Adventure in Reality

Day dawns through the window of an archetypal bedroom, an attractive woman in her underwear perches on the windowsill with her knees up. Causally she clutches a revolver and gazes wantonly through the window with contented expression.

 
Sprawled across the bed lies a clown with a bullet-hole driven through his chest. A realistic crime-scene, save for the eerie, misplaced clown and perhaps also, two paintings on the wall; a portrait of what appears to be a child clown and Edvard Munch’s “The Scream.”

 
What version of reality have you tumbled into, or are we instead treated to a snapshot from the mind of pop surrealist Si Griffiths? Welcome to just one of his Adventures in Reality.

 
Because it’s up my street and knocking loudly at my door, I’ve been waiting for any old excuse to highlight the work of Chippenham’s Si Griffiths, a contemporary artist who depicts surrealism with edge and unnerving intrigue. Now, if you’re passing Frome over the next few weeks you’ve the opportunity to bury deeper into this mind. From the 5th to the 18th May, Si Griffiths exhibits at Black Swan arts in Bridge Street; I’d recommend you pop by.

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Among the paintings there’s a running misplaced clown theme, but whether or not he’s present, much of his work balances fun and amusement with a darker element; a bizarre yellow brick road of hell collage, with a suited devil, aliens in doctor’s attire, a grown man dressed as a baby with lager and cigarettes, dice, Frankenstein’s monster and naturally, Betty Boop dressed in nurse’s uniform. Otherwise try a devilish circus ringleader come bookie, or a boy contemplating a heavenly snakes and ladders board.
Find discomforting elements in an otherwise amusing, almost cartoon scenario, or vice-versa. I asked Simon if this is the desired effect?

 
“Oh yes,” he tells me, “my early work was very dark and full of pain, but as it’s grown there is much more humour, irony and satire mixed in.”

 
“I’ve found that life is a mixture of light and dark, of yin and yang,” Si continues, “There has to be balance between the two. That’s how the Universe works. John Lennon said ‘Life is what happens when we’re busy making other plans.’ We’re out there planning our perfect existence, we’ve got it all worked out, 2.4 kids, new car in the garage, good job, perfect partner, comfortable home (or whatever,) we live in a society which conditions us to expect everything to turn out the way we planned, and then one day there’s a knock at the door……. the reality of life is we never know what’s around the next corner. And it’s not always pretty.”

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“My work tries to make sense of it all. The journey of birth, life, death. I try to hold a mirror up for people to see in themselves in the paradoxes in my paintings. If they can see the reflection and it helps them deal with things, good or bad, then my job is done.”

 
Running themes are warped dreams, depictions of skulls, board games and devilish characters, and there’s parodies of the Wizard of Oz and Frankenstein, but throughout the clown features predominately, be it erroneous everyday scenarios, perturbing poses or as disciples in the Last Supper. So, I had to ask, “why clowns?”

 
“Ha! Not necessarily an easy answer….” I feared he might reply, “my relationship with the clown has developed over the years. I first started using the clown image as a vehicle to symbolise death and my grief after a huge loss in my life, it was a sort of bad guy, representing my anger and pain.”

 
“Yet as I have journeyed with that grief and the clown as part of my life and art they have become somewhat of a friend, including a way to symbolise myself in my paintings. Within the depiction of the clown in my art there is an ongoing series of paintings using a clown called ‘Bozo’ which is the representation of who I am and what I am feeling or going through at the time.”

 
“I love the duality of the clown. The painted face, the illusion of happiness or sadness yet knowing there’s a real person behind, experiencing a gamut of emotions. Every day we all hide behind the mask of what we project to the world, how we want to be perceived, who ‘we’ are, our image our persona. But who are we really?”

 
“To this day the clown continues to guide my art, a sort of wandering Shaman that leads me to new pastures as well as helping me to make sense of the fucked up world we live in and who I am as a human being.”

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Befriending a character in your art is nothing unusual, the despair of Walt Disney upon realising his cigar-smoked horse voice broke the only tie he retained with Mickey, his speech, or Charles Schultz sadly passing away at his drawing board the day the last Peanuts strip was published. Artists devote their time to their characters, their own life merges; it’s understandable they’d bond in such a way only the creative can comprehend.

 
I tire myself of being asked if I am the White Space-Van Man in my books, or any other character I’ve created, when the answer is not so simple as yes or no. Of course they are inside our heads, part of us, but not wholly us, be it caricatured versions or a fragmented layer of the artist’s psyche. As I feel many of Simon’s are too, in my case they’re usually the aspects I hate about myself the most, disjointed satirised personalities which squeeze out. Others can be an ideal persona, the person you strive towards; pit the shyness of Siegel and Shuster against their creation, Superman.

 
Before you point it out, I’m fully aware all my examples are taken from cartoons and comics, but there’s a reason, for through all the surreal despondency, grief and inexplicable rudiments in Si Griffith’s art, I sight an underlying influence of comics and cartoons; being the very reason it attracts me.

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So finally, I was impelled to inquire of his influences, be it a beatnik Hogarth, underground comix like R Crumb and Shelton’s, or perhaps Great British comic artists too; Dudley Watkins, Ken Reid etc.

 
“No so much the British,” Si enlightened, “I was an avid Beano and Dandy reader in my childhood, which must have sown the seeds, but the ‘Marvel’ type comic-books gave me a sense of the fantastic, Mad magazine; home to some great artists, my favourite probably being Don Martin. This magazine introduced me to satire and irony as well as the absurd. Gilbert Shelton’s Fabulous Furry Freak Brothers was another – all of these comics helping forge my sense of humour and way of looking at the world.”

 
I’ve been lucky enough to share some time with the great Gilbert Shelton, in awe of the charismatic dude on first name terms with Janis Joplin, I can see a clear influence in Si’s art; but it’s deeper than cartoonish.

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“On a wider note,” Si added, “whilst most art inspires me these days I’m mainly influenced by the Lowbrow art that originated in the California (predominantly LA) in the late 60’s and 70’s based on the hot rod, surfer, biker, tattoo, underground comix and music cultures. This genre has become much more recognised as a serious art form these days championed by the likes of Robert Williams the amazing artist and founder of Juxtapoz magazine – the first to promote non mainstream art.”

 
Fans of the weird and wonderful, freewheeling counter-culture should take a trip to Frome on any given day, it’s vibrant and colourful and I’m certain these Adventures in Reality will go down like a hookah at a love-in; see for yourself why don’t you?

Facebook Event info

Si Griffith’s Website

Black Swan Arts Website

 

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Avebury Rocks July!

One thing I did know prior to starting Devizine is there’s more things going on than meets the eye in our considered “sleepy” county, and, in summer when festival season arrives I’d have my work cut out trying to build a comprehensive guide. Still I hadn’t bargained there would be this much.

 
The popularity explosion of festivals and their social acceptability has resulted in the simple fact you can’t expect me to cover all without cloning myself tenfold, which, if technology permitted, I would, but it’d only incite disputes between us!

 
So, in respect I attempt to highlight the few which catch my eye, the few which stand out. Not for being the largest, or for booking the Rolling Stones, or selling the best jester’s hats, but for their ingenuity, variances and often, something which attracts touring festival-goers yet Wiltshire Folk may just drive around daily, their location.

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Here’s one that is stone related though, festivals of yore have always associated with ancient monuments and heritage sites, till the point of civil wars for the freedom to party on them. Though anarchistic days of The Beanfields expired, the attraction remains.

 
Our tourist attractions should never to be taken for granted, in veneration for their protection, contemporary festival placement sees them close but not atop enough to use them as barbeque tables for drunken revellers; you have to admire this. I pondered if this was partially the reason why this year’s Avebury Rocks is actually situated a twenty-minute drive from the stone circle, on Warren Farm between Aldbourne and Liddington, or if the festival had outgrown the original site.

 
Yet Avebury Rocks remains a cosy and friendly event, not near Glasto proportions by far. Genevieve Arney, Events and Community Manager for Swindon’s Prospect Hospice, the charity proceeds go to, explained, “the main reason we move sites occasionally is availability, Avebury is a busy area and we have to fit around different local events, including the pagan calendar.”

 

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My mistake, it’s not the first year it’s elsewhere; Genevieve continued, “it’s actually the second year Avebury Rocks has officially gone on tour, in 2015 the event was held at Marlborough College, and in 2013 a smaller event was held in Devil’s Den.”

 
“We think each location has its own unique charms and brings something different to the festival,” she explained, “but it really is the people who come along that make Avebury Rocks so special for us. It’s a very friendly, laid back festival, great for families and those loving for a relaxing weekend of great live music.”

 
Yep, story checks out, I looked at the initial line-up online; Worcestershire’s multi-instrumentalist, singer song/song writer Chloe Mogg, backed by Burbank Swindon’s own prodigy Lottie Jenkins, who Devizine is pre-bonkers about, Natalie Shay, a multi-award-winning North London indie pop/rock artist, one of the top rocking electric ukulele bands in the country, The Ukey D’Ukes and Swindon-based Ministry of Samba. With more acts to be announced, it’s a varied and humble line-up, with a drive to booking upcoming and local talent. I asked Genevieve if this was something they strive towards, and why.

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Lottie Jenkins

“Yes,” she replied, “we really try to champion new and upcoming artists both locally and nationally. You may not have heard of many of the acts on our line-up but we’re sure you’re bound to find a new favourite if you come along to the festival. We also launched a young artists competition last year, which was such a success we’re running it again this year. It gives performers under the age of 18 a chance to win a space to play at the festival, the closing date for applicants is the 31st May and how to enter is on the website.”

 
You only need to read the influence of the Avebury Rocks Festival on rising star, George Wilding’s bio to appreciate the organiser’s progressive ethos. Legendary singer-songwriter, son of folk musician Roy Harper, and a past member of Squeeze, Nick Harper, created the event in 2011 as a way to give something back to Prospect Hospice, the local hospice who provided care for his late mother. Nick, with the help of David Uttley and the original organising committee, set out to find a talented and willing group of musicians who would happily perform in a field in Wiltshire, next to the famous standing stones of Avebury.

 
“It’s been held annually since,” Genevieve said, “in 2013 a smaller event was held called Devil’s Den Rocks. It’s progressed over the years from a single day event with one stage, to a weekend with two.”

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I wanted to know if Nick Harper is still actively involved with the festival, and more importantly, will he play?

 
“Yes Nick is still very much an active member of the organising committee,” she confirmed, “and really has a drive and focus to help raise funds for Prospect Hospice. He’ll be performing on the Saturday night and helps with everything from booking artists to putting up banners!”

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So, what you need to know, other than it sounds fantastic; it’s Friday 27th to Sunday 29th July, camping is available on site, children and dog friendly, and tickets are very reasonable: Adult – full weekend with camping – £40, Adult – full weekend without camping – £30, Adult – Friday night only – £10, Adult – Saturday only – £20, Under-16s – full weekend with camping – £20, Under-16s – full weekend without camping – £10, Under-16s – Friday night only – £5, Under-16s – Saturday only – £5, Saturday walk – £10, and a live in vehicle / caravan pass – £10.

 

Or help out as a volunteer, there’s plenty of different jobs, from helping with car parking, to supporting the bar – email fundraisingandevents@prospect-hospice.net. for info.

 

Details at Avebury Rocks Website, here.

 

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Sound Affects coming from Marlborough’s Lamb

Two people, a couple of guitars, a banjo, flute and fiddle; think that’s adequate to get an audience on their feet?

 
It is when left in the hands of Iggy Gould and Cath York. Young and old sang along and danced in the two-foot of space between them and the performers known as Sound Affects at Marlborough’s Lamb last night.

 
In attendance I was awaiting to ferry my son home after his hockey club dinner, so reserved to remain sober, what better way to waste a few hours. The Lamb is, and always has been my choicest watering hole in Marlborough, and they’ve always had an appetite for great live music.

 
Last time I was here it was for the now disbanded Killertones, the ska outfit of which both Cath and Gouldy played a pivotal role. Now, as a duo, they’re equally committed to bringing us classic songs we all love, albeit their repertoire stretches far beyond the two-tone ska of the Killertones.

 
Now you know how it is when sober, watching others drunkenly fooling around, it’s hard to move your feet with the same enthusiasm, but blazing through a plethora of classic sing-along folk-rock, retro pop and Irish drinking songs, Gouldy and Cath entertained even me with an air of fun and professionalism.

 

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You can see via expressions the couple are at home with a microphone and instruments as they perform masterpieces like The Jam’s That’s entertainment, ELO’s Mr Blue Sky, Rod’s I Don’t Want to Talk About it and Van Morrison’s Brown Eyed Girl, not forgetting dancefloor stomping Dexy’s Come on Eileen, a track which gets your Gran shaking her tailfeather.

 
Each tune is a sing-a-long classic, crafted in their own fashion, some bringing a modern touch, such as Green Days’ Time of Your life, eighties pop benchmarks like The Cure’s Lullaby and a brilliantly executed cover of Wishful thinking by China Crisis, in which Gouldy challenges the younger of the audience to be familiar with it; me, I recall it only too well.

 
The short songs come thick and fast, slipping in Irish folk-rock from Pouges to Dubliners, and comical drunken shouting melodies American Pie and The Proclaimer’s I’m Gonna Be, even allowing a young sozzled requesting spectator join him in Take me Home Country Roads. With wit and charm, every song a blast, and the simplest of formulas made to look easy, Sound Affects would bring sybaritic jollity to a Christian Science Reading Room.

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Booked at the Devizes Scooter Club’s prestigious Scooter Rally next year, I had to ponder how a duo would fair against bands, but last night left me with no doubts. “We done ten songs that we’ve never done before,” Gouldy told me afterwards, but I couldn’t have guessed which ones. Catch them gigging in your area, promoters – do yourself a favour, book them; there’s a maturity to their acoustic sound for newcomers to strive for, and a wholly entertaining evening to be had.

Sound Affects Website Here

 

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See The Urban Lions Rise

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Why is it when the better half cooks I wash up, and when I cook….I wash up? Still, it’s a contribution I don’t mind making, I can stick on some tunes and skank my way through the chore, pathetically attempting to relive my misspent youth. The Mrs, or even my daughter shouts at me to turn it down, only adding to the authenticity.

 
Listening to music isn’t the same for kids these days, all plugged into headphones or else absorbing a tinny rattle through a phone speaker the size of an amoeba. Even if the kids do go overboard, volume wise, parents contact them via Facebook messenger. None of this screaming at the top of your voice from the bottom step, or banging on ceilings with a broom, for speakers in my day had to be immense, sounds had to be ear-splitting and bass had to rumble rafters, knocking Mum’s ornaments off the mantelpiece.

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For this particular washing up chore, a week ago, and therein since, I’ve thankfully been handed See Me Rise, the debut vinyl EP from the Urban Lions, after we spotlighted their appearance at the Save The Barge gig in Pewsey, in exchange for some words of appraisal.

 
Here’s a sound, released yesterday for Record Store Day, on Lionheart Records, which is favourably heard in the archaic method of large speakers and ornament wobbling bass-bins. Here is a contemporary steppers reggae vibe with certain panache, an abundance of bass, melodic rhythms and the whole shebang which makes reggae so blinding. It reminds me of discovering the awesome Zion Train Sound System in the 1990s, when we shared a page in a zine.

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However unlike those crossover bands of the nineties, Zion Train, Dreadzone, etc, there’s a more wholesome dedication to roots. The Urban Lions don’t fuse techno, it’s unadulterated reggae, nodding to UK dub greats like the pioneering Jah Shaka sound.

 
Collective touring band and sound system, The Urban Lions, based in the southwest of England, are currently rising up through the underground UK roots and dub scene, and deservedly out onto the world stage. With this release it’s easy to see why, or hear why, does that make sense? Darn, it is Sunday after all.

 
Recorded and mastered by Matt Martin of Conscious Youth/MOA/Pressure Mastering, See Me Rise plods with natural ease, combining the band’s root reggae foundations with conscious earthly lyrics, narratively progressing to a resistance against the establishment, Babylon.

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It’s a marching riddim, dressed with a wonderful horn arrangement; a vocal and dub on side A, mixed by Matt from a studio in the Balkans, and an instrumental and dub on side B, mixed by Roots Unity in Amsterdam. The accompanying dubs roll with harmony, caressing horns, and melodica echoes akin to the great Augustus Pablo.

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Herein lies the fashion with The Lions, their previous digital single releases of equal quality, Forward to the Sound, bashment funnelling up-tempo little treasure that it is, and Together Mighty, a wailing steppers riddim, lyrically connoting unity, these musical biscuits are dream plates for any rubber-dub selectors and would shake the foundations of any festival.

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The Urban Lions state See Me Rise is the initial of a trilogy which will run as the soundtrack to a short animated fictional film in the future; now, this ambitious claim we need more info on as and when.

 
Until then, skank on Urban Lions, one love, and thank you for dubbing up my washing up chore! And to all you lot out there who don’t fancy getting your marigolds on and helping me with the task, buy See Me Rise to see for yourself, and be sure to catch them live. Locally, Pewesy’s Woodbridge Inn’s “Hopdog Fest,” on 5th-6th May sees them headline; well worth the effort I reckons.

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Save Some Space for Art

Why do they put art colleges so close to parks? Table-top arrays of shoes and bottles left unmanned as us students splashed a quick under-wash of paint as a base, then disappeared to the park to converse lightly, generally loiter, pass funny-fags and perhaps consume the odd jacket potato.

A liberal beard-scratching lecturer peered over his glasses at the still life as the door burst open three minutes before home-time; stoney-faces smirked at him as he examined our hourly efforts; sploshes of random colours. “What sir? It’s like abstract, man!”

Why, oh why did I not pay more attention at Art College, why could I not allow distractions to pass over me; parks, pondering Pink Floyd album covers and hippychicks? Oh those hippychicks. It was an easy life; didn’t know what I had until it was gone. Yep, I’m an art college dropout; still keep my hand in when the mood sets, but if like me, you miss the smell of gouache and wooden easels; a friendly weekly art group in Devizes may suit.

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So dust off your beret, for they’re looking for new members. The group meets every Tuesday morning, 9.30am – 12.30pm, for three terms of ten, or twelve weeks each, with the same holidays as Wiltshire schools; so your children may never find out you’re creative flare has been rekindled (I know they’d only laugh at my canvases of ingenuity!)

Lessons are usually led by tutor Christy Wyper, often step-by-step, but members are welcome to work at their own pace, and on their own projects. New members are welcome to join at any stage throughout the year, but the term begins on Tuesday 24th April.

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Okay, it’s going to set you back £120 for a 12 week term/£100 for a 10 week term, but you’ll be covering projects which will equip you with the confidence and knowledge to practise your drawing and observational skill in still life, portrait/figure drawing, and landscapes. You’ll be using a variety of different media from acrylic paint, pastels, coloured pencils, mixed media and collage, to watercolours in both traditional and contemporary styles.

This sounds like an ideal opportunity to meet likeminded people. What could be nicer than a friendly and cheerful art group, who are welcoming, who enjoy sharing ideas and skills with each other in a relaxed and creative atmosphere, and who, most importantly, customarily fit it in around frequent tea, and home-baked treats?!

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Projects can be flexible; most lessons are presented as directed projects with specifics aims, but none of the lessons are so rigidly planned that you can’t adapt them to your own skills and tastes. You could be adapting your own photos and images to create unique projects, improving your understanding of composition and design, developing appreciation of well-known artists’ work thus enhancing your own creative style, and generally developing your skills further.

Call 01380 730864 for more details, or cast your artistic eye over their Facebook page here. Oh, and let me know how you get on if you attend, maybe send me a picture and we’ll do a gallery, like Take Hart, not that he ever showed one of my pictures, watched every episode in anticipation; I blamed Morph…..still do.

 

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Discover Devizes Wharf Theatre

Did you know that Devizes has its very own canal-side theatre?

Have you ever wondered what goes on in that big warehouse building in the Wharf Car Park?

Have you ever wanted to get involved but not know how?

Have you ever wanted to go to a show but been unsure what the theatre was like?

Do you or your children harbour ambitions to tread the boards or become involved back stage?

Would you like to receive free training and experience in theatre production?
Are you an actor looking to increase exposure?

 

Well if you answered YES to any of these questions then keep SATURDAY APRIL 28th free because The Wharf Theatre is throwing open its doors between 10am and 2pm and is inviting everyone along to enjoy a cup of tea or coffee, get a goody bag and see what really goes into putting on a show…….
The theatre runs as a charity and is manned by volunteers but prides itself on offering professional quality productions throughout the year.
Some of these volunteers will be on hand to chat to you about all aspects of life at the Wharf and there will also be an opportunity to have a theatre tour and meet some of the actors. And best of all – it’s free……

EVENT LOCATION: Wharf Theatre, Wharfside, Devizes, SN10 1EB

 

Soul and All That; Devizes Scooter Club’s next Do

Building a reputation for some quality nights here in the Vizes, The Devizes Scooter Club revs their hairdryers ahead of April 28th when renowned Bad Manners tribute, Special Brew, pay a visit to the Conservative Club, to announce their next musical extravaganza, bookmark Saturday the 25th August.

As tickets for Special Brew leave the shelves of Vinyl Realm and Jeffersons faster than Steve McQueen on a Lambretta, the same outlets are sure to be holding the stubs for All That Soul, an extravagant, cool and funky Bedfordshire band, which perform the best in contemporary and classic soul, Motown, funk and Disco. But you can’t hurry my love, tickets aren’t on sale yet, you’ll just have to wait.

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Often posing as a Supremes tribute act, Kaz Wilson heads the soulful trio, aptly attired in glitter and glamour, with a full professional backing band they sure look and sound the part. All That Soul guarantee to be uplifting and to have everybody up dancing; but it doesn’t take me much to shake my tail feather anyway. Like a fish to water when I get going; you ain’t seen nothing like it, unless you’ve witnessed a hippo drunk on a bouncy castle.

With an impressive repertoire of Motown and Atlantic classics, like You Can’t Hurry Love, Ain’t No Mountain High Enough, Dancing in the Street, Baby Love, Say a Little Prayer and Jimmy Mack, if that doesn’t wet your appetite, they also venture into a disco and eighties soul catalogue, with numbers like Lionel Richie’s All Night Long, Kool & the Gang, Chic, Chaka Khan and naturally, La Belle; so Giuchie, Giuchie, ya ya dada Joe, you wanna give it a go?

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I’m well up for it with La Belles on, the track I’m looking forward to the most? The ever- challenging, For Once in My Life by Little Stevie Wonder; what an anthem, please play that, and all that we mentioned, All That Soul and we look forward to meeting you in August!

Event page:  https://www.facebook.com/events/310138252826720/

Sample You Can’t Hurry Love cover: https://soundcloud.com/user-439087815/you-cant-hurry-love

Check out All That Soul: http://allthatsoul.com/

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@ Melksham Assembly Rooms

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No Surprises living in Devizes: Jumpin Jack Flash Hits the Gas

In 1984 Boy George sang, “war is stupid and people are stupid, and love means nothing in some strange quarters;” what a cockwomble.

 
Oh hi, how are you this sunny morning? Ready for war? Over the top lads, long way to Tipperary and all that? Oh come now, just a few fisticuffs with little old me then. It’s been so long since the last No Surprises. What’s that? Gone soft? Na mate, just can’t really find a satirical angle on any of it anymore.

 

Wiltshire’s leader and representative in our “whim” Parliament, Claire Perry tweets the decision for air strikes “was the right one. Chemical Weapons usage must not go unpunished.” Indeed, chemical attack being on everyone’s lips in Wilts at the moment.

 
Even free parking won’t coax people to shop in the new Sarajevo, just in case they’re a Russian spy who was knocked on the head when the biscuit barrel fell from the kitchen cupboard and gave them amnesia. You’re not Geena Davis in the Long Kiss Goodnight; go back to Salisbury, you’ll be fine.

 

Being Britain’s central military base aside, Salisbury is a lovely passive city, with a dreamy “new age” air of tangible folk, some of whom humbly gather at our only wonder of the world, celebrating bygone life in pagan Briton, praying to our original deities; the sun, the earth, and all the natural elements modern man should be contemplating rather than this government’s divinity; money. Stinking weirdos; thank our Christian God their prayers are chargeable to English Heritage.

 

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Salisbury is about country walks and school trips to the cathedral, a peaceful city, where police have always carried novichok nerve agent antidote to every call, just in case old Mrs Farnsworth drops her bottle of Novichok cream cleaner from her shopping basket in Sainsburys.

 
It’s still a hard pill to swallow, ten minute turnaround to defuse a deadly chemical attack in Salisbury, or that Yulia Skripal walks from hospital and her father is doing well, and follows “in due course.” Or so we’re told, not really seen any pictures of him have we? Weird that. Take a look at Mr Putin, does he look like the kind of guy who messes assassinations up? Now look at Boris Johnson. He can’t even play a diplomatic, fun game of rugger with little children without smashing them to the ground; preppy twat.

 
It’s strange to consider our local MP tweets happily away, when she is supposed to be Minister of State in the Business, Energy and Industrial Strategy Department. Should she not be the one then, who doesn’t toe the fracking gung-ho, environmental contravening party line, who blasts against the government and encourages more funding for alternative energy sources?

 
Or do we thank Trump for his hoax theory, while his people drown in floods only caused by God punishing them for voting-in the previous Muslim President? Pour another gin and bullshit on the floor Trump, and we’ll lap it up like your puppy, say, you got a trade deal we could have ha-ha, Europe seem to have taken a titchy grudge with us?

 
How many great oil wars will it take, how much propaganda, lies and deceit must we endure before we admit that what we fight for is nothing to do with being humanitarian saviours in the Middle East, and more to do with piping gas through Syria?

 
Trudging up cold war moods; you know the game was on hold while America took a wee break; kinda like peeking at granny’s cards during the Christmas family Cluedo match while she relieves herself from her sixth eggnog.

 
Come on schoolkids of Parliament, we’ve been biting the hand which feeds us since the lunchbreak of 2009, highlighting how malicious Russia is, never really getting over what Ivan Drago did to Apollo Creed in Rocky 4, despite they’re the chief practical gas supply in Europe. Oh, which also happens to be when the new gas fields of Lebanon and Syria opened possibilities to bypass the Saudi Barrier, but opps; there’s that prefect Al-Assad blocking the corridor and needs a shoulder barge.

 
Wasn’t Assad winning hands down, and in his y-fronts anyways, why would he chemically attack the rebels, knowing the West would retaliate? He’s no saint, but nobody’s fool. Still, OPCW, the Organisation of the Prohibition of Chemical Weapons did promise to look in on it, on Saturday 14th April 2018, oh, which is today. A bit like when your mum comes to visit your student digs and you sweep up and hide your bong.

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Oh stop mucking about matron, we’ve got to find that money tree if we’re to save all those children, by bombing their gaff, because we really care about children; that’s why we’re slashing education budgets back home.

 
Like on a local level, where Tory dominant Wiltshire Council celebrates the billions of extra income to our county with replacement of army troops and their families, by shrugging shoulders at the minute-by-comparison £1.4K to get Breaside and Oxenwood children’s outdoor activity centres repaired, and deciding its best to close them down.

 
Don’t you go believing the people working there every day, who feel the sites didn’t need that much extra cash for renovations now. The experts have been in, seen a couple of beds lying to waste (because schools always have exact male/female ratios in their classes) and figured there’s more money to be made selling the land to the highest building contractor. And we praise one school featured in local news who received a grand via private donation to supply each child with a dictionary. How long will it be before India are sending Diwali gift boxes to desperate kids in the UK?

 
I’m not fully against the closing of such places, should they be considered unsafe for children, should they be beyond economic repair, provided a plan is afoot for a replacement. Which, as far as I can see, the only plan is to take every leisurely pursuit away from our poverty-stricken youth until they beg in a conforming trance for revision timetables, before they combust under exam stress and need lobotomising; tuned for brainless footmen to face those evil Russians in world war three; England prevails, heil Baron May. For fucks sake, what the fuck is wrong with this backward, twofaced government?

 
La-de-da; till next time stay safe, paint your windows white, maybe; that’s what we were told last time, not sure if it’s the same now. At least Thatcher’s government could be arsed to send us a leaflet on how to die slower, shows you how much this lot care.

 

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James Hurn’s Half-Hour or So

I recall my Dad putting on a record of Tony Hancock’s “Radio Ham,” and consequently falling on the floor with laughter. At the time his character-driven comedy felt lost in time, and non-too funny to my adolescent mind, scoped on the contemporary likes of Rick Mayall and Ade Edmondson, but like fine wine, it’s something I’ve come to appreciate with age.

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In fact, character-driven comedy is the backbone of modern British humour, look at the success of Ricky Gervais, Sacha Baron Cohen, Katherine Tate and the Little Britain team. Steve Cogan quoted his alter-ego Alan Partridge “comes from a lineage stretching back to Tony Hancock.” Today the Tony Hancock Appreciation Society heralds a new era of followers, one being one-man-show James Hurn, who is back by popular demand at the Wharf Theatre Devizes tomorrow night.

 
So, If you’re looking for something different to do in Devizes this weekend, race down to the Library Hub in the morning, pick up a ticket online (here: £12.50 / £10.50 + booking fee, or ring 03336 663 366.) For on his second visit to the Wharf, James will be performing a brand-new programme, including one ‘lost’ episode of Hancock’s Half Hour and two episodes he has written himself in the same style as original writers Ray Galton and Alan Simpson, with James voicing the entire cast.

 
The new show is performed in the style of a radio performance in front of a live audience, bringing to life the classic days of radio comedy. Tom Dommett, editor of the Tony Hancock Appreciation Society stated, “If anyone is out there wondering; does it work, one man doing the whole cast? Are the new scripts up to scratch? Is it like the real thing? The answers are; yes, yes and yes!”

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Tony Hancock’s melancholic bravura was strictly British-styled, after an unsuccessful movie in the States, and due to artistic differences, Hancock split with writers Galton and Simpson in the mid-sixties. Maybe the dejected soul of his character was none too far from the real man; Hancock committed suicide by overdose, in 1968. One of his suicide notes stated, “Things just seemed to go too wrong too many times.”

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For the younger me, watching my pops rolling around the floor in laughter filled me with confusion, for he’d tell me, just like Tommy Cooper, Tony Hancock had one of those faces which didn’t have to say anything, just one look and you laughed. Why then, I pondered, are you giggling to a record, but I guess the lesser visual generation my Dad belonged to could picture his face from the sounds alone; ah, video killed the radio star.

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I’ve added a picture of James as Hancock here, and I think his expression alone confirms this will be one funny evening. James Hurn, keen to film his Hancock and Co scripts, has launched a crowd funding page to engage the project, explaining, “This production will have myself playing all the roles. To achieve this successfully I will require a very professional team with the right equipment. For example a make-up artist that specialises in prosthetics, camera crew, sound, lighting etc.”

 
“I am very passionate about this project because it has always been an ambition of mine to create more visual content, where the original team finished. As a fan of Hancock’s half hour and many other sitcoms of the time, I have always felt it a great shame that the creators were not able to continue their work.” For one night only, this comes highly recommended.

 

 

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Legendary DOCA gets Colourful this Summer

What would you do if you couldn’t be killed by human or animal? It’d surely go to your head a bit wouldn’t it? Yeah, marching through the Market Place on a Friday night after spoons kicked out, pinching everyone’s chips n doner meat, thinking you’re God and giving it “everyone worship me, just me, aite.”

 
This is what King Hiranyakashipu did in Vishnu legend, albeit not for thieving kebab. He got all high and mighty though. His son, Prahlada, remained faithful to Vishnu and got like, well knocked about for it, by the king (don’t make me type his name again) and his nasty Auntie Holika, who tricked him into sitting in a fire, burning his butt; and you thought your auntie had a vicious streak.

 

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Radha and the Gopis celebrating Holi, with accompaniment of music instruments

Aunt Holika got what was coming to her when Krishna turned the tables, blowing her protective shroud to cover Prahlada and exposing her butt to the fire; legend in more ways than one. She was toast, mate; totals. Then, Vishnu thought, “enough is enough,” took the form of Narasimha, half-human half-lion (as you do,) somehow coaxed Hiranyakashipu to sit on his lap and clawed the nutter to bits.

 
Other than never sitting in the lap of a half-human half-lion, there’s another simple good over evil lesson to be learned here; not letting malevolence get the better of you. Akin to the death of Holika, it’s embodied by a bonfire where people gather to pray their internal evil will be destroyed, hence the custom taking her name. Must be a feeling of great relief to know your evil has departed, no more double-parking on Sidmouth Street, tying dog-poo bags to trees in Drews Pond, stuff like that; you’d want to have a party afterwards wouldn’t you?

 
The festivity begins the next morning, Holi they call it, a festival of colour. Basically, everyone goes bonkers in the streets and bundles each other with paint. Using whatever comes to hand, buckets, water-pistols, balloons, everyone is fair game from young to old, rich to poor. So if you thought the Devizes Outdoor Celebratory Arts just made up the idea of chucking paint at each other for the heck of it, in their Colour Rush run, you’d be very much mistaken.

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Holi customarily starts in March, to celebrate the coming of spring, but it’d one messy doing in the torrential downpours of England, so DOCA have theirs in August, when hopefully….don’t jinx it.

 
This is not a free-for-all though, you can’t splatter old Joe Bloggs just returning through the park from Morrisons with his Garibaldis, you have to register…. and run 5K in the process. If this sounds like your cup-of-tea, register here, otherwise just join in the fun afterwards at the traditional Confetti Battle, for the Colour Rush is only a tiny part of DOCA’s fortnight of summer celebrations.

 
“Fun run” being an oxymoron to a moron like me, the Party in the Park is more up my street; free too! 19th August, it kicks off the carnival period at Hillworth Park, where there’s a CAMRA bar, bouncy slides and entertainment, free craft workshops. Musical line-up yet to be announced, but going on previous years it’s quality with something to please all, and if not there’s always a zipwire or the big spiderweb swingy-thing to play on; whe-hey!

 

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Party in the Park 2017

Don’t know about you, but I’d welcome DOCA value the wealth of local talent here and source some of the astounding acts from our own area. Not that I’m insular, just think the Devizes area has some awesome singer/songwriters and bands, if you read Devizine you’d know who they are, and they should take first place at our shows.

 
It’s Tuesday 21st at the Corn Exchange when PanGottic, an award-winning street theatre company co-founded by Matt Pang and Revital Gottshalk, returns to town with a new show, Long Shot. DOCA ask “you’re handed a remote control, what will happen when you push the button?” Nothing for me, as the kids usually nick the batteries for X-Box controllers.

 

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PanGottic

They promise a “catapultastic evening of clowning, contraptions, comedy and courage, as one man’s belief in the near impossible is put to the test. Part non-verbal circus performance, part behind the scenes ‘making of’, Long Shot will have you on the edge of your seat. Or hiding behind it. Either way, it’s going to be a blast.” Tickets are £8-12.

 

The Wyvern Club host a skittles night on the 22nd, a fiver entry for teams of four.

