Who’s Lovin a Devizes McDonalds and Tesco?

For what it’s worth, I’m impartial to the prospect of McDonalds, Tesco too. I’ve got viewpoints to waffle endlessly with no real conclusion, if you’ve nothing more important to be getting on with, but I’m certainly not all-out โ€œlovinโ€™ itโ€….

The initial article announcing the McDonald’s proposal in Bishop’s Cannings was a rush job, to beat the stream of social media. Now I can reflect, provide an opinion piece, you might be surprised. Especially as I hinted I was in favour because it would bring employment, particularly for our younger residents; mud sticks!

Someone submitted their objection, spoke of it on Facebook with an accompanying comment they tagged me in: โ€œdon’t shoot me Darren Worrow!” Perhaps they mistook the term โ€œdrive-thruโ€ for โ€œdrive-byโ€ for which my little knowledge from American movies suggests two entirely different things! I’m certainly not going to shoot anyone, and pray no one returns fire!

Here we go, dispelling myths and hearsays about the golden arches, their global ethical ethos and the redevelopment proposals here, in my own special manner, and purely for your amusement only. Repeat after me, I’m not a councillor!! Imagine thoughโ€ฆ.

The food is rubbish!

That’s subjective or at least debatable, surely? As the advert suggests, some people love that frightfully processed, calorie-dense, diabetes welcoming shit, and will queue all day in their cars for it. If they want to eat foam burgers, battery farmed chicken offcuts and offal, that’s their prerogative, and they will if you object or not. Itโ€™s the pickles they tend not to like and launch them from their car windows in some kind of pickle protest; but they are pigeon-friendly and biodegradable.

The company has made strides in responsible sourcing, apparently, but the nutritional value remains equal to eating a mattress. The โ€œOโ€ in a โ€œFillet O Fishโ€ stands for โ€œoh, did it really come out of the sea?โ€ when allegedly it did, but so do old wellington boots from time to time. Can you point out where the McNuggets are located on a chicken?! 

Expect a rise in obesity in Devizes!

Hello to the terminally bewildered! Our kebab shops sell โ€œdonor meat and chips,โ€ because โ€œsalad is for lightweights.โ€ For the gentlemen with a larger appetite I’ve watched them squeeze an XXL kebab into a 12โ€ pizza box, for crying out loud into a bag of statins.

McDonalds might not be much better, but no worse, and definitely less on portion size. Though both these first two points worryingly open Pandora’s box; how ethical McDonalds is.

McDonalds is unethical!

Unfortunately, you are right, any “restaurantโ€ chain which over-packages its products even if you eat inside has a dinosaur-sized environmental footprint; bring back Wimpy, they served you with a plate, what is so wrong with a plate these days?!

The company pledges to reduce carbon emissions and achieve deforestation-free beef sourcing, but can something on the sheer scale of McDonaldsโ€™ global supply chain ever really avoid widespread pollution and deforestation, and how hard does it really try to in Trump’s America? Awl, the dribble from that bastard’s gobshite damped his cardboard straw.

Yet, these are global issues which the McDonald’s Corporation must improve, while weโ€™re on about having one in our town, in a country where thereโ€™s already over 1,500 locations, and being thereโ€™s not one east of Devizes for some considerable distance, you know their application will be granted somewhere, if not here. Unlike their plastics, which is a โ€œdump,โ€ rejecting this is a โ€œdropโ€ in the ocean, and the only thing youโ€™ll achieve will be Devizes folk shit out of their McFlurry, and having to drive to the Sham.

Sadly, deflecting a global corporation by rejecting one store is putting a plaster on a severed limb.

They exploit their staff!

Again, globally yeah. Long-standing labour disputes and lawsuits regarding low wages and poor working conditions are plentiful. Iโ€™d argue thatโ€™s the world the low-skilled worker lives in, unfortunately. The economy relies on companies taking the piss, and I donโ€™t recall a company Iโ€™ve ever worked for, large or local, who havenโ€™t taken the piss and been generally ignorant to their staffโ€™s concerns, to be frank.

They will, and Tesco too, however, create new and stable jobs here, and in doing so, employ younger people, which, aside from unethical practices, isnโ€™t necessarily a bad thing. Let’s not forget those franchise delivery companies might develop, also creating jobs and delivering for our local takeaways too; nobody says Just Eat in Devizesโ€ฆ. yet!!

