Tag: satire

Local Author’s Book Reveals Why Devizine Isn’t Funny Anymore

Devizine can reveal how a new book by a local author might possibly be the reason why Devizine isn’t as funny as it used to be….

Devizine, it used to be funny, but sadly it seems it’s not so much anymore. Who took the banana skin from under its flip-flop? Who failed to give it a raspberry on the bouncy belly? Editor and creator of Devizine, Darren Worrow might have discovered why.

He said, “It’s a disgrace. This so-called author Darren Worrow has channelled all his pathetic attempts at humour into his new book Murder at the Scribbling Horse, and hardly bothered sharing anything the slightest bit amusing here on Devizine, as he once did; typical liberties from a loony leftie! And now he expects me to blow my own trumpet and sing his praises; what a pretentious twat! Shamelessly plugging his own book on his own website is surely proof.”

“Set in the fictional Wiltshire market town of Slapam-on-the-Fye, which is nothing like any real Wiltshire market town you might know of, it claims to be a murder-mystery, but the only true thing it murders is English literature.”

“Neither is there any subtlety in it either, like there is with Devizine,” Worrow waffled on sorrowfully wallowing. “Worrow takes no prisoners, has gone all out and created an absolute work of filth; an offensive joke book with a sham narrative, just so he can say disgusting things about various celebrities, politicians and anyone else he doesn’t like, despite the good honest work they’re doing to keep Britain free from logic and empathy.”

“With the mouth of a sailor, it downright disregards any level of intelligence locals might possess, and paints them all as so utterly idiotic the narration of the story has to be conveyed through the point of view of the pub dog; I don’t think that’s funny at all. The dog is a depressing nihilist, who uses the opportunity to put the human world to rights, rather than getting on with telling the story, that’s why it stacks up over 500 pages. 500 plus pages of meandering woke filth, I might add.”

“Using a facade of a murder mystery, in which the frontman to a tribute act is murdered in the pub whilst they organise a fundraising music festival, as the plot thickens like moulded yogurt around his genitalia, it goes as far as disgracefully making a mockery out of petty local politics too. It’s the biggest crime against pop since David Bowie and Mick Jagger’s cover of Dancing in the Street. I’d rather lick that yogurt off than buy this book, but that’s probably what this sick perverted tyrant wants us to do.”

“You’re not going to enjoy reading it, as tea can scold you if dropped in your lap through laughing too much. Therefore I call upon Steer Karma and the government to ban this book for health and safety reasons.”

“This thing wouldn’t have been published under Farage, you know? And thousands of flagpoles will now have to be erected to counteract the unpatriotic damage done, at the taxpayer’s expense too.”

The author of the book, Darren Worrow, rebukes comments made by the Devizine editor, Darren Worrow. “That guy is as thick as a Boxing Day turd and pissing into the wind,” he said. “Other than the fact I have released a new book, the rest is slanderous lies and Devizine will be hearing from my lawyers. Murder at the Scribbling Horse is a fascinating psychological study and critique of the modern world, questioning our nonacceptance of aging and the social and political issues it raises; with added knob jokes.”

The author became irate, claiming, “for eight long years I’ve been tirelessly promoting everyone else for peanuts. I’ve not even had the opportunity of taking a bath since, and I look like a Yeti past its sell by date. It’s about time I thought about myself for a change, and everyone can bloody well return the favour by buying my book!”

Eighties post-punk sensations Johnny Bunion and the Verrucas’ most successful album, The Legend of Castle Grey Scholl, 1981.

Whatever happened to Johnny Bunion? His legend burnt out long before his candle ever did.

But the more pressing question must be, was it connected to the murder at the Scribbling Horse public house in the narrow-minded Wiltshire market town of Slapam-on-the-Fye, some forty plus years later? And if so, how?

To answer this you’ll need to research, and my book, Murder at the Scribbling Horse will be the only way to do that.

If there’s ever any proceeds from the book, they will go to a much needed new Lynx Africa deodorant set, and a Brazilian back, sack and crack wax for the obnoxious author; the twat needs it, he looks like Posie from the Flumps’ rustic vajazzle.

Seriously though, being funny is the only thing I’m serious about. If you laughed at any part of this internal press release you’re a bit weird, and the ideal target audience for my book! You’re going to laugh a kazillion times (that’s a zillion zillions) more with a copy Murder at the Scribbling Horse in your grubby mitts. And even if you’ve no sense of humour, you know a good Christmas present idea when you see one!