 
Southbroom Infant School have the popular Festival Quiz Night on 24th August 2018. Teams of four compete, it’s £12 per team: reserve your place by calling 01380 728671.
By the bank holiday weekend of 26th-27th, Devizes bursts alive, Sunday on the Green and Monday at the Market Place; yep, street festival time. From Pimms to Kennet and Avon Brewery bar, from street style entertainment to a funfair on the little green, take a picnic and enjoy Sunday.

 
Dubbed “Black Rat Monday,” it continues full steam next day, with international acts in the bustling environment which always making you wonder if you’re still actually in Devizes at all, past caring by four o’clock anyway.

 

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2017 Street Festival; image by Gail Foster

Look out for the couple of clowns pictured below, who couldn’t fight their way out of a paper bag there, cos next day at the Wharf, they’ll attempt to escape an surreal cardboard world in a bizarre 75-minute slapstick, mime and puppetry show; Pickled Image’s “Coulrophobia.” £12 Adults, £8 Concession tickets will be available via the Wharf Theatre Box Office soon for this seemingly nutty show. Without spoilers, seems an escape is possible, as the clowns will be bobbing around the Market Place for the Confetti Battle too.

 

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Pickled Image

Then of course, Auntie Holika gets hers and the Colour Rush is quickly followed by the Confetti Battle on the 29th, with the usual Devizes Carnival parade following weekend of the September the first. Although carnivals of yore may have been criticised, DOCA is not the County Council, it does listen to our concerns and it just seems to be getting better with each year that passes.

 

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Confetti Battle 2017

With £461 raised to date for fireworks at the Confetti Battle this year, let’s hope the total will be enough for them to polish the evening off in style, if not, it doesn’t matter as Vishnu legend aside, there’s no internal evil with DOCA, they do so much good for Devizes. Take My!Laika for example, inspired by classical circus disciplines, dance and rugby, as well as elevator music and the colour of Angela Merkel’s blouse, they bring their Popcorn Machine to the U.K for the first time, and it’ll be on our Green over the weekend.

 

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My!Laika

Devizes Green, the centre of a post-apocalyptic universe where four international artists with a Dadaistic sense of humour unite to throw off cliched “circus,” perform bizarre theatrical situations and provoke a chaos of feelings; where usually there’s just swans and an ice cream van; only DOCA could’ve done this and I’m sure they’ll continue in this fashion this year with the superb line-up; roll on summer!

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Click for more details and booking tickets!

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Legend at Melksham Assembly Rooms: 25th May

 

 

Day by Day, Local Festivals in May

Saw a bumble bee the other day. A bumble bee, everyone, a bumble bee! A couple of weeks ago we were trapped under twenty foot of snow like the Star Wars planet Hoth, now spring is in full swing. Without getting over-excited, there’s a ton of great events on our calendar this April, but May, well, May really is the start of the silly season, and there’s festivals-a-plenty….locally too!

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Bank Holiday 4-7th May: it’s all jazz-hands, for it’s the Cheltenham Jazz Festival, but hey, cool man, if you want to stay local, you’re on the right page! On the Saturday 5th it’s the Seend Summer Beer Festival. Tickets are £12 on sale from the community centre and post office.

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Same day, head to the Woolbridge Inn Pewsey for the first ever two day HOPDOG Ale, Cider & Sausage Festival. There’s limited space camping, book soon. Adult tickets at a tenner, 3 quid for kids, add an extra £6pppn for camping. Then you can expect Ale, Cider, Sausages, Bouncy Castle (couldn’t eat a whole one of those,) plus Arts and Crafts table and the completely bonkers Mad Pete entertaining the kids. There’s also a great live music line-up: Ren Stedman, Larkin, Brian Stone Music and the awesome Urban Lions. Plus Sunday with Cressers Last Stand, Neighbourhood Strange and Dub the Earth. To book tickets call on 01980 630266 or visit the ticket payment page http://buytickets.at/woodbridgeinn/151298 or Facebook.

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Monday the 7th is the Devizes Lions May Fair: Going ahead this year it’s fun for all the family at Devizes Market Place from 9:00am. Live Music, Punch and Judy, The Male Majorettes which never fail to amuse, Steam Engine and Organ, Bouncy Castles, Children’s rides, Charity stalls and more. Fantasy Radio and the Cadet Forces will be in full force, which one of them will play Status-Quo first?!

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And let’s not forget your tucker now, for the Devizes Food and Drink Festival starts here, with the Grand Market on Saturday 12th.
On May 12th head for Calne, where the Town Hall hosts Calne In Tune, a Performing and Creative Arts, and Craft Extravaganza. Calne in Tune are currently campaigning for their own arts space, please show your support for this cracking DIY event.

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26th May and things are heating up. Billy Ocean, yeah, Billy Ocean, I’ll say it again shall I? Billy Ocean, The Stranglers, Paul Carrack, From the Jam, Animals & Friends and the John Coghlan’s Band- damn your eyes sir, what a superb line-up happening in the usually sleepy village of All Cannings. Face it, The Kings Arms is gorgeous place to visit on any day, but the Concert at the Kings, in aid of Cancer Research, takes no prisoners when the going gets tough.

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Failing this, you’ve only to turn your head 360 degrees and head to Bromham, for it’s OwlFest (see what I did there?) Set to be the most musical one yet, from 3pm you’ve a plethora of local talent, from the incredible George Wilding, the wonderful Tamsin Quinn and the mighty Mike Barham and Calne’s amazing Jezilyn Martyn. There’s intriguing agricultural hip-hop scrumpy and western rap with Mamesbury’s Corky, the madness of Surfin Turnips, and the sounds of MiddleEarth with Bilbo Baggins and the Bargain Hunters and, and, and, and it’s FREE…… unless you want to sample the range of ciders from the cider bar (arm twisted) you’ve only to cough up six quid for the wristband. This one is must, unless you’re name is Billy Ocean.

 
Get out of my dreams mate, and into the local festival circuit. But don’t go reaching for your festival jester’s hat and pink shades forgetting there’s a tonne or three of other amazing events across our sleepy neighbourhood during April and May, check Devizine as regularly as you check your hair, and you’ll be there.

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Coming in from the Cold: Bob Marley; Legend, but not the be-all-and-all of Reggae

Forty-five years ago the founder of Island Records, Chris Blackwell, had a dilemma. He wanted to bring downtown Kingston’s music to the international stage. Having recorded Jamaican music since 1959, achieving a hit there with Laurel Aitken, he felt the world needed to hear the sounds he heard reverberating around the town where he set his base; and make a pot of cash out of it too, naturally!

 
The music had moved on from ska roots, but reggae was still viewed as “novelty” music outside its native island. He wanted to show the world the words of reggae artists had all the sincerity and connotations as rock, and for this his toyed with two groups; the Maytals and the Wailers.

 
The dilemma was solved by eventually signing both, but initially The Maytals frontman Toots Hibbert sang with conviction and aptitude, but his vocals attributed to gospel; Blackwell considered it wouldn’t agree with Caucasians.

 
Meanwhile the Wailers, were a raggle-taggle bunch of Trenchtown youths who he simply didn’t trust. Still, frontman Bob Marley had one advantage, he was mulatto and might appeal to a wider audience. So he chanced the rude-boys with a sum and instructed them to go record an album, the rest is history; catch a fire, the tables turned.

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Today the everyman perceives Bob Marley as “king” of reggae in similar light as Elvis being the “king” of rock n roll. After a tragic early death, his music righteously defines legendary and is impossible to replicate to perfection, even by the plethora of his children, musicians closet to him and those willing to cash in on the inclination.

 

Numerous movie producers have attempted a biopic but failed on its angle. The Wailers toured the UK recently, partially original line-up, but how can you replace the icon which is Bob Marley?

 
We’ve had “One Love: The Bob Marley Musical,” produced by Kwame Kwei-Armah, best known as the paramedic Finlay Newton in BBC’s Casualty, and Mitchell Brunings playing the Tuff Gong, and now a touring band, Legend are coming to a theatre near you; The Melksham Assembly Rooms on Friday 25th May and Swindon’s Wyvern on Friday 1st June.

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The seven musicians and singers dedicated to the life and music of Bob Marley, led by the charismatic Michael Anton Phillips certainly come with an impressive résumé, working with artists such as The Mighty Diamonds, Dennis Brown, Rankin Roger, The Beat, and Burning Spear to name but a few. They cover the Marley catalogue in a staggering two-hour show, but this notable vita contradicts the opening line of the promotional blurb: “When you think Reggae, there is only one name that comes to your mind. The legend that was Bob Marley.”

 
I’m sorry, I beg to differ; against my warming to the tribute act, while this looks like a grand show and entertaining to say the least, when I think of reggae of course Bob pops to mind, but its far from the only one. Selfless Bob Marley himself was adamant reggae is not a “one man music, it’s a people music.”

 
To the reggae lover narrowly perceiving reggae as “Bob Marley,” is akin to saying Elvis was the only man who rock n rolled, or only Beethoven wrote classical. Through ska to rock steady the music developed, moulded into reggae. From boss to dub, bashment, rockers and steppers, dancehall and lover’s rock, through to breakbeat and dubstep, reggae has avenues far outreaching the cliched Bob Marley studio albums marker, it has pioneered music technology, it has redefined pop and helped to create genres such as two-tone, punk and hip hop (original hip hop creator, DJ Kool Herc was a Jamaican immigrant with a sound system in the Bronx, a fact histories of hip hop appear to overlook.)

 
More relevant to my point though, is that Reggae’s many tangents has made many stars from it’s musicians. Take all, from Jimmy Cliff and Desmond Dekker to Shabba Ranks and Sean Paul, dare I say it.

 
Still the mainstream media start wailing themselves every time a reggae artist breaks through, giving it “is this the next Bob Marley?” No, it’s Joe Bloggs, or Finley Quail Egg, or whatever their name may be, they sing reggae, like Bob did, doesn’t mean they’re attempting to be another Bob Marley, idiot.

 
Am I getting blurry-eyed about this now, or do you see my point? Any other tribute act I’d turn a blind eye, but my chosen musical idol, these guys have got to be good or I’d suggest you spend your money on a ticket stub for an upcoming reggae artist or group. However, watch these guys on their promotional video. I did and I’m tempted to swing this around, they do sound absolutely a hundred and twenty percent awesome.

I stated further up, no one can replicate to perfection the natural genius of Bob Marley, none should try and I’d add, no one here is attempting to; to me, on reflection, this is a bunch of musicians attempting a tribute to someone they clearly have great respect for. You know, I got it in the neck for passing comment on a Little Mix tribute act; how can you have a tribute act to a group currently in their prime? The girl’s responded, enlightening they create a safe and welcoming environment for children to enjoy the music of Little Mix. I ate my hat, they were right darn it; girl power!

 
It’s only the line “think reggae, think Bob Marley,” I’m whining about, I’d suggest they edit it. Maybe I’m just tetchy as I know I’ll never get to see Bob Marley perform; no one except perhaps genetic scientists of the future with cloning technology can change this, so forget my small axe, let the Assembly Rooms and Wyvern be filled with the sound of jamming; here’s a event to celebrate and rejoice all Bob Marley did to spread the wonderful sound of reggae across the world; people get ready.
One love.

 

About Legend Live

Tickets for Melksham Assembly Rooms

Tickets for Wyvern, Swindon

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Gypsy Reggae and Folk Aimed to Save The Barge

 

 by Phil Brady

All Photographs Used

with kind permission of:

Siobhan Boyle Photography

 

As hundreds of colourful misfit-filled, self-built campervans ascended into the sleepy hollow of Pewsey on Saturday night, the unsuspecting locals relived a return to the halcyon days of the peace convoy, only decades later. From the little village where the epic West End production of Jerusalem was set, this pilgrimage of party people were heading, not to Stonehenge, but the Bouverie Hall in Pewsey, where, for one night only, an international crowd of diverse personalities congregated to show their support to #savethebarge.

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For those who don’t know The Barge Inn, Honeystreet. It was an iconic venue in the heart of the Pewsey Vale. Made famous by the global crop circle following, it’s campsite, the bands who have played there and the magical atmosphere created by the people who frequented the pub and it’s ideal location nestled within the Vale of White Horse hill beside the Kennet and Avon canal.

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Sadly the pub is now closed, so a bunch of good people have formed a steering group, namely ‘The Barge Inn Co-Operative’ with the aim of buying The Barge Inn and returning it to its former glory.

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Powered by Pure Groove Soundsystem with help from Earth’s Radicals, the evening fired up with Lionheart Records playing a strictly vinyl reggae, classic dancehall and dub set as the 350 capacity hall started to fill with the love of the Barge community.

The live bands followed soon after; on stage Tripolar played a beautiful passion-filled set of West Country folk as Lenny strummed acoustic guitar and sang ‘Within The Rose,’ with bearded angst and angelic dulcet tones. The astoundingly talented and face-painted Jake accompanied him on the fiddle. Their set took the listeners on a journey from placid poetry to mercurial melody into volatile violin shrieks with ‘Water edge’, ‘Fisherman’s Blues’, ‘God Dam Shame’, ‘Mr Charisma’, ‘Volcano’ and ‘Raggle Taggle Gypsy’.

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The Barge massive were now buzzing and ready for a night of solidarity and celebration.

The atmosphere was electric as The Boot Hill All Stars burst on and got the crowd jigging with their West Country cider fuelled, bootlegged hoedown music. ‘Folsom Prison Blues’, ‘Smoke On The Water’ and ‘Monkey In The Hold’ got the dance pumping and ale flowing as ‘Smugglers Hole’, ‘Night Bus’ and ‘Devil’s Doorbell’ kept the dance floor jumping. With a run up of ‘Rasputin’, ‘Crusty Girl’, ‘Step Inside’ and ‘Monkey Man’ into a Boot Hill’s take on Dolly Parton’s ‘Jolene’, the All Stars left their audience singing and dancing and gagging for more.

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The Boot Hill All Stars are another favourite from the Barge Inn with hillbilly banjo and swirling horns played by scantily clad ladies with feather dusters and fishnets escorting naughty piratesque country boys. The crowd were left jolly rogered and ready for the final band of the night; Urban Lions.

Urban Lions are a touring band and sound system based in the southwest of England, currently rising up through the underground UK roots and dub scene and out onto the world stage.

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Urban Lions opened their set as a four piece horn section walked through the crowd sending those filthy, heavenly brass sounds high into the rafters of the hall. Joining the band on stage they kicked their hour-long headline set off with their new single ‘See Me Rise’, which is out on vinyl on the Lionheart Records label this month.

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With a feisty fusion of roots, dub, steppers, bashment, ska, rocksteady beats, filthy horns, skanking rhythms and conscious rhymes, Urban Lions fired up the night as the bass pumped through the huge sound system and had hundreds of boots stomping until they could stomp no more.

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Followed by roots reggae based ‘Forward To The Sound’, to a funked up ‘I Am A Lion’ and into the ska-heavy eastern scales of ‘In The Sahara’, the band dubbed out the vibe and sent 8k of heavy bass and drums, skanking guitars and keys, those filthy horns and shrilling vocal lines deep into the hearts of the Barge community. Keeping with the ska vibe, ‘Buster Man’ kept them jumping into the final song ‘Together Mighty’, a heavy stepper that epitomises the struggle against oppression in society, proving a favourite as the words ‘Alone we are small but Together Mighty’ resonated with the cause of the night.

That love filled room cheered for more as the band came back on to play carnivalesque ‘We Say I’ and the gypsy beat ‘The Bard Of Old Belgrade’ as an encore.

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The event was a benefit gig to raise funds for a survey and legal fees to kick off preceding to buy the Barge Inn. There was a raffle afterwards with loads of amazing prizes donated by local businesses in support of the cause.

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Thousands of pounds were raised from the door, bar, food and raffle for this to go ahead so an overwhelming success all round.

 

The police were happy, the venue people were over the moon with the duty of care taken by the organisers and the hundreds of people who came and donated to the cause were left with memories of a night that will go down in history.

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For more info check out the Barge Co-Operative Facebook page and website.
http://thebargehoneystreet.co.uk

 

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Jack Ascends The Stairs: a night of live music puts Upstairs at Jacks on the venue map of Devizes.

Oblivious to modern life’s rapid consumer demand, my Nan would’ve swooned at the fact making sandwiches was big business; “make yer own bleedin’ butty you lazy so-and-so!”

 
But it is so; watch workers on dumpy lunchbreaks sprint to the closet supermarket shelves and sweep up those wasteful plastic triangles, despite knowing the centre of the sandwich inside is threadbare compared to what you see bulging from the visible cut-end.

 
That’s where the personal touch of the deli reigns; those gorgeous shacks with girls cutting, slicing and preparing your designer sarnie. You know it’s fresh, yummy and it’s going to actually fill you up. Bob does this with great success in Marlborough with his Food Gallery, and you know in Devizes, it’s Jack Spratt all the way.

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But Jack Spratt has come along way from its humble sandwich creations, it’s been in the Market Place for some years now, where sadly that emporium of antique curiosities once was. Loitering in a doorway Saturday evening I recalled rummaging for old Beano annuals in one of those rooms, now it’s a spritely rustic bar. Oh well, Minnie Minx and Dennis the Menace aside, I’m getting a bottle of organic cider.

 
There’s an aura of debonair about the place, but far from snobby, more cosy. Upstairs at Jacks is now chic café, with irresistible aromas submissively assaulting my nostrils as waitresses kindly excuse themselves for hurrying by with plated bar snacks of delicious aesthetics; chunky wedges, bites and tapas served with copious dripping sauces and, and, oh I can’t go on, they looked so good. Just like Jack and wife, I could’ve licked the platter clean!

 

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Bryony Cox: used with permission from Nick Padmore Photography 

 
But I’d had my tucker; I was there, for live music was afoot. Squeezing in the doorway then, while customers actually eating took the tables (the cheek of it!) I talked with employee Bryony Cox, who was there to sing rather than work. She told me this was the first night of live music here, and for it they spared no effort; for as well as her and Hayley, they’d booked Calne’s brilliant Jack Moore and none other than George Wilding.

 

I wondered if she’d booked some overtime for this, as she certainly gave it a hundred percent. After Jack done his thing, Bryony was on keys while singing wonderfully with Hayley, accompanied by George on guitar.

 

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Jack Moore: used with permission from Nick Padmore Photography

 
The evening’s finale was naturally attributed to George Wilding, who with grace, charm and certain ease, took the punters off on his impeccable musical expeditions. Breezing through his own tunes, “Tchaikovsky On The Tambourine” its peak, George made Green Day’s “Time of your Life,” his own, then inquired his spellbound audience for ideas.

 

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Hayley: used with permission from Nick Padmore Photography

 
“Stereophonics,” was the first request but George shrugged in his shy manner, confessing he hadn’t a complete Stereophonic song under his belt. He strummed once, gave it some thought and offered to compromise with a medley of the bits he did know. For anyone else this could’ve gone wonky, but have faith; George Wilding is something else and knocked out a stunning medley landing effortlessly on Handbags and Gladrags, which I could argue is Rod the Mod’s originally, but at this point of George’s performance, you’d be beyond caring.

 

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George Wilding: used with permission from Nick Padmore Photography

 
For a first night of live music, it put Upstairs at Jacks on the venue map of Devizes, save it’s not too spacious, still it’s tranquil, luxuriously overlooking the Market Square with homely décor, cosy fireplace, grand mirrors and an obvious appreciation of Gauguin; could we not knock a wall through and make it slightly larger Mr Spratt?!

 

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Bootlegged: Beatles Coming to Devizes

The Bootlegged Bootleg Beatles UK, vaguely definitive best tribute act to the Bootleg Beatles are set to visit Devizes, playing a mock version of the Exchange nightclub made out of old shoe boxes and blu-tac in the shed of Liam James, nightclub promoter Ian James’ lesser known looky-likey.

 

The news prompted lead singer with the actual Bootleg Beatles to rage. “We are the original Bootleg Beatles,” he snarled, “the tribute to tribute act scene is making a mockery of the tribute act scene; I’m so unhappy I had to tell Mick Jogger, and his dad is a black belt ninja.”

 

But lead singer with the Bootlegged Bootleg Beatles UK, a tribute to the Bootleg Beatles, Sir Paul McCartney announced yesterday that he, “only wanted to make some spare cash mimicking the original Bootleg Beatles.”

 

From a council estate in Mull of Kintyre he spoke exclusively to Devizine. “I saw them a few years ago, realised I kinda look a little bit like their front man and thought it’d be a right money spinner. I never believed for a moment the legendary tribute act would have heard of us, and been offended.”

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Paul, (321) lives with his new, seventeenth wife Geri Hawiwell, who is a singer in the band WannabeUK, a tribute act to Wannabe.

 

“This booking is great news for my husband,” Geri told us, “he suffers with severe memory loss issues. In fact he’s quite bonkers and thinks his real name is Billy Shears, just because an old workmate of his cruelly told him so.”

 

Paul sits regularly in a strawberry field, saying he intends to stay there forever, pictures himself in a boat on a river with tangerine trees and marmalade skies. “When I call him in for his tea,” Geri claimed, “the flipping lost-it case says I’ve got kaleidoscope eyes.”

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Paul even suggested that if the original Bootleg Beatles singer really didn’t like him, he has created a time machine out of an old submarine, which he painted yellow, and will travel back to 1963 and continue his singing career there.

 

Another tribute act to the Bootleg Beatles formed some time ago, but their lead singer, Liam Gallagher, was unavailable for comment.

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The Bootlegged Bootleg Beatles UK are set to play the Exchangers in Bishops Cannings, a village close to Devizes which thinks it is Devizes and owns the Moonraker folklore fable, on April 1st 2019. Until then, have a good April Fools Day today.

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From Street Food to 1940’s Cuisine; Devizine Sneaks a Peek at the Dumplings on Offer at The Devizes Food & Drink Festival.

There’s few “reality” TV programs which wind me up more than Come Dine With Me, but I shudder to think of them. Conflicting egotistical posers who long for nothing more than everyone in daytime TV-land to wow at their chic mansion, be in awe of their exotic pants, and discover they fantasise about being an eminent drag queen at Blackpool Tower, via a secretly hidden photo in a wide open drawer; American Wrestling never looks this staged.

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There’s a grand on offer to the one who can be the most conceited but retain entertainment value, as the others huddle, pissed with cheap plonk on their sofa pretending to enjoy the company, and a camp passive-aggressive narrator insults them with a voice-over which makes Rab C Nesbit sound graceful.

 

The Devizes Food & Drink Festival rightly encourage us to forget this diabolical show, but with the other hand organise an exclusive meal in a mysterious location as the opening of the festival on Saturday 5th May, and, tongue-in-cheek call it Come Dine With Me!

 
This is Devizes, we got panache, and I’m certain the event would differ greatly. “It’s a great night out in a local home,” they say, “where your host will produce a menu of their own choice for six to ten guests. Expect a welcome cocktail and a splendid three or four course meal served up with conversation and good-humour in a welcoming atmosphere.”

 
They propose “there will be no nosing around the bedrooms and knicker drawers between courses,” but I have to ponder what they’d do to stop me should I flaunt the rule; slap me round the face with a wet kipper? Because, despite this humorous offering, The Devizes Food & Drink Festival think only of bringing us quality food and drink, hence the name see?

 

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So let’s have a sneaky peak at their program of events, see if I cant crawl this preview back to good in blag of pork belly Hirata buns at the Street Food Festival event at the Crown; (tee-hee, you said “buns.”) For this one, on Thursday 10th sounds like a highlight to me.

 
Ticket stub is £11.50 and you get three taster dishes from these choices: miso noodle soup, katsu cod cheek curry, oriental prawn rolls, aforementioned pork belly Hirata buns, Pickled vegetable Hirata buns, BBQ duck wings, Lou min crispy chicken, polenta chips, or crispy stuffed gnocchi, and a free drink; why did I write this before dinnertime, my mouth is watering?

 
Between these events, there’s a talk by Aldetha Raymond of Little Foxes Farm in Seend at the Sports Club on Monday 7th May. “From Plot to Pot,” will inspire you to “bring out your forks, spades and gardening gloves,” and “after growing the next set of tools you will need are in the kitchen, to get the best out of your home-grown ingredients.” Aldetha teaches horticulture and small holding courses from Little Foxes Farm. At Bristol University’s Botanical Gardens she teaches biological sciences and is a full time lecturer in horticulture at Lackham College.

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Next day, there’s the Wadworth Brewery Tour…. with pie! Need I say more?
Wednesday and there’s a glass of fizz on arrival at the Bear, where wine expert and TV presenter, Joe Fattorini hosts a food and wine tasting evening, and shares his knowledge of wine.

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Friday you get the day off; have a Pot Noodle or something! Then Saturday is the free Grand Market, in none other than the Market Place; lots of stalls, street food & snacks, bars with singers, and various family entertainment from balloon modelling, face painting and, hopefully, the inimitable Human Fruit Machine!

 
Test your grub knowledge on Sunday with the Food & Drink Quiz at the Wharf Tearooms. How many eggs do you have to crack to make an omelette, that kinda thing I guess!

 
As of last year, Erlestoke Prison will hold a pop-up restaurant, possibly on the Tuesday but has yet to be announced fully. How about a three course dinner themed around John Preston’s book on the Jeremy Thorpe murder trial, “A Vey English Scandal?” That’s at Devizes Books on Wednesday 16th and is usually the first event to sell out.

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Vaughn’s Bistro takes us back to the 1940s on Wednesday 17th; War-time Devizes, when people were listening to the music of Glenn Miller, the town played an incredibly important role as the site of a German POW camp and the home of the Wiltshire regiment. In celebration of the sort of food being enjoyed at the time, even at the height of rationing, when eating locally and in season was the only option. It promises homemade bread, bacon pudding, corn-beef hash, steamed sponge pudding, and more. I think my Grandad was stuck in Tripoli with a tin of bully-beef those days, but hopefully you won’t get served that! Saying this, I don’t know what Bully-Beef tasted like but never liked to ask.

 
Right hold on now, I’m going to have finish this article after dinner, all sounds so good it’s making my stomach rumble! Oh, it’s only the finale to this awesome food and drink jamboree; Friday’s ‘Glitz and Glamour’ Cocktail Evening at the Town Hall Assembly Rooms. Come dressed to impress and expect fantastic cocktails and canapes, live music with singer-songwriter-pianist Archie Coombe, and a casino table entertainment.

 
Well, I’m stuffed just thinking about it, The Devizes Food & Drink Festival certainly put out the dishes this year and I reckon there’s something for everyone. Me, I’m happy with beans on toast!

 

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click here for more info, as if this isn’t enough greedy, oh, and to book too!

 

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Elvis has Left that Building, you know the one, in Lavington

Performed for the Queen and Royal Family on three separate occasions, Paul Larcombe could perform for you too, if you can make it to the Market Lavington Music & Comedy night on May 19th. Paul might as well be Elvis Presley, least it’s the best tribute you’re going to get of him in the UK.

 
Not sitting on his laurels with the weekend’s Stone Roses and Oasis tributes, Organiser Ted Osborn will be walking in Memphis, probably via The Muddle. Yeah tickets are a purple one, but Larcombe earned an official ranking in the world’s Top Ten Elvis Tribute Artists by Elvis Presley Enterprises, USA.

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The outright winner of the largest Elvis Contest held in Europe, he was also the first Elvis Tribute in the UK to reach the Final Ten in Elvis Presley Enterprises Official Ultimate Elvis Tribute Artist Contest Graceland, Memphis; which must be pretty breath-taking experience in itself, uh-huh? Imagine all those Elvis impersonators in one place, perhaps with one Buddy Holly at the wrong show!

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The guy has been on BBC1, ITV, GMTV, Good Morning America, ABC, CNN, and Sky News, in fact the only place he’s not been is The Market Lavington Community Hall, until now. He arrives in the building with full live band and backing singers; thank you, thank you very much Ted.

 

The evening is completed with support by  Laura Jayne, the stunning local young singer’s first time performing at the club.

Book here, or miss out and end up in Heartbreak Hotel.

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Swindon not Stirred; Ukrainian Olya and her Bond Girls

The name’s Worrow, Darren Worrow. Throwing spies on the news aside, let’s chat about the tribute act with a difference I’ve discovered, over a Martini, shaken not stirred.

 
Think of Ukrainians when mentioning fictional spy 007, Olga Kurylenko springs to mind for more reasons than one. Equally as gorgeous as The Quantum of Solace Bond girl, with one letter change and a voice of energetic range and dimension, Olya Lambourne now resides in Swindon and has formed Olya & The Bond Girls there.

 
They sing classic Bond themes with conviction, depth and an eloquent Eastern European accent. Yeah I know right, I was sceptical about the whole shebang, until I took advantage of their free downloadable EP and listened. Four tunes, the first a palpable version of Diamonds are Forever which at first you nod approval, apt for Olya’s enunciation. But the girls adapt the not so popular Bassey song, Moonraker and move onto Skyfall, a theme to prove a challenge to any singer, but Olga does it justice and leaves a lump in the throat.

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Olya

Keeping up to date, the final track is Sam Smith Writing’s on the Wall from Quantum of Solace which I hadn’t taken much notice of, until hearing Olya’s polished performance.

 
Now I’d have thought Goldfinger would’ve been appropriate for their repertoire, but I guess you’d have to catch them live for this. If nothing else, the download acts as a great sampler for the girls, looking out for bookings. They’ve played private functions, weddings and a plethora of events including the Old Town festival, Swindon PRIDE and Bristol’s Off-Beat, as well as clubs and pubs locally.

 
One evening Pilates instructor, the next singer, Olya Lambourne (previously Morozyuk) was born in Carpathian, a mountain region of Ukraine, where she realised at a young age music was her life. Frequenting her showcase around her local town, she was noted for her dynamic range and volume.

 
Now residing in Swindon, Olya formed Olya and the Bond Girls in 2016 with the help of local musician Roger Mepstead, two Polish and one Russian “Bond girl;” Agnieszka Wojcik, Monika Szczygiel and Karine Danielyan.

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Karine Danielyan

I asked if they sang songs other than Bond themes, Olya replied “at the moment it’s just Bond Themes,” but she continued to express a love of pop and a song she is working on called “Wicked Game.” Having asked this it’s irrelevant, as the Bond Themes suit her style to a T and would make a welcome addition to any variety or cabaret.

 

Download the EP and to book Olya and the Bond Girls, see here.

 

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A Funny Thing Happened on the way to The Wharf

Having just received news of the next production at the Wharf Theatre “A Funny Thing Happened on the way to the Forum,” I thought I’d share it with you guys, because I’m nice like that.

Described as a “raucous musical comedy,” it pays tribute to Roman playwright Plautus, with a vaudevillian delivery.

Set in Ancient Rome, the plot revolves around three neighbouring houses. Pseudolus schemes to win the heart of the beautiful virgin, Philia, for his young master Hero who, in return, has promised to grant him his freedom.

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However chaos ensues with puns, hair-brained schemes, cases of mistaken identity and the slamming of doors along with satirical comments on social class.
Ever since the original 1962 Broadway production won several Tony Awards, including Best Musical and Best Author, Forum has proved itself to be one of the funniest musicals ever written. As in the words of one of its most popular songs, there is truly ‘something for everyone – a comedy tonight!’

Tickets £12/£10 concessions can be purchased from: The Devizes Community Hub and Library, Sheep Street, Monday to Friday, 9am-5pm.The website Wharftheatre.co.uk. Or by ringing 03336 663 366.

To find out what else is on at the Wharf pick up a copy of the 2018 Spring Summer brochure from the Community Hub and Library and many other outlets around Devizes.

 

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Ya Freshness is Knockout

 

I could chew your ears off about why I adore jazz; the intricate patterns, the varied styles. I could lecture hours on rock; its everchanging trends, the power and emotion, connotations and evocative song writing. But I can wrap up why I love ska most in a nutshell; it’s the offbeat, that little bounce which forces you to your feet. It really is that simple, but its simplicity is its niche.

 

Knockout, the forthcoming album by Ya Freshness and the Big Boss Band exemplifies that simplicity, for it doesn’t come across in riddles, it doesn’t attempt to shove a philosophy down your throat, neither does it push boundaries and experiment with the genre, hardly. This album just does what the performer and band clearly relish; it blasts fun-loving, unadulterated ska, boss reggae and a sprinkling of rock steady at you with sublime panache and jollity.

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In that respect, the name Ya Freshness is the only conundrum, as freshness implies something new and modern, whereas the fashion here is strictly retrospective, but once the tempi sets in, who cares? Akin to the Opel Fruit challenge, I bet you can’t put this album on your player without dancing!

 

For me there’s nothing here to dislike; Ya Freshness puts Bristol on the ska map, if there is a ska map. From humble beginnings in Kingston, through to migrant Jamaicans influencing British youth of the sixties and seventies, its third generation’s map is global. There’s a few adroit nods to these developments in Knockout, but mostly it relates to traditional ska and English two-tone. Take the brisk track “Back in Town,” for example, which claims, “rude-boys are back in town, all you gotta do is put your ska-head on.” I’d like to tell Ya Freshness, that’s the head I’ve used as standard since ‘79, the others collect dust on a shelf!

 

Momentarily cast aside ska orchestras in Toyoko and Melbourne, the budding ska scene in Montreal, also pause considering ska is the root of reggae, and through this its humongous influence on pop, because through the development of Jamaica’s musical export, and despite its persuasions to progress melodiously, nothing beats a good old knees-up to the original ingredients of brass, up-tempo rhythms and choo-choo vocals; Knockout does this, with bells on.

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Vocally Ya Freshness has a relaxed chatty style, with excitement in his voice indicating he’s undoubtedly in his comfort zone. There’s a colossal eighteen tunes on offer, traditionally averaged at three minutes a piece. Rare for its tracks, the opening tune is rock steady, aptly titled thus.

 

The subsequent two tunes pure boss reggae, but its at the fourth tune where diversity sways; Rebell Yell thrashes a distinctly punk intro and swiftly switches to ska. There follows perhaps the most interesting tune; Ridim Fire is the exception to the aforementioned nonexperimental rule, it offers a governmental satirical stab, “they never tell you the truth anyway,” notes Johnny Rotten’s warning of Jimmy Saville, and to add to its anarchistic overtones, Ya Freshness virtually impersonates the Sex Pistol.

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Regime annotations end there though, and it’s back on with the fun. Ska Mouth is marvellously upbeat, making the perfect advertisement for the Great Yarmouth Ska Festival, introducing a cameo by Neville Staple indeed twitches your finger to “buy your ticket online.” Legendary trombonist Rico Rodriguez is also featured on this musical marathon.

 

No Skylarking continues the upbeat ska trend, probably my fav if I was forced to pick, it has echoes of both The Specials’ Gangsters and appropriately, Horace Andy’s Skylarking. Who Goes There rings justifiable self-praise, and Reggae Skins returns to boss reggae with a super homage to the skinheads.

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Welcome to my Ska World, does what it says on the tin, and four ska tunes play this marvellous album out, including with YaYaYa, a comical nod to European’s positive reactions to his music and finally Skin Deep, another nod to bluebeat, two-tone scooter culture, The Beat in particular and it polishes this ska holiday off agreeably.

