Corona Virus and Devizine; Anyone got a Loo Roll?

Steve Marsh’s ball of masking tape has reached 60mm in diameter, some doughnut drove their car across the footpath of Marlborough’s green to avoid the pelican crossing; these Facebook posts are not about the corona virus, why are they appearing on my newsfeed?!

I’ve been in the “keep calm, carry on, and wave little flags at Europeans” arena of this current outbreak, but media flimflam is twisting my melon; I might actually have to wash my hands now. The very fact I found myself agreeing with Boris Johnson and his mob of insensible sociopaths must surely mean my lax perspective on the issue is wrong and I should start worrying, about stockpiling bog roll at any rate.

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So, yeah, in order to keep up with the Jones’ of mass-media hullabaloos, Devizine has succumbed to the clickbait and decided to write an article about the Corona Virus. Not that I’m in any way informed, or have found a substantial or even relevant angle in which to write; dammit Jim, I’m a writer not a doctor. Expect content from Devizine if I need to self-isolate, but without any subject; otherwise the better half will have me doing the gardening. Actually, quite fancy the self-isolation bit, stick a crate of milk outside my house for customers to take, conceal myself under the duvet till May with a Sandra Bullock boxset and family-sized packet of Frazzles.

Yet, we are here to promote and acknowledge events and things to do locally, that is our mission statement, if we had one, which we don’t, but if we did. Just broken my winter hibernation too, and what becomes of our calendar of events, and the one person who reads it? Fairly, many have ignored the advice of the government to ignore the advice the rest of the world is following, and self-regulate their events; all part of Cameron’s “big society.” We’ll be out in polypropylene suits fixing the multitude of Vredefort crater-sized potholes next. Wiltshire Council who now?

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I apologise that I’ve dragged you here, then, with the false notion you’ll gain some worthy advise about this mild-by-comparison epidemic, all I know is what I’ve been told; wash your hands, buy more bog roll and it’ll blow over in two weeks. All I will say in seriousness, which is rare, is take the precautions, take care, we really don’t want to lose our friends and family, but we do want to get out and about too. The effect on local business will be devastating if we don’t, but something for the government to blame recession on. Most promoters are going ahead with events locally, but it’s advised to check ahead as everyday the news gets worse; if Steve Marsh’s ball of masking tape gets any bigger it might still come under EU safety standards, for instance.

Both White Horse Opera and the Devizes Lions have sadly cancelled their Spring Concerts, here’s hoping for a mid-summer one. The Lions have also decided to cancel their sports coaching weekend scheduled for April, because of “uncertainty surrounding the outbreak of coronavirus and to help mitigate the risk of it spreading.” Karaoke will be off until further notice at the Cross Keys in Rowde as they explain, “passing microphones to person to person could pass on any bugs.” It’s my personal opinion that banning karaoke is an upside from this virus, but impartially accept it’s a popular amusement.

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Other than this, many events this coming month are still going ahead. We must respect all decisions made by organisers, and I’ll endeavour to inform you of them, if I spot them. Though, I still believe, mostly, and despite it being in line with Boris and cronies, that we shouldn’t let it piss on our chips, for want of a cruder idiom, and provided we take care and abide by the cautions, hopefully, the coming months won’t be as dull as predicted. If you choose to stay in and post your twenty favourite album covers or movie scenes on Facebook that’s your prerogative. Me, I’m nipping out this weekend, making the most of it before it might be like the end scene of ET. If you see me horizontal, please put me back on the bar stool, phone home, and I’ll lob you a half-price bog roll as a thank you; just £8 to you, sir!


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