Hey kids, welcome to the world of work, expect to be exploited, but let it be a lesson, as youโ€™ll delightfully discover the chances of the same crap happening wherever you work is more likely than it is not! It’s the British way! Keep calm, tip your cap when the boss passes and carry on.

It’s unsightly and lowers the tone of the town!

No, it really doesn’t, at least no more than the aesthetics of the industrial estate. We have beautiful rolling downs stretching for miles to Beckhampton, it is a breathtaking drive but when you get to Devizes itโ€™s over and the practicality of civilisation has to begin somewhere. 

Seeing a Maccy Dโ€™s is standard issue now. No posh couple intending to spend a small fortune in our antiques shops are going to yell, โ€œoh my! They’ve got a McDonalds, George! Turn the car around quickly!!!โ€ Because nearly every other town has one, there is no escape.

The area will be littered!

It always amazes me that McDonalds has brought about this bizarre etiquette in other fast food chains too, that customers actually clear away the piles of litter they produce, as no other “restaurant” customers do this. That is why we need this branch to be โ€œeat-in,โ€ and avoid the โ€œdrive-thruโ€ concept as much as possible, because that is when litter unfortunately becomes an issue.

Sadly, to see McDonalds packaging jettisoned from a car window abandoned on our roads is more commonplace than seeing a fox or badger at night; but that might be more to do with posh country pricks not hunting Big Mac boxes to extinction.

Iโ€™m of the theory, this is done by younger people, borrowing mumโ€™s car, and they donโ€™t want her to know theyโ€™ve wasted fuel driving all the way to the Sham purely for a Maccy Ds, so they uncaringly dump that crap out of the window. I cannot see any other logical reason for doing it, then again logic might not play a part in their justifications.

Therefore, the lesser the drive, the more convenient it is to eat in, stay in the carpark where there are bins provided, or to find a bin, by my thinking. So, a McDonalds closer might not increase littering, it might actually help.

That’s the town centre doomed!

This is where I imagine being at a party and the conversation thus: โ€œoh, how terribly rude of me. You guys haven’t met before? Well, let me introduce you. Devizes, this is the 21st century. 21st century, this is Devizes!โ€

Get off your high horses. Unless you came into town to buy a sponge burger wrapped in more pointless packaging than an entire new kitchen, itโ€™s not going to impact the few coffee houses and charity shops we have still standing in the town centre. Devizes is still conservative top-heavy in ethos, I thought we’d welcome unethical, monopolising commercial corporations?!ย 

Even freewheelling funky Frome has an out of town commercial service area, with golden arches, and Devizes is never going to be as libtard alternative thinking as Frome! It’s happening everywhere, get used to it.

The old Sommerfield site in the town centre, since Wilko bunked, is one of many redundant shops here. Face reality, no chainstore is going to buy it; the trend is out of town shopping.

Town centres are now for coffee culture, restaurants, pubs, boutiques, hairdressers and charity shops, and I quite like it like that. I don’t want to see Tesco in town, because that drives people into them more than if they had to hop on a bus. I want indie shops in town, and want to see them supported.

Tesco didn’t see the offensive repercussions when they said they’re up for joining the abomination, and bid they’d build a superstore roughly two-thirds the size of the one in Trowbridge. Like we’re only two-thirds as important to them as Trowvegas, what an insult!

It’s kinda like when they build an extra lane on the motorway knowing in a decade they’ll need another. We’ve survived this long without a mega supermarket, on just manky Morrisons and a lonely Lidl. Sainsburys will do, wonโ€™t it? I only ever go into Marks & Sparks for confirmation Iโ€™m a peasant.

Devizes is expanding without infrastructure improvements; we’ll need bloody motorway services on London Road soon enough, and they come with golden arches as standard!

Tesco, you fail to remember like a Tory slamming Starmer for Brexit, we HAD a museum piece Tesco back in the year OBP (before Poundland) in which all the nice products you could find in other Tescos, all the good stuff, wasn’t available in the Devizes tiny Tesco, only the shitty nineteen-seventies stuff, to suit the decor.

We didn’t have a sushi bar, we had a tub of prawn cocktail, we didn’t have luxury jambon, we had tins of Spam, we didn’t have an iPhone section, we had a lift which occasionally worked, and we certainly didn’t have the one thing we really, really need, a petrol station!

But no, the proposal doesn’t extend to a petrol station; knobjockeys. If you’re gonna do it, Tesco, you could at least go the whole hog. We deserve as much; the kind of supermarket you can get lost in or not at all. Is a little competition to keep fuel price checks healthy too much to ask?! If you want in, Tesco, give us a petrol station in the deal, or bugger โ€˜arf with your fiver meal deals; a cajan chicken wrap, Boost duo and can of Pepsi isn’t a bloody meal anymore than a Big flippinโ€™ Mac!!