 

31st of March sees the album launched at the Two-Tone Yard in Coventry and it’s due to be released shortly afterwards. The Crowdfunding campaign is still underway, so check them out and like the Ya Freshness Facebook page for more info. Ya Freshness is produced on Strictly Rockers Records, click here for info.

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Snow Joke Day

Moonrakers Comedy Club Returns with Steve Day

 

Still shivering into March then, what the blazers is going on? Seems now we’re leaving the EU we have proper English spring back. Oh, touchy subject; I know, snow joke. Loads of events have had to be cancelled, people still waiting in line for bread and milk. Akin to Ant McPartlin, this just isn’t funny anymore.

 
Now looks like Declan Donnelly will be having a set meal for one on Saturday Night Takeaway, the last of our worries as rumour abound the Beast from the East will metamorphize into a beastly Easter bunny. Still not laughing? I know, comedy isn’t my stronger subject at the best of times, let alone the storm from hell; call in the cavalry Martin Brown.

 
Really though, I may write but it takes some bollocks to do stand-up. Well, I could do the standing up bit; odd name for it really, when the standing up bit is the easiest. My bag of nerves is big, like one of those bags building materials arrive in, I’d hear less laughs from the audience then Steve Day, and he’s Britain’s only deaf comedian, or that’s what he claims, adding “if there are any others I haven’t heard.”

 

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It’s funny we should mention Mr Martin Brown, as his Moonraker’s Comedy Club was one event which had to be cancelled in March, but far funnier to announce it’s back down the Cellar Bar on the 5th April, with Sutton Coldfield’s Steve Day headlining, the very same.

 
A finalist in the Daily Telegraph “Open Mic Award in 2000,” and a finalist in the Hackney Empire New Act of the Year in 2002, Day writes a popular blog and several BBC Radio 4 shows. A familiar voice there, appearing on “You and Yours,” “All Fingers and Thumbs” with Bill Nighy, whom he punched dramatically, and “Sound Barriers,” with Patricia Routledge and Caroline Quentin, both of whom he was prevented from punching.

 

With a plethora of solo shows at the Edinburgh Festival Fringe, Steve also performed as part of “Abnormally Funny People,” with Steve Best, Liz Carr, Tanyalee Davis, Chris McCausland and Simon Minty, and more recently creating a promotional video for the Disability Rights Commission. Married with five children, a fact he tells has nothing to do with not being able to hear the word “No,” Steve Day is sure to tickle your funny-bone; heaven knows we need a good laugh.

 

Opening for him is one liner and pun spinner, Rob Coleman. Noted as ranging from dark to plain ridiculous, he’s self-accredited with the one of the finest heads of hair on the UK comedy circuit.

 
And compering is Ed Pownall, who after testing material in the brutal cauldron of The Comedy Store’s Gong Show in 2014, is now a professional act and has played gigs all over the UK. Tickets are a tenner from The Bear Hotel, Devizes Books, The British Lion, The Vaults, and online at We Got Tickets.

 
Always a cracking night, I’m convinced this will see spring in; hoping if you wet your pants with laughter they won’t freeze on the way home. Is this what they call a yellow weather warning?

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The Space Between Mitch Underwood and I

I never understand some people who dedicate themselves to one particular musical genre, especially a single artist or group. I respect their loyalty, it’s personal preference, I remain eclectic. Provided the music is raw, inspiring or just darn loud, I’m usually in.

 
There are some genres I favour over others though, but always there’s exceptions to the rule. In fact it’d be easier to tell you the ones I usually steer away from rather than the ones I like. I say I’ve never been one for easy listening, but to hear the echoing vocals Frank Sinatra or the charm of Perry Como’s Magic Moments, I go all tingly.

 
Similarly with heavy metal, although I’m an aficionado of rock, in awe of Hendrix, moved by Zeppelin and shivery at Jim Morrison, I even confess to a spate of soft metal when popular in the eighties, oh Heart, how will I get them alone?

 
I don’t know, I say this because I’ve no desire to wear a black t-shirt with some band logo of death and suffering depicted on it, to be outcast from classmates by slouching alone in a corner whimpering about Anthrax. I’ve never even made Satan finger signage, save when playing the ready salted Hula-Hoops game. However, when Motorhead blast out The Ace of Spades my predilections burn in hell and I can’t help but rock out like I’m Ozzy reliving his misspent youth.

 

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That said, am I hunting for some pathetic reason not to like Devizes guitarist Mitch Underwood’s album “The Space Between,” simply because “heavy metal” isn’t really my cup of tea? Mitch tells me he’s been in and out of bands in the past, who’ve played clubs and venues over the UK and Europe. “Burnthru, my last band, gigged almost constantly throughout the UK,” he explained, “playing a host of venues and festivals, supporting such bands as Grim Reaper, Breed 77 and Diamond Head.” I’m out of my comfort zone here, admittedly not heard of them.

 
We discussed eclecticism and our differences calmly, “I’m the same in some respects,” Mitch told me, “as it’s easier to say what I don’t like. I used to be very close minded when I was fifteen, but as I’ve gotten older I’ve opened up to lots of music that possibly wouldn’t of years ago.” Although he wouldn’t “open” up to rave music, I confirmed it’s okay, you had to have been there at the time, we did agree with jazz; Mitch considered if he had the time to learn it, he’d consider it.

 
But bands aside, and jazz way off on another moon, Mitch likes his singly energies. “Instrumental guitar music is my focus now and my debut album ‘The Space Between’ is out now.” Yep, that’s what we’re reviewing here today, for they really are quality pieces of guitar solo. Mitch is a very accomplished guitarist; damn my pigeonholing The Space Between is growing on me!

 

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“Too Many Worlds” takes no prisoners, the fast and furious opening track booms. “All Bark and no Bite” continues the ethos, substantial slid guitar rocks the rhythm; Mitch sure has mind-blowing skills. These are the ideal air guitar tunes, I couldn’t keep up with a tennis racket.

 
Like film-scoring, three tunes in and “Pearl” mellows, bringing the subtle calming ambience like the dramatic end of an eighties John Hughes movie; you’ll find love again Molly Ringwald, call me.

 
Then it’s back off again, rocking steady, “What Remains,” plods nicely, while “Danger De Mort,” develops even more depth, with an ominous riff. Unsure what the initials NRP stand for, but this tune returns us to mellow, prior to rocking out again with the title track and Burn.

 
There are elements here which make me plead for some vocals, the breezy tune Soldier an example; you do yearn for a brazen rock chick in Daisy-Dukes to holler from an Arizonian mountain, and I can’t deny, it’s all that’s missing; Mitch would breathe life into any rock band. Then a tune like “Gigi” comes along, simplistic by comparison with the others and it just works as it is; a beautiful melody generates smooth overtones. There, my “heavy metal,” classification has been utterly demolished; this is mood music for the soul.

 
There’s another two tunes on offer here to finish us off, they both blend the dividing factions of Mitch’s style; the rapid thriving thrashes of brilliance which make ultimate driving tunes and this more delicate and considerate style alluring nonchalant riffs. Put this CD on and drive, dude!

 

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CD available from: mitchunderwoodmusic.com

No Surprises Living in Devizes: Deliberations and Publications

I admit, I’m having deliberations about the future of my No Surprises Living in Devizes column upon this, it’s second birthday. How much is there really to whinge about in Devizes, haven’t we got it fairly nice after all said and done?

 
Sometimes then I swerve off on a tangent, I comment on worldwide issues, which I think, being all eyes are set on our nearest city, there’s a tenacious link; though the whole thing’s beyond satire and is now just plain petrifying.

 
Yes toxic gases worry me, the major concern being the toxic gas coming out of Theresa May’s gapping bullshit dispenser she calls a mouth. When she is all over and done with fucking up this once proud nation and, just like Thatcher, doctors diagnose dementia, which she’s had for some years, don’t say I didn’t tell you so.

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Like a little yappy Terrier in cute pink doggie-coat picking on a Rottweiler, this scrap with Russia has two possible scenarios; one that we get all get nuked, the second we finally see the light that this current government has abandoned this country in favour for multinationals lining their purses, as opposed to “building the better Britain,” they vomited at the time; you gullible idiots. Here’s hoping for the latter.

 
If Salisbury’s to be the epicentre, Devizes is wiped off the map; what time is Lidl opening Sunday? Tia.

 
The point of arguing over free school meals if we’re all dead? You tell me, still we head on into a situation akin to events which started The Great War, on a fucking whim. It pales Blair’s acts of a whim by comparison. This is the big one folks yay; Queen and country, over the top lads, what-o; it’s a long way to Tipperary.

 
Media tell us the world, the UN and every Tom, Dickhead and Harry from the EU are with us, but I fail to see that’s fact; we’ve hardly been uniting Europe recently, ha-ha. Our nearest neighbours France said, hold on, let’s gather at least one scrap of evidence prior to moving into battle.

 
Whereas the only man to question the gung-ho attitude of the Tory party is held up as a Russian sympathiser and mocked on Newsnight, a supposedly unbiased show from media we all pay into by law; how utterly pathetic BBC; I liked Red Dwarf, but this is comical tragedy. Even Have I got News For You would’ve stopped to consider this gag, and they’re intentionally satirical. Stop this damn unamusing propaganda and get real for a minute; Putin is not Stan Laurel.

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That’s it, I’ve said my rant this week; don’t why I doubted myself at the beginning; that is to say, I think No Surprises has lost its way slightly. Over the year I questioned the very nature of it, after the wonky snap election where we went hammer and tongs, I mellowed it. We’ve had some amazing guests though, who I thank for being such good sports, particularly Claire Perry.

 
It was Jemma Brown who suggested on a Facebook post, where I asked for suggestions for subjects, that I covered all the great events happening in Devizes, and this in turn led to the development of Devizine. In the episode “Hashtag the Town,” I said, “we need a central what’s-on guide, not distributed across a zillion feuding Facebook pages.” And again in the episode “Musical Madness,” where, after covering upcoming events, I wailed, “What am I, some kind of human event calendar now?” So blame Jemma, not me! Now Devizine does the what’s-on bit, there’s only one way forward for No Surprises and that’s untainted, opinionated ranting; problem with that?

 
So it only leaves me to conclude with a whopping gurt plug, cos just as last year, it’s time to reveal the compilation where you can find all my whinges you’ve already read online for fuck-all, in one big, nightmare manuscript. Yeah! Just two quid will keep you wound up for eons, till the next nuclear war at the very least. Unless of course this is all a smokescreen to bodge out a super-hard Brexit while we worry about death and silly matters like that.

 
It’s only out as an eBook at the moment: download it off Amazon, for Kindle or the free kindle app on your devise, here. Alternatively, other formats and options are here at Smashwords; who will distribute it to iTunes and Kobo etc through the following weeks….at least until they discover how shit it is!
Thanks, enjoy and long live No Surprises; god bless you all.

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7th July; Save the (hic!) Date….for Beer

Beer; yep, like that. Festival; like that too. Devizes; ah, it be alright. 7th July 2018; save date, but be warned, buy advance tickets for The Devizes Beer Festival at the Wharf, it’s more organised these days, I think, and more popular, still plenty of beer though I hope. When are tickets available? Full of valid questions today aren’t you? Chill out and have a beer dude.

 

This is Devizes CAMRA we’re talking about, the campaign for real ale. Answer: right after the Seend Beer Festival, obviously. Seems the guys at CAMRA’s body clocks operate according to beer festivals, and why not? It’s what they’re good at. Seend’s Beer Festival is on 5th May, just so you know and tickets for this are available from the CAMRA website now.

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I’ll be honest here, as always, I don’t know what else to say. I could bore you silly with a personal anecdote of a Devizes Beer Festival of yore, but such tales are vague and second-hand. Apparently neighbours were unimpressed when, after rolling down Dunkirk Hill on Shank’s pony, empty souvenir beer mug in hand, I serenaded my love from below the window; don’t believe a word of it.

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So despite it always being an overwhelming day, information on the Devizes Beer Festival is ambiguous at the best of times; they usually have live music, they normally have a massive selection of locally sourced beers, ciders and ales. Perhaps I’ll update this if and when more information is released, but, there’s beer; what else do you need to know?

One thing which sprung to light via a Facebook post by CAMRA organiser Don Jones, who must be said has an uncanny resemblance to Windy Miller. It seems previous years has seen people smuggling their own drinks into the festival and this is simply not cricket.   “We used to turn a blind eye to the odd person in a group of ticket holders but the situation has got out of hand,” Don explained, even having gate-crashers setting up a gazebo last year and drinking cans of lager.

“Ticket holders have paid for the entertainment whilst they’d contributed SFA,” Don continued. Now I know how it goes after a bevy or three, rules tend to flake. I confess, I do recall retaining my glass while nipping to the loo across no-man’s land, (the sprint across the alcohol-free zone car park to the public bogs,) when the law was to leave your mug on a table provided, but my rebellious nature stopped at the urinal! Besides there’s a sense of irony in having the alcohol-free zone in a town built on beer production, let alone allowing a beer festival, surely?

Still, there’s going for a piss and then there’s taking the piss. Please respect the wishes of CAMRA, who make huge efforts to put this event on, and only drink beer bought at the beer festival; that’s the whole flipping idea of it for crying out loud into a tankard.

“This year we’re planning to beef up the security and not allow anyone at all to consume any alcohol on site that wasn’t bought at the festival,” Don finished, probably not as fast as he downs a half of Devitera, “We’ll make sure wine or something is available for those who want to accompany beer drinkers and are happy to contribute to the costs. This might sound draconian,” (sounds reasonable to me Don) “but things have been getting out of hand and we have to sort it out now.”

For more information on CAMRA and the Beer Festivals please contact them direct, rather than commenting here, I know nothing more and besides, my beer is getting warm.

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Swindon Skanx a Blast From the Past

Being a teenager in the 90s meant you were likely to succumb to electronic music, or else you were outcasted to “indie kid.” Rave swept up masses, electronic music had come of age, shaken off hit factories which crucified the creative early 80s and commercialised it into one neat “Now” double-album.

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Living in Swindon rave promoters Extos was tribal; teeth-chattering teens wrapped in blankets in the carpark of Hardings nightclub awaiting word-of-mouth directions to an illegal party. Underground music would never be the same, bands didn’t matter; it was DJ culture. Listening to bands antiquated, ravers didn’t respond to “indie,” after Britpop watered-down Madchester.

 
I’d have been drawing a comic strip for a local zine called De-Railer, which combined Swindon’s traditional band scene with upcoming rave culture, so I wasn’t adverse to throwing “ravers” caution to wind and attending a few gigs in 92.

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One local band who shoved the contemporary aside I’d follow, reminiscent of the two-tone ska period. The Skanxters relived those carefree childhood memories of baggy trousers, dirty shirts, of skinheads hanging around playgrounds, fat bald singers with huge tongues and a day prior to electronica. But now, some twenty-eight years later, Saturday night at the Vic was time for those devotes of the Skanxters to reminisce, about the band who revived two-tone in 1990.

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Of recent surge in merged mod/two-tone/northern soul I chatted to Steve Powell about this time last year, booked by the Devizes Scooter Club under the Killertones banner. Excited to hear of a Swindon ska band I was keen to ask him if he remembered The Skanxters. “Yeah,” he mumbled, “playing at the Vic next week ain’t they?”

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Aghast at this revelation and in disbelief I responded, “no, they broke up, eons ago.” It was fact, a night at Level III in 98 when my posse were excited to be invited to the bands afterparty, only to find frustrated musicians in a house in Old Town, deciding the setup was through. But Steve reassured me twas true, they had a reunion gig. I spotted it online, liked their page, dug out their CD “Call it a Crime,” and made it concrete if it happened again by hook or by crook I had to make it to Swindon.

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This Saturday it did, so despite many gigs around Devizes I could’ve checked out I found myself wandering through that dirty Old Town, eternally the hive of Swindon’s nightlife. Although areas of Swindon have changed so much I’d get lost, Old Town relics yore, aside a few façade changes, there’s more flashy bars and restaurants sprung up, there it was, like a beacon of all that is champion about music in Swindon, The Vic.

 
Traditional town pub, The Vic plays host to bands nearly every night, it’s lively, rough and ready. In the pit below the band’s old PA/sound man Preston Steel DJs boss reggae and rocksteady as the varied crowd gather; curious youngsters and the old ska boys of Swindon, anticipating a tsunami of fond memories to wash over them. Prior to the band bursting onstage Doc Martins are moonstomping and Herrington jackets are placed on chairs.

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I caught up with the keyboardist Erin Bardwell, and chewed the fat about old times, about getting back together sporadically for gigs. Erin was never static behind the keys, akin to Tow-Tone’s Jerry Lee Lewis, he bobbed up and down, harmonised vocals and gave it all he had. Much the same, he did just that, telling me aside his newer projects, experimental dub outfit Subject A, and rocksteady fashioned, The Erin Bardwell Collective (who are booked for the Devizes Scooter Rally next summer,) he still loved playing the two-tone catalogue of the Skanxters of yore, musical differences which may have drawn the band apart back then have reunited them.

 
And what a reunion it was, lead Carl, now of the NoMarks, a little larger around the waist, and a few expected wrinkles from band members, but blasting out the sounds of their very beginnings; Mr Hate Me, Ska Beat and the legendary floor-filler King Arthur, they covered Woolly Bully and Pressure Drop with ease, and bought back a forgotten memory with their customary up-tempo ska cover of Clapton’s Wonderful Tonight.

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There wasn’t the lengthy rambling of a Springsteen show, but short sweet introductions and memories sparked songs, hoisting Erin’s mum on stage and Carl’s banter between the musicians gave the show wit. “Funny to think that back in 1990,” Erin states, “when myself, Marc (drums) and Carl (vocals) were 16, and practicing up at Groundwell Farm, that all these years later in 2018 we could rack up in a rehearsal room and still bash out the old tunes.”

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Erin continues with the fable, “Vinny Hill soon joined on bass (who I had gone to same school with but didn’t know him at the time), followed by Rowena on sax. Then another face from my old school, Jase Hill, came into it early 1991, on guitar. Sax player Nina came into the band in 1993; what a great thing that we can all still meet up and do occasional gigs together, have a good laugh, brush the old cobwebs off, and blast through the songs, and people actually want to come and watch us!”

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When the crowds bawled for encore, and I’ll Never Know, the amusing classic inspired by Erin’s failure to keep a bike for more than a few weeks before being thieved, polished off the night, it was crystal Swindonites did indeed want to come and watch; as they did the 90s. What a blinder!

 

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Devizes Arts Festival Line-up Announced

Well blow me down and call me Arthur Scargill if it ain’t true; the Devizes Arts Festival’s recently announced line-up looks superb, with one major flaw.

 
But let’s start with the good news. Toyah and her Full Electric Band and the Corn Exchange on 16th tipped to shine musically, while The Chaser, Paul Sinha doing a comedy show is perhaps the most intriguing.

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Organist at Eton College, David Goode is doing an organ recital at St Johns on the 2nd, perhaps more Latino and lively for that day though is at the Corn Exchange where Son Yambu play authentic Cuban-Son, the intoxicating fusion of Spanish and African rhythms that gave rise to salsa.

 
It’s good to see the festival prompting some local acts, such as singer-songwriter Laura Greaves at the Black Swan for a free fringe event on the 3rd June. Devizes Books also hosts some poetry same day with Jemima Foxtrot, a writer, performer, musician and theatre-maker who blends powerful, sonic-heavy words with snippets of song in her distinctive voice. Or you could take a historical festival walk across the training ground of Salisbury Plain.

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Eyes are on the Cellar bar that evening when the intelligent posh boy humour of Andrew Watts takes stage for a free fringe event, or the Corn Exchange with solo percussionist Evelyn Glennie.

 
The following Monday evening, 4th June The Bath Bach Choir perform at St Marys, while Tuesday lunchtime its over at St Andrews for a recital with Olivia Gomez and Ben Pinnow. The Town Hall though sees something interesting for the computer geeks and historians alike, as Dr Mark Baldwin lectures about the Story of the Enigma machine and the codebreakers.

 
Awarding winning biographer Victoria Glendinning at The Bear on Wednesday, and there’s New Orleans Jazz with Doolally Tap at the Merchants Suite. Elias String Quartet on Thursday at Town Hall, a Dickens-themed afternoon tea with Lucinda Hawksley, a double bill of soul sessions with Apphia Campbell paying tribute to her father and inspiration, Nina Simone.

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Southbroom School seem to host the only children’s event listed on the 9th, when Explorer Dome’s pop-up planetarium explores the universe, and a C.S.I. styled Crime Scene Improvisation at The Merchants Suite wraps up Saturday.

 
Sunday has free fringe music at the Three Crowns with a roots, rattle & roll trio from Hampshire, The Mantic Muddlers. While actors Robert Powell and Liza Goddard present A Passionate Life which celebrates the extraordinary life and times of the composer Claude Debussy at the Town Hall.

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If Robin Maynard is “an experienced communicator and campaigner on a broad range of environmental issues, an articulate and proven public speaker, writer and broadcaster,” then perhaps he could have devised a snappier title of this event, “Café Sci : The Seven Deadly Things we’re doing to trash the planet – & the one nobody wants to talk about… Human Population,” although it sounds apt. Meanwhile the Palace offer a matinee movie, Brief Encounter.

 
Posting Letters To The Moon at the Town Hall on the Tuesday is a recount of life during the early 1940s with readings of wartime letters between actress Celia Johnson, Oscar nominated for ‘Brief Encounter’ and her explorer and writer husband Peter Fleming, brother of James Bond creator Ian Fleming.

 
Thursday 14th June sees the Merchant Suite host the show Lovehard: Murdered By Murder, while St Mary’s has the Embassy Brass Quintet.

 
Friday it’s all jazz-hands with Sarah Jane Morris and Antonio Forcion at the Town Hall, flowing into Saturday 16th when The Gaulois Brothers play Gypsy Jazz at Pizza Express and Sunday there’s a free fringe event at the Merchant’s Suite with the Flamenco Thief, Craig Sutton. And the festival finishes with the traditional Devizes Film Festival, also a free fringe event.

 
It all sounds varied and there’s something to interest everyone, but who ordered the spanner in the works, and even gave them top billing? Senior homophobic, racist Tory scumbag Ann Widdecombe is intending to grace our town, and steal sixteen quid, plus book signing fees from punters willing to endure her dribble defined by the Devizes Arts Festival as “engaging, entertaining and refreshingly down to earth.”

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I’m sorry to the organisers but this needs to be said; when, why, what in the heavens bought you to decide that this was even entertainment, let alone “arts?” Are we expecting an amusing anecdote about how she submitted a mileage claim for a 50-mile journey for a member of her staff to attend a funeral, or perhaps how she wangled a hundred and forty quid expenses for a pair of glasses for one of her assistants? I want to hear the ever-witty tale of her claims of £522, for newspaper cuttings; can’t she do her own vain scrapbook?

 
I’d like to hear that funny gag, you know the one, how she voted against gay rights on every count, or how she opted to shackle pregnant prisoners in labour. Why Devizes Arts Festival, would you book a politician with such a formidable track record, who makes Claire Perry look like Ramsay MacDonald, to an Arts Festival? Still, the rest looks fab!

 

 

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The Bell is on the Green again

Flipperdy-fuckeredly I can’t be forty-five, that can’t be right; doesn’t even sound right. Still, being as it was my birthday I felt obliged to pop out on a school night yesterday and it would’ve been rude not to check out the reopening of the Bell on the Green in old Devizes town; older than me I hasten to add.

 
Forget my archaic whinges, I like a pub to be a pub, traditional, wooden and authentic. The Bell on the Green has had more than a lick of paint, it’s positively transformed, maybe not to my cup of tea, but I have to hand it to them, it’s certainly spruced up the place and seeks to be an anchorage for twenty-somethings; a clientele prone to spending more than me, being ancient now half a shandy and I’m anyone’s, (actually that’s a tiny fib, no lonely emails please!)

 
The Bell on the Green has been suitably transformed to sports bar, with great enthusiasm to the punters, Wadworth have pulled it out of the bag and provided Devizes youth and sports fans with something they can treasure.

 

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It was bustling in there from an early hour, adorned in contemporary chic décor, shiny new pool table and plasmas and even a foot-pool pitch out back, The opening of the Bell on the Green was lively and exhilarating. The fantastic People Like Us took time to tune but never failed to bring the house down with their unique take on popular covers; you can’t help but love them.

 
I wish them all the best, intend to park up my Zimmer-frame and drop in again soon, for it truly is a valuable asset to our fine collection of public houses, and in such a prime location; long may it live!

 

The Return of Massimo

Down in a basement beneath the 16th century buildings of Old Swan Yard in the heart of Devizes, used to lie a little but delightful taste of Italy.

Known as Franco’s Ristorante, for over twenty-seven years it was a renowned haven of quality Italian food and drink; locally the prime romantic location, from first date to wedding anniversary, I’d wager many a relationship started, blossomed or rekindled at those authentically Mediterranean tables.

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However, last time the wife and I endeavoured to re-enact our first date, disappointment was all we found after descending those steps to Francos. Although the staff were still friendly, there was an underlying desperation in their tone, echoing through the vacant dank cellar. The food didn’t live up to its prior reputation, the atmosphere misplaced, but with price-tag the same, we felt gloomy and a tad ripped off.

Turned out its kingpin, head chef Massimo Pipitone had left. But now he’s returned, and he’s not messing around. With wife Shanai they’ve signed the lease, reopened it as Massimos, and word on the street is that it’s back to its former glory, if not better.

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Dedicated to fulfilling a dream to own his own restaurant, Sicilian born Massimo repairs the broken repute by reintroducing the dishes he created at Francos, based on authentic recipes he’d have eaten back in Sicily. I’d be crazy not to try it again.

First impressions last, particularly in restaurants; I crave the anticipation of a good meal upon entering a premises. With Asian restaurants it’s the manners and warm hospitality, opening the door to a good English pub to hear the sounds of clinking glasses and jollity, but with Italian it has to be the fresh aroma of basil, garlic and red wine escaping from the kitchen. From the very moment of swinging that heavy black door to Massimo’s it’s noticeable, the musky smell replaced with said wonderful fragrances; just as it should be.

It’s busy, on a Thursday, but with a fond smile we are seated. A quick Facebook message confirmed our table and the welcoming was warm. Massimo’s is charmingly diminutive, booking is advisable. We chatted prior to being seated, Shania enthusiastic about the relaunch and positive about the feedback thus far.

Immediately it feels as if nothing has changed, like the last few months was just a nightmare. The traditional decor remains, but a tidy-up and fresh aromas breathe new life into this wonderful haven. The wine list caters for all tastes and wallets, the menu invites, be it a pasta dish or pizza, or full Italian courses from antipasti to an attractive selection of Dolce or Caffè.

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With tomato and red onion salad, I ordered my longstanding favourite, lasagna, which sizzled at me from its dish and coiling the strings of mozzarella, it tasted sublime. Meanwhile the pizza of kings arrived at the other side of the table which couldn’t be finished along the side-order of sweet potato fries; I had to take a bite purely from the scent of that freshly baked dough.

Throughout the meal we were catered for with warmth, with no stone left unturned to insure the experience was everything we dreamed and that we were contented. Darn right we were; fantastico!

Massimo and Shanai are proudly declaring all dietary requirements are catered for; vegetarian, gluten-free, and a kid’s menu has been added. There’s now a takeaway service and talk of Massimo creating his own burger.

If you can get booked in Sunday, take your Mum for the set Mother’s Day menu, (see event here,) if not, be sure to try it out asap; you’ll not be disappointed.

Massimo’s Facebook page:

 

No Surprises Living in Devizes Pruning or Putin?

Somewhere in the job description of “spy” must be the fortuitous clause that someone might try knock you off; James Bond lived for it. I reckon such occurrences as which happened in Salisbury are best left to intelligence bureaus, not local Bobby, and especially not blubbering buffoon Boris who hardly defines the term “intelligence.” Still he pursues revenge on accused Russia with that trigger-happy psychopathic President giggling at him.

 
How does he suggest we retaliate? Boycott the World Cup; that’ll show ‘em. Oh my years, at least give us a chance to fail the group stages Boris, or you’ll have patriotic football nutters cursing your name and giving it, “this was the year we could’ve won too!” Good, you go for it Boris.

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As the eyes of the world stage rest upon our nearest city, makes one wonder that living in our humble little town isn’t so bad; the only thing fuelling our bleats is the mass clearing of trees and vegetation from the banks around the pounds of the Caen Hill Flight, which contractors of the Canal River Trust were instructed to undergo this week.

 
Mind you, they’ve certainly swept the place to the point it now resembles the Suez Canal running through the Sahara. Has Putin dropped the big one on lock 23? Chris Greenwood asked bods of The Devizes Debate Facebook page if, “this the correct time of year for such a drastic measure to be taken, regarding wildlife habitat?” and so became a plethora of sad and sorrow-filled comments.

 
Chris himself took to stating, “To completely remove a huge tranche of cover like this is little short of vandalism.”

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Was this necessary, I asked, I mean to remove everything, and why? I messaged the Kennet & Avon Construction team. They replied, no they really did. They said, “we are booked in to repair the bank in this location [the offside bank between locks 23 and 24.] The water in this pound is overtopping and we have been tasked to raise the bank to prevent the water washing out over the footpath.”

 
So there we have it, I responded with another question; “So in order to do this it needs to be stripped of all the bramble and trees first?” wondering if perhaps they could work around the odd tree or two. Obviously our conversation ended there, that is after all, what they were told to do.

 
Or were they? Waterways Manager, Mark Evans emailed me thus: “I appreciate that any work we do around vegetation management causes concerns and I can assure you we are doing everything we can to manage our estate in the best possible way for all to use, whether you are enjoying the towpath as a walker or cyclist, enjoying the water as a boater or taking in the wildlife.”

 
“Canal & River Trust is passionate about protecting both the built and natural heritage of our canals. What makes the canals so special is that these two aspects can complement each other. However there has to be a balance to ensure both are adequately protected. Our heritage advisers and ecologists always work together on managing the projects and maintenance programmes, we have very robust processes to ensure there is proper consultation between all the professionals involved.”

 
“The Caen Hill Flight of locks is an outstanding engineering achievement and one of the Modern Waterway Wonders of the World. It is over two hundred years old and designated as a scheduled monument which is the highest class of heritage protection in the UK. This gives it legal protection and also places an obligation on us to maintain and repair the site appropriately. All work within the scheduled monument including tree felling requires approval from Historic England.”

 
“Historically there were no trees around the side ponds or locks – the old photos show it completely clear of large vegetation. One of the spectacular attractions of the site was being able to look up from Marsh Bridge at Lock 28 or down from the lock cottage at lock 44 and see the whole flight in all its glory. However, since the restoration sapling growth has not been adequately controlled, resulting now in some substantial groups of trees. These are threatening the monument in several ways. Firstly, they obstruct the wonderful long views of the locks and side ponds. Secondly tree roots near the locks have penetrated their approach walls causing severe damage to the masonry. Thirdly tree growth along the spine road embankments is so dense in places that it is destroying the shape of the side ponds.”

 
“The recent tree felling does appear rather drastic but this is only because they had been allowed to get so dense in recent years. In fact we are just returning the site to a properly balanced state where both the structures and the environment can work in harmony for a sustainable future. We want people to be able to go on visiting and enjoying the Caen Flight for the next two hundred years.”

 

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Kennet & Avon Canal, yesterday

 
Oh I don’t know, maybe we had to be brutal to be kind here. But two things about this longwinded response don’t add up; historically the canal was a working artery, purely functional, whereas today it’s a leisurely pursuit and a tourist attraction, which surely needs to be aesthetic as well as functional. Despite the amazing feat of engineering involved in this “Modern Waterway Wonder of the World,” I think some wildlife and vegetation kind of suits the place. To return it to its original use would mean, by today’s standards, we tarmac the darn thing and allow McDonalds and Little Chef’s to sprig up rather than bramble, bunnies and kingfishers.

 
The other issue I have with the response is that nowhere in it does it explain about the repair to the pound’s bank. They’re not singing with the same song-sheet, leading me to think Putin maybe in charge of communication; “could you clear a few trees from the banks of the Canal please?”

 
Putin rubs his hands together, “What’s that you say? Trump has a longboat moored there? Okay, I will see to it.”

 

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Honestly, I feel something has gone amiss here, it’ll take decades for the wildlife to recover. I expected Art Garfunkel to be singing “Bright Eyes” on the edge of the towpath, not forgoing anything about the effect on the wildlife residing there, like I asked; seems it’s their property and people come see it for the awesome feat of engineering rather than it’s simply “a nice country walk.” You, the user decide.

Planks for the Delivery!

 

Wrap up warm, try the fun new maze on Devizine, and you could be a milkman too!

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Click here and be like Doris!

 

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Urban Lions Help The Barge

 

The Urban Lions of Lionheart Records, a touring band and sound system currently rising up through the underground UK roots and dub scene, have joined forces with Malfunktion Soundsystem, Earth’s Radicals and The Barge Co-operative, to bring us an evening of music, fun and frolics, in order to raise funds for The Barge at Honey-Street.

 

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Urban Lions are firing up the dance with headline sets at festivals and venues all over the UK and overseas with a feisty fusion of bashment roots, dub, ska, dancehall, funk, rocksteady beats, filthy horns, skanking rhythms and conscious rhymes. They’ve secured a record deal with Amsterdam based label ‘Earth Works Records’ and released their debut live EP, “Urban Lions In Amsterdam.”

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I’m sure you’re familiar with The Barge Inn, Honey-Street, and know it’s history. Made famous by the international crop circle community, the bands that have played there, the campsite’s mini festival vibe, the canal dwelling boating and music loving communities, The Barge Inn was a very special venue in a truly magical setting in the heart of the Pewsey Vale and became a unique imprint in the culture of Wiltshire and beyond.

 

People came from all over the world to experience the magical vale vibe, to dance to the bands, to sample the beer, to camp in the field and tell stories around the fire pit. But the Barge is under threat. The current owners have closed the pub and are selling it on.

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The Barge Co-Operative now have the option to buy the pub, but first they need to raise enough funds for a survey and legal fees to assess whether it’s feasible to do so.

 

So the Urban Lions and collective are to put a gig  on at the Bouverie Hall, Pewsey, on 31st March; doors open at 6pm, with a minimum fiver donation on the door. There will be live music from them, and the Boothill Allstars, Tripolar, the Malfunktion Sound System and the Earth’s Radicals.

Info here: https://www.facebook.com/events/180111689266399/

http://www.urbanlions.co.uk/

 

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Help DOCA Ignite the Night and Let it Shine

What does DOCA mean to you? Talking backpacks and singing maps, Swipper no swiping?

 
No, that’s Dora, idiot! The Devizes Outdoor Celebratory Arts is a whole lot of good, with a sprinkling of bad. Bad only in letting locals know they need their help, which says to me they’d earnestly rather not, they’d rather just do what they can to provide us with free entertainment to the best of their ability; a street festival, the carnival, oh yeah, plus the Christmas light switch on and lantern parade. But with the cutting of arts funds, we owe it to them to give a little back, if you want it.