You can buy the paperback online here. And the e-book here. It’s out for global distribution but buying direct from Lulu cuts out the middle man and gives the best royalties to the authors. 

Not for sale to children or the over sensitive, though; as if I needed to say!

Murder at the Scribbling Horse is available at Devizes Books for a reduced price of £20, and next Saturday 22nd November, I’ll be in the shop praying to the Norse god of biscuits someone might stop by and purchase a signed copy at the super reduced price of £20!

If you cannot make it, you can message me and I’ll personally deliver you a copy if you live locally. I still need to work out posting & packaging costs, so message me if it needs posting and I’ll let you know about that asap. Happy reading…well, I say that but do I really mean it, I mean, really?!

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The Party” at the Rondo Theatre, Larkhall, Bath, April 22nd – 25th 2026

by Ian Diddams images by Platform 8 Take Abigail’s party, add some Aykbourn, a touch of Coward and a liberal sprinkling of 2010s socio-political background and what do you get? The answer is simply Sally Potter’s “The Party” – a rattling roller-coaster ride of a kitchen sink drama with a darkly comedic edge in places.…

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BecFest2 – Stonehenge Campsite, April 25th 2026

by Ian Diddamsimages by Sarah Bec Have you got an empty weekend coming? Fancy a last minute, first field festival of the year? Don’t want to travel far? Then fill your boots with BecFest2, this Saturday, with camping available for those that want to over imbibe or just get into the festival groove around a…

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Joyrobber Didn’t Want Your Stupid Job Anyway

A second track from local anonymous songwriter Joyrobber has mysteriously appeared online, and he’s bitter about not getting his dream job…..

If this mysterious dude’s August invective track at racist talk show host Jeremy Kyle, and his patronising attitude, it feels like him telling me he’s “not one for holding a grudge,” might have a smidgen of irony too! His grungy pop-punk response to his career rejection might be biting satire, but amusing with it.

Eight and a half years ago, he claims, he was cruelly denied his dream job by what appeared to be a corrupt interview process. Perhaps it was to take over from Kyle, but Joyrobber reveals nothing, even after I badgered him for a clue to his identity.

What we do know is it was produced by Sugarpill Productions, a parody of hip hop pioneering label Sugarhill, has the vocal engineering talents of Jolyon Dixon, and is rather catchy with a highly amusing hook. I Didn’t Want Your Stupid Job Anyway is indicative of how we all might feel after a failed interview but being British, we bit our tongue. A bolshy after-contemplation with dry implications, in a Weezer skater-punk two-fingers up fashion.

I don’t believe for a second he’s pleading for sympathy, just to get the frustration off his chest by thrashing a guitar at it. If you’ve been there too, you’ll identify, making me like this more than the debut single, because I’ve an incalculable history of bodged job interviews, likely because they were all knobs as well!

It’s up on Spotify, downloadable from Bandcamp with a “name your price” option, and it’s Marmite, love it or hate it, it remains a sticky spreadable extract to get over your dysphoria, but not sing at the Job Centre.

 

PREVIEW : “The Mikado” at The Mission Theatre, Bath, July 22nd-23rd 2025.

by Ian Diddams
images from Jon Lo Photography

Ask the typical man – or woman –  in the street which Gilbert & Sullivan performances they can name, and you may well receive such answers as “Top Of The Pops, 1972”, “Man about the House”, “Crucible Theatre World Snooker Final 2001” and “Who? What?”.  [ That’s a bit left field? – Ed ] . However, amongst the cognoscenti within this theoretical vox-pop, you may find some that do actually understand the question…  and amongst the more likely answers of “Pirates of Penzance” etc, you may well find somebody suggesting “The Mikado”.

The Mikado has had some troubles in recent years being staged, as the core principle of Gilbert’s satire being the send up of BRITISH society by utilising an alternative environment which was all the rage in London Society at the time, is confused with patronising that other place. You may disagree with me, which is your prerogative, of course. But whatever the reasons it has become …  uncomfortable … presenting The Mikado as how it was historically performed.

More modern adaptations however have avoided any unnecessary disquiet by setting the operetta in other situations – Devizes based White Horse Opera staged a highly successful version set in a dystopian country ruled by a despotic dictator akin to a 1970s central American military president just a few years ago …  I know because I was the Mikado! This in itself however is also I believe to be refreshing – if all such shows (including Shakespeare etc) were always performed in exactly the same manner, aside from Sullivan’s wonderful music they may quickly lose their shine – seen one, seen them all. Reimagining the background creates new ways of looking at the story, naturally.