You haven’t even got a conclusion, have you?!

Looky here, Iโ€™ve calmed! Before moving to Devizes, I lived in both Swindon and Marlborough, for roughly the same length of time. I guesstimate I actually made more visits to McDonalds living in Marlborough, which doesn’t have a McDonalds, than I ever did during my time living in Swindon, which has too many McDonalds to count without taking my socks off. This is because when things like this are on your doorstep it doesn’t mean you use them any more than when theyโ€™re not.

You take them for granted that they’re within reaching distance, but it doesn’t spur you to reach for them more than when they’re not. In fact, the appeal for something you haven’t got is greater than for something you have. I predict novelty appeal in having a McDonalds in Devizes, but within time it’ll be normalised and the novelty will wear off.

You know, so many people say to me, โ€œyou’re a sexy beast, Worrow, you know what’s best,โ€ and usually I’d agree, but this one is out of our hands whether we like it or not. So sit back, keep your cobwebbed Clubcard to hand, and face the fate of Devizes head-on, with confidence, and make yours a McHappy meal! Be thankful we might get a McDonalds, but we’re still Reform free! 


Goodbye to The Beanery but Hollychocs Lives On

Popular award-winning artisan chocolate business Hollychocs has announced that its Beanery Cafรฉ will close on Saturday 23rd August, marking exactly two years since its opening in Poulshot, near Devizesโ€ฆ.

Founded by award-winning chocolatier Holly Garner, Hollychocs has become a much-loved fixture in the local community, known not just for its handcrafted chocolates but for creating a warm, welcoming space for chocolate lovers to connect, indulge and experience the very best chocolate in the Southwest.

โ€œThis decision hasnโ€™t come lightly,โ€ said Holly. โ€œSam and I have poured so much into the cafรฉโ€”working long days, championing other small businesses and suppliers and welcoming thousands of people through our doors. The support from our community has meant everything.โ€

The closure comes amidst rising costs that have impacted many small businesses across the country. โ€œWeโ€™ve tried everythingโ€”from constantly creating new menu offerings, to introducing special offers,โ€ Holly added. โ€œIn the end, the increased labour costs paired with price increases across the board, have made it time to focus our energy on a future thatโ€™s sustainable for us, our chocolate, and the people behind it.โ€

Yet this opens a new chapter for Hollychocs. Although the cafรฉ will no longer offer drop-in visits, Hollychocs will continue to host a wide range of bookable chocolate experiences from their studio just outside Devizes. These include guided tastings, chocolate-making workshops, and sit-down afternoon teasโ€”already popular with locals and visitors alike.

Hollychocsโ€™ full product range will also remain available for UK-wide delivery and click & collect. Sheโ€™s just released a Hollychocs version of the viral sensation Dubai Bar and has plans to increase her postbox-friendly chocolate gifts which are an increasingly popular way of sending a thoughtful gift.

They will also be focusing more on Corporate Gifting and Wholesale opportunities both locally and nationally.

โ€œWeโ€™re not going anywhere,โ€ Holly assured. โ€œWeโ€™re simply shifting focusโ€”putting our efforts into the parts of the business we know can sustain us in the long term.โ€

The final day of trading at the Beanery Cafรฉ will take place on Saturday 23rd August, and the team welcomes the community to pop in for one last drink or treat.

โ€œWeโ€™d love to see some familiar faces before we close the doors,โ€ said Holly. โ€œWeโ€™re so proud of what weโ€™ve builtโ€”and incredibly grateful to everyone in Wiltshire whoโ€™s supported us on this journey.โ€

Devizine wishes Holly and the team all the best with progressing this delicious brand. It’s a shame to hear about The Beanery but I believe they’ve made the sensible decision.


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World Food in Devizes; Thanks Food & Drink Festival!

Devizes Food & Drink Festival came to a close for this year with the most amazing World Food event at the Corn Exchange on Sundayโ€ฆit was yummy on an international scale!

Itโ€™s an annual finale Iโ€™ve missed in previous years, but was persuaded to attend by Dora who was there with a sweet Hong Kong dish of tapioca and melon. And thatโ€™s the premise, any local with ethnic roots is invited to serve a taster dish from their country of origin. One raffle ticket equals one dish, a strip of five costs just ยฃ3, the event is free to attend.