 

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The most original and curious of these has to be August’s Confetti Battle, it’s archetypally Devizes; you know it, I reckon you’ve been at least once. Each year, thousands crowd the Devizes Market Place for an hour of complete madness at the Confetti Battle; it’s bonkers with full-beam headlights.

 
Last year was one of the best attendances in many years; everyone had a ball, but there was a lack of funding for fireworks and they were unable to give the battle the customary finale.

 

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The 2017 Confetti Battle. Image used with Permission from Gail Foster

Bods gathered at their online devises, as they do, to whinge and complain about the lack of fireworks on Facebook groups. DOCA responded with the statement, “we know a few of you were disappointed as there were no fireworks, so how about helping us to bring them back this year?”

 
They’re asking for donations, anything you can offer in order to stage a spectacular firework display. There are collection boxes, at The Vaults, Tundra Jewellers and Luna For You. Alternatively, here’s a link to donate online; just click it dude/dudette!

 
I’m not about to fib, and I’ll put it in a way DOCA probably wouldn’t, but the online stats looks rather awful; just 9% raised last look and only twenty-seven days remaining on the campaign. 150 notes is going to provide everyone with a sparkler, and yes, I know the majority attending are young families, probably the worst affected by this financial slump, but what if you consider yourself past all that? Surely you a recall a time when you did go, and you did have fun? Maybe you’d like to continue the magic for the next generation?

 

 

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Yeah okay, that’s the Christmas Lantern Parade fireworks, but that’s cos there wasn’t any at Confetti Battle was there, huh?

It’s a classic conundrum; if everyone gave a couple of pounds….. it could ignite the light and let it shine. Just think, you’d own the night better than Katie Perry; ’cause baby if you want a firework, show DOCA what you’re worth, and if you can, make ’em go “oh, oh, oh!” I’m sure they’d like that.

 
If not, don’t go whinging on Facebook about not having fireworks at the Confetti Battle, just stay at home and watch Dora the Explorer and Boots have more fun than you!

 

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Outlaws and their Orchestras at Devizes CMC

I know, you try to blot out the insane blethering which is No Surprises Living in Devizes; I don’t blame you. I would too, but being as I write the damn column, it’s not so easy for me to forget them. So I guess when I say, “hey remember that one when…blah, blah, blah,” you guys sarcastically reply under your breath, “yeah right, course I do…..”

 
I’m not going to nuisance your sarcasm impulse this time, only to say there was one week where I ventured to the Conservative Club to meet Dean during his Devizes Country Music Club night, believe me it’s true.

 
I carried a bag of preconceived ideas about what to expect upon arrival, about what Country Music is and how it rolls. Unsurprisingly, much of it is true; line dancing, Stetson hats, etc. However Dean was keen to point out the Devizes CMC is so much more than this cliché and he attempts to break stereotypes surrounding the music he loves, by booking bands which do just this, in order to attract a wider audience.

 
So I could spend another few hundred words trying to convince you his efforts are earnest and true, that the CMC is not always what you think it is, but I’d rather take this ideal opportunity to preview Sunday 14th October’s planned event as a prime example of what we’re trying to get through to the local community; there’s a more universal appeal to this music then you might think.

 

 

So, on this date, the Conservative Club host the Devizes CMC with a Southampton outfit called The Outlaw Orchestra, hard Southern country rock, merging bluegrass fashioned traditional banjo with raw rock n roll and Cajun, Dixie and Flamenco, and, and, and well, watch the clip; it’s tough, wild and energetic, verging on punk – everything you thought country music isn’t, I’ll guarantee. Try line-dancing to this and you’ll snap a limb!

 
This powerhouse four-piece formed in 2016, and comprise of drums, banjo, guitar and double bass. With their debut ten track CD, Dirty Diesel, they have drawn comparisons with Humble Pie and The Black Crowes, through to the Cosmic American country genre.

 

https://youtu.be/XNgjnYAmROc
Recent accomplishments include a home territory sold out show at the Portsmouth Guildhall, packing the indoor stage at Bristol’s Grillstock Festival alongside Hayseed Dixie and The Darkness.

 
Just last year the band secured an endorsement from Swedish Rock‘n’Roll craft beer company Pistonhead lager, who added them to their artist roster of “bands to watch out for.” They also gained endorsement from ‘Cloven Hoof’ spiced rum, who’ll be booking them for various festivals and events this year.

 

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Yeah, you have to wait till October for their arrival here and your Sundays to never be the same again, but it’s advised you book early to avoid disappointment. Tickets for the extremely popular The Outlaw Orchestra are out now from:

http://www.deadkoolcountry.com/

Until then, you should check the website for closer events; although please note this Sunday 4th March, the CMC has had to be cancelled due to weather, like so many events this weekend.

 
Still, Dean is one of many dedicated to bring Wiltshire something different, catering to the customary Country fans but hiding in the agenda is a faithful desire to widen the lure and attract a new audience. For this, you have to tip your Stestson, especially for these outlaws:

 

https://www.facebook.com/theoutlaworchestra/

 

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Opening of a New Realm of Vinyl

Without this sounding like a dull diary type blog, it’s been one of those days. The weather of planet Hoth grinds the country to near standby, I perched at the window contemplating taking my milk-float out for as long as I could bear. I got quarter of the run done, albeit very late.

 
Oh the look on people’s faces, who wouldn’t normally witness such a spectacle as an eighties milk-float daring to venture where most cars were stuck. Still, that’s the beauty of Devizes, content in a time of yore.

 
Rather than brave my car to town later, with more snowfall forecast, I took the opportunity when passing the corner of St Johns and Long Street to drop in and see Pete and Jacki Bennett who were busy preparing Vinyl Realm for tomorrow’s launch; their brand new record shop. Yeah, the one we mentioned here a week ago (see article.)

 

 

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Bustling Shop Window, Photo used with kind permission of Nick Padmore Photography

 
So here it is, a sneak preview of this soon-to-be marvellous musical haven, for just like the vintage milk-float parked randomly outside, upon sauntering into Vinyl Realm you feel transported back to a time of yore, when people gathered in record shops to browse, share gossip and sometimes even buy an album. Surely it’s another diamond for the traditional ethos of Devizes.

 
I’ll confirm now, before you see it for yourself, it’s everything you think it should be, the décor stripped back to beams and bricks adorn pop memorabilia from a Buddy Holly picture disc and a Two-Tone tour poster. The centre of the shop embraces an island of classic vinyl albums, divided A-Z and into genres, just how you remember them being prior to shopping on a dull website named after a rainforest.

 

 

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Jacki, Pete wait for Richard Benham to cut the ribbon: Photo used with kind permission of Nick Padmore Photography

 
You can’t flick through those artistic cardboard covers like you used to on a website, or dare I say it, skin up on an MP3. Here then is Vinyl Realm’s niche, through assortments of incense, CD’s, high quality cables at decent prices, pop memorabilia and more, lies old vinyl albums in abundance. Under the island there’s bargain bins, there’s stacks of 7” singles, rave 12”’s, there’s prize shelves alluring you in with the a heave of excitement, “Hey wow, Madness Absolutely; my first ever album.”

 

 

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Shoppers start browsing: Photo used with kind permission of Nick Padmore Photography

 

 

 

“What about cassette tapes?” I rapped, thinking I’d got the better of them, but no, they’ll be stocked too, just hadn’t been bought up the shop yet. The best thing was, Pete and Jacki were pleased to see me, discussing their plans with enthusiasm. It’s clear they’re passionate about this project, after years of producing an online vinyl service. Pete tells me how he wants it to be a hub, somewhere to hang out, discuss and debate music, and they’ll also be selling gig tickets.

 

 

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Found a treasure while Mike plays in the background: Photo used with kind permission of Nick Padmore Photography

 
Will they have a deck for customers to try before they buy? I had to ask, recalling days of queuing with prospective purchase in hand, waiting for the would-be DJ to filter his stack, muttering, “shit, this record will be out of the charts by the time this Joey has finished on there!” Oh yes, of course, they replied. I’m damned if this isn’t like stepping back to the good old days of record shops, the fair prices, I do not lie, even match.

 
You could be looking at paying £15-18 for a brand new album, but the second-hand racks are priced akin to 1990; at £3-£10. So cool; I predict this to be awesome for our little town, as far as shopping goes, and making good use of such a lovely corner store too.
But it doesn’t end there, Pete, who has experience with the local music scene is keen, not so much to bring in big names to meet and greet, but to support our burgeoning music scene.

 

 

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Mike Barham entertains customers: Photo used with kind permission of Nick Padmore Photography

 
For example, you’ll catch Mike Barham at tomorrow’s grand opening; snowdrifts only peeking over the soul of his shoe. Local musicians, you know who you are, approach the place and enquire if they’ll flog your CD; they promise not to bite.

 
So, here at snowy Devizine Towers, I’m so pleased to see something like this happening in Devizes, fair-play to Jacki and Pete and I wish them all the best for their grand opening tomorrow (Saturday 3rd March) Get down there and check it out!

 

 

https://www.facebook.com/VinylRealm/

All photos have been used with kind permission of Nick Padmore Photography, copyright Nick Padmore; please ask before use, thank you!

 

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March On! This Weekend: Devizes Rocks

Winter may be taking its final assault, but after a few quiet post-Christmas weekends, some awesome events have been heating up Devizes. How do you following recent ones, with Battle of Bands, a Winter Ale Festival, Madness the Musical, Tribute of Gershwin & Bernstein and Terry Hendrick at the Scooter Club?

 
Well, Devizes event promoters are stepping up their games, providing us with more choice than a Sky TV HD box. So, as an example, let’s have a butcher’s hook at what’s going down this weekend alone, shall we? Get your snowshoes out.

 
Marching onto Thursday the first doesn’t matter if you’re the “arty” type, because The Wine Street Gallery’s latest exhibit, “Unrest,” will enthral all. I know, I’ve been to see the works and meet with the artist Clifton Powell for this preview here.

 

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Thursday and Devizes also welcomes back The Moonraker’s Comedy Club at the Cellar Bar, when MC Sal Monello introduces West Country based comedian, Sandi Smith who reached the semi-final of Funny Women 2013 and the heats of the BBC New Comedy Awards, and headliner Danny Buckler.

 

Danny made his TV debut on Channel 4’s “Danny Does Tricks,” has toured with Victoria Wood, opened for Paul Anka, Ricky Gervais and Bob Monkhouse, and hosted the BBC1 Saturday night prime time show “The Secrets of Magic.” Tickets a snip at a tenner, from The Bear Hotel, Devizes Books, The British Lion, The Southgate Inn and The Vaults. Also available at We Got Tickets.

 

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Friday Night and Hull’s Madness Tribute, Badness appear at the Exchange, tickets are also a tenner from Devizes Books, Light & Sound, thirteen on the door.

 

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Meanwhile, an engaging and dynamic live bluegrass act with a fascinatingly different sound, The Often Herd, make their debut at The Cellar Bar, as part of their debut EP release tour. I like the sound of this; check the vid below.

 
The Often Herd reach beyond what is expected of a bluegrass band, marrying wistful sunshine harmonies of Southern California with the striking industrial allure of their home in the North East of England. Doors open at 8PM, tickets apparently £9 but only £8 on the door(???)

 

The Lamb also has an interesting line up Friday, Sheer Music present Swedish indie folk pop band, Sun & The Rain Men. Described as a wonderful mix of folk, soul, and indie, with a classic Swedish touch, they’re supported by musician, comedian, radio presenter, charity challenger and motivational speaker, Shaun Buswell, and Devizes’ very own Tamsin Quin….and all for absolutely nothing, just turn up!

 

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Wake at a decent time Saturday and catch the monthly Farmer’s Market, an archaeology conference at Wiltshire Museum and the Lions Club Swimathon at the Leisure Centre. But music lovers need only wander to St Johns, where you’ve bagged yourself a brand new record shop (Google “record shop” kids.) Yep, it’s the grand opening day of Vinyl Realm where Mike Barham plans to entertain the crowds. More details here.

 

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Over at Devizes Sports Club that evening, The Blue Mercenaries, featuring Jon Amor and Innus Sibun are live at the RnB Bar. Doors at 8Pm, tickets a tenner; there can be no finer way to polish your weekend off.

 

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Failing this though, The Crown sees the welcomed return of Lloyd Edwards; see what I mean you lucky, lucky lot? Spoiled for choice. And if there’s something I missed it’s because you didn’t tell me about it, silly. Check Devizine’s home page for all the info you need.

 

Stop the Press! Update on this article as it looks like the weather has delivered a fatal blow: The Farmer’s Market and Moonraker’s Comedy Club have both been cancelled. Roll on spring…….

 

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Devizes Secret Agent, Shagger Bond, stars in Dr No Free Parking Here

 

 

 

 

 

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Ah, Mr Bond, Devizes businessman I understand? I appreciate you taking the time to visit us here at Wiltshire Council. 
Being I intend to have you pushed into a shark pool situated underneath Wagamama, I can reveal our evil plan.
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You see Mr Bond, our extortionate parking charges increase has become somewhat of a heated debate locally. So I have proposed lots of free parking right here in our county town.
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Your people will now be able to take full advantage of our facilities, they will flock here Mr Bond, and shop till they drop, watch movies at our plush new plastic multiplex and fill the surrounding commercialised chain restaurants; after all, development doesn’t come cheap.
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As for your pathetic little market town, alas it is doomed, no one will pay to park, business will wither and die, just like you! Goodbye Mr Bond; mwha hahaha!

http://www.wiltshiretimes.co.uk/news/16049341.Free_weekend_parking_at_Wiltshire_Council_car_parks_in_Trowbridge/#comments-anchor

Try a Little Freddie

Whatever happened to Mika? You recall, the guy who wanted to be like Grace Kelly but his looks were too sad? Back at the dawning of 2007 he was tipped to be the next big thing on the BBC’s annual Sound Of poll. He certainly had an amazing vocal range and when he burst into “Freddie,” within the song, well, it was sublimely accurate.

 
But there never was, and unquestionably will never be another Freddie Mercury; don’t even attempt it. The decline in sales botched Mika’s intention of a comeback and he was reduced to a judge on the Italian version of X-Factor.

 
Caught in the time of glam, big hair and experimentation in rock that’ll never be mirrored, we live now with only the memories of Queen, the odd appearance of Brian May atop Buckingham Palace, the many tribute acts and stage show, We Will Rock You. Bradford-on-Avon’s Character Stage School are planning to perform this, with auditions for ages seven – fourteen on March 1st at St. Brendan’s Performing Arts Academy. See here for details.

 
Meanwhile, here in Devizes tickets for The Invitation Theatre’s next show, “TITCO Does Queen,” are diminishing at an average rate of ten per day, and with only two dates: 29th and 30th June, you’d better want to ride your bicycle over to Devizes Books before they bite the dust. But what’s it all about? I asked Jemma Brown.

 
Being Jemma manages publicity for TITCO as well as performing, and husband Anthony conducts the Full Tone Orchestra, it comes as no surprise to hear the TITCO and The Full Tone would unite one day, but nevertheless, it’s a thoroughly welcomed one.

 
So, is this the first time they’re collaborating? Jemma explained although they had TITCO singers at the Full Tone concert in February, this is the first time the whole of TITCO will feature alongside the full Full Tone, thirty-seven piece orchestra. “On a big scale,” ever-enthusiastic Jemma added, “the sound will be immense!!”

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Interesting then that TITCO will host original material as apposed to performing set Queen-inspired stage shows, but is there a narrative to their extravaganza?

 
“Yes,” Jemma informed me, “there will be clever stuff linking it all together; in true TITCO style!”

 
I gulped with visions of Ian Diddams straddling a half-microphone stand garbed in harlequin leotard, “No Freddie looky-likey then?!”

 
“No!” Jemma thankfully confirmed. No matter how accomplished the Didds and remaining TITCO team are, as I said, trying to be like Freddie will only see you judging Italian X-Factor! “Although there is talk of inviting the audience to come as their favourite Freddie!!” Jemma supplemented.

 
Now there’s a piece of audience participation which will go down a treat, even afterwards in the chip shop queue. Queen is a mash of rock and opera/classical though, and here we are with an orchestra performing their songs, is it going to have the rock element too?

 
“It certainly is,” Jemma explained, “We’ll have four guitars…!!!”

 
Well, that’s mud on my face, I’m a big disgrace. Don’t mind me, kicking my can all over the place, but if TITCO want to sing, “We will, we will rock you,” and the plethora of other timeless Queen classics at the Corn Exchange 29th and 30th June, don’t stop them now.

Tickets from Devizes Books or here.

Devizes Scooter Club in Full Fling

Northern Soul aficionados from far and wide mingled with Devizes natives for an evening of cheongsam dresses, two-tone suits and quality northern soul on the talcum powdered dancefloor of the overflowing Conservative Club last night.

 

Trilby hats off to the Devizes Scooter Club for, yet again, hosting a soultastic gala and bringing musical diversity to the town. With eminent countrywide DJ Terry Hendrick and assistant Paul at the controls, attendees were treated to a plethora of sixties archetypal soul, ranging from the rare groove of northern soul to Motown and Atlantic classics, momentarily bordering on rock steady and garage, but winding back to soul swiftly.

 

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There were some interesting records spun from Terry’s vast vinyl assortment, but definitive sounds of the genre mandatorily stirred bar hanger-on to seated individual to chance the dancefloor by the evening’s peak. Only leaving one burning question, what other tricks have the Scooter Club got up their sleeve?

 

Perhaps not so specialised, but favourably blithe, the forthcoming event is a 70s & 80s Disco, with optional fancy dress. Again it’s at The Cons Club, on the 31st March. There’s also a fundraising barbeque on 21st July, but in the middle of these I’m eager to catch Bad Manners tribute, The Special Brew on 28th April.

 

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Nice poster guys, whoever designed that surely deserves a pint!

Other than another hairdryer attendance at Carnival, and frequent scooter rides outs for club members, impending dates further in time than these have yet to be confirmed, but it looks like we’re heading full steam towards the anticipated Devizes Scooter Rally in next summer; more details on that coming very soon, for now, I need a little lie down!

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No Surprises Living in Devizes: Whacky Races

Would you Adam and Eve it? Two years ago today the first No Surprises Living in Devizes column was published on Index:Wiltshire. At the time I’d never have believed I would still be here typing these whinges out, let alone you wonderful lot still reading them!

 
So, I tried being nice with the last one, knowing this was coming, but this week…. Well, put it this way, I try to keep the column under eight-hundred words, which doesn’t always happen when I go off on a tangent (who? Moi?) I also refrain from using naughty words. This time let it be known, as it may be understandably edited, I’m going to use the F word.

 
I use it because I believe no other word in the English language has quite the same impact. There’s a message I want to convey in the wake of Tuesday’s pathetic attempt at rush hour, when three, if you didn’t hear, three crashes in our insignificant town happened within said hour, and apparently, another life was sadly lost.

 
So, keeping it under eight hundred words I can do, adding an unnecessary expletive for good measure, I’ll sure give it my best shot. I can get the message out in four words, including the F one, it really is this simple. I’ll even Caps-lock and full stop after each of them, as it makes it look like I’m a patronising old git:

 

SLOW. THE. FUCK. DOWN.

 
We know our infrastructure is poor, Wiltshire Council could do more to improve it. We know about cuts to Council and police budgets, speed restrictions need reviewing and to be monitored. We know all these things, but only you can make this change, you are solely responsible for your driving.

 
Try to get it into your cranium, you’re in charge of a dangerous weapon. The road is my workplace, I don’t bust into your office with an AK-57 and start gunning the ceiling and floor, thinking everyone should dive under the desks and if they don’t that’s their mistake.

 
No one is perfect, some older with slower reflexes; doesn’t mean they should be bullied off the road, by people who fail to comprehend, they’ll one day be in the same boat (provided they’re not victims of their own poor driving.)

 
People make mistakes, there’s no logic in the presumption everything will go according to plan, that everyone can comprehend your intentions in the split-second it takes you to execute it. Face it, the ethos “it’s their fault,” won’t bring back a human life.

 
What was worse, after our Black Tuesday, the next morning, roads cleared, everyone was off again, driving like idiots; as if nothing happened. Yesterday’s news; you’d think people might stop and think for once, but no, that’d be foolish. You are not Han Solo about to break into hyperspace, you are not Penelope Pitstop.

 

Cutting your speed is not the be-all-and-end-all of cutting road traffic accidents but it goes a long way from preventing them and lessening the consequences. I’m no saint, I loved the thrill of driving fast, I’ve been gone done foolish things whilst driving, but last year I spent a lot of time at the Royal Hospital of Neuro-Disability in Putney, where I watched a twenty-something with half his head missing, raise his left arm sporadically and randomly, and that was about all he did, all day. I’ll leave that thought with you.

 

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Now I propose what would seem the impossible, to many a parish council; a suggestion that we limit the dual carriageway from Devizes down Caen Hill to a fifty. I put a poll on the Devizes Issue, and do you know what? Last count 159 agree, but a staggering 573 disagree. Adding comments like, “it’s our drag strip,” incriminating themselves with, “I do 130 down there,” and in the wake of having three crashes in the space of one rush hour and one life taken in our small town, “what a stupid post.”

 
Just maybe it is a stupid post. At random I’ll pick a few posts not classed as stupid from this Facebook page; stop, think and rate them according to stupidity. Don’t forget to add the one in where I attempt a discussion to prevent people dying and we’ll regroup next week.

 

1- Does anyone know what the price would be to have my hamsters claws trimmed at the vet please?
2- Any rowde parents no what week the menu is on please
3- clients needed for Friday the 23ed to come in to body tonic salon please
4- Rollover hotdogs are back, with a can of coke for only £2.29

 

Love is a Battlefield

To top off a busy Saturday in Devizes, the Sports Club hosted the Battle of the Bands, as we previewed last week(ish.)

Ambiguous name, for “bands” consisted of solo performers, and despite it being a “battle,” competition, judged by a panel to win a place on the impressive Saddleback Festival line-up, a close-knit group of optimum local acts cuddled, and celebrated each other’s performances with mutual respect and friendship, without throwing so much as a packet of pickled onion Monster Munch at one another, (least I didn’t notice.)

Alas, Battle of the Bands is commonly an apt slogan, which kind of sums up the events last night at the Sports Club. More importantly though, what you need to note; the evening absolutely, totally and unquestionably rocked. For not only did the dazzling and varied acoustic music make this night, it also gave the performers the rare chance to get together. As the mighty Mike Barham told organiser Rick, with me earwigging, they’re always performing at different venues on any given night.

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Alex Cash

Asked to play three songs each, things moved swiftly, acting like a sampler for each performer’s showcase. It was time for me to hear and meet, not only the ones I’m aware of, but others who I’ve been pre-warned about the excellence of.

And excellent it was from the opening; if this was Alex Cash’s first solo outing he didn’t look lonely there, and Calne’s Jack Moore amusingly continued the fashion with a final song inspired by the Pixar movie Finding Nemo. Even accidentally head-butting the microphone as a finale wouldn’t have lost full marks if I was judging.

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Jack Moore

Just as soon as I returned from the bar, the lovely Clair Kearley from Devizes post-punk band Browfort replaced Jack and was merrily singing away. It all went so fast, next thing I knew, an honoured chance few words with proficient music organiser, Mirko Pangrazzi, and the Salamander, Pewsey’s Sally Dobson was firing on all cylinders.

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Clair Kearley 

I’m losing it now, the notes on my phone abandoned for some great conversation about the Saddleback Festival with Rick on prospective expansions for the event, including camping, and with snapping legend Nick Padmore, who’s so enthusiastic about our local music scene he’s kindly allowed me pinch these fine photos to show you. He had a grand idea that I should interview this crazy bunch, and if you’d have heard them, you’d agree; watch this space, if they’ll honour me.

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Sally Dobson

Meanwhile, if I recall correctly, Melksham’s alternative rock wildcard, The Hound on Mountain blew the audience away. In the preview I mentioned influences of Talking Heads and The White Stripes, but I’m damned if his vocal range and passion didn’t deliver unto me reflections of Jim Morrison, especially leaping off stage and polishing off his song on his knees central in the hall.

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Hound on the Mountain

Jamie R Hawkins followed, one I was keen to catch up with, such brilliant strumming and acutely written words. Poignant and witty, Jamie delivered the goods, checked them off and handed them over to George Wilding with a professional ease.

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Jamie R Hawkins

For those in the know, George would make this look like a walk in the park; I was wowed, he makes it look like child’s-play, owning a cover of House of the Rising Sun, but somehow he retains modesty and is the most admirable guys you’d ever care to meet; my reason for saying this footnoted.

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George Wilding

Fresh from supporting at the Long Street Blues Club, Tamsin Quin awaited her turn in trademark white Doc Martins and magnificent smile. Something irresistible about Tamsin’s appetite for music and drive in her motivation shines through without compromise with every performance. Tonight was of no exception and gained her place in the final showdown with George.

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Tamsin Quin

Not before the mighty, I keep calling him mighty, despite he’s such a friendly, approachable guy, yeah, so, the mighty Mike gave us a dose of his loud and entertaining show. Never without an ingenious and humorous angle, Mike Barham fresh from operating the sound at Macs Theatre School’s production of Our House, would’ve won a real battle hands down. But he carried out his hattrick without concern for competition, his only mission to strum Top Gun anthem “Danger Zone,” with impeccable comic timing.

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Mike Barham

So, with all left but for George and Tamsin to playoff for the winning place, George did his seriously awesome thing, leaving me pondering how Tamsin could comeback from the ropes. I guess she figured covering the Jungle Book’s King Louie song, “I wan’na be like you,” would do the trick, and for me it best did.

I’d have been scratching my chin if I’d been on the judges table and referred the entire to be played again next week. But they came to a unanimous decision; George Wilding won. But in an authentically honourable and sporting twist, not because this was the Sports Club, but because as we said, George is that kind of guy, he offered he’d play the Saddleback provided the others could join him on a song.

What a wonderful culmination to what was labelled a “battle,” proving our local music scene is bonded with a supportive and welcoming ethos. I’m grateful to them for making me feel welcomed and ardent about what we’re trying to do here at Devizine.

Long live our local music scene; support it now. That is an order direct from the passive battlefield!

All Photographs used with kind permission of Nick Padmore Photography

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Our House in Our Town

Twas a busy weekend in ye olde Devizes town, no matter what your cup of tea. The Full Tone Orchestra held tribute to Bernstein and Gershwin, Bouncers looks great at The Wharf Theatre too and a plethora of homegrown musicians battled in friendly manner for a place at the Saddleback Festival over in the Sports Club.

 
But if there was an earthquake Saturday afternoon, all at Devizes School were oblivious, we only heard the sound of Madness music intertwined with a heart-breaking tale of romance and the consequences of life’s choices, for it was the matinee of Our House and boy, did MACS Theatre School really bring our house down.

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An intriguing plot with a twist, Our House tracked the path of a young man caught in tough decisions which played out two conflicting timelines, presenting maybe the path you consider correct is not necessarily the right choice. Played brilliantly by Franky Holdsworth as protagonist Joe Casey, and Rosie Boother as his love, Sarah, alternating the roles with John Cook and Lauren Maslen Stevens for other showtimes.

 
Enlightening the stage with amusing and genuine supporting roles was the of dopey Emmo, played with refined comical expression by Harvey Schorah, the sidekick of anxious Lewis, by the wonderful Joe McMillian and the convincing promiscuous girls, Angie and Billie, by talented couple, Kizzy Wylie and Imogen Kelly, also changing shows with Charlotte Bennett and Verity Shah respectively. Credit also has to be awarded to Maia Burgess for the downright criminal Reecey.

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Other roles, the dancers and particularly the band who executed the music of Madness to the notch of professional tribute band, and of course the director Stuart MacFarlane and assistant and main choreographer Emily Marsh. Together this team’s superb performance is proving MAC’s Theatre School is refining local drama and putting Devizes on the map. I only wait with baited breath as to what they’ll do next.

 
Do remember though, Macs is open to new budding actors and actresses, from ages five to twenty-one and there’s Mini-Macs for five to ten year-olds.

 

MACS THEATRE SCHOOL

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No Surprises Living in Devizes, In the Hedges

Devizes, oh Devizes; with plans so exuberant and bold but without a greater populace or infrastructure to support them; it’s a recurring theme.

 
Oh no, off he marches in the wake of debate, and the enticements of Wiltshire Council, he’s going to feed us his wonky whinge on the parking charges deliberation.

 
Quite the contrary friends, I’ve said my piece. As much as I’d like to see cars in the Market Place replaced by a bustling market of brightness, fresh aromas and the sound of jollity, I fear the reality it’ll become barren, with only the odd tumbleweed blowing through, as we simply don’t have the population, or attraction to support such an idea.

 

Besides, tis but a smear to convince us WC are our friends. If whacking up parking charges is how they can pay for the failing pubic transport, services and their new conservatories, they will.

 
I’m leaving it to the experts. I’m on the other side of town Thursday evening instead, chatting to a guy in his garage while his wife is inside. He tells me there’s a lot of blondes in Rowde.

 
Now, whoa, I know what you’re thinking; typical, two married guys pretending they’re God’s gift, acting like a pair of smutty teenagers or Viz contributors, well let me stop you right there, we were talking hedgehogs.

 
Did you know they do hedgehogs in blonde now? I was stunned. But what this guy, Ian Hunt and his wife Joy don’t know about hedgehogs you could write on the back of a matchbox in supersized font.

 
As a milkman hedgehogs are my work buddies. But, you know how it goes, how well do you really know your colleagues, have you taken the time to chat on a personal level? I tend not to talk to hedgehogs too often, save yelping “jeepers where did you spring from?” or words to that effect, when they magically appear millimetres away from my boots.

 
It occurred my appointed first aid certificate is void in a close encounter of the hedgehog kind, and I had not a Scooby-Doo of the appropriate action I’d take should a near miss result in injury to the spiky creature.

 
I noticed a shared post upon a social network, apparently we have a hedgehog rehabilitation centre right here in old Devizes. Blissfully unaware, I was intrigued and thought some exposure of the good work they do would assist them gaining attention. However, I was wrong. For Devizes being Devizes, it’s less “centre” and more household/garage hobby of Ian and Joy, who both work full time on top of caring for some 30+ hedgehogs.

 
They’ve been up to this over five years now, after Joy spotted one of these wonderful creatures in distress in her garden. Rather than promoting this brilliant facility, as it seems it gets more than it can handle, and sometimes has to refuse hedgehogs advising them to be sent to vets or larger facilities in places like Thatcham.

 

A lot of the calls they receive from caring people are unnecessary though, Ian explained, so the angle I’m taking is how to relieve Joy and Ian of the workload by identifying exactly when a hedgehog needs attention, and when it’s fine trundling on, going about its business.

 

Hedgehogs don’t hibernate like bears, they’re prone to waking in the winter, but when I arrived they were all fast-o. If you see one out in the night, hurrying to the bushes, do not panic, often they can be disturbed by noise. If you perchance to see a mother with babies rustling about, it’s foraging in training, no need for concern. Only take action if the hedgehog is out in the day, or wandering sluggishly. They could be injured or unwell.

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Ian explained badgers are the only creature strong and bonkers enough to try take a hedgehog, but they’re prone to traffic incidents and parasite infection. Best thing, if certain it’s troubled, is pick it up (with gardening gloves) and place it in a large box, they climb so insure it has high sides. Wrap a hot-water-bottle in a tea-towel and slip it close, allowing enough space for it to move away or closer at will. You should give it water, but not milk. Hedgehogs are lactose intolerant, but will still lap milk until sick. You can try feed it meat-based pet food, but fish is rarely in their diet.

 
Once settled, if concerned you need to call the experts, Joy, or a vet who’ll advise you. Check them for flystrike; myiasis is a parasitic infestation by fly larvae. They’ll appear like tiny grains of rice under the folds of their legs or bottom. Should you see these signs it’s important to call the experts urgently.

 
For Ian explained our affection for hedgehogs can be damaging, I noted a video off Facebook where an American guy had taken one on as a pet. He enlightened some countries have slacker laws where the African Pygmy breed are traded as pets; they don’t make for good pets. “They can be decidedly grumpy,” Ian tells me, “and live separately.” Seems though hedgehogs aren’t territorial, they take an organised routes around their fairly large neighbourhoods avoiding bumping into each other.”

 

I was beginning to consider similarities to hedgehogs and myself, nocturnal, keep themselves to themselves, cute but spiky on the edges, but when he mentioned they were grumpy by their nature, well, c’est la vie!

 
So petting is not good for them, or your fingertips. Ian said people ask if they can take one home, they have large walled gardens. Only with kind intentions, it’s not acceptable, as a hedgehog needs to make his own space, they need to be wild. If you don’t see hedgehogs in your area, it’s for good reason. Attempting to attract a hedgehog to your garden is one thing, leave water out for them, cat food will only get pinched by cats, but always insure the hedgehog has clear access to and from your garden; otherwise it’s bordering on captivity.

 
Seems a shame a fulltime charitable facility is not available here for hedgehog rescue, but the work and effort Joy and Ian put in is indisputable and remarkable. They have a dining room full, all in need of medical attention and the garage is rehab, ones nearly ready for release back to the wild, which next to 100% will happen in springtime.

 
Keen to add taking care of hedgehogs is very specialised and you shouldn’t attempt to take on such an activity. Joy and Ian have undergone much study and courses to be equipped to cater for these bizarre and beautiful little mounds of spikes. But the biggest respect for the patience and time they serve them. I certainly came away from there more enlightened.

 
Hedgehogs are endangered to the degree there’s far less of them now as when I was younger, Ian continued, but although the likelihood of them becoming extinct is low, still we have a duty to protect these fascinating spiky fellows and insure we’re doing them alright.

 
Phew, a nice column this week for a change; normal service will be resumed!

 

More info at Hedgehog Street

Joy’s local Facebook group

Devizes Shopping Future Bright; Devizes Shopping Future is Vinyl

It’s been an age and half, so long some too young or else too new to town to recall Devizes ever having a record shop. Some might even have to Google “record shop” to discover what one is.

 

My youth was spent in these places, as much as an online search can open you to a multiverse of buying options and downloads and rarities and marketplaces, I miss the days of fumbling through those thin cardboard-covered slabs, bargain hunting, checking for scratches and fried chicken thumbprints. Oh, the conversation between warring fractions of varying youth cultures and battles of pop masters, wise in the ways of contemporary shifts in pop charts.

 

I recall “Pop-in” in Chelmsford with fondness, actively seeking a 7″ of Rio by Duran Duran, which had recently dropped off the top forty and was now tricky to locate. Amazon was still a rainforest kiddo, I had to train it to my nearest metropolis and search the racks for the only Duran Duran single the cutest girl in my class didn’t own; but presenting it to her at her birthday party scored me my first kiss. That’s how important record shops were back then, even Our Price.