So step forward “Forbear! Theatre”, a London-based professional theatre company known for producing innovative Gilbert and Sullivan shows, and their splendid Terry Pratchett inspired adaptation, performed at The Mission Theatre prior to their transfer to New York. Minimal changes have been made to the text in bringing this fantasy kingdom to life, with the same madcap characters, plot and iconic songs that have been loved for generations. This version of “The Mikado” aims to represent Gilbert’s original intention by being set in an other-worldly, beautiful and dangerous fictional culture; the perfect canvas onto which to paint British flaws. And of course, Sullivan’s sublime and clever – almost cheeky – music.

So come and find out for yourself how Gilbert’s characters fare in this Pratchett inspired fantasy world at The Mission Theatre, July 22nd and 23rd  2025.  After all, others have praised this production to the hilt already

“They live for their art.  And it shows in their show. You could put this production on at the London Coliseum” (*****) – London Theatre 1
“Superb singing and silly goings on in the land of Tirwudu” (****) – London Pub Theatres
“Rachel Middle has given an old story a beautiful new home” (****) – North Westend
“A real triumph from the creative team who have passionately and carefully reimagined this iconic piece of theatrical history” (****) – The Deskbound Dramatic
“Brilliantly subversive” – Everything Theatre

Tickets from https://www.missiontheatre.co.uk/whats-on/2025/the-mikado 

The Mystery of Nigel G Lowndes

Must have been about fifteen or so years ago, random folk in a pub told me they were off to the Rocky Horror Picture Show. I was surprised to hear it was still going, and had it in my head its writer, Richard O’Brien had passed away. I pointed this out, and they refuted the fact. Someone pulled a mobile phone out their pocket and, in a flash, proved me wrong. With a virtual reference library at one’s fingertips the lively debate which would’ve, in previous times, circulated around the boozer, was kaput, the potential conversation starter settled, and the pub fell silent.

In the interest of truth, provided it’s a trustworthy source, fact checking is no bad thing. Obviously, I wished no malice on Mr O’Brien, just an incorrect piece of trivia I’d picked up. But it was the first time it occurred to me, sadly, as well as the art of spreading urban myths, we live in an era where any mystery is immediately solved. I mean, loads of money was wasted hoping to find the Loch Ness Monster, but if an Android app actually proves it either way, the myth is ruined. Bristol-based Nigel G Lowndes nails this unfortunate reality in the title track of new album, Hello Mystery.

But whoa, we’re getting ahead of ourselves. Mystery is the eighth track of this varied ten track show, released tomorrow (26th March 21.) To commence at the beginning, the direct boomer, Boring screams Talking Heads at me, and I’m left thinking this is going to be an easy ride, one comparison to art-pop and I’m done. But, oh no, far from it. And it’s all because Nigel is a one-man variety show. To conclude there’s elements of tongue-in-cheek loungeroom and easy listening, akin to Richard Cheese or The Mike Flowers Pops, although there largely is, is not to have listened till end, where the finale Always Leaving London, is an acute folk-rock acoustic masterwork.

Track-by-track then is the best method to sum up this highly entertaining album. As I’ve mentioned you’ll start by contemplating he’s a 21st century Talking Heads without the punk edge of the era. But the second song, Tell me Tomorrow would confirm this if it wasn’t so much more vaudeville than the risky titled Boring, (as all of it is far from boring) but it’s becoming clear not to take Nigel too seriously.

When a relationship breakdown, caused by the partner’s affection for some critter-like pets he buys for her is the subject matter for the third, bluegrass parodied song, Furry Little Vampires, it’s become laugh-out-loud funny. Country and doo-wop merge afterwards, but the fifth track, Bubble, has a Casio keyboard samba rhythm with a floating romance theme. What are you doing to me, Nigel?!

As randomly foodie based as Streetband’s Toast, we’re back to uplifting art-pop with the very British notion a cup of tea will sort all your problems out, even psychosis. But random as this is, White Roses, which follows, is a more sombre nod to Nigel’s appreciation of country. Stand alone, it’s a gorgeous ballad; Nigel recognises the need to know the rules in order to break them. As he does by the very next song; Shoes follows country-rock again, but with a sillier, nonsensical subject.

The album plays out on the country tip, its influence seems to build throughout. The aforementioned obituary to mystery is as wonderful in thoughtful narrative as a country classic, and then we’re treated to Always Leaving London. Despite its skipping variety, nothing on Hello Mystery will, as the beguiling opening track shouts, bore you, that much I can guarantee.

