-Hop pioneer, Mr B Gentleman Rhymer. Most recently, they played with Creed Bratton from the US version of Ricky Gervais’ sitcom, The Office on a few dates of his UK tour to huge acclaim, before supporting Goldie Lookin Chain at their Xmas bash in Bristol. I’ve noted listing them at our trusty Southgate, after hearing this I’m making a beeline for their next local gig, you would too, if you’re the kind of chap who wears a kipper tie and wellington boot on your head, or not, or just when driven to on occasional weekdays.

out now

The album is available to purchase on CD and digital download from Therealcheesemakers.bandcamp.com. The physical copy features and exclusive track, Cheesemaker Blues (live recording), that is not available on the digital version.

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