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Vinyl Realm, who have been an online specialist in vinyl based in Devizes has a bold and most welcome announcement; it’s to open a record shop. Talk of the town, here’s a brief post about this groovy news and a positive awakening for high street shopping in Devizes.
The shop opens on Saturday March 3rd, stocking a huge range of original vinyl along with new vinyl. They’re also an approved stockist for GPO and official band merchandise. With a fantastic range of gifts and goodies, including Bluetooth devices and incense, this is exciting times for Devizes and Vinyl Realm; Devizine wishes them all the best for this venture.

 

Update: Mike Barham will be in attendance, giving us a few tunes.

 

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The location is still top secret due to a Facebook competition, vinyl junkies have been slain with the sharp edge of a cracked CD boxset for merely mumbling their suspicions! It’s due to be publicised on Saturday 24th February,  until then you can guess the forthcoming address of the new shop in Devizes, details on their Facebook page.

 

Devizine will be covering more on the eve of the shop officially launching, I just wanted to mention it now to get hysteria bubbling and general excitement reverberating like the foundations of my adolescent bedroom when I discovered Pink Floyd’s The Wall gatefold.

 

 

Thoughts and Observations of Phil Cooper

In “Get up Stand Up” Bob Marley proclaimed “you can’t fool all the people all of the time,” quite rightly referring to modified history books.

 
Music is like this, usually it’s assertive and orders instruction; but in Phil Cooper’s “Fear Factory,” a track from his forthcoming album “Thoughts and Observations,” he proses about bias media, and sings, “you can fool the people all of the time.”

 
I beg to differ somewhat, as the freedom of social media exemplifies public awareness and exposes the wrongdoings of the mainstream press. Herein lies the running theme throughout this damn fine album, the introduction title-track clarifies these are merely Phil’s thoughts and observations, “don’t take them as red,” he states he’d prefer it if, “you found your own verdict instead.”

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So, absent of Lennon-styled orders to make love and not war, Phil Cooper breezes an air of liberalism and invites you to use your head to make your own mind up. Deep morality from this Trowbridge singer, songwriter and I’d imagine a guitarist who was born with a guitar at his waist. The ethos not only gives this album uniqueness, but also creates a gentle air with no pushy overtones. To the point where on first listen I was drawn to think of Bryan Adam’s Cuts Like a Knife, certainly the upbeat “Shake it up,” personifies this, but it’s provisional.

 
That initial association was during the washing-up, with kids harassing me to play video games and the tele on in the background. In reassessment of this moreish masterpiece, it bought me round to comparison with Tom Petty’s Full Moon Fever or George Harrison’s Cloud Nine, it’s polished to perfection, it’s blustery and easy-on-the-ear rock; definitive driving music. There’s even a song titled “Road Songs;” Phil’s got it covered.

 
What we have here is local music at its very best. While Road Songs has romantic connotations it’s a rarity on the album, the cliché love theme doesn’t rear its head often, less it remains as one’s personal interruption. “Citizen” offers thoughts on the slyness of human nature, whereas “Face Doesn’t Fit,” relies on finding alternative avenues when things don’t go planned, rather than quitting.

 
It does what it says on the tin, a bundle of thoughts and observations, but wrapped in sublime melody. Perhaps the wiliest being the gentle “Smokescreen,” observing we “hide the world with our own smokescreen and never face the challenge in between.”

 
Alternating between acoustic and electric guitars, Phil seems to handle the instrument like it was his baby, owning a plethora of amazing riffs and melody structures that wows once you’re in the album’s realm; and what a enjoyable and graceful place to be it is too!

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Thoughts and Observations is released on April 13th, as a download, on CD, vinyl and also has it’s own fanzine with Phil’s doodles and explains some of the thinking behind the song writing, pre-order on Bandcamp and get a bonus tune while you wait.

 
Prolific, Phil has a selection of previous material on his Bandcamp page or website. Or you can catch him and the Slight Band live, hopefully in his trademark pork pie hat, launching the album at the Lamb in Devizes April 6th, Village Pump in Trowbridge on 7th. Then the 8th sees him down at the seaside, in Portsmouth and Bournemouth, and back here for a gig at the Tupenny in Swindon on 19th and Bath’s St James Street Vaults on the 20th.

Ever Wanted to be a Professional Comic Creator?

Have you ever wanted to be a professional comics creator? Or are you a professional looking to take your career to the next level? Perhaps you’d like to be working for a major publisher, or publishing your own comics?

This could be the event for you. It’s called Comics Uncovered and it’s at the Birmingham Conference and Events Centre on 7th-8th July 2018. It’s just the sort of thing I’d have needed many years ago, as dreams of becoming a cartoonist and comic creator were generally given a cold stare by frumpy career officers.

“In the UK there are limited paths to careers for you,” Comics Uncovered state. They know this, because they’ve trodden the same road themselves.

 
Their mission is to help you take those first steps, or perhaps even the most important steps, on that path and Comics Uncovered features over a dozen seminars, workshops, demos and master-classes conducted by top professionals, all aimed at creative people like you.

 
Guest Speakers include influential professionals from across the world of Comics and over the two days you will have the opportunity to join both short two hour workshops and full weekend courses plus everything in between.

 
Some events are for beginners, whilst some are for more advanced creators.

 
There are also ones to one portfolio reviews with editors, meetings with distributors for self publishers and a catered networking party in the evenings to help you secure those valuable connections made during the day.

 


This year they are also hosting a Self Publishing Summit for independent creators and self publishers to discuss ideas for producing and promoting their work, and to learn more about branding and marketing their own intellectual properties.

 
If you are serious about a career in comics and graphic novels then Comics Uncovered is the one essential event on the calendar for you every other year!

Learn more and book tickets at: www.comicsuncovered.co.uk

Battle of Local Bands to rock Devizes Sports Club

Such a nice looking morning, went to vacuum the car. Frozen fingertips; the cruel-but-gentle reminder we’re not in spring yet, then it started with the damn hailstones.

 

So much to look forward to when summer arrives, without a Glastonbury other festivals are sure to be upping their game. We rapped about the second Saddleback Festival at Devizes Sports Club on 14th July, but here’s a reminder that this Saturday, 17th February, the Sports Club are holding a Battle of the Bands contest which will warm us up better than vacuuming any old motor.

 
Now, should you get the opportunity, I’d highly recommend any of these home-grown talents: George Wilding, Clair, Tamsin Quin, Jamie R Hawkins, Michael J Barham, Sally Dobson, The Hound On The Mountain, Alex Cash or Jack Moore. Yes, catch any of these playing live around or about and you’re sure for a good evening, but witnessing all of them, in one big do, battling for a place at the Saddleback Festival, totally and utterly FREE……. Well, not to be sniffed at.

 

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George Wilding

Avebury’s George Wilding is one I’ve been advised to watch, self-taught guitarist and writing his own songs, which he describes as “abstract stories,” from age twelve. Rather reserved he shied away from talent shows, favouring open mic nights. Nick Harper asked him to perform at Avebury Rocks in 2011. This brought him to the attention of musician and songwriter Gary Saunders; producing George’s celebrated EP “Being Ragdollian.”

 

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Tamsin Quin (Nick Padmore Photography)

Now Devizes based Tamsin Quin we’ve talked a lot about on Devizine, but I can’t hype her enough. Such an exultant and charismatic singer-songwriter, Tamsin is squeezing in a highly anticipated forthcoming album between plentiful gigs; I understand she’s also supporting Lindsay Lou at the Long Street Blues Club prior to dropping in here.

 

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Jamie R Hawkins

Critically acclaimed around the world, but right here in the Vizes, Jamie R Hawkins is an award winning singer songwriter and one I’ve been meaning to catch live. Poignant and witty, he’s described as “a powerful mixture of storyteller, philosopher and poet”, with “emotive and captivating” lyrics.

 

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Mike Barham

The mighty Mike Barham, renowned for wit and charm behind the mic, booms vocally diverse rocky influences with inescapable pop references, with grating bluesy overdrive or ridiculous falsetto sparkles. Again from Devizes, Mike draws influence from artists like City and Colour, Frank Turner and Corey Taylor. He’s supported brilliant performers, Jonah Matranga, Dave McPherson, Danny and the Champions of the World, Gaz Brookfield and Nick Parker, and has an EP, “Attitude with Attitude,” recorded and mastered by Guy Britton of Riverbank Studios in Chippenham.

 

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The Hound on the Mountain

Melksham’s alternative rock project, The Hound on the Mountain, distort sounds and fantasy lyrics to blend a miss-match of influences, from Talking Heads to The White Stripes. Currently recording an album, “Cernunnos,” since the success of their EP, “Ghosts of Your Past,” these Hounds played the local circuit, including the Village Pump Festival and Bradford Roots Festival, and the EP got plugged by Steve Lamacq on Radio 6.

 

 

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Jack Moore

One of Wiltshire’s most promising young musicians, Jack Moore from Calne, a multi-instrumentalist, singer/songwriter is a versatile and ‘out-of-the-box’ performer. Striving to create music which is fresh and free from the shackles and influence of trend, Jack has a charming stage demeanour, unique and on-the-edge-of-awkward, but he’s keen to add, friendly.

 

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Sally Dobson

 

Acoustic eccentricity in a punk baroque fashion is the best way to describe Pewsey’s Sally Dobson, aka Salamander. She combines simple strumming with sweeping melodies and lyrical intrigue.

 

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Alex Cash

 

A chance meeting with great musicians from Calne, and being encouraged to share his song ideas, Alex Cash helped form blues/rock band One Last Stand. This is first solo venture. “It’s all about rhythm,” he stated, “if you’re tapping your foot then it’s mission accomplished!” Influenced from a variety from Fink to The Clash. “I write songs that just come to me, and don’t force it,” Alex continued, “they are what they are. I’m always hopeful that someone else might like them too!”

 

Unfortunately, I’ve no info on neither Clair, at this stage, but you’ve got to have some surprises or it wouldn’t be Devizes now would it?
This awesome show of Wiltshire’s crème of upcoming legends will be put before a panel of judges on the night, not in a Simon Cowell fashion I’d wager. All in all, I’ll see this evening as a sampler for all these talented musicians. Whoever wins I’m sure it doesn’t matter, I know there’s a close network here and everyone are friends and assist each other; making this event so special.
Now, let me get on with vacuuming the car, if you please, there’s rock hard leftover chips lodged in-between the seats and sticky sweets stuck on the upholstery.

 

Battle of the Bands: Saturday 17th Feb 2018: FREE ENTRY @ Devizes Sports Club

 

Gimme Gimme Gimme: Abba Tribute in Seend

By Zoe McMillan

Gimme Gimme Gimme one good reason why you wouldn’t want to head to Seend on Friday 13th April? No need to take a chance – you’re guaranteed to enjoy a top night out with the popular Abba tribute band ‘Sensation’ who are taking the stage at the Community Centre from 7.30pm.

 

Whether you’re a fan of Abba or just fancy a trip down memory lane there’s something to get everyone’s toes tapping & bootys shaking as you join Seends dancing queens and party animals on the dance floor.

Tickets are £15.00 & are available from Seend Community Centre and Seend Post Office. You know you want to…Don’t change your mind…book those tickets and dust off your bodysuits, flares & glitter. Tickets are selling quickly so don’t be shy. See you there!!!

https://www.facebook.com/events/107760526580294/

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Day Break

I’ve a message for all those teary-eyed about the Killertones and Going Undeground split; do not despair. It was obvious this Swindon team wouldn’t stay quiet and while Gouldy and Cath have been acoustically gigging as Sound Affects, they’ve another trick up their sleeves.
Teaming with Steely and Stig from the One Chord Wonders, they’ve formed “The Daybreakers,” who’ll be making their debut at the Swiss Chalet on 17th February. Playing covers in their own unique fashion, we can expect known tunes from Dexy’s Midnight Runners, The Clash, The Cure, Echo and the Bunnymen, The Violent Femmes, The Dead Kennedys, The Undertones, The Ruts, The Smiths, Blur, Oasis, The Stone Roses, The Waterboys, The Pogues and they’re keen for you to note, of course, The Levellers. Damn, if that doesn’t read like the ultimate “Now that’s what I call Music” compilation, if Virgin/EMI pulled their finger out of Simon Cowell.

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With all singing, Iggy Gould on guitars and banjo, Cath York playing accordion, violin, viola and flute, drummer Chris Steel and bass by Dave Renton, it’s going to be one interesting, and particularly loud development. An edgy philosophy against inequality, corruption, elitism and greed, the Daybreakers blend traditional acoustic instruments with an electric back line, their key to creating a unique sound influenced by the classic UK scooter, alternative and indie scenes.

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The Daybreakers formed towards the end of last year, but commitments to the Killertones/Going Underground and their own acoustic Sound Affects, caused them to put a hold on the Daybreakers setup. Cath was keen to inform me The Daybreakers is more of a progression from the alternative namesake Going Underground, so it seems the Killertones label has not been quashed completely and may yet play the occasional gig. I don’t know, there’s so many incarnations of this team it’s hard keeping track, but what I am sure of is these guys are thoroughly dedicated to reverberating some quality nights.

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So I’ve nicked this great quote from Cliff Keith Dixon, about the original embodiment of the Daybreakers; I reckon it explains all: “I went to see the first official gig of ‘The Daybreakers’ at the Carters Rest in Wroughton, the band made up of Goldy, Cathy and Steely from the killertones and Stig from the One chord wonders. I witnessed the birth of a monster, this band is going to hit Swindon for six. The sound of the music they play is so distinct it is beyond compare to any other local bands. I have been watching bands for years and this band is going to be massive. Watch out for their future gigs you will be stunned at what these musicians will deliver.”

I’d like to wish them best of luck with their new project and warn them to play in Devizes soon, or else! You can catch Sound Affects live at the Crown in Lechlade tonight (Sat 10th)

Daybreakers : 17th Feb @ Swiss Chalet.

Daybreakers Website

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KGX4UqcLaxw

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Bentley’s Gym Row for Julia’s House

Bentleys Gym on Hopton Industrial estate in Devizes is fundraising for Julia’s house children’s hospice and the Royal Marines charity.

This Saturday (10th) at 5pm, 12 members are attempting to row 1’000’000 metres in under 24hrs. I had to ask if this was 1,000,000 metres each or together, being everything I know about gyms could be written on the back of a matchbox!

Turns out four rowing machines will be used over the twelve brave participants; I’m tried just typing about it.

So, best of luck to all of you!

Bentleys is run by mum Mary and her son Adam, both fitness instructors and is proudly a iQniter heart rate installed facility, which uses interactive live feed technology to offer a unique fitness experience and classes to suit all.

Even me, a mere couch potato?

Anyway, there’s a raffle with some amazing prizes; a 32inch TV, weekend away, vouchers, and much more. Tickets are just £1;  pop into Bentleys to grab a ticket.

Please spare a few pounds and donate to this here: link: https://www.justgiving.com/crowdfunding/1millionrow

Bentleys: http://www.bentleysfitness.co.uk/index.html

 

 

 

Name of The Game; Abba Tributes turn Devizes’ villages into a Disco Frenzy!

Abba are not like Marmite, we have a love-hate relationship with the Swedish pop divinities; you know you shouldn’t, because you’re an old punk, a hardcore raver, or into thrash metal, but one aperitif at the family wedding and you hear those immortal opening lines, “Friday night and the lights are low……” Resistance is futile, you’ll succumb, assimilate into the disco-Borg collective and spin the plastic chair around only to strut like Travolta to the dancefloor, taking granny’s hand and pirouetting her to a frenzy.

 

 

It’s so addictive, so catchy, despite any abhorrence of manufactured pop, there’s something deific, irresistible, about the music of Abba, and it beguiles one and all into its euphoric magic. Abba’s music could turn Johnny Rotten into Pete Waterman in one flash of a disco ball, it’s the epiphany of pop. Unfortunately, alas the real thing is something lost in time, you had to have been there, and worn bellbottoms. Unless you’re lucky enough to pick up the last few tickets to Swede Dreamz, the UK’s top Abba Tribute act, at The Market Lavington Community Hall on Saturday (10th Feb.)

 

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Formed in 2004, and with numerous local sell-out gigs and shows, Swede Dreamz plays to packed audiences across the UK and beyond. With such attention to detail both vocally and visually, Swede Dreamz beseeches the closest thing you’ll get to reality; you’re sure to be having the time of your life.

 

 

Cheery organiser of the Market Lavington Music & Comedy Club, Ted Osborn, is certain this will be a sell-out, that’s why I’m here, because you need to get to Devizes Books, the Lavy post office pronto, or pray there’s still a few left on the door (£12 or £15 OTD.) If all else fails you can try Ted at this number: 07399591101 (tell him Devizine sent you and thank him for the music!)

 

 

I’m sorry, I should’ve put this article out there long ago; but don’t put your platform shoes back in loft, there’s an Abba alternative if all else fails, it simply means waiting until the spring day of April 13th, and heading out the other side of town to the Seend Community Centre, where another Abba tribute, Abba Sensations, are appearing. With a wealth of significant clients, and many years’ experience, the Sensation also boasts to be the UK’s most sensational and authentic Abba tribute,  “with stunning harmonies, costumes, choreography and a sprinkling of light-hearted humour.”

 

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£15 Tickets for this one are on sale now, from the Seend Community Centre and Seend Post Office. I’d advise you get in quick here too, it’ll be a race where the winner takes it all; you’ll end up just singing the swaggering in your kitchen, humming Fernando into a tear-sodden handkerchief!

 

Swede Dreamz, Feb 10th @ Market Lavington

Abba Sensations April 13th @ Seend

Where’s best to go for Valentine’s Day in Devizes? Don’t get over-excited.

Roses are red, violets are blue, I love my website, if that’s possible to do.

 
Going on recent positive stats, the good people of Wiltshire are feeling the love for Devizine too. We’re growing at a superfast rate, so as it’s the season of love, and I thought there was a lot of it going around, I planned to write a piece on the best restaurants to take your Valentine.

 
Seriously figured it’d make an informative post, and helpful to those romantic-at-hearts simply too busy with the stresses of life to get around to locating the ideal place. Created a Facebook post, messaged as many local great places to eat as I could possibly think of, and sat back and waited for the list to compile.

 
Unfortunately the result was appallingly slim and the whole shebang is a bit of an anti-climax! (Yeah, that’s what she said.) Seems many pubs and restaurants either haven’t anything organised in particular, don’t read Facebook messages, would rather not associate with my pitiable website, or are just overbooked already. To merge all those possibilities let’s assume for ease they don’t want free publicity. C’est la vie, see I talk French too; can’t be so common not to warrant a reply, you would’ve thought?!

 
What the heck, a couple of donner meat and chips will do the trick on the 14th February, no expense spared. Jokes aside, since the Kebab House on Northgate Street reopened with new management, there’s actually some tasty kebabs to be had there. Don’t knock it, it’s an option and that’s all I’m saying.

 
However if you insist, here is the ultimate list of restaurants as compiled from the huge response from our appeal:

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The Moonrakers Bar & Grill in Devizes always does a special menu on top of the grill menu for Valentines, and to top it off they give all the ladies a heart balloon and heart chocolates too. Which is one away from flirting with your chick eh?! Still, the Moonrakers is such a superb eatery I’d let them off. Yeah, whatever, take her to the cinema, I’m staying here to finish this steak!

 
The Bistro in Devizes have the last few tables still available for their Nuit D’amour menu; this one could be the most romantic Valentines, like, ever.

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But get in touch quickly if you’d like to reserve a table at either, or you’ll be disappointed and end up meeting me at the chippy. I’ll be the one under the Pukka Pies poster with a haddock on my head, wearing a battered sausage for a tie and nervously holding a beautiful bouquet of pickled gherkins.

 
That’s all folks, hope it all goes well! And if so, Jefferson’s would like to remind you studs, they’ll be open for their best breakfasts in town the morning after!

Goodnight Mr Tom at the Wharf

Michelle Magorian’s delightful novel about the experiences of young evacuee has been through a number of incarnations, most notably the TV film starring John Thaw. However David Wood’s stage version is enjoying great success, and directed by Kim Pearce, it’s the latest performance at The Wharf Theatre, Devizes.

 

Running from Friday 9th to Saturday 17th March 2018, 7.30pm each evening with a 2.30pm matinee on Saturday 10th March, this sounds like a heart-warming prose (please note: there are no performances on Sunday11th and Monday 12th March.)

 

Willie Beech is a boy from the slums of south east London who finds himself unloved and unwanted when he is evacuated to the countryside as Britain finds itself on the brink of World War II. Widower Tom Oakley takes the shy young lad under his wing. The aging recluses’ stony heart is gradually softened and the experience poignantly changes both, in this heart-warming tale.

 
Tickets £12/£10 concessions can be purchased from: The Devizes Community Hub and Library, Sheep Street, Monday to Friday, 9am-5pm. The website Wharftheatre.co.uk. Or by ringing 03336 663 366.

 
To find out what else is on at the Wharf pick up the new Spring Summer brochure which is now available from the Community Hub and Library and many other outlets around Devizes.

Belvedere Woods Needs You!

Your woodland areas need you!

Devizes Town Council has taken on the lease for Belvedere Woods, which stretches between Dyehouse Lane and Quakers Walk, to allow all local residents to use it as a new link path between Quaker’s Walk and the canal.

 
In taking on these woods, the Town Council hopes to replicate the type of area enjoyed by those who live close to Drew’s Pond Wood to the South of the Town.

 
They are currently working on improving the wood and access and are looking to create natural pathways before the area is officially opened on Friday 2nd March.

 
There will be an open day on Saturday 24th February from 10am until 2pm to work on the paths and to carry out a general clear up. If you are keen to help, please come along to the Cemetery Chapel at 10am and get set to work!

 
Tea, coffee and biscuits will be provided through the day to keep morale high!

No Surprises Living in Devizes Train Station LOL; Slight Return

It’s the same nauseating Conservative ethos which finds a hundred-billion quid for a nuclear weapon system, despite a cold war since 1947 without major incident, and with the same purse, neglects education, cuts housing and abandons a celebrated healthcare system, which locally ramps up parking charges over 12% to pay for a failing transport system, in the wake of a proposed Devizes train station.

 
Yeah, no trip down memory lane intro on today’s column, just a full-frontal, futile unadulterated bombast; that’s why you’re here isn’t it?!

 
Good, good, hate to think I’m getting like a stuck record taking pot-shots at Wiltshire Council, but if they glanced off their Tory plinth and smelt the overboiled hypocrisy once a while, they might slither off the No Surprises hitlist. As if it bothers them; hardly likely to slice into their stout wallets.

 
Raising charges, taking away free parking on Sundays and Bank Holidays, crucifying Town Council’s allowance to free event parking in November and December, yep the only decoration on this year’s town Christmas tree, if we get one, will be a tinselly parking ticket. Will it matter if no one can afford to park and it’s just the few stragglers fallen out of Spoons who turn up?

 
You think I’m kidding? Once charges are introduced you won’t be able to even traditionally verbally abuse the traffic warden; body video cameras will be introduced to “protect civil enforcement officers.” What’s this world coming to when you can’t even take out your frustrations with a duplicitous regime on an innocent guy working to put food on the table? For crying out loud; We. Are. Not. Savages. How much does a blinking body-video suit cost? If WC wasn’t so stringent people wouldn’t get annoyed, pester wardens, and haven’t need for body-video suits; small-time, Trident-style niggle.

 
Cabinet member for highways and transport, Cllr Bridget Wayman waffled, “If we are to continue providing public transport services we need additional income from parking,” the Gazette stressed the £4.143m excess between income from car parking charges and public transport expenditure. But hello, is it tricky for a councillor to comprehend huge parking increases in market towns will cripple already struggling businesses and shops will close, thus leaving little point in taking a frigging bus to town anyway?

 
City folk enrage if the LCD tells of a one minute tube delay, would find our perspective amusing, to hear how we take a tent to the bus stop, just in case. But whoa there, just a cotton-picking minute…our future bus journey may be a shuttle-bus to an all-new shiny train station, which, with a couple of jackpot lottery wins you might just be able to afford a train to get you out of this God forsaken county!

 
Oh yeah, the Gazette released whispers within the walls that the newly formed Devizes Development Partnership are keen as mustard to lobby Network Rail and the Department of Transport for the Devizes Parkway station to be “a thing” by 2022, provided Trump hasn’t triggered a world war by then.

 

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Artist’s impression of the New Devizes Station

 
Cast your mind back to an original episode of No Surprises, back when it was funny, and recall I polled for one thing you’d like to see return to Devizes, yeah, that’s right; here it is: and if you can’t be bothered to read this, the result was unanimously a station.

 
So chairman of the partnership, Peter Lay, isn’t wrong when he told the paper, “Devizes is the largest town in Wiltshire that does not have access to rail transport and we want to change that as soon as possible.” The town will back this idea.

 

But I’m not so sure when he continues, “Our group believes we have found the perfect location for our station.” The Clock Inn park on the A342 is three and a half miles from the town centre, can anyone see an issue here? You’re going to have to take a bus, or pay to park at the station. Rowde is half a mile less than this to the town centre and that costs approximately £3.60 bus fare, given this the bus is going to be at least £4, or £8 return. Let’s say a family of four would be £32, not governing inflation by 2022, it’s going to burn £32 from your wallet just to get to the train station, just to wait to be ripped off by Network Rail. But to drive and park at the station…….well, given current rises as discussed, it doesn’t bear thinking about does it?

 

 

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Futuristic example of Devizes Train Station

 
Someone, favourably with a brain, needs to sit down and explain to WC that it doesn’t matter if you raise parking charges, the result will be less people will park, not because they’re rebelling but they simply cannot afford to (online shopping ring a bell?) It doesn’t matter if you build a train station, backing the need to improve dire public transport, if no one has the cash for a ticket. It doesn’t matter if you build a flipping space-station with a direct shuttle-link from the Trowvegas Gateway Shopping Centre. What needs to happen is so simple, but so fair it’s transparent to the Tory understanding; equalise the economy, ensure lower classes can afford to pay for parking and transport tickets; abracadabra.

 
Nice as a choo-choo calling at Devizes after a fifty year absence may sound, we need to consider improving the existing infrastructure first; fix the potholes, reduce speed limits at blackspots, give police funds to monitor speeding idiots. You know though senior councillors will only respond by giving it the old, “but how do we afford all this stuff if we don’t raise parking charges?” These are, after all, not the same senior councillors who awarded themselves at 16% pay rise, over £19,000 PA, in the wake of 252 junior staff posts being axed in a voluntary redundancy programme – (source: Marlborough News.) Oh, hold on, yeah, yeah they are.

 
Doughnuts; need I say more?

 

Follow the Crows to Swindon

Ah, goodbye January, hello Feb; that lengthy cold month full of let-downs. To add to my extensive list my car was seriously ill, so much so I was gutted not to have made it to the Follow the Crows premiere at Shaw Ridge. Not for the want of trying, I ranted it as far as Calne with all the power of a milk-float climbing Everest, but figured it just wasn’t going to happen, turned around and headed for home, via the shop for a Twirl, which was no compromise.

 
You may recall I was privileged to review this brilliant Swindon-made flick over a year ago; it was my first real journalist outing for Index:Wiltshire, if not here’s the link. Interested to hear what others thought, I’ve nicked this great review from Mark O’Donnell, may having blagged a new contributor to Devizine in the process!

Follow the Crows Review
By Mark O’Donnell

It’s usual to qualify any review of an amateur film with the prefix: “For an amateur production….” It helps the reader lower their expectations as though they were appraising a three year old’s first attempt at a self-portrait. For Follow the Crows there is no need for such context. From the understated charisma of the actors, the deft, unpretentious direction and the minimalist screenplay right through to the production and presentation of last night’s preview everything about this film screams professional integrity and dedication.

Set in the muddy hills and menacing woodlands of a post-apocalypse Britain, it is the story of an unnamed couple thrown together by their mutual need for survival and, ultimately, forgiveness. Filmed on location on a Neolithic path known as The Ridgeway in Wiltshire, the already sodden landscape is washed through a grey filter that provides a beautiful, if stark, backdrop to lives stripped of all but a basic humanity. Only the small log fires illuminating the endless cold nights provide any real colour, any real comfort for the characters that roam the film’s bleak setting.

Follow the Crows has a touch of Ben Wheatley about it in tone as well as look. Director Alex Secker spares his audience any exposition and we join the characters on their never ending search rather than watch them from a distance. Like them, you work it out as you go along. When the anonymous figure of the hunter begins stalking the former members of a gang escaping from their past and themselves across the hills and through the woodlands, it is up to us, along with them, to work out why they are being picked off.

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The Hunter (played with consummate understatement by co-script writer and producer Mark Starr) is satisfyingly enigmatic and straightforward at the same time. He is clearly seeking revenge and, once satisfied, can die in peace. Such is the intelligence of the screenplay, he barely needs to speak for us to hear his pain, and it is never certain if he will achieve his aim.

Every character, no matter how briefly they appear, is created in full and from scratch. There’s the fool-in-motley sidekick to a sadistic and malevolent trapper uncomfortably thrown into moral and actual wilderness that he cannot survive. The middle-aged rapists whose bickering and banal sadism underpins society’s slide toward complacent barbarism. The two middle class professionals thrown together in a world they are equpped to do nothing but abandon themselves to. Even the five second appearance of the brooding Roger (the only character given a name in the end credits) has a narrative and moral purpose.

At the heart of the film are the stand out performances of the two main characters. First there is The Man – who is essentially good but forced to live with the memory of the evil he has been party to – played with clinical restraint by Max Curtis. Even in the courageous silences through which Secker allows his audience to become part of his landscape, Curtis wears his pain and conviction like the mark of Cain. What vestige of humanity he has managed to save is nurtured and kindled like a camp fire on a rain-soaked hillside by The Woman. Played by a disarmingly natural Daniella Faircloth who skilfully manages to inhabit her character more than portray her, she is a hymn to innocence and experience: victim, killer, vulnerable, powerful, decisive and lost.

Dialogue is sparse, exposition is minimal but the story is rich and well told.

Making any film is difficult. Producing a full-length feature on a small budget is especially hard. Creating an intelligent film that never flags, rejects cliché and looks this good takes a superhuman form of dedication. It is clear that everyone involved in this production deserves the highest possible praise and should be justifiably proud of their work. I look forward to their next project, because there surely must be one.

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Thanks to Mark for permission to republish this; does he know what he’s letting himself in for?!
But as for Follow the Crows, it’s pretty much as I expected and not just me gratifying the cast and crew because I was sat among them at the cosy press screening, this really is an impressive and poignant movie. So asked director Marc Starr what comes next for the film, pondering where the process goes from here.
“From the preview we’re tweaking it,” Marc informed me, “Then, next week entering it into a few film festivals, where, if selected, it has a better chance of getting distribution.”

 

Have to wish the team all the best with this, and look forward to a day when Follow the Crows is rightfully screened across the globe.

The Horrible History of Chippenham

They’re not show offs at the Neeld Community and Arts Centre in Chippenham, they’re show-ons!

They’ve certainly booked a huge variety of class acts akin to city status, and through 2018 they intend to continue.

A tribute to classic blues-rock is forthcoming with Voodoo Room, but from Nicolas Parsons’ sold out stand-up to a Big Fish Little Fish family rave, no one can argue variety is the key to Neeld’s ethos; and  that’s just next month!

I’m personally “well up” for April 16th when legendary R&B mod Georgie Fame will steal the thunder. But as an example of the variety on offer here I’d like to draw your attention to the Horrible Histories Show on 3rd June. If you’re asking why I’m drawing your attention to it, you’ve obviously not sat and read the amazing books or watched the awesome CBBC programs with your kids.

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It’s ingeniously written, with gruesome facts and highly amusing sketches. My only complaint is jealousy, that history was never this fun in my school days. If just one of my teachers could’ve come anywhere near as entertaining as this, I might have stopped staring at Tracey Slater’s legs all lesson and paid attention.

The show, subtitled, “more best of barmy Britain,” is written by Terry Deary and Neal Foster, and produced by the Birmingham Stage Company. Deary, the world’s bestselling non-fiction children’s author, has 200 books under his belt, translated into 40 languages. His 50 Horrible Histories titles sold over 25 million copies worldwide from China to Brazil.

Currently celebrating their 25th anniversary, the Birmingham Stage Company is one of the world’s top family orientated theatre companies. As well as a dozen years of Horrible Histories shows, they’re known for Roald Dahl’s George’s Marvellous Medicine and David Walliams’ productions, Awful Auntie and Gangsta Granny.

This could be an event for the history books itself! The blurb runs like this: “We all want to meet people from history. The trouble is everyone is dead!

So it’s time to prepare yourselves for a special one-hour production of Horrible Histories featuring MORE of your favourite characters from our barmy past! This brand new compilation show has never toured before and includes a special new scene featuring wordy Will Shakespeare!

Find out why the Romans were revolting! Could you survive the vicious Vikings? Can evil Elizabeth entertain England? Would you party with the Puritans? Clap along with crazy King Charles! Vomit with the vile Victorians and prepare to do battle in the frightful First World War!

It’s history with the nasty bits left in!”

Sandie Webber of Chippenham Town Council said, “I have my ticket booked already. What better place for Horrible Histories than the town of Chippenham where Arthur had his Palace in those days so beloved of Horrible Histories author Terry Deary? Not so much revolting as riveting.”

Adult ticket are £17 and you know you’re going to have just as much fun as the children, who’s tickets are £13.50.

 

http://www.neeld.co.uk/whats-on/horrible-histories/2018-06-03/

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No Surprises Living in Devizes: Aesthetic or Artistic; similar thing isn’t it?

I was four in 1977, the year of the Silver Jubilee. I recall a tonnage of bunting at our local recreation ground, though it’s vague. One sentiment glued in my head is frustration, with my parents the following morning.

I’d been given a silver spoon with the crest of the jubilee, they were of the opinion it was something to treasure, to keep in mint condition, as one day, I was told, it’d be worth a fortune. I disagreed; sure was a lovely spoon, made sense to me it should have the honour of being used to eat my Coco Pops with.

I snivelled in our kitchen; mum, adamant I wasn’t going to use it to eat my cereal, finally caved, telling me the spoon would be ruined and I’d be sorry when I grew up. I did use the spoon, and continued to use it right into my mid-twenties, when the crest was long gone and it rusted to a state of disrepair.

It was futile to expect a four-year-old to comprehend sentimental value, but till this day I’m not materialistic, I’d sooner something be functional than retaining it for visual nostalgia. When studying art history I focussed on tribal art as they put design into their tools, as nomadic it’s pointless to carry unnecessary items for their aesthetical value.

Dating from the Norman era, the Church of St Mary the Virgin in New Park Street is one of the most important buildings in Devizes; it’s Grade 1 listed, amongst the top 2.5% of listed buildings in the country and it’s tower a landmark in town, but no longer in use as a church.

A Conservation Management Plan was produced four years ago at the request of the Salisbury Diocese and passed to a number of consultees; the Diocesan Advisory Board, Wiltshire Development (Planning & Conservation,) Historic England, The Church Building Council, Devizes Town Council and Trust For Devizes.