If you’re looking for dopily swaying while holding your elongated black and sapphire dyed fringe under your hoody, as a melancholic indie-rock icon miserably recites his teenage anguish with a whining semitone through his nose, then avoid this. For everyone else, Nigel G Lowndes is very worthy of your attention; a sparkly beacon of showbiz, more surprising than a contemporary David Byrne with a Stetson, and when it comes to diversity, it puts The Mike Flowers Pops back on the shelf in the garden centre. Hello Mystery is as it says on the tin, and for this I give it full marks. Johnny Cash pastiche meets Tonight at the London Palladium; love it!

Website

Facebook

Apple Music

Spotify Link to Nigel’s singles from the album, released tomorrow, 26th March 2021.

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Phil Cooper & Friends to Play to at The Fold

Excitement for the rebirth of The Fold music venue at The Lamb in Devizes is building. As you’ve probably seen me posting on social media, Devizine presents two astounding Wiltshire singer-songwriters, M3G and Seren to…

Bradford on Avon Live Music Festival’s Full Line Up

Bradford on Avon’s Live Music Festival returns from Friday 29th May to Sunday 31st May; three days of live music from outstanding bands and artists happening across the town….. BOA Live has grown year on…

What Billionaire are you Feeding Drinking in a Pub?

A sad state of affairs and reflection on the era, to see village pubs dilapidated and closed, once thriving hubs of a community. I thought this as I drove past Bottlesford’s Seven Stars just the…

Pewsey Moonrakers St George’s Cross Façade Stays

Can we please draw a red line under Pewsey’s Moonrakers St George’s Cross facade fiasco now Wiltshire Council has u-turned on a proposal forcing landlord Jerry Kunkler to paint over it? Providing we don’t draw…

The Voice of Hind Rajab; Film Screening in Swindon

The award-winning film, ‘The voice of Hind Rajab’ will be shown for one night only on Monday 18th May at 7pm at Swindon Arts Centre….. In January 2024, 6 year old Hind was killed along…

Tastebud Heaven on the Canal; Sunday Lunch at The Water Gypsy

If options for urbanites seeking experiential or themed dining experiences are boundless, they’re lesser so in our rural backwaters. Yet, we’ve returned from a delicious and most memorable Sunday lunch at The Water Gypsy, a…

Seren’s New Single; Worm

There’s a cold remote ambience of burrowing doubt in the opening of Westbury’s singer-songwriter Seren’s debut song, in which, as the title suggests, she uses a worm analogy to convey shadows of diffidence. Yet, it…

Wiltshire Council Welcome Proposed Road Signs

Since a Wiltshire Council highway engineer advised Devizes Town Council that a sign at the High Street junction with Long Street is not big enough or in the right position last week, the highway engineer has been around our area suggesting other improvements which must be enforced for safety purposes.

 
Devizes Town Councillors were warned people might not spot the present ‘No Entry’ sign, and that it needs to be 600 CMs wide, wider than the road itself. “Maybe even larger, the bigger the better,” said a Wiltshire Council spokesperson, the one who really has the mentality to grasp simple English. “If it means we have to knock down a few historic buildings to make room, then we will.”

 
“We’d really favour,” the spokesman continued, “that the sign is lit with flashing neon letter-lights and overhead floodlights, twenty-four hours a day. Perhaps, it could also repetitively play a Bonnie Tyler song, or even the soundtrack to Rocky 4, to raise awareness of it too.”

 
“Devizes Town Council is clearly not accounting for the prerogative of speeding businessmen in BMWs belting through Devizes without a finger of fudge to road safety. They may have important calls to make on their phones, be preoccupied trying to locate a Starbucks, or generally too busy eyeing up totty to notice the clearly one-way street has standard no entry signs.”

 
The Wiltshire Council spokesperson, who cannot be named because their nametag fell out of their work jumper, because their mum didn’t iron it on well enough, stated, “those who think there’s no accounting for stupidity are wrong. One blast of ‘Eye of the Tiger’ or ‘Holding out for a Hero’ will alert the most insensitive arsehole; it’s certainly one of my favourite songs.”

 
With this apparent compete lack of competence of town councils to identify these issues, the Wiltshire Council highway engineer has proposed a new selection of signs be erected in obvious danger areas, using visual aids rather than a report, as he can only write in emoji.

 
Devizine has received these exclusive graphic representations for residents to swoon over in delight. I asked the Wiltshire Council spokesperson if he thought they were slightly aesthetically intrusive. “No,” he replied, “I think athletes will love them too.”

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