This arrangement makes this event arguably the best one on the Food & Drink Festival program, if the others require a ticket and the opening food market, while diverse in choices of tucker, vendors are left to their own devices and tend to sell fuller dishes at fuller costs, therefore should you wish to try something different youโ€™re committed to a single choice or two. Here you circulate the hall safe in the knowledge that if the dish was not to your liking, itโ€™s only set you back sixty pee, and thereโ€™s lots more options priced the same. It is a reserved and courteous dash, being a first-come-first-served situation and only a set amount of dishes from each table; I arrived punctual, and peckish. Best advice I could give about this event is to try and arrive before me!

For this, those who know the score with this event are queuing as far as the old Natwest bank waiting for it to open as if it was an Oasis reunion gig! And they were right to, it was fantastic and gorged-aciously gorgeous, and Iโ€™d kick myself for not attending before if I wasnโ€™t balancing three dishes of various national dishes! 

If you know me well youโ€™ll know I do love my grub, and Iโ€™ve eclectic tastes, save eggs! Iโ€™m in my element here, trekking the world like Jules Verneโ€™s cutlery, without leaving the Devizes Corn Exchange. Though thereโ€™s less than eighty tables, itโ€™s certainly plentiful. First stop, Zimbabwe for some tasty Sadza Balls, onto a lovely Romanian stew Iโ€™m not even going to attempt to spell, and then Iโ€™m back in Africa, for South African Chakalaka; loved the name, preferred the dish, it was probably my favourite if I was forced to pick one!

It is perhaps for the adventurous, this event, and unlike a more multicultural place, weโ€™re restricted here to Italian, Chinese and Indian restaurants, therefore to explore the more unusual is key to experiencing the best of the occasion. With this ethos, the Western European tables arenโ€™t attracting the same attention as the Eastern European, African or Asian ones. Nevertheless, I tried the Italian one as they had something Iโ€™d not seen before, Lenticchie De Capodana, a lentil stew which they told me is traditionally served at New Year and is therefore more of a household dish than something youโ€™d find in restaurants. Herein is the interesting angle of the event as a whole, these are home cooked dishes and not pampered or adapted to an international palette, as meals in restaurants might well be.

There were a few tables I did not try, such as Scottish haggis, I didnโ€™t so in favour of the more exotic ones, and prevention from over-indulging (of which I was close to the border already.) I mean, when do you get to try Rourou patties with Dalo from Fiji, in Devizes, huh?! This one was particularly unusual, and tasty, as equally as those from the Ukraine, a berry and cream pudding from Denmark, even some apple layered sponge cake from Guernsey; yes, they had puddings too, get in!

Though they didnโ€™t have any drinks, so take a bottle of water with you next year. But do go, it was scrumptious, communal, and a grand finale to the Food & Drink Festival. An event I’m unusually tempted to summarise using science, yes science; step aside Heston Blumenthal!

So, forget about Ebbinghausโ€™ Forgetting Curve, and the pun, and focus on Darrenโ€™s Remembering Curve! Eddinghausโ€™ curve is a hypothesis, his methodology is wrought with debatable flaws, especially by modern thinking. Affective Context Theory is the new bag,ย emphasising vehemence in memory retention, in other words, you cannot learn anything youโ€™ve no interest in. My curve is the physical example, itโ€™s my belly, and once filled so too is my retention to knowledge, because Iโ€™m interested in filling my gut. I learned a lot today about different world foods, and Iโ€™m likely to remember it because Darrenโ€™s Remembering Curve is particularly full now with new foods Iโ€™ve not tried before, see? Okay, donโ€™t base your PHD on it, as long as you get the general gist!

Awl, hereโ€™s to another year, then, cheers, and thank you to all the organisers of the festival and everyone who provided a dish to try; Iโ€™m full!


What else is happening, dude?!

Hot Juice Project at The Three Crowns

Whoa! What happened last night at the trusty Three Crowns?! What happened last night at the Three Crowns has clearly happened before, and happens mostโ€ฆ

Ruby Darbyshire: God is Offline

Wiltshire singer-songwriter Ruby Darbyshire, youโ€™re most likely familiar with, unless you joined Devizine family readerโ€™s circle today, has a new song on YouTube, one sheโ€™sโ€ฆ

Large It Norm, in Trowbridge!

Yes, we’ve got to praise Trowbridgeโ€™s Old Town Hall like we should, because Fatboy Slim is going to be right there, but not right now;โ€ฆ

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