The St Mary Trust formed a vision, to transform the historic church into a vibrant building for the arts. It’s been a battleground since, initially turned down by Wiltshire Council, appealed, and turned down more times than the dweeb in the first year asking out Tracey Slater, the fittest chick in sixth form.

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The grounds for their decision; WC planning officer, Mike Wilmott said, “This is a contemporary addition to a very old building. This will make substantial harm to the setting of this building,” and accused the group of blackmail, which, with all due respect, sounds to me like a crock of shit.

Nobody’s proposing holding a Special Brew anarchist’s sadomasochist brawl, or asking West Ham and Milwall fans to settle their differences with a monster truck rally. It’s just a few mild-mannered Devizions wanting space to perform some music and theatre.

By my reckoning, the modern regime we burden under despises funding arts. They’d rather we wake, work, be content watching Homes under the Hammer, sleep and repeat.

There’s a meeting to be held at 7.30pm on February 1 at the church, chaired by St Marys Future Group.  The churchwarden, Tony Storer explained to the Gazette, “The purpose is to review what has happened over the past two years, including a presentation outlining the Conservation Management Plan, developed with advice from the Salisbury Diocese.”

In the uncertainty, I hope the meeting doesn’t conclude that anything is better than being left redundant and the church gets used for something-or-other, like, I dunno, selling off for an antiques shop disguised by a fancy name, or slapping up two-thousand shoebox sized flats, just for the sake of it. I wouldn’t have eaten any old, budget-range chocolate rice pops with my jubilee spoon, had to be Coco-Pops.

An art gallery, café, charity base, use by another congregation, craft workshop, theatre, and a drop-in centre are all decent suggestions. After permitted TITCO performances, such as the brilliant and apt Sister Act, it’s clear, acoustically and functionally, St Marys would make an awesome arts centre, which would need a café for intervals, and when no performances are happening, it’d be perfect for all the other suggestions; hey, a multi-purpose arts centre, why not?

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A similar pursuit for an Arts Centre in Calne is under discussion, using the Grove building. Town councillor Terry Couchman informed me he’s “desperate to get some individual and group outline proposals of how they would like to use the Grove. Without these brief declarations and interest it’s going to be a tough fight with Wiltshire Council.”

I pondered with Terry, after explaining about St Marys; “I wonder if they’ll try similar on the Grove, although it’s not an old church?”

“They want to sell it for building,” he sighed, “to the highest bidder.” Why doesn’t this surprise me? Again, there’s a Town Council Meeting in Calne on 5th Feb, see the Calne in Tune Project Facebook page.

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The Rev Canon Paul Richardson, St Mary’s Rector said it all, without adding things about monster truck rallies like me; “Without development of St Mary’s Church for community use it will be closed, and its future conservation is by no means secure. There is no harm to the building; there is minimum impact on its setting and the conservation area. There is a clearly identified and acknowledged public need that outweighs that minimum impact.”

Unless WC can see logic, like my rusted, worthless spoon, St Marys and the Grove will be hidden away, considered too aesthetically pleasing to be functional for art, which is kinda the same thing isn’t it? So come on Wiltshire Council, as we see our amenities fast diminishing, such as the hub of Brickstead and Eastleigh Rd, The Cavalier, isn’t it about time to bring something fresh to these market towns?

If I’d only kept the spoon, I’d bop them on the nose with it. I Googled it, you can buy a mint one on eBay for £1:99; worthless now, there wasn’t a need to treasure it, just saying.

St Mary’s Trust st maryslogo

Future Use Seminar 1st Feb @ St Marys, Devizes

 

Unrest on Wine Street

In the mid-nineties Pewsey received a refreshing alternative to the predominately techno scene when it gained a resident Jamaican keen to put on welcomed reggae nights. To this day organiser Knati continues to host sound system events from Calne to Marlborough.

I’m reckoning it was 2006 when I approached him, asking if he’d like a flyer designed, stupidly, what I didn’t know at the time; he’s also Clifton Powell, a highly accomplished artist!

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Clifton studied at The Jamaica School of Art, Kingston, before moving to London in the late eighties. After a stay in Bath he found his way to sleepy Wiltshire where he settled. I picked up on his sublime paintings at The Bluestone Gallery in Swan Yard, Devizes; an awesome emporium chockful of a wide variety of art, mostly locally sourced.

Prior to his forthcoming exhibition “Unrest,” at the gorgeous Wine Street Gallery over on Hopton, opening on 1st March and running until the 24th, I was invited to his rural retreat, which he deems his “yard,” to meet him, and a Labrador I recognised from Clifton’s portrait, who escorted me up the track.

Over a cuppa we discussed the range of his work. While acrylic on canvas is his favoured medium, and his style traditional realism, the range of subjects is vast and avant-garde, usually allocated to a series. Clifton, answering my question on other mediums, expressed although he had experimented, he was at home with acrylic or oil on canvas.

I was keen to ask if Wine Street’s show was confined to his shadier depictions of civil unrest and revolution, or if works of other subjects would be displayed.

It seems while the “Unrest” series will be the focal point, these other themes will also be displayed, bringing all the diversity he feels it obligatory to explore to the exhibit. Clifton is a highly accomplished, versatile painter and prolific, working on a piece when I arrived. With expressive fluid draughtsmanship he combines dynamic use of colour with confident brushwork to create gentle and realistic images; throughout his house I sauntered in awe.

 

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Influenced by places travelled and the people he met, scenes and still life adorn every wall, many of Wiltshire’s countryside and wildlife, others include an astounding series of African landscapes and portraits, akin to Gauguin. But while many themes conventional, I was taken by the portrait “Barbados,” in Bluestone, explaining to Knati by the title I’d have preconceived brightness and buoyancy. However the painting is of a tired local with head-in-hands upon a black background, it’s shadowy, evocative. Knati laughed, enlightening night in Barbados is exceptionally dark and the character has been overworked.

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It’s this contraction which has produced “Unrest,” the exciting series featuring at Wine Street; there are obscure backdrops of turbulence, active characters caught up in fogged scenes of, what I perceived as a riot, faces veiled by V or gasmasks, and ambiguous dark portrayals of a time Clifton views as present.

In contrast we paused on a breathtakingly realistic image of a robin, I noted it’s something my mother would love, and he told me a personal story of why he’d never part with it. This diversity is his motivation, a freedom to paint subjects at will, commission based or not, and something which makes Clifton’s art surprising and never dull.

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Clifton’s past exhibitions include The International Art Exhibition at St Martin’s school of Art in London, as well as in Stroud, and The House of Emperor Haile Selassie in Bath; the Ethiopian king and divinity of Rastafari having stayed there in exile. Clifton has had his work alongside Paul Goodnight and many established black artists.

It was keenly noted by social media comments that Clifton is also an inspired teacher, volunteering with the Arts Together charity, which works to improve the health, well-being and quality of life of older people through a range of participatory arts projects.

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Throughout our tête-à-tête Clifton never talked in tongues or attempted to baffle about what any painting represented, the pictures speak for themselves, and all that shone through was his dynamic and amiable personality. You need make up your own mind by viewing his work at the Wine Street Gallery, and if you’ve never been there before, this is the ideal opportunity.

So, there’s a private view, Thursday 1st March, from 6-9 PM, and the exhibit continues Saturday 2nd, until Saturday 24th March 2018, at Wine St. Gallery @ No 10, Unit 10, White Horse Business Centre, Hopton Road, Devizes, Wilts, SN10 2HJ

Facebook.com/winestreetgallery Contact Dawn Galbraith Tel: 07852 945598, email: dawnomant@aol.com

Facebook Event Page here.

Those Beers Won’t Drink Themselves!

The Devizes Festival of Winter Ales does what it says on the tankard, but it isn’t just about drinking Kennet and Avon Brewery winter ales and ciders in the cosy Corn Exchange.

Now I’m not talking about this year’s warming musical performances by Rob Lear and the Drystones, or even, dare I say it, the chance to catch Rod Laver’s vaudevillian ping-pong mouth juggling, which might be worth the price-tag itself.

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No, you see, the festival is a fundraising event for DOCA, The Devizes Outdoor Celebratory Arts, and we all love the many free events they put on in our town, like the Devizes International Street Festival, Devizes Carnival and the Christmas Lantern Parade.

The Festival of Winter Ales helps DOCA meet the costs of their outstanding programme, which costs thousands to create. Think of all those fireworks last Christmas, the brilliant bands at the street festival or at Hillworth Park; all wracks up you know. We owe it to DOCA to drink some ale and cider, which can be no bad thing!

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Those beers won’t drink themselves, so show your support if you can; on the evening of Friday 23rd February, from 4 – 11pm, or Saturday 24th February when the afternoon runs from 11 – 5pm, and evening from 5.30 – 11pm.

Tickets are available for three sessions over the two days, and can be purchased online here: or in person at Devizes Books, The British Lion, The Vaults and the Wadworth’s Visitor Centre. Over 18’s only though you understand.

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Wave your nappy in the air like you don’t care!

Halfway up a mountain in Andalusia, early noughties; I spot admist the crowd of mad ravers in a tranced frenzy, a distressed toddler crying, and perpetually calling out “mama!”

Rave culture was never just about popping out to a club to wave your arms in the air, and hug complete strangers on a Friday night, it was a way of life. A way of life which had engulfed me at this point, with a good fifteen years under my belt.

I’d done that, got the T-shirt and worn it out. So-much-so, no matter what my state of mind, I was capable of finding moral standing. I jumped to my feet from where we were “chilling” to assist in a way I wasn’t quite sure of, I just knew I couldn’t sit there and watch the child in meltdown.

A hand on my shoulder stopped me, a trusty friend advised me not to get involved. She was right, the mum could be anywhere in this humongous techno fiesta,  probably didn’t speak English and, what is more, would be too “off her face” to be concerned.

Heartbroken I tore myself away from the sight, consoled myself there was little I could’ve done.

As much as I loved free party raving, I have to admit it’s probably not the best environment for a toddler. It’d take a strong mentality to withhold parental responsibility when all about you is hedonism and mayhem.

There then is the plight of the last great youth culture, like all previous trends, we grew up, we had kids and now the fragments of that once proud scene consist of the odd occasion where you perchance to hire a babysitter but spend most of your time reminiscing about your car breaking down at  Castlemorton with some delinquent dribbling clubber, or such like fable, Uncle Albert style.

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However, the times are a changin’  you soppy old ruffneck ting, and there’s a growing fad sweeping the nation which allows the hardcore massive turned mom or dad to shove their, let’s face it, mostly harmless ways of misspent youth down the throat of their impressionable nipper; and why not?!

Raver Tots host “family raves” where kids and grownups can hit the dance floor together.

The kids, and I’m gathering parents too, are supplied with endless entertainment; face painting, UV lights, bubbles, balloons, confetti and giant parachutes, all in a rave style atmosphere.

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They book some of the UK’s top DJ’s  of yore including residents Artful Dodger, Brandon Block, Slipmatt & Nicky Blackmarket, attracting up to 1,500 people.

Rave Tots events have proved successful, selling out up to 3 months in advance.

Closest to here is one on the 4th February at the Bath Pavilion with Nicky Blackmarket playing classic drum ‘n’ bass with MC Chalky. And 8th April at Swindon’s Mecca with DJ Slipmatt.

Founded by Mike Pickets in 2017, Raver Tots has an ongoing charitable interest and supports an array of charities that help children with Autism and ADHD.

They advise ear defenders can be worn although the music is kept to safe levels and club lights are in “rave style” but no strobe lights are used. A maximum of three adults are permitted per child but you can’t get in without a child, insuring this is a totally family atmosphere.

What a brilliant idea, I salute the organisers of Raver Tots and I’m pleased to see just because rave has come of age, there’s acceptable outlets keeping the vibe alive in their own, individual way, keen to note though,  this isn’t completely unique, Bestival innovating family festival vibes since 2004.

Bestival increased this ethos by hosting spin-off club events of a similar nature called “big fish, little fish family raves,” and they’re at the Neeld Community Centre in Chippenham on the 10th March.

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They describe the events as being, “designed as much for grown ups as for children; daft, social, anarchic and a whole load of fun for everyone together.” Which is, in a nutshell, what rave was all about to begin with!

Bath Pavillion 4th Feb:

https://m.facebook.com/events/1577240112319872/

Neeld, Chippenham 10th March:

http://www.neeld.co.uk/whats-on/big-fish-little-fish-family-rave/

Swindon Mecca 8th April

https://m.facebook.com/events/170912836972582

EH raise price to visit Stonehenge

 

EH announced entry price to Stonehenge is set to rise in April from £16:50 to £19:50 per adult, and from £40:70 to £50:90 for families.

I find myself wondering how much of this is for the upkeep of the monument and how much is pure profit, or to make inadequate new infrastructure alterations, or even, dare I say it, to fund a security company who many have complained about their heavy-handed attics and rude responses to visitors.

It also questions, just how much are people willing to pay to see Wiltshire’s primary internationally renowned wonder, and how these prices, which already seem extreme, affect smaller local businesses relying on tourism?

Already disgruntled with new rules regarding solstice celebrations at the site, and the charges for parking on these scared days, Pagan High Preist, Arthur Uther Pendragon opened a government petition, stating EH are “not fit to manage” Stonehenge.

“Since splitting with Historic England,” the campaign says, “English Heritage has commercialized Stonehenge to the extreme introducing a ‘Pay to Pray’ Policy at Solstices and priced Tourism out of reach for the General Public to whom it was left, and supported unsuitable road improvements in the World Heritage site.”

“They have rejected the advice and concerns of UNESCO, Senior Archaeologists, Historians, Druids, and Environmentalists. This shows they are not fit to manage the ‘Jewel in the Crown’ of a World Heritage site.”

Please sign this petition here: https://petition.parliament.uk/petitions/200246

 

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No Surprises Living in Devizes: Christmas has Bin and Gone

Christmas has been and gone, oodles of excessive packaging, bounded by gift-wrap, collate with ceaseless magnitudes of biscuits or mince pie boxes, and a massif of void tins and bottles, a testament to an enjoyable few days of merriment.

Now it’s the renowned month of misery, as dark as a heart-to-heart about Morrissey’s downturn with a flu-ridden goth. Yet you choose to read my causerie as if it’s going to help; oh my years. Take the bins out; far more entertaining.

I love being environmentally friendly, love the fact we’ve gone from sturdy metal bins that’d have lasted a hundred years to lightweight plastic ones which will luckily last five; sense in that?

Risking a rupture, I raise my right leg and pull myself into our recycling wheelie-bin, joining the foresaid rubbish mountain. Like a grape-crushing winemaker I stomp, squashing contents down. I lose a slipper, ones my daughter bought me too.

Now, at a lower level inside the bin, comes the finale of my party trick; amidst yogurt pots and milk cartons, I must locate the lost slipper with toes, slip it back on, then cock my leg like a ballerina at the Vienna State Opera and attempt to clamber out, distributing my weight to avoid it tipping and wriggling raised feet to avoid slippers making another break for it; opps, nearly dropped me fag.

Even compressed and refilled it’s still as light as a feather. So light in fact, that my efforts are wasted because, like everyone else in our town, I’ve failed to take heed of the Council’s yuletide collection modifications, mimicking the neighbour’s behaviour for assembling their rubbish for collection despite knowing they’ve no more clue than I. Consequently, it’s the wrong day.

Hello, it is winter; as if a force ten hurricane was unexpected. It sweeps my bin, your bin, and everyone else’s bin along the street, rocking them, tipping them, spewing rubbish into bushes and trees as they journey, littering our once green and pleasant land. If anyone wanted to remake the Dr Who episode “Attack of the Mutant Wheelie Bins,” (classic Tom Baker) they missed an ideal opportunity for filming.

Yes, I love being environmentally friendly. Guilt-ridden I pursue Fruit Shoot bottles down the street, recalling my childhood when the bin-man opened your gate, walked up your back garden path whistling a ditty, tipped his hat, threw your hefty bin over his shoulder, causally made his way to tip it in the truck and returned it back to your garden, still smiling.

No good being nostalgic, life cannot be like this anymore, we have to adhere to health and safety, have to consider there’s too many houses and not nearly enough bin-men, (sorry, refuse collection operatives)  and if we employ more, our council tax would skyrocket.

Like the days police would arrive at traffic jams to direct vehicles, or the post arrived in the morning, these are memories as unattainably returnable as Michael Jackson being the epiphany of cool.

So, someone sulked, “I used to tip the bin-men, I don’t anymore,” as if it’s their fault. “Oi; Refuse Collection Operative; put that Christmas cracker down, swallow your last mouthful of turkey, kiss the nippers bye, get your flipping boots on and pick up my crap before the storm blows it over the downs….oh, and merry Christmas to you too.”

No one blames the toy companies who outsourced production to a sweatshop in some far-flung country, meaning products need to be endlessly bounded with plastic ties, gurt chunks of polystyrene and masses of uncalled-for packaging.

No one blames the media, stirring commercial frenzy in our feeble minds, telling us what we need to buy, how much we need to bestow to our loved ones so they know we love them.

No one blames manufacturing, blasé with exploring and funding innovative concepts in organic packaging in favour of keeping costs low. If you funded them, they’d be standard and costs will drop; idiots.

No one blames politicians, many of whom hell-bent on denying there’s an issue with the environment, convinced it’s a hoax, and only push greener originations to stop a few fuddy-duddy hippies from whinging.  No worries, just shut up, munch your mini eclairs and throw the plastic wrapping into the impending wrath of climate change; some future generation’s problem.

Scientists predict a mini-ice age by 2030, yeah what do they know; they’re only scientists and, obviously, full of it? I can’t wrap my head around this ridiculous climate change conspiracy theory. Please tell me no one in Tory-Town Devizes believes this foolish fundamentalist bollocks?

Tell you what wise-guy, look around you; we’ve a few colder days but it’s supposed to be January for crying out loud into an unused snood. Nature doesn’t know if it coming or going. Plants are like “eh, what, is it time to bud now?”

Venture outside early and hear birds singing their spring song already, they don’t know if it’s mating season, migration or what to-buggery is going on. I wager they adopt the same ethos as me with the bins; wait and see what the neighbours do and when. They’re like, “hey Bob, we supposed to be migrating or what?” Bob is all like, “dunno pal, hoping you’d tell me.”

Forget not, these are the same group of ninnies certain the world is flat. Despite: YOU. CAN. SEE. IT. Climb a mountain, a skyscraper will suffice; you can see the curvature of the Earth.

Garth Brooks; I’ll tolerate. McDonalds; might munch one occasionally. But do we have to adopt this bonkers American credence? I’ll tell you what’s flat shall I? Your flipping brain is. Flat, and about the same dimensions as a postage stamp.

Take your flipping gear out of reverse, we must do what we can even if it works or if it doesn’t, least we can say we tried.

There, that cheered you up? I’m getting out of the wheelie-bin now.

 

Mind your Manners; Special Brew are coming the Cons Club in April

With barely enough time to tack another mirror to their Lambrettas, The Devizes Scooter Club is zooming forward with a Bad Manners Tribute band on April 28th at their regular venue, the Conservative Club.

After booking Northern Soul DJ Terry Hendrick for 24th Feb and hosting a 70s/80s disco on 31st March, are they out to put a gig on monthly? I asked the Colonel of the club Adam Ford. “We’ve got six dates in 2018 so far,” he told me; bookmark 30th June, 25th August and the 27th October in your busy diary rude boys and girls.

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Now you don’t have to be a Tiswas devotee to know the music of Bad Manners, surely? Formed in 1976 in North London, the Two-Tone band had enormous success with several notable hits you can’t help but dance to.

I recall seeing them at Level Three in Swindon in the nineties, on a tangent, it’s sad to hear the news Sheer’s night with Frank Turner will be the last gig there. A sad day for Swindon’s music scene, the venue and the Rolleston pub next door has been going for as long I can remember. I recall fond nights with the likes of the Skanxters and Zion Train.

Bad Manners though, they gave Millie’s “My Boy Lollipop,” a gender-swap cover, “Lip up Fatty,” was an anthem, “Lorraine,” and “Walking in the Sunshine,” both fantastic, and when they did the Can-Can, even my gran would be shaking a leg at those eighties family parties. Personal favourite though has to be “Special Brew,” which coincidently is the name of the Cardiff-based tribute act heading this event.

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We’re just entering our 4th year of playing,” the band’s manager Wayne told me, “Things have gone from strength to strength.”

Of course, irregular frontman Buster Bloodvessel is the main reason for the notoriety of Bad Manners; that belly, baldhead and, well, that tongue. He managed to get them banned from Top of the Pops, and let’s just say the Pope didn’t take to kindly to him, or his backside, either. I asked Wayne if he’d met Buster and if he approved.

“We’ve met Buster a few times,” he continued, “he totally approves of us and appreciates us doing what we do. Angela, our sax player played for Buster and Bad Manners at last year’s Cardiff gig.”

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Doubly confirming this tribute act isn’t watering anything down, their frontman goes by the name of Busta Bollock, and sure looks the part.

I asked Wayne for their favourite Bad Manners tune. “I guess each member has their own favourite but as a band we’d have to say Lip Up Fatty,” he answered, which didn’t help my patience any in anticipating April 28th; can’t wait!

Special Brew @ The Cons Club: April 28th 2018

 

The Ideal Husband is at the Wharf

What makes the ideal husband you might ask; what’s that honey, you woke me up?

One made of chocolate and praline perhaps, one who can fix the broken drain in just cut-off jeans and still smells like rosewood and patchouli, one who folds his socks in pairs might be adequate; I don’t know, maybe Oscar Wilde has a better answer than me. That is where the Wharf Theatre in Devizes comes in.

So yes ladies, the Ideal Husband is at the Wharf, rather than yours who is snoozing on the sofa, cuddling a bowl of cheesy puffs with his hand down his pants. Running from Friday 26th January to Saturday 3rd February, the Wharf’s next production is Oscar Wilde’s brilliant tale of political scandal.

Wilde introduces his audience to a young, highly respected politician, whose murky past comes to light at just the wrong moment. Lord Chiltern is on his way up and is being spoken of as a possible future Prime Minister. He is considered morally upright without a stain on his character and his wife, Mabel, considers him an ideal husband.

However it soon emerges that his meteoric rise was not without compromise and an early indiscretion leaves him wide open to blackmail; tales of political scandal are nothing new.

Tickets are now on sale at £12 with £10 concessions and can be purchased from the Devizes Community Hub and Library on Sheep Street, the Wharf Theatre website wharftheatre.co.uk or call: 03336 663 366

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No Surprises Living in Devizes: On Your Bike 2017!

Last Christmas I gave you my heart. Still got it, cos I could do with it back? Let’s face it valiantly, 2017 can be summed up in a word; “crap.”

Just another year of government mendacities, spending cuts, and tyrannical deviations to make Britain as great as our new passports. Blue is the colour of cold and remoteness, just saying.

Another year where bulletins of worldwide terrorist attacks, terrible environmental tragedies and threats of internal conflict and war dwindle fast, to make room for the next horror story, and the poorest writhe under misguided pronouncements from bigoted world leaders, while ladies cut holes in their Christmas jumpers to make their boobs look like reindeers; we took the rough with the smooth.

Locally, pubs close faster than you can finish your drink in them, while Facebook pages spawn like rabbits. Everything feels as fake and plastic as Donald Trump’s suntan, and the world as spiteful as his Twitter profile. All’s well that ends well working the other way, even this No Surprises is nothing more than a clip-show; what a rip off.

I opened the year after the Boxing Day massacre, and sided with the fox: I’m on a wind up because, despite its illegality, thousands gathered on Boxing Day to blatantly flaunt the law and, just like they do to their children, they rub the blood in the face of anyone who might feel it slightly unfair on the fox by unveiling their crime in the native newspaper, as if what they did was acceptable behaviour; shame on the Gazette for passing such conceited pugnacious dribble off as an innocuous pageant.

This one, I’m sure you’ll appreciate, went down like a lead balloon at a ban lead-balloon-popping protest. Still not much changes, this Boxing Day they gathered in Pewsey, among other locations across the country. The only difference now is the ones claiming no harm is done seem to have found a novel activity; beat the protester with a horsewhip.

Our hate for foxes came to an apex when some idiot nicked the Basil Brush RNL collection box from the Little Brittox, but I’d already turned my attention to the A303 at Stonehenge: dodgy as an atomic-powered milk-float on a mountain footpath, used like an ultramodern autobahn by selfie-taking headless chickens, the proposed 1.4 billion squid to entomb traffic in a carbon monoxide tube for 1.8 miles, and campaigners complained, it’s not long enough; as if it was bound to happen when the council can’t even repair a pothole.

Then scaremongering weather warnings that were never to be sparked a trip down memory lane when Paul Baker, Sue Linsley, Patricia Besant, Ron Bridewell, Caroline Hubbard Reid and a chap with the unfortunate name of OAP Kev recollected snowy days of yore in Devizes. The column was getting nice again, until teenagers were caught uttering naughty words in Morrisons by Facebook PC philanthropists.

So I flipped open Pandora’s Box, asking The Devises Issue group, not for their reaction to the criticism teenagers received, but to prove the stereotype wrong. We covered many decent activities local youth do, from Arthur Plumb fire-juggling on a unicycle to the Bratton Silver Band and Phoenix Brass, the Cadets to Devizes Youth Club, and highlighted MACs and Centre Stage Academy of Dance.

Rubbing salt into whinger’s wounds, we heard a most memorable guest; the fantastic Freya Pigott, who talked about the Wiltshire Assembly of Youth and the UK Youth Parliament: “we find ourselves conflicting with Wiltshire Council,” she told us, “as we often stand up against cuts to public transport and youth services, while calling for more funding for mental health services.”  Shame it doesn’t feel like they listened, cutting more than Mary Whitehouse editing Debbie Does Dallas.

I reckon we did justice for youth though, showed up pigeonholing “grownups,” while our own MP unleashed some serious drivel, comparing hysterical Brexiteers to jihadists: It was more irrational outburst than a cheap-shot rebellious kvetch, her only intention seemingly to earn a permit to appear on the tele-box.” And she did, where she proceeded to ignore Billy Bragg and over-shout senior obnoxious cow, Anne Widdecombe: “Did you catch “the World According to Claire Perry Show,” with guests including David Dimbleby, incorrectly scheduled by the BBC as Question Time? She fumbled humble pie but it fell on the floor before she had the opportunity to eat it. Her annoyance with Brexiteers soon dissolved to mindless obedience to the Tory line.

After winter, came….yeah, potholes. I fell into Potterne’s craters, slightly more filled in than the A360 upon asking Wiltshire Council the procedures for pothole repairs. The vagueness of their response was a contributing factor to the path No Surprises would take; when dealing with the Council I found it best to just make stuff up rather than ask. The ethos peaked over the hysteria of parking charges to punish local business.

Attempts to hop back to the good foot, including chatting to Devizes-born Chris Astill-Smith, on his mission to swim the channel. I thanked the Great Western Hospital Foundation, providing space for the Devizes Foodbank and was even nice about Claire Perry’s assistance with it. Also, it was cool talking to Wadworth’s sign-painter David Young, after he rubbed shoulders with Prince Charles.

Seemed spring was brightening up, but then Peter Blockley of the Devizes Lions announced the club was unable to comply with Wiltshire Council’s interpretation of regulations: “We’re very sorry for any disappointment felt by the public, who have always supported this event.” Tradition couldn’t save the May Fair this year for fear of terrorist attack: Maybe the Council has a point, I’m angered by all the terrorist attacks at events in Devizes; Christmas light switch on I saw a bearded foreigner, probably one of those Lapland extremists, on the roof of the Bear Hotel with some kind of electrical devise. The next thing, I heard explosions.

A surge in annoyance developed, being Wiltshire, with the lowest crime rates in the country, but peculiarly, police Taser usage above national average, celebrated the incongruity with Chief Constable Mike Veale handing out Tasers to: any old PC Tom, Dick, or Dirty Harry. And even more frustrating, his reasoning: It’s all these darn terrorist attacks happening in our God forsaken county.

So with staying in being the new going out, fear of being Tasered, I created a poll to find the best takeaway in town: it’s more important than the EU referendum. Bit naff, but the following week I did a prodigious piece on gender equality at the Devizes to Westminster Canoe Race, and the inspiring tale of Sheila Burnett, who disguised her gender to enter. Similarly I advocated the virtue of girl’s football; Things I do to get out of doghouse. I even, like a premonition of Devizine, previewed the summer festivities, moaning “what do I look like now, some kind of event guide?” Pleasant topics; if I knew then what I……oh, forget it.

But with spanners dressing as Muslims to protest about the cancelation of the May Fair, a new pub landlord trying to paint over ceiling murals sacred to crop-circlers, a surge in dog owners tying poo-bags to trees, and not forgetting, of course, our trustworthy Prime Minister nobody voted for, who clearly stated she wouldn’t call a snap election, suddenly calling a snap election, it was reasonable to suggest all hell would break loose. Who’d have flunked it?

We managed a tenacious link from doggy-poo bags to the current state of Parliament, which wasn’t tricky: Better still; train your pooch to poo in your own garden rather than leave it to the heroic CUDS and Green Party’s Geoff Brewer, who have been tidying discarded poo sacks in Drew’s Pond Wood, the worst affected area of Devizes. At last, here’s a councillor cleaning poo rather than dishing it out.

One way forward; interview prospective local candidates, as if they had a chance. We started with the most radical, Dr Emma Dawnay of the Green Party: “We are not a single issue party!” Emma assured, “we have policies across the board which will increase wellbeing and give people the financial motivation to live in a more sustainable manner. For me our economic policies, on tax, investment and the monetary system – are more important than rules on, for instance, plastic bags, as they will have a far wider impact. I’m a political economist, and it is the Green Party’s economic policies that convinced me to become Green.”

Then Labour’s Imtiyaz Shaikh under the spotlight: who is surprisingly optimistic in his attempt to gain against the bigger kids in this game of musical chairs. It was becoming clear with my notion: Least we can be sure; the Conservative Party will remain callous organisms, unreliable as Charles Ponzi at the My Little Pony Friendship Club AGM. No apologies, this is not the Beeb. The chance of impartiality here equals the chance of Tories sticking to their manifesto, the furnace was warming.

Now, expectedly a few obnoxious right-wing fanatics, too thick to see the satire through their hateful agenda tried laughably to verbally attack me personally, so we took a fortnight away from politics where I dressed as Wilber, the Air Ambulance bear at the brilliant Calne-Fest, had an adventure on the wheels of steel at the Devizes Scooter Club Family Fun Day and chatted to Sam Bishop of Devizes-own pop band Larkin, all the time never really believing Claire Perry would take the No Surprises podium.

But she did, and I interviewed the key person to all the shenanigans. Like a true politician, she avoided answering every question, and not one Tory sympathiser appreciated my unbiased effort anyway: Claire was keen to contradict herself, “We’re not entering a coalition with the DUP. The Conservative party is the only party forming the UK Government. We are entering talks with the DUP to ask if they will be willing to support us in those key votes on a confidence and supply basis. This does not mean we are entering into a relationship with the DUP, or that we support them.” Sake!

Despite a naked cyclist and phantom adolescent bum slapper at large, I insisted on a group huggle. We yakked to clothed Seend cyclist and pork pie lover, Jennifer Dalton, who with her friend John Whalley took part in the Deloitte Ride across Britain, and Poulshot farmer Nicole Pegg, who sadly had her livestock attacked by a dog. That though was the tip of the iceberg of bad news in Devizes, with the sabotage of the Jubilee woods and two paedophile arrests made, things too bleak to mention. So I proposed we look to carnival as revitalisation, until a dog bit me and I spent the parade slouching in Swindon’s A&E eating Wotzits. DOCA though have done us proud, with an excellent Hillworth Picnic and awesome street festival, forgotten by the public when new arrangements for the Christmas Parade needed ironing, and an electrical issue saw Santa booed.

Celebrations afoot, below Ian Diddams’ hashtag #nothingeverhappensindevizes I set to prove, despite the filthy top-heavy Tory ethos, Devizes is great, and there’s plenty to do. Since Facebookers lamented there was no single what’s-on guide, although there was, but updated as often as the Doomsday Book, I hit upon a revelation. The moisture of the Earth, the powers of the sun and moon, all worked upon a certain writer, old as creation, and he became magically fertile!

Yeah, whatever, that first egg was named, “No Surprises Living in Devizes.” The father Bud said, “With No Surprises, we make fun of Devizes.” Elemental forces caused the egg to hatch. From it came a stone cold website.

The nature of Devizine was irresponsible!

It certainly kept my mind preoccupied from the terrible cause of events in my personal life. My Dad suffered a stroke at the beginning of the year and never recovered. It left that inspiring, kind man severely physically and mentally disabled. Tuesdays when I usually wrote my column I’d spend driving to London after work to see him. The column therefore became sporadic, not as polished and often the satire was lost. To the point where some thought they’d kick me when I was down, and No Surprises downgraded from amusing causerie to “spam,” worthy of blocking and reporting to Facebook; nothing to do with the convenient reawakening of the official town website, obviously.

There were times I found it hard to be humorous, returning from a hospital where ninety-five percent Caucasian patients were nursed day and night by kindly foreign faces only to read the posts of xenophobic yokels claiming immigrants were choking the NHS by taking all the beds. Yeah, they’re taking the beds and cleaning our shit off them. Fancy doing this job when you scare them into Europe you moron?

Oh my years; you love it really! Truly, I want Devizine and No Surprises be something for the real people of Devizes, and beyond, to enjoy and share; not certain why some are against this; is it cos I is as common as muck dropped from the mudguards of Nigel Farage’s Land Rover, or cos I sway leftward like Jeremy’s vest on the washing line during Hurricane Harvey? I know it’s illegal to have alternative opinions over this state border. Like a dogmatic Footloose Kevin Bacon, I’ll kick Sunday shoes off to new avenues in the coming year, regardless of rubrics.

Between folds of crisis then, my father sadly passing in October, I managed bashing out a few No Surprises columns, verbally attacking fly-tippers, attending the Devizes Country Music Club, praising Jeannette Von Berg and her team who insure no one is alone at Christmas and I visited The St Johns Parish Rooms to see the amazing work of Devizes Opendoor. I consider these worthy.

So, I thank everyone who has been featured in No Surprises this year, especially Ms Perry for being a good sport. And I dedicate this final feature to the fond memories of my Dad. Here’s to a better year; 2018, I wish you all the best.

Devizine and No Surprises will live long and prosper, it’d be illogical not to support them Captain.

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New Year’s Eve, in this Neck of the Woods…..

2017? Yeah, bye then, don’t let the door hit you on the way out. 2018 you know is gonna be shinier, funnier and darn right saucy; it’s just got that ring to it, innit tho?

So where are YOU going to be, mediating in a field of leftover Quality Street wrappers, wallowing in self-pity and taking blotto selfies with the dog, weeping into a giant bag of Twiglets on your Jack Jones? Or is there, maybe, a party with your name drunkenly etched all over it in fantabulous glitter-pen?

Well, here are all the events I’ve got down for New Year’s Eve on Devizine so far. If you know of something better and want to keep it to yourself, like the solo Twiglet eating championships happening on your sofa, then keep it to yourself, but if perchance, you know something we don’t and really, really, really-really, really want to share your occasion  (I would call it part-ay, but I’m told by cool people it’s no more a ‘cool’ term than the original ‘party’ and should  never be used in cool circles, in actual fact, party is now considered cooler than part-ay,) then, where the jumping jeepers was I?

Oh yeah, tell us all about it and I’ll, eventually, get around to mentioning it on here, probably be new year’s eve 2019, but there you go.

So it now leaves me to tell you the options, stop babbling and wish you all a very happy 2018!

Option One: Find Surprises in Devizes

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The Three Crowns has the excellent People Like Us: Ticket Only, £7 from the pub in advance.

and Funked Up play The Black Horse, Devizes to be followed by a disco.

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The popular Burbank are live at the Crown: Free entry for this one.

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There’s a Masquerade Ball at the Exchange Nightclub, £7 for the night, with spot prizes and confetti shower.

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Victoria returns to the Conservative Club with a disco too, £10 members, £13 others

DJ Ramon spins party tunes at the Southgate; free.

DJ Eddy is at the Cross Keys in Rowde; free.

Option Two: Go a tad further

Party covers band, The Magic Tones head the party at the Market Lavington Community Hall, with the stamp of the Market Lavington Music and Comedy Club, should be a good one: Tickets  £25, under 18’s £10 but includes a buffet.

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Stealth’s Roadshow head a child-friendly New Year’s Eve party with music and karaoke, at the Woodborough Social Club: £10 Members, £15 Non-Members, Children £5, Includes a Ploughman’s Supper; Tickets from the club.

Bath’s The Blue Moon Band will be a safe bet at the Mallard, Lynham

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Our very own Larkin boys are at The Swan in Great Shefford

Or try The Granary at The George in Frome with Lloyd Edwards live

Option Three: Head for Marlborough

The Wellington Arms on the High Street host Skanga’s sound system New Year’s Eve party for ravers, and it’s free!

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Option Four: Get yourself over to Swindon town

Peloton’ play Mod, punk, sixties and seventies soul and RnB at the Victoria; free (I think.)

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The Britpop Boys play the Grove’s Company Inn, £10 ticket for this one.

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Marlborough’s Onyx Duo play the Rat Trap

 

Last Option other than the field of Quality Street wrappers: Go West

How about an unforgettable funk, soul and retro grooves takeover with Craig Charles and the  James Taylor Quartet, The Correspondents  and Don Letts @ at Colston Hall, Bristol?

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Failing this, Zion have a ‘Battle of the DJs’, a live set from ‘The Road Zombies’ and a disco until the early hours. 

 

Whatever happens, let us know how it went and have a great new year! The first gig of 2018 is at the Red Lion Lacock on News Years Day; check out the brilliant Sound Affects.

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Larkin in-between Christmas and New Year

Nine more sleeps. Yeah, you read it right; I’m talking about the release date of Larkin’s debut album, “Set You Free.” What did you think I was on about?

We’ve chatted to Sam Bishop while still in the studio some months ago (here.) We covered their thoughts and longings for this recording; we discussed the crowdfunding aspect, revealed their creative influences and writing practises.

Now we get to hear the results, and I hand it to the Devizes domestic duo, working with Martin Spencer at the Badger Set in Potterne, they’re sounding astoundingly polished and proficient, with a maturity which sets this release as a firm turning point.

The positive up-tempo “Never Too Late” kicks off the all new eight tracks with a catchy guitar riff and chorus of fiddles; it’s fresh but retains the definitive principle of a classic Brit-pop anthem.

Then, when Larkin show us their shadier side with “Solace in the Dark,” a plodding and moodier tune with echoes of The Verve’s Bitter Sweet Symphony, you know this album is going somewhere, somewhere deeply mindful and expressive. However, “Talk” rolls me back to the clear, lighter-sided Simon & Garfunkel influence.

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It’s a progressive journey from there, “Final Hour,” being the finest example of their topmost vocal expression with spine-tingling melancholic reverberations, and melodic “For You,” being the foot-tapper which keeps jolting my laptop as I write.

While “Walk Away” continues on the causal buoyancy tone, the last tune, “Where to Run,” gets even more upbeat and blithe, and makes a great finale to a darn fine album. Devizes should be proud of these guys; it has the finger-marks and expressive vocals of a very promising career.

To celebrate this release, shoved in-between Christmas and New Year, on the 30th December, Larkin invite all to hear them perform the album, with promises of some covers slipped in and support band, at Cons Club. Tickets just a fiver will include a 50% off voucher for a CD copy of the album. Doors open at 7.30pm, with the support band starting at 8pm.

“We want this to be a special night,” Sam and Fin say, “Hear the album before anyone else!!” What else are you going to be doing on that date, cabbaged on the sofa stuffing dry turkey sandwiches and watching the Enders Christmas special?

The Larkin lads go on to explain how hard they’ve worked towards this, and when you hear the album you’ll know it’s true.

30th December at the Cons Club: https://www.facebook.com/events/1950236541902178/

Pre-order Set you Free on iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/gb/album/set-you-free/1326890936

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The must-have board game this Christmas; FREE to Devizine readers!

The Devizes Dash is the must-have board game this Christmas and it’s FREE to all Devizine Readers.

“It’s a fun game for all the Family,”

Wiltshire Council, Department of Neighbourhood and Planning

 

Christmas; time for relaxing with the family, caving into commercialisation, wrapping sausages with bacon, and perhaps, playing some games.

Here then is Devizine’s gift to you this yuletide; an entertaining game with local appeal, which’ll soon make you forget all the rushing around, traffic jams and stress of the build up to this profitmaking shenanigan.

Before you begin; take some Evening Primrose Oil, along with a shot of vodka or four, then, print out the two images below and stick them together to make the game board. You need to source some counters to act as vehicles, and dice. Yeah, you do have to sort them out yourselves; do I look like flipping Waddingtons to you?

Object of the game; to make your way through a town centre and be the first to finish; sounds simple eh?  Not when I tell you the town is good ol’ Devizes, a place where infrastructure is a swear word and town planning is just something other towns, somewhere else, do.

Yep, it’s 5PM on a Friday in our modest settlement. Your mission: to make it along the A361 from Beckhamton, through town, and back onto the A361 to Trowbridge. You can take any route (the outcome will be the same anyway,) to accomplish the incredible. Throw a six to start and try not to get stuck in traffic for too long or you’ll be slapped with a parking ticket.

Note: Potholes and road-works have been omitted from the board game to save space, just take it for red that you’ll encounter them on nearly every square.

You have fun now, y’hear.

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Devizes to get a warm spell of Northern Soul in February, via DJ Terry Hendrick

After a series of successful ska nights, The Devizes Scooter Club plans to diversify their Conservative Club evenings for the forthcoming year. With parallel commitment to retrospective panache, the 31st March offers an optional fancy-dress 70s-80s disco; get your legwarmers and deely-boppers out the loft.

But they kick off 2018 on the 24th February, when renowned DJ Terry Hendrick graces Devizes for a Northern Soul – Motown extravaganza, and tickets have gone on sale this weekend.

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I confess, of the genres combined into this rebirth of mod culture of yore, I’ve an enigmatic relationship with Northern Soul. For starters, the music is no more indigenous to Northern England than the Cornish pasty, rather US rare groove soul and RnB. But it was the choicest category for Mods of Northern towns that flocked to Covent Garden record stores in the sixties hunting rarities before football games.

In fact, the brand “Northern Soul” wasn’t even coined by some high-kicking Yorkshire lad in a tank-top, rather by London record shop owners to distinguish the archaic variety of soul hailed by these Northern vinyl predators, as opposed to upcoming funk and disco welcomed more by Londoners.

However, upon really listening to these rare grooves I’ve taken them under my eclectic wing, considering Motown’s restraints to a definite commercial style isn’t evident in these jumbles. Dynamic, raw energy and experimentation defines the sound. To insure there’s little doubt, I caught up with Terry Hendrick, for a chat prior to his visit.

Due to the record collection Terry amassed in the mid-eighties, he volunteered to DJ for his scooter club. “We decided to hold a do,” he told me, “and invite the local scooter clubs. A couple of other club members and I hired turntables, etc. I thoroughly enjoyed it, and other scooter clubs asked if I could DJ their club do’s as well, that’s when I got hooked.”

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Being from Coventry, Two-Tone homeland, Terry was soon being booked to support the likes or The Selecter, The Beat, Bad Manners and Neville Staple. His name grew from there, supporting late, great singers like Prince Buster, Desmond Dekker, Judge Dread and Laurel Aitken, and from reggae group Misty in Roots, right up to modern bands; Dreadzone, The Dualers, The Skints and Skabilly Rebels.

But the conversion to Northern Soul, I had to ask.  “Alongside playing a lot of ska and reggae events,” Terry continued, “the scooter club do’s liked to hear Motown and Northern Soul, which I’d been buying steadily since my first scooter rally in 1985. I was finding, by the late 80’s, friends were asking me to play more Northern Soul, to the point that 75% of my gigs were purely based around this genre.”

So, out of his vast vinyl collection, I asked Terry for his favourite. “If I had to choose one genre, then it would probably be roots reggae, as that’s what I was brought up listening to in Coventry before the 2-Tone explosion happened. But there’s nothing quite like playing great Northern Soul tracks and seeing the passion within the dancers faces; it’s a great scene to be a part of.”

Here’s its niche then, it’s a positive, fluctuating scene, with unique and competitive dances moves, a love affair with the pursuit of rare records which would otherwise be lost in the midst of time.

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Indisputably cool to witness authentic vinyl DJs these days, I wondered how Terry felt about CD and computer mixers, though I predicted his response! “As I was brought up on an era way before CDs, the only choice was Vinyl, and that’s where my pocket money went as a youngster,” he explained.

“I do believe the sound quality of vinyl is far superior to any digital sound, and I think depending on the genre of music you’re playing and venue, then CD’s have their place, but, unfortunately there are too many out there, that download free off YouTube onto a 10 pence blank CD, and all of a sudden think they’re a DJ. Using Vinyl requires a lot of concentration and skill in not only searching through your box of singles for what to play, but the setting up correctly of the turntables and in the cueing of the track to be played.”

Terry operates under the banner, “Soul Pressure Sound System.” I asked if this was a solo affair, or a network of DJs? “It’s something I started back in the early 90’s, and has been a mainly solo venture until recently,” Terry answered, telling me how he taught his partner Hayley Cuell, and friend, Paul Arnold, who now fly the flag, regularly guesting alongside him.

Most importantly for us, I wanted to know what Devizes can expect to hear on 24th Feb; does Terry play to the crowd, or favour to introduce them to rare grooves. “The tracks I’ll be playing will be a mixture of the classics we all love, also some up tempo RnB,” he convinced me hook, line and sinker. “The beginning will be a lot of the lesser well known tracks, hopefully introducing some great new tunes to people’s ears.”

Just think; they could be your lovely little lobes Terry’s on about! You can get tickets, (£7 advance/£8 on door) from the Cons Club, join the Devizes Scooter Club and ask, or if push comes to shove, contact Devizine and I’ll sort them for you; can’t say fairer than that soul-boy.

More info on the event: https://www.facebook.com/events/192832917940007/

Check Terry’s Mixcloud: https://www.mixcloud.com/terryhendrick3/

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Sheer Music Presents Frank Turner; in their own words.

Sheer Music welcome back Frank Turner to Level III at the end of January. Here’s the story in their own words.

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Sound Affects at the Crown, Devizes: Tonight!

If you’ve been to the Devizes Scooter Club gigs where Swindon’s Killertones ripped the roof off the Cons Club, or even if you didn’t, Devizine recommends a evening with two of it’s members, Catherine York and Iggy Gould, as they play alternative acoustic as the unique and highly experienced and skilled duo, Sound Affects.

Trouble is it’s happening tonight at the Crown, Devizes, so hurry up and eat your dinner and if you need  hand call me (what you got, wotszit, chicken?)

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Sound Affects performs both original and covered material, arranged in a classical acoustic format with a multitude of instruments; violin, flute, melodica, guitar, banjo, ukulele, and viola.

Cath and Iggy are classically trained , they’ve worked with notable artists over the years, including Rick Buckler and Bruce Foxton, The Killertones, The English Beat, DreadZone, Kingmaker, King Kurt, Dodgy, Pope (The Chords), Inspiral Carpets, The Gift, Tommy Hudson, Terry Hemming, Roddy Radiation and the Skabilly Rebels, B-Side Players, Billy in the Lowground and The Champions Inc.

Website: here.

Like ’em on the old Facebook thing: here.

Send your leftover chicken: here.

Smeg; The Craig Charles Funk & Soul Show in Swindon!

Poet, lead role in the undoubtedly funniest sci-fi comedy this side to Titan and always groovy on the radio, Craig Charles is the epiphany of cool, a lovable cool, AND he’s coming to Swindon’s Mecca in Regent Circus on the 20th January to play his funk and soul show live with special guests. So, dust off your glad-rags, zip up your boots, grab your tickets here and well, nuff said.

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https://www.facebook.com/events/1920134834682634/

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Christmas Lantern Parade & Light Switch-on in Devizes

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The evening was dry with only a subtle nip in the air, it wouldn’t be a Christmas lantern parade and light switch on if it was thirty degrees in the shade.

Traffic and parking had minimal issues and was surprisingly smooth. We parked in Station Road and were wandering to the Market Place sooner than I’d have imagined.

The place was bustling with no shortage of craft, food and clothes stalls. The smell of doughnuts blended with mulled wine and noodles with kangaroo burgers.

Christmas decoration stalls were reasonably priced and crowds built up rapidly. There was the usual aura of anticipation in the air and a welcoming scent of yule.

DOCA need to be praised for this year’s lantern parade, Devizes Town Band built the excitement with renditions of Christmas classics. I’m particularly partial to Jona Lewie’s “Stop The Cavalry,” and refuse to accept Christmas has begun until I hear it. As we marched out of the  busy Shambles to find our place, sure enough trumpets blew the riff.

Excited to see Father Christmas the wait was not long, in fact I feel a lesson could be learnt with new arrangements. Yes the people gathering close to Bear, where he traditionally stumbles out of the window got the short end of the stick. Perhaps though it’s their own fault for failing to notice the controls for the lights were absent from the balcony!

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Was this a H&S regulation? It must be said it’s not particularly PC for kids to witness the superhero of folklore to climb through windows. Whatever the reason, Santa accended a ladder of a scaffolding tower disguised a chimney by the market cross to switch on the lights this year.

At this point, a technical hitch which no one could be blamed for, unfortunately failed us and the tree lights flickered but didn’t want to play ball. A second countdown still didn’t bring luck but boos from the crowds were the real spoiler; it was simply one of those unpreventable things.

Not to worry, as the other lights worked, the Little Brittox looking particularly fabulous, and fireworks lit up the clear night sky.

DOCA put a heck of a lot of work into this show and we have to tip our hats to them for a job well done. Perhaps some lessons for next year could be the power source, but mainly the overzealous Father Christmas who had upped the ladder and begun the countdown long before the entire lantern parade had arrived in the square.

This was surely unfortunate for the children taking part and, even if the young ones are getting impatient in the crowds, those walking the parade deserve closest dips on the finale.

C’est last vie, a grand start to the yule anyway, and thanks DOCA for your brilliant show!

No Surprises Living in Devizes: Opening Doors

While I postponed my midmorning nap on Wednesday and made my way to St John’s Parish Rooms, a dweeb in London held a little red case to snapping cameras. I do not fear his pale red cases, with no reasonable strategy inside them. Families under financial pressure, Hammond said he understands, and chose “a balanced approach;” he said, and said those words, he said them, but he lied them.

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Instead the fix-it-up chappie waved £3bn off to ensure Brexit runs smoothly, and hey, just ask if you need more stars on thars. In a week where a government free of Europe pathetically announced legal recognition of animals as “sentient beings” will not be incorporated into UK law, anyone with a heart sunk and begun to digest what England will really be like when we leave, under the, apparently, regime of current savages.

Meanwhile he joshed the deputy speaker a Merry Christmas, announced he was freezing taxes on alcohol, trimming a quid off a bottle of whiskey, but under the same breath, whacked the price up of cider; discounted alcohol, habitually bought by people on low-income; a shameful reflection on the entire budget.

So despite convalescing from last week’s backlash of scornful comments from Tory-loving hypocrites, I find myself no option but to “bash” again.

I cannot stop, they’re squeezing the poor and rewarding the rich, when will basic humanity kick in? If animals are beyond hope, humans ought to at least be treated with dignity and respect, no matter what their circumstances.

Yet councils continue issuing fines to homeless for sleeping in doorways or pitching tents. Winter looming, you can’t camp, can’t afford a cheap bottle of plonk to warm you and numb the stress. The solution isn’t whacking up the price; it’s support, it’s giving them a light at the end of the tunnel.

Recent reports estimate 300,000 people now sleep rough on Britain’s streets, and if you’re not a people-person, consider the cost of preventing and cracking homelessness is far less than the cost of doing nothing.

In Devizes we have minor homeless issues. Still I stand like a loose lemon while Angie Carpenter, the coordinator of Devizes Opendoors potters about, juggling counselling a person with a pending court case, putting marigolds on to clean and also, talks to me about the work they do here.

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For more information on Devizes OpenDoors click here

Now I beg, don’t run away with the presumption I’m aiming guns at you, just because you’re Conservative, I’m aware some locally  support and actively engage with this worthy cause, I’m merely pointing the finger at a system which leaves people vulnerable. The wonderful thing about Devizes is, apolitically, many assist and support this group, and that it is, by comparison, a small-time operation.

Still, as I observe a young girl sort through a pile of donated clothes and beam when she finds a warm hat which meets her approval, I note Devizes Opendoor is a necessity for these few.

I’m there towards the end of the session; there’s usually about fifteen to thirty people coming in, they’ve finished breakfast; a cooked meal and cereals or fruit. I asked Angie if this number has increased recently, as National Audit Office stats show a 134% rise in rough sleepers and a 60% for households living in temporary accommodation since 2010. But she clarified it was quite stable. In the summer they get more, as travellers pass through, “you might only see them once or twice a year,” she explained.

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For the people here today there was a calm community spirt, no harassment, no cross-words and no pestering of any kind.

There are books to take along with clothes, fresh bread, fruit, biscuits and tinned food, plus the tea urn is constantly boiling. There’s washing facilities and advice leaflets. Lidal, Morrisons and M&S all donated food, people genuinely only took what they needed and much was left, to be collected by passing Michelle of the Food Bank.

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For more info about the Food Bank, click here

Angie has volunteered here for two-and-a-half years out of the six Opendoor has had its doors open, and she has ambitious plans to create a hostel. The Parish Rooms are open on Monday, Wednesday and Friday for only a few hours, and on Thursday for more one-to-one sessions. Ideally, longer periods daily would benefit the people.

Angie was delighted the concert on Saturday had raised over a thousand pounds and the sponsored sleep-outs allow people to come to terms with the realities faced; still this operation needs exposure, and needs more volunteers. The hostel project needs backing, she told me how Anzac House would’ve suited, but it wasn’t to be. For more information about OpenDoors and how you can get involved: click here.

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In conclusion then, am I Bam-Bam Rubble, overzealous with “bashing?” I noted Claire Perry voted for this crazy non-recognition of animals as “sentient beings” and dispatched my concerns. I think Claire now acknowledges she need respond asap; here’s her reply:

“To be clear: the idea that my colleagues and I somehow do not accept that animals are sentient beings is quite honestly ludicrous. This vote was on a very specific amendment about EU regulations, and whilst we support the sentiment of the amendment, there were concerns about some specifics, and we thought it much better to use our own legal system to continue to deliver strong animal welfare protection – we have among the strongest animal protections in Europe and intend to keep them that way. As you will know, we have high welfare standards on farms, do not allow cockfighting or bull fighting and have a proud tradition of animal protection.

You may know that there are already provisions in UK law, such as the Animal Welfare Act 2006, which recognise that if an animal is capable of experiencing pain and suffering, then it is sentient and afforded protection under that Act, and the Minister assured the House during the debate that “Animals will continue to be recognised as sentient beings under domestic law”.

I have made clear a number of times that I myself am a huge animal lover, and I can assure you that the UK Government has a proud history of protecting animal rights, which will not be affected by our departure from the EU. Indeed, based on the Animal Welfare Act, the Animal Protection Index rates the UK’s formal recognition of animal sentience as grade A, whereas other EU countries such as France, Italy and Spain have a much lower rating of grade C.

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But that is not what the vote on Wednesday was about. The vote was a question not of ends, but means. The amendment proposed would have limited practical impact, and ran the risk of creating legal uncertainty. However, the Minister made clear that the Government supports the sentiment of the proposed amendment, and he reassured the House that: “One way or another, we need it [animal sentience] to be present in UK law at the end of this.” He went on to make clear that we intend not only to retain our existing standards of animal welfare once we have left the EU, but to enhance them by having the freedom to develop our own gold-standard protections on animal welfare.

Don’t be fooled by the trouble-making SNP party on something as important as animal welfare!”

Perhaps it’s media hysteria; I’ll take Claire’s word and leave you aghast; has that Worrow bloke turned blue, has he metamorphosed from basher to conservative partisan, by one nice letter? Don’t hold your breath.

The Homelessness Reduction Bill has been in place since April, obliging councils to begin the assessment of people at risk of losing their home sooner. Rebuking claims it takes a light-touch approach to dealing with the issue, the government promised to invest £550m by 2020. Homeless charity, Shelter wants the government to end the freeze on housing benefit and pledge affordable home building.

All I know is, while they squabble over preventing the causes of homelessness, they cleared ours from Dews Pond Wood, and benefits are still being slashed more than victims of Michael Myers. People still need help, and whilst they do we should be thankful for these hard-working volunteers as they plan a Christmas Dinner at OpenDoors. So I urge you, if you can donate, offer a few hours a week of your time to help, please do.

 

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No Shortage of Christmas Fayres in Devizes

With lots of people asking me about Christmas Fayres in town this year, many in need of stallholders and in turn, stallholders looking for fayres, here’s the all that I’ve listed on the Devizine calendar to date in one handy package!

If I’ve missed one then it’s cos you didn’t tell me about it! Tell me now and if you’re still on the good list, I’ll add it!

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Thursday 23rd November:

Christmas Shopping Night @ The Giving Tree, Ginnel

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Friday 24th November:

Christmas Light Switch on & Lantern Parade 

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Christmas Shopping Event @ Seend Playgroup

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Saturday 24th November:

Christmas Craft Fayre @ Cross Keys, Rowde

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Monday 27th:

Police HQ Christmas Fayre

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Friday 1st December:

Rowde Academy Christmas Fayre

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German Style Market @ Southbroom Infants

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Wharf Tea Rooms Christmas Market

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Saturday 2nd December

St Josephs Christmas Fayre

0001Lion’s Club Christmas Fayre @ Corn Exchange  

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Friday 8th December

Seend School Christmas Fayre

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Saturday 9th/Sunday 10th December

Caen Hill Cafe Christmas Market

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The Farm Cookery School Christmas Fayre

Friday 15th December

Southbroom St James Academy Christmas Fayre

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Saturday 16th December

Breakfast with Father Christmas @ The Fire Station

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No Surprises Living in Devizes: Rising to Debate

While other towns seem to have the odd Facebook group or two, Devizes has more than its population; they’re the new pubs. The reason boils to rage caused by the popular page admin’s desire to maintain order, which in its own significant way projects a reality on the approaches of the Facebook-using populace of Devizes.

If you want to post impertinent witticisms there’s a page for that, I was soon kicked off as “No Surprises” is officially no longer funny. If you’re hosting an event, there’s a page for this. If you photograph a car which appears to have been parked by a legless Jim Henson creation, there’s even a page for that too.

One of the better pages for messing with people’s minds and enraging the status quo is the Devizes Debate, all members prepped to give their tuppence as if they’ve been in Jeremy Paxman’s nose-bag, on any issue, be it local or worldwide, as if anyone in a position of power to change it is reading.

Naturally politics dominate the feed, seems to offer an alternative view is considered “unproductive” and being Devizes is as top-heavy Tory as Katie Hopkin’s birthday bash (and let’s face it, she deserves a good bash,) it’s only fair those with views slightly leftfield get their comments scrutinised, affronted, and the more rage-driven ones are even saved for a later date, when they can be used against them more effectively; I love it!

The socket of the “debate” page under analysis, members don’t like debating, maybe we call it the “heil Theresa May and all who sail in her” page?

A mere mention the Conservative party could be slightly unfair or harsh, such as, oh I don’t know, off the top of my head; selling off the silly old NHS maybe, blindly continuing to frack perhaps, denying climate change, getting into bed with terrorist organisations, slashing benefits for the most vulnerable, cutting funding for schools, charities and councils, and a variety of petty issues like that, will evoke a temper-tantrum from conformist right-wing cohorts as if the Daily Mail comment section was never invented.

They overuse the ironic term, “Tory bashing,” as if posting an alternative viewpoint is akin to physical violence; truly believing nothing the government do should be criticised. Surely it’s the underprivileged that are really being bashed? Take one for the team guys, or sit it out on the bench.

So I adopted the “can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em” ethos and posted thus: “Can we have a debate group without all these lefty-types? It’s just not right; poor people, voicing their opinions. Whatever next? They’ll want feeding, you’ll see.” Alas it was still met with antagonistic comments; they had little faith in my conversion to the dark side, assuming I was being ironic. Ironic, moi? Us ill-educated don’t even know what the word means.

Here then is what really bolts their goat out of its pen I ponder, they’d rather us be illiterate, unable to express concern. I’ll just cut the crusts off my son’s sandwich, have that for my lunch and say no more about it, while MP’s whinge like babies; the porridge with their daily free breakfast isn’t particularly as tasty as that from Waitrose.

I suspect it bugs them I articulate, despite my education being shat on by a Tory regime of yore with school budget cuts causing teacher strikes, as well as taking my milk; I will never forgive milk snatchers; candy from a baby, the baby matured.

It’s this dire antiquated British attitude of tipping your cap to the hierarchy and pushing on with your job which is the sole reason we’re up the creek, this isn’t 1940; these are not the MPs you are looking for. They’ve purposely lost the paddle, lined their pockets from your diligence.

Think for a second the government care about you? Despite the credit I give the members of the group for their intellect, I’m sorry, they’re fooling themselves. The moment they’re unable to put a cross in a box is the moment they wouldn’t piss on you if you were to catch fire. Look closely at the dementia tax; they’ll take everything you worked towards, unless you own a multinational corporation. You. Know. This. You know they lie, they write them on a flipping big red bus for crying out loud. How much more evidence do you need?

Pushing those on the Devizes Debate enough, many confess they don’t truly believe this government is doing things correctly; HELLO? ANYBODY HOME? Still they blindly voted blue, perhaps they didn’t like Jeremy Corbyn’s charity shop suit.

Other parties are available, vote down the middle (sold their votes to the blues last time anyway,) be radical, vote Green. Or simply don’t vote, or vote UKIP, which is the same thing.

It’s not the converted I want to preach to, the usual suspects will “like” this piece; it’s those who blatantly stated this, that’s why I was on the dammed group, send your party your message of dissatisfaction, let them know. Let your local MP know you’re unhappy rather than whinge at people affected by their austerity who are beginning to anger and stress so.

Tory bashing, honestly, have you ever heard of anything quite so pathetic aside Donald Trump’s Twitter Feed?

 

The Devizes Blues

I woke up this morning, I was living in Devizes; oooh yeah. 2017 was the year our humble dwelling got the blues. S’ okay, I’m not here to discuss parking charges in the Market Place, oooh no mannish boy, don’t dust your broom yet, because I’m-a-talking about da summer’s successful Saddleback Blues Festival at Devizes Rugby Club, remember? Well Elwood, they’re putting the band back together for another year.

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There’s no hanging about at the crossroads here, tickets are now on sale for 2018’s Saddleback Blues Festival and it looks to be a stonker. While other acts are still to be confirmed, a Saddleback All-Stars Jam, and a special guest all hush-hush, let’s have a peek at what we do know shall we?

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Reckless and raw, Southern Californian rock band Well Hung Heart sound worth the ticket stub alone. Headed by fiery front-girl Greta Valenti, they’re a four-piece and, if I’ve read this right, Robin Davey plays simultaneous guitar and bass. LA’s Deli Magazine praised them thus:  “Packed with youthful arrogance at a blues-laced crossroads between The Kills & early Stooges.”

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Deriving from rock n roll, they promise a high-energy performance of new-rock, mashed with blistering blues and punk. They’ve played alongside Linkin Park, ZZ Top, Motley Crue, and Alice Cooper, appearing at London’s O2 Academy, the Paradiso in Amsterdam and oodles of festivals.

Then there’s Innes Sibun, who began playing guitar after hearing B.B King at age twelve. His first band the “Blues Explosion” recorded with legendary Eric Clapton producer Mike Vernon, gaining critical acclaim. By 1993 he joined Robert Plant’s band for his “Fate of Nations” world tour. Following this, Innes recorded several albums for Viceroy Records with his new band; they toured, opening for Peter Green in New York and touring Europe with Roger Chapman & Chris Farlowe.

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Yorkshireman John Verity is also confirmed. John’s prolific career begins in the early sixties, with pro-band The Richard Kent Style, who prestigiously supported Jimi Hendrix (yes, I did say Jimi Hendrix) Canned Heat, and Janis Joplin. Spotted by Rod Argent in 73, John became lead vocalist for his band following the departure of Russ Ballard. Still an active artist, with a number of records to his name and busy touring schedule, his experience is sure to bring panache to the festival.

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Indigenous Jon Amor, returns to the festival, last year as part of the Boom Band, this year with his own. After developing a reputation as awesome live, they were recently described as, “The Allman Bros meets Little Feat meets The Beatles,” which reflects not only their melodic approach to blues and roots music, but their abilities as songwriters too. After the Booms backed him, Van Morrison described them succinctly when he stated, “this band is great; they’re on the money!”

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Prior to all the excitement, Rick and the Saddleback team have arranged two free Battle of the Bands nights in which the winners gain a spot on stage at the festival. Both at Devizes Sports Club, the first on the 17th Feb, boast local upcoming stars Jamie Hawkins, Tom & Clair, Kirsty Clinch, and my personal fav, Tamsin Quinn.

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The second showdown is for bands with members under 21, and it’s on 3rd March. Both events are FREE, and I’m certain will act as a great taster for the main event. I have to say, the organisers seem to have their mojo working towards bringing Devizes something rather special, which also supports both Julia House and the Wiltshire Air Ambulance.

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There may be a few details in need of ironing at this early stage; the organisers are looking into camping possibilities, and arranging a variety of food stands, but priced at £25 for an adult ticket and £13 for the kids, it’ll be well worth bookmarking Saturday 14th July as a day for doing nothing other than jiving hoochie coochie at the juke-joint rugby club roadhouse out on Highway 361!

Addition: It’s come to my attention there were a few errors in this preview, my apologies; it’s updated now and I hope it fits the bill better. It should also be noted that although the festival last year was titled a blues festival, this year it’s been redefined as a music festival. I’ve opted to keep the theme of this article as it’d spoil the blues jokes!

More details, if you’ve not succumbed yet, at https://www.saddlebackmusicfestival.co.uk/

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Lest We Forget

“Tell them the one about the time you fell asleep while marching Reg,” my Nan would roar with laughter at the mere thought of it. My Grandad, assigned night watch over a tank-storage marched up and down past them, until the point fatigue got the better of him and he dozed while continuing to march. He wandered unwillingly to a similar storage facility which held no tanks. When he awoke he turned around to see the empty hold, he panicked, believing the tanks had been stolen and he was in serious dire straits!

It’s one of many stories told to us kids, the most amusing part was that while my Nan requested the story, as usual, before he completed the first paragraph of the tale in all its finer detail, which was his way, my Nan would interrupt him and blather out the story her way.

After my Nan passed, he’d have a free run of storytelling without interruptions, and if you prompted him he’d tell this one, and many others. Stories I will pass down, but will never be quite the same, coming direct from the horse’s mouth, so to speak. It’s a wonder to imagine if the tales I tell them now will filter down to their children, being of a Great Grandad they vaguely recall themselves.

It’s a concern these, often amusing, but always light-hearted tales of war will be lost in time, that people will forget what these young men done, and all the tribulations of surviving the era on the home front too. Despite the slogan, “least we forget,” time wears these events thinner, as the population able to tell them first-hand sadly do too.

However, check this here photo montage of great images of Remembrance Services and tributes locally happening Sunday, I think it’s wonderful to see how popular it still is.

Thank you all, for allowing me to share them here, Alan Carter of Devizes Heritage, Amanda Attwood (Devizes Issue) Melksham FC, Marlborough Town Council, Southbroom School, Moonraker Bears, Devizes Scooter Club, and Gail Foster the beautiful poem below.

If you’ve some you like me to add to this, let me know!

 

Lest we Forget

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Photo used by permission from Alan Carter of Devizes Heritage

THEY NEVER WENT TO WAR

Gail Foster

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They never went to war; they stayed at home

The young, the old, the unwell and the dead

The women who were not allowed to roam

The men who tilled the fields and baked the bread

Those sat in darkness waiting for the rap

Of letterbox, and soft white feather fall

The silence broken by a dripping tap

Dark shadows cast by street lamps on the wall

The little lads who ran behind the train

That took their fathers off to certain death

Who waved until their arms ached in the rain

Who ran until their lungs ran out of breath

Old men who yearned for youth; just one more chance

To feel the blood flow, hear the battle cry

To wear the uniform and take a stance

To stand with other men, to fight and die

The crippled and the mad, the deaf, the blind

Escaped the fate of many thousand men

Some angry that they had been left behind

Some thankful that they’d never fight again

 Women, who with their sleeves rolled ploughed the land

Lit candles, raised the children, hid their tears

Made ammunitions with a careful hand

Kept watch and saved the night time for their fears

So many stayed at home, and stayed alive

And suffered pain and loss, regret and guilt

That they were left, that they were to survive

Within the house such sacrifice had built

Their many names are not inscribed on stone

Those sorrowed souls, so haunted by war’s ghost

Were left to stand and mourn the dead alone

Listening to the trumpet sound the post

*

by Gail

https://gailfromdevizes.com/

No Surprises Living in Devizes; The Lonely C Word

Well we made it without skidding on fallen leaves, it’s November and yep, I’m going have to mention the C word. Sorry everyone, I know, don’t want to think about that senseless rush; hoping you’ve enough wrapping-paper, wishing it’d be the relaxing Christmas you’d like it to be as opposed to endlessly shoving AA batteries into toys, trying to keep the cat out of the tree, forgetting to take the pigs in blankets out the oven and racing around the house restricting energetic nipper’s access to the Quality Street tin.

Kids make Christmas, least I’m told, and I’m reminded that I’ll miss it when it’s over. Ever so gradually this sad notion is becoming reality; the kids now roll out of their cribs later than us, rather than bounce enthusiastically on our bed at four-thirty. They’ll amuse themselves with electronic devises, hide in their room listening to atrocious pop (who is Little Mix anyway and what happened to Bananarama?) and complain when I bring out a classic board game only to find the dice missing and the money moulded into papier-mâché since granny spilt her snowball on it while dancing to Slade, three years ago.

If all this does become just a fond memory I’d like to think I’d be prepared. I’d hope to be the grandpa with the crepe paper hat gradually slipping over my face as I orally catch flies on the sofa after a hefty dinner, as harassing grandkids position items around my slumbering frame, you know, empty bottles and beer cans to make it look like I’ve had too many, marbles beneath my slippers awaiting my wee break, and balloons over my face to find them rising with my perpetual snore, a continuous moment of hilarity.

However, there’s always a fear, there’s always a worry that you’ll be alone on Christmas Day, as many are, and let’s face it, no one should be. About four years ago people in this situation met daily in the café at the Shambles in good old Devizes, but it closed on that special day, as do most places of business, and quite rightly so, we all need a break.

Witnessing them expressing their concerns, wondering where they could go, was Jeannette Von Berg, tirelessly collecting funds for the Air Ambulance, as she still does today. Now if you recall a No Surprises Living in Devizes column of yore, we talked of heroes in our town, of those doing great things for the welfare of others, without return.

Jeanette’s name came up on top for her work for the Air Ambulance and many other charities, but we just have to give her another mention here, along with Pam Sloan and her team; of whom Margaret & Chris Stone, Pamela & Bob Hanney, Gladys Cobbert, Michael and Vicki Messam, Ian & Becky Phillis and others have all contributed in past years. They’ll be cooking a whopping Christmas dinner for around about fifty this year, as they do every year since, for people who are alone on Christmas Day.

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In a world which seems to be getting perpetually crueller, how absolutely wonderful is this? I’ll tell you shall I? It’s off the scale generous and kind, the sort of thing Christmas should really be about, not Black bleeding Friday riots and driving home tipsy from the office party where you failed you get off with the floosy in HR.

Now you should know me well enough by now to know I can, occasionally when the mood sets, do “nice,” despite this being a rant column. Still I find myself stumbling on my words when I called Jeanette for some more information about this cause, as she humbly explains how the others do most of the cooking and she does the organising, telling me how generous everyone is and how the shops like Sainsburys, Morrisons and Wilkos  kindly give, along with the Lions and Town Council. Healthy Life in the Little Brittox owner, Justina Pettifer, commented on Jeanette’s post on the Devizes Issue Facebook page, offering nut roasts for vegetarians attending, while many others expressed their willingness to help out on the day.

Seems there isn’t a criterion for being eligible to join the dinner, so long as you’re alone, Jeanette expressed it’s not only for the elderly, single parents are among the welcomed for the mass meal at the Baptist Church  on Sheep Street which begins at noon, doesn’t end until four, and includes musical entertainment too.

If you would like to help, or attend the meal then you should contact Jeanette, if you’re having trouble with this, please do not hesitate to message Devizine or Index and I’ll gladly put you in touch.

I’ve still outstanding a visit to Opendoor, the homeless charity of Devizes, hoping to check out the wonderful work they do there and report my findings to you, but it all boils down to the same thing, no, not Brussel sprouts, it boils down to the simple fact that while there’s local people in need, there are wonderful people to help; that, for me, is a convivial motive to reference the C word so early and a spirit in Devizes which makes it special.

http://www.sheepstreet.org.uk/

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The Great Western Reggae Soundclash

Trains have an emblematic relationship with reggae and its predecessor ska.

 

The chugging offbeat imitating a steam engine has been a running theme throughout its history. From choo-choo vocals of the Ethiopian’s classic “Train to Skaville,” to Keith & Tex’s rock steady anthem, “Stop that Train,” and The Wailer’s song of the same title, reggae is awash with train themes; it’s only apt there’s such thing as “Great Western Reggae,” and a substantial scene in the historic railway town of Swindon.

 

Pop-a-Top Records is Swindon’s label dedicated to its reggae homebrew. It’s headed by the ex-Skanxter, Erin Bardwell and his Collective who’ve just released “Great Western Reggae Soundclash,”a double-album which serves as a prodigious sampler for Pop-a-Top’s Great Western Reggae style.

 

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In those ravey daze, the Skanxters were a local archaic blessing, harking to an era when life was less Altern 8 and more, well, Specials. I fondly recall heady nights following the Skanxters, at the Queen’s Tap, The Vic, and the Lamb in Marlborough, and remember the disheartening revelation a gig at Level III in 98 would be their last. I reminisce how, during their comical, “I’ll never know (who nicked my bike),” lead singer Andy Paton would ask the dodgiest looking audience member, “Oi, was it you?” and how once I was selected for the honour!

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Imagine my delight at catching up with Erin, who played keyboards in the band and hasn’t stopped since. “Not all the artists (on Pop-a-Top) are from Swindon,” Erin explained, “but most are, or have links to it.” With countless projects under his belt, such as dub production duo Subject A’s “Sleepwalkers” release with ex-Skanxter bass player Dean Sartain, and nostalgic two-tone reunion gigs for the Skanxters, Erin is exceptionally prolific.

 

Though meticulous effort has been refined into “Great Western Reggae Soundclash,” and while not astoundingly lyrical, despite the opening track “Rock Steady Rub,” with vocals parallel to Johnny Cash popping into Studio One, GWR concentrates more-so on keyboards akin to Jackie Mitto.

 

The Collective glide steadily through a plethora of traditional rock steady, which while wouldn’t sound out of place on a Trojan “Tighten Up” compilation, also has a sprinkle of reflections on Swindon. Again, in the aforementioned running train theme, the tongue-in-cheek “Night Bus to Highworth,” and a nod to Edith New, the Swindonian suffragette first to campaign in an aggressive manner.

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Fans of Jamaican music in Britain tend to separate into two trends, echoing dub and skinhead ska; the transitional stage is often overlooked. When really, developed through hard times in 1960s Kingston, where curfews set by the government to curb “rude boy” culture, it consequently mellowed the mood for the following era, and was Jamaica’s most creative period musically.

 

To hark back to this rock steady/boss reggae period is tried and tested in this album, a rarity left to groups like New York’s Frightnrs, who in turn add a little New Yorker panache to their sound. The Eric Bardwell Collective do similar, plus, while fundamentally inspired by rock steady they’re not afraid to explore techniques usually saved for ska or reggae, from chugging choo-choo vocals to nyabinghi drums and one drops, the tune “Why Why,” being a grand example of this, and along with both male and female vocals, the latter supplied by Dominican-born Sandra Bell, it makes the sound wholly unique and excitingly refreshing.

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With rich history including backing reggae star Dennis Bovell, and a trip to Jamaica in 2003, to record at Byron Lee’s legendary Dynamic Sounds with Studio One engineer Sylvan Morris, Erin Bardwell has the contacts to add a plethora of talent to feature within the Collective. On this release you’ll find Selecter Guitarist Neol Davies, drummer Matty Bane of the Neville Staple Band, Pat Powell of the Melbourne Ska Orchestra alongside Swindon’s finest line-up, such as, among others, horns from the SN Dubstation.

 

There’s much here to impress and delight the reggae enthusiasts, my personal favourite being “Change,” where the Byron Lee influences shine, reminding of the frequently sampled piano riff of “My Conversation,” by the Uniques. Although there’s equally as much inspiration external to reggae, at times the soundscape took me to contemplate early Pink Floyd, Syd Barrett days, and a sprinkling of Sgt Pepper towards the album’s close. So, I figure there’s as much here to enjoy for the occasional reggae listener.

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There’s an album launch at the Thomas Hughes Memorial Hall in Uffington on December 1st, the Erin Bardwell Collective are also live at The Castle in Swindon on Friday 8th and Zed Alley in Bristol 15th December. If that’s too close to the big C, I’d highly recommend you keep warm and treat yourself to an early yule pressie; grab yourself a CD or download of this outstanding local riddim redeemer here at Bandcamp.

 

For more info on Erin Bardwell Collective and the Top-a-Pop label, click here.

 

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The Undisputed Heavyweight Title for Best Breakfast in Devizes

It’s gone up a quid, but what hasn’t these days? Things that only were a quid have gone up a quid.

Still though, at £7 for a colossal breakfast even I struggle to finish, cooked to perfection, with Water Rose bangers, Sandridge Farm bacon, free tea and toast and all within a clean, friendly, down-to-earth cafe which is happy to swap items you don’t like, Jeffersons still holds the gold belt, (which is near to popping) for the best breakfast in Devizes.

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I neglected to check the price of the slightly smaller breakie because, well, to be honest, I believe uttering the words “small” and “breakfast” in the same sentence should be illegal. Still, lightweights, whatever you order at Jeffersons, it’s a spankingly good deal and easy on your purse.

Unless you know different, are willing to take up the gauntlet and invite me to sample your pitch for the title belt (it’s a tough job but someone’s got to do it,) the undefeated title remains on Monday Market Street; pass the ketchup there’s a good fellow.

 

Jeffersons, Monday Market Street, Devizes. Open 8am – 4pm. Call: 01380 698060 https://www.facebook.com/Jeffersons-938954449531730/

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The Quartet at the Wharf

By Zoe McMillan

 

Quartet – a four piece ensemble, as the name would suggest, written by Ronald Harwood and directed by Tess Richards.

 

The play draws us unapologetically into the world of four veteran opera singers, all previously known to each both professionally & intimately, who have been brought together once more in a retirement home for aging musicians of calibre & success.

 

An unashamed – no shameless vehicle for four feisty old troupers whose task is to make us laugh a little, sigh a little & cry a little as they lead us into the bittersweet world of facing up to age & mortality. For an audience plucked largely from a culture & society preoccupied with delaying aging & staying younger for longer, a society in which death is probably the last real taboo, Quartet made for uncomfortable viewing at times as the themes of death and mortality were explored in all their guises. “I used to be somebody once” said Jean…”I think I still am aren’t I?” asked Cissy.

 

Whether they’re making you laugh, cry or contemplate, the players of Quartet definitely make you feel and that is where its strength lies. It touches a chord; it pulls at your strings & examines your own insecurities about aging & mortality. It’s good art right there, as art is meaningless if it doesn’t make you feel.

 

Richards makes some clever set design decisions, setting the scene simply & sparsely, alluding to the surroundings of a retirement home with dated furniture that has seen better days (just like it’s inhabitants). This benefits the play two-fold. It keeps scene changes and prop shifting to an unobtrusive minimum and allows the audience to focus on the real stars of the piece, the actors.

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It is the four thespians that grab and hold your attention, both together & each in turn with laughs echoing around the theatre from the delivery of the opening line & throughout.

 

Wilf, played by Martin Turner endears himself to the audience immediately with his cheeky nuances & racy one liners but it’s in his quiet moments of musing and retrospective that he really holds the audience; you could hear a pin drop.

 

Cissy played by Jax Brady, a long-time supporter of the Wharf theatre also captivated the audience and commanded the stage, even managing to steal your attention from the background with no dialogue. She captures the warmth and innocence of Fussy so convincingly that you feel defensive of her when others are misguiding her or mean to her.

 

Lewis Cowan as Reggie and Louise Peak as the notorious Jean also deserve mention for the light, shade & depth they bring to their roles and to the play as a whole. In short, it’s impossible to pick out any one character or actor from the four that steals the show; superbly cast by Tess Richards, Quartet is an ensemble in its truest sense as the four protagonists come together to make beautiful music that strikes a chord and resonates on a fundamental level with the audience and leaves you wanting more as the finale leaves you wanting more.

 

I thoroughly recommend a trip to the Wharf theatre this week if you have an evening free. The show runs from Friday 3rd Nov – Saturday 11th November. Performances start at 19.30. For tickets click here.

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Laughter; best medicine – pick up your prescription from the Moonraker’s Comedy Club

HELPGUIDE.ORG Trusted guide to mental & emotional health, check it out here; science proves laughter is the best medicine; fact. Now try this, Google most depressing day of the week; you’ll see the traditional Monday suggested, then others opting for Tuesday, but now, according to psychologists, midweek is the worst; Wednesday.  No one thinks Thursday, but after so many depressing days prior, how can you suddenly liven up, just like that?

 

Although…….

 

There’s a lot of giggles to be had some Thursdays in Devizes and I’m telling you, you’re missing out on them. For Thursday can be twiddling your thumbs day, awaiting the weekend to arrive, but there’s the occasional one, like this week just gone, when Dr Martin Brown prescribes a healthy dose to our humble town at the Cellar Bar of the Bear.

 

Oh yeah, The Moonrakers Comedy Club has just set the agenda for its next evening of hilarity, on 7th December.  Paul Savage is headlining, he started performing comedy in 2007 and has performed all over Britain, and a 2013 tour of English speaking venues in Norway, Sweden and Denmark.

 

With over 1700 gigs under his belt, including six runs at the Edinburgh Festival, starting with the Free Tea and Biscuits Show, which set a record for having the most genuinely homeless people in one audience front row, it has to be said this guy knows his way around a joke or three.

 

Paul is joined by some sharp wit and Irish charm from the opening act, Belfast’s Ryan McDonnell, who is no stranger to laughs in his home town with his observations of everyday life. Sometimes bizarre, often dark he’s building up quite a reputation for himself on the UK comedy circuit.

 

Johnny Emmet is to be the host MC, a comedian and actor, famously sharing the screen with Nicholas Cage for 17 seconds and currently resident MC at ‘Corkers’ Comedy Club, Byfleet’ ‘Criminal Intent Comedy, West End and runs the bi- weekly ‘Bunking Off @ The Old Schoolyard in Borough.

 

Tickets are a tenner, here.

 

Los Palmas 6 Sold Lavington’s Heat, With a Rock Steady Beat

For recession-infested Britain, tribute bands have fast become a popular evening for everyday folk. With downloading strangling the music industry, touring and festivals are the bread and butter for pop artists, but unfortunately seeing your idols live comes with a price-tag.

 

Much to my delight then that I spotted Los Palmas 6, a tribute to my era’s legends, Madness, were to shake up the sleepy village of Market Lavington; I’d have crawled there if needs be.

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Tribute acts are plentiful and range through the eras, but can be a gamble. It’s like throwing the selection menu away and dipping your hand into the chocolate box, you’re never sure what you’re going to get. Disappointment can avoided though by checking website reviews, or just attending a place you can trust will book something special; the Market Lavington Music & Comedy Club are about as trustworthy as you’re going to get; Los Palmas 6 sold the heat, with a rock steady beat.

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To be fair, the whole two-tone period is akin to tribute bands, when you think about it; the basis for the ska sound predating the era by twenty years in the tenement yards of West Kingston, and the Specials, Madness, et-al were not adverse to covering the original classics of Studio One. Madness even coined its name from the Prince Buster anthem.

 

But you’re not here for a history of reggae; if you were I’d only chew your ears off, got a bit of an everlasting love affair with the music see, a healthy one though, reggae hasn’t put a restraining order on me yet. Still, it suits me not to trek the world following some aging guys who were once a pop band, when locally there’s such a selection of these tribute acts and many project the raw, early periods of an act, as opposed to a blown-out rocker going through the motions rather than cashing their pension.

 

Now Madness is one band I’ve shamefully never caught live, though I’ve heard only awesome tales, so while I cannot compare them to the real McCoy, the blisters on my feet and perspiring brow afterwards should indicate I had a blinding time and Los Palmas 6 were everything they set out be, and a lot more.

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Saturday’s night air had a nip, a chilling reminder winter is around the corner, but the glowing Community Hall warmed me. Unlike many village halls which resemble a 1970s scout hut, Market Lavington proudly have constructed a mega high-ceilinged ballroom, clean, contemporary and functional by design; I was impressed.

 

Diehard skinheads and mods surrounded the entrance, always a welcoming sight, and the man on the door informed me how busy it gets, “there’s always something going on here.” The hall had side rooms, with bar and reasonably priced kitchen selling pork baps and gourmet burgers; both bookmarked.

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With the great support band finishing, and mates propping the bar up, I manged to sneak a chat with the organiser of the event, the endearingly enthusiastic character of Ted Osborn. Since making the village his home, Ted runs the Market Lavington Music & Comedy Club, bringing the village a colossal variety of performances. Being so cut-off from nearby towns by distance, it can only be a necessity for inhabitants.

 

Ted was keen about this event, trusting it to attract. Still I observed; it can be no simple feat to fill this hall similar to a Viking Valhalla. Ted confessed it’s not always so easy. As we discussed on No Surprises Sunday, getting punters through the door of a rural event is tricky, but all it needs is the support of Lavington, its surrounding villages and prosperity in the form of townsfolk willing to make the trip. I confirm to you Ted puts on a great show and it’s well worth the effort.

 

The band looked the part; Saxophonist in his Crombie, the Suggs-a-like donned a trademark blue bowler hat and the sound, well the music was parallel to the original fairground ska of Madness. With members of the band having played in Madness, and some of the original musicians having played with them too, Los Palmas 6 are the closest thing you’ll get to Madness without it actually being Madness, if you see what I mean. I did explain all this in the preview, please try to keep up.

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Normally on a monthly basis, The Market Lavington Music & Comedy Club has hosted everything from Rolling Stones and Amy Winehouse tributes to a Take That one or comedy nights with comedians John Moloney, Sean Meo, Dave Thompson and Tim O’Conner. Events finish this year with a three course meal, black tie Winter Ball on 2nd December, where Simply Swing, who have played on Jools Holland and Strictly Come Dancing, will take the stage, and a New Year’s Eve party with covers band, The Magic Tones, a disco and buffet; what’s not to like?

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Without hanging around for spring, it’s the third return of the popular Abba tribute, Swede Dreamz on Saturday February 10th.  Ted is confident tickets will sell out for this, so check the Website or Facebook to get yours.

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The Market Lavington Music & Comedy Club Needs Your Support!

https://www.facebook.com/marketlavingtonmusicandcomedy/

http://www.ml-mcc.weebly.com/

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Seend Bags World Famous, Award-Winning Folk duo for Night of High-Class Entertainment!

By Zoe McMillan

Rural Arts brings to the village of Seend in November, an internationally acclaimed act in the form of folk duo, Sean Lakeman and Kathryn Roberts.

Bonfire Night in or around Devizes

Remember, remember, the, oh when was it again?

The 5th of November being Sunday this year, and the Devizes Football Club not holding their usual quality do, where, you may ask, can you catch some firework displays?

1: Friday the 3rd has one at Nursteed Community School for £3 tickets from Devizes Books or Brittox News, or £3.50 on the door. Doors open at 6pm and the show kicks off at 7.

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2: Bishops Cannings School also have one organised for Friday, by Distant Thunder, with fire performers too, it’s £2.50 for grownups and kids go free. They promise snacks, BBQ and hot chocolate, and note the Crown is open for business.

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3: Saturday the New Inn at Coate have their ever-popular FREE fireworks event with inside and outside bars, the bonfire will be lit at 6:30 and display starts at 7pm. They do have a no obligation charity collection. All monies collected go to two nominated charities.

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4: Rowdefield Farm are also having an event on Saturday, described as a mini-firework display, they’ve also a bonfire. With a variety of stalls, Rowde Toddlers Pick & Mix Sweets, live music from Tom Miller, fire poi and hula hoop entertainer De Valentine, glitter makeup by Courtney Ball, Younique, hand knitted gifts and glow sticks, there are refreshments and a pedal tractor course as well as the machinery display, it promises to be quite alternative to the norm. It starts at 6pm and fireworks at 7. Tickets in advance only for this one guys, and it’s a fiver.

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‘Cause baby I be a West-Country firewerrrk,
Be comin’ ter shows yer hows I twerk,
Makes ’em go “Oo, arr, oo!” an art,
As I shoots acrass yer sky lioke a gurt lush far-arr-arr-t.

If you know of one we’ve not listed, let us know and we’ll add it before the big night, whenever it is again. At least it’ll stop me from my Katy Perry impressions, which I should’ve saved exclusively for Halloween instead.

 

Christmas Cards by Elly Shaw

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These stunning, collectable cards are from the ‘Christmas Cats’ collection by South West artist Elly Shaw and each card is hand made and unique.

 

FB_IMG_1509287833771Signed by the artist, they can be framed or sent as Christmas cards to your special people. Oil on silk with trimmings. They will be available at the trade price of £2.50 each or 5 for £10 only at the Craft Fair on November 25th at The Cross Keys, Rowde. 12pm onwards.

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No Surprises Living in Devizes: Ode to Tea and Showbiz

I like tea, full stop. You pamper to taste; a “milky builder,” others like it as black as the ace of spades, or some like the teabag to stew for exactly one minute, twenty-seven seconds. No, don’t dare add milk before taking out the teabag or they’ll spoon your eyeballs and wear them as earrings; that kinda subtle specification.

 

Me, I’m impartial; I’ll drink any tea made any way. As long as it is tea and not warmed mud from the farmer’s welly, I’ll drink it; desperate enough I’d even consider the mud.

 

I’m eclectic in my taste for most things, treat food, books and music just like tea; provided it’s of quality. I don’t worship any particular genre, pigeonhole or dedicate my life to one style. Some do, s’alright, that’s fine, but it’s not my cup of tea, so to speak.

 

City life can be diverse; you wander a street to find a-la-carte Benin vegan cuisine next door to a Tasmanian tarantula burger stall, you could host a night of minimalist Cambodian folk synth-pop techno and still fill the Albert Hall. But here in deepest darkest Wiltshire, often you have to make do with the conventional; a Chinese takeaway considered exotic.

 

When someone dedicates themselves to bringing us diversity it deserves our full support, but it comes at a cost; the rural event promoter’s dilemma. Example; country & western music, not really my cup of tea, but what exactly is my cup of tea anyhoo?

 

Give it, I’ll drink it, ta; where we left off last week, I’m at the doors to the Conservative Club on a Sunday evening, to check out Devizes diversity in action. Hand it to them, the Cons Club offers variety, last Saturday it was skanking to the sounds of Swindon’s two-tone band The Killertones, courtesy of the Scooter Club, and this Saturday it turned all Blues as the Long Street Blues Club bought us Carvin Jones.

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Alternative Sundays are the turn of the Devizes CMC; it’s going country & western all the way. There are elements to this genre I do love; the creative plots of songs, and twangy banjos and the whole Americana atmosphere; however there’s a clear label of “Achy Breaky Hearts” and line dancing which, well, puts me off to be Frank.

 

Sheriff of the CMC, Dean Czerwionka is keen to highlight his efforts to break this stereotype, and brings diversity in the genre to local venues. His Dead Kool Country Promotions operate not only in Devizes, but at the Owl in Bromham and Trowbridge too. He explained to me that while some bands he books are traditional Country styles, he often books ones which are more experimental and assorted in styles.

 

So, generally American theme occurs in the Club, Dean tipped his Stetson at the bar where we chat, but there’s also something quintessentially English about the event; I order a cider rather than a bourbon, there’s no hog-roast but ham and cheese rolls sold on the bar, and while within the crowd are a sprinkling of those dressed the part, there’s others dressed more conventionally, it’s informal.

 

There are no cowboys having a farting contest around a campfire, but a fun and friendly atmosphere, which is endearing. Even the performer Trey Jackson, who was booked last minute due to a cancelation, speaks with a Geordie accent.

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I felt comfortable and not out of place, a surprise in Devizes; I reckoned I needed to cast my labels aside and enjoy the music and atmosphere, for it was homely and warming; I like it here, you would too.

 

Dean explained to me that specialist magazines cater towards the American scene and the big names when they visit, rather than focus on home-grown talent. Here then is the dilemma, can he wipe the stereotype and bring people through the door when it’s Sunday in a narrow-minded market town like Devizes?

 

No easy task, Dean tells me many local C&W clubs have closed, there’s no club like this left in Swindon, and punters willingly travel to visit his Dead Kool nights; this doesn’t surprise me, they’re clearly worth the effort.

 

We break off our conversation for a moment, while Dean sells raffle tickets. The marvellous thing about these nights is each one is dedicated to raising funds for local schools.

 

Everything Dean tells me is spritely, an enthusiasm dedicated to his passion for Country and bringing it to the good folk of Wiltshire. On 12th November, for example, when Peter Donegan, son of the ‘Godfather of British Rock n Roll’ and ‘King of Skiffle’, the late Lonnie Donegan, visits the club.

 

So we chat about Johnny Cash and Dolly, of the movie Oh Brother Where Art Thou, and my love for the music of Woody Guthrie. We talk about bluegrass and the various styles of country music, which Dean celebrates and books artists who cross those borders and fuse said styles. So there really isn’t anything to dislike about these nights, no matter how much you care for the music.

 

There’s a good mixture of age here, yeah there’s older folk but there’s girls in short skirts (it’s the little things I notice) and while we chat, people get up and start dancing the night away. Trey has an authentic voice and the whole scene is entertaining. It’s this kind of diversity which keeps Devizes from being so narrow-minded.

 

Similarly Saturday night when I shipped out to Market Lavington to see Los Palmas 6, the Madness tribute band, these events are endearingly good but it’s often difficult for promoters like Dean and the delightful character of Ted Osborn of the Market Lavington Music & Comedy Club to continue, bands don’t come cheap, bums need to be on seats and in a village or small town it’s no easy task, unless we support them.

 

So I highly recommend these nights to you, without compromise and pray these decent guys will persevere so we’re never in doubt that #nothingeverhappensindevizes and the surrounding villages, is ironic banter.

 

So, yeah, Saturday at the Market Lavington Music and Comedy Club was a top, top night, but I’m running out of space here, I’ll write a separate review of the night, and of Ted’s hard work, equal to Dean’s, in hope you’ll take heed and support these guys in their quest.

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For Dead Kool Country Promotion’s future dates, check Devizine’s event calendar, or visit their website here, and like their Facebook page here.

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There’s a Coffee for the Emergency Services at the Food Gallery

Resident or just passing through, The Food Gallery is the premier café in Wiltshire. Standing proud on Marlborough High Street and voted Best Café in Wiltshire this year, its owner, Bob Holman announced there’s a free coffee for the emergency services at his family business, whilst also raising funds for SWIFT Medics, a support charity for the emergency services across Wiltshire and beyond.

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Mr Holman, also a Trustee of SWIFT Medics, plans to offer a free coffee to any member of the emergency services; ambulance, fire brigade or police, by asking his customers to make a voluntary donation of £1 every time they buy a coffee at his shop.

 

In return, The Food Gallery will donate 50 pence to SWIFT Medics, who, although they are a Wiltshire-based charity and entirely funded by the public, are regularly called out by the Emergency Services to assist them and work alongside them saving lives and helping to prevent more serious injury.

 

Bob, who runs The Food Gallery with his wife Nikki and children Rich and Kat, said: “This is a win-win situation; we are a community coffee shop with valued local customers, so it makes sense to ask them to help us support our vital emergency services, which too often we all take for granted.”

 

“We think it will give a boost to those unsung heroes in the Emergency Services to know that the public value them enough to donate money for a coffee. We all like to know we are appreciated and it is particularly important for the Emergency Services to realise that. It is a small gesture but we think it is an important one.”

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All members of the Emergency Services have to do is show their ID at The Food Gallery for a regular coffee, from 7:00am on 27th October 2017. Although, Devizine points out, they also do a superb brownie!

 

The volunteers of SWIFT Medics are trained Pre-hospital Emergency Care Doctors who attend road traffic accidents and medical emergencies in Wiltshire and surrounding counties when an incident is so serious that the NHS ambulance team need an appropriately qualified Doctor at the scene.

 

Approximately once a week, these volunteer Doctors either save a life or prevent a life-changing injury in Wiltshire. SWIFT Medics is a registered charity and are 100% reliant on voluntary donations for our funding.

 

http://www.swiftmedics.net/

http://www.thefoodgallery.co.uk/

 

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Anna Simmons on Wine Street

I don’t know with all these “arty types,” I mean, remember the gallery on Vine Street? Well, change one letter and they shift the whole shebang to the White Horse Business Centre on Hopton, but it’s worth a trip down London Road. The new space at number 10 is airy, bright and awash with friendly atmosphere.

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The Wine Street Gallery is never without interesting contemporary art, and hosts exhibits regularly. This November it’s the turn of local oil painter Anna Simmons, who creates figures within a sense of space and light in architectural backgrounds. The importance of the figures stressed, adding extra dimension, a kind of “bridge between worlds.”

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Former teacher, Anna had always painted, but only received formal training later in life. She studied at St. Martin’s, which shaped the particular direction her work continues on today. She has exhibited in London, Bath and even America, and her work has sold worldwide.

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This has to be a great excuse, if you need one, to visit the gallery. Join the private view, from 6-9pm on Friday 17th November, and you’ll aptly get a glass of wine too! And the Recent works by Anna Simmons show continues until Saturday 18th November.

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Normal opening hours are 11am – 4pm, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, or by appointment.

 

Wine St Gallery @ No 10, White Horse Business Centre, Unit 10, Hopton Road, Devizes SN10 2HJ.  facebook.com/winestreetgallery Instagram: dawngalbraith10

No Surprises Living in Devizes: The Return of Sabbatical Slangander

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Why hello there, I’m back. Did you miss me?

 

You don’t have to answer that.

 

A-polo-gees, but due to a family issue I’ve been back and forth from Southend-on-Sea, a place which makes Swindon look like Monte Carlo, with bells on. Hoping we can start back where we left off? Unless, of course, you’ve found a new causerie, a kind of prose rebound, no doubt, a Daily Mail column. I understand really I do, does it do what No Surprises used to do for you, only grammatically; you literate hussy, you.

 

Southend is quite different from Devizes, maybe it’s the sea air but there’s a “salt of the Earth” spirit in the majority, a kind of cockney-pride of an East-End, retired now to the nostalgic littoral illusion of “South-Enders.”

 

So, despite the constant race to construct glass façades to ersatz castles, larger than that of their neighbours, allowing their view to pass over pink and white panelled beach huts with star-shaped fairy-lights tacked on, to a murky estuary and its heavyweight industrial dock horizon, there appears to be minimal snobbery there; one significant difference.

 

The sight of Essex’s arch-nemesis Kent, with burning chimneys and industrial plants, seems to dissuade no one, as they saunter a hectic coastal highway of ramshackle Tropicana and neon amusement arcades, with disregard to seasonal change and gale forces blowing along the Thames, in search of a polystyrene cup of jellied eels or a boggy whippy ice cream.

 

The entire inlet from London to the south-end is one analogous sprawling suburb of pleasant and generous mediocre folk, unfortunately with a princely sprinkling of avaricious braggers, voluble tattooed hoodies swapping beard-trimming techniques, and hordes of overdressed Billericay girls all called Anastasia, with earrings larger than their boobs, yapping bargain hauls and neighing through whitened teeth at their own jokes; inappropriately, they bulk the laughable Essex stereotype we love to encourage here.

 

You’d love it, if you pretend you never witnessed the dank arches outbound from Liverpool Street station, where if you gaze past train lights, you can see occupants huddled under filthy duvets and rotting sleeping bags.

 

I admit, it feels like everything is bloated folly there, a neon phoney philosophy forged into residents, blinding them from the certain doom this government is sailing us into, and it takes an individual from a Tory-infested affluent zone to explain it? Yeah, right on. Still I adhere, snobbery is absent; no one looks down their nose and scoffs, which is a pleasant change.

 

If this week has taught me one thing, it’s that life is too short to whinge and rant, so I planned a nice column today. Then I returned home and read some local news.

 

Say what you will, but Southend is functional; they allow a freedom of street art, they’ve frequent and affordable buses, and they get both bins and recycling done weekly, with a far more extensive recycling process. As opposed to our maggot-infested fortnightly collected bins which you’re expected to climb inside to squash last week’s rubbish.

 

So as the train returns me to the beautiful West Country downs, the first local post I see on Facebook is photos of the aftermath of some prick clearing out for the season of goodwill, and fly-tipping the garbage they couldn’t fit in their overflowing bin, over our idyllic rural landscape.

 

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Ha, it’s like they just shoved the mountain of dead badgers aside and dumped their crap there, as if recycling centres are only in the imagination. How is this lesser a crime than Swindon’s window-licking Noel Gallagher lookie-likie, if not far less amusing? They need to be named and shamed in the local rag.

 

Honestly, what was going on there with the window licker, or has the Oasis star fallen on hard times? I mean licking windows is one thing, but in Swindon? It’s equally as unhygienic as making candy floss in a rugby club’s stag-do toilet bowl, which no doubt you think happens in Southend? Least they put their rubbish in the bin, cos they’ve the facilities to do so.

 

So Wiltshire Council jump on the bandwagon, groaning it costs two and a half million quid picking up litter in the county, omitting the opportunity of finding an old five pound note. They’re campaigning for volunteers to tidy up a bit, taking credit for the idea; as if it hasn’t already been in existence in Devizes for many a year. Thank you CUDs, it’s a big society success story that’d make Cameron oink and blush.

 

This tomfoolery is seriously biting into the Council budget, which needed to raise their councillor’s expense allowances again, just to have a meeting about it; pass the caviar hors d’oeuvres while we discuss it. Parking tariffs in the Market Place simply will not cover it, maybe because the ticket-machines they do have malfunction more than HAL 9000 with a Morris Worm bought from Curry’s.

 

“Take your litter home,” the council says; I agree, even though my bin is full. I’m not paying £1.70 an hour to sift through your litter, just to get a loaf. Still we feel it imperative to groan about people in other places, like how shallow Essex is, for example.

 

I withdraw the cliquey rant about Southend; Essex is Constable Country don’t forget it mate. Go sleep in a railway arch you idiot fly-tippers, oh and Councillors who make it awkward to make alternative options practical too. Stick a cold tin of beans and dirty mattress on your expense forms and kip with the dossers; see what some folks endure.

 

We need a rodeo roundup, a cowboy style lynch mob to march into county hall all guns blazing.

 

So, before I fled town, I went in search of some able-bodied men; but where could I find some West Country rouges, larger than the Council’s for a showdown at high noon?

 

Hold on, every other Sunday at the Conservative Club is Devizes Country Music Club. So I busted through the saloon doors, nodded to Sheriff Dean Czerwionka, who tipped his Stetson. I scanned the tavern, are there cowboys here, would it be best to try Kwik-Fit, or is it another of those uncharacteristic surprises in Devizes?

 

 

Tune in next episode to find out…. cue the sunset.

 

 

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Johnathan Pie Writer Andrew Doyle to get Moonrakers Giggling

I had to walk back to Rowde last time I attended a Moonraker Comedy night at the Bear Hotel’s Cellar Bar, I tried to hitch a lift but had to be honest with myself, no one about to pick me up in the dark with the insane giggling smirk awash my boat race. I was still sniggering at Mark Felgate and supporting comedians into the following week.

 

Thursday 2nd November sees another tsunami of laughter with Andrew Doyle headlining the evening. Writer and comedian, Andrew is the co-writer of the spoof news reporter, created by Tom Walker, Jonathan Pie who has become an internet sensation.

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Andrew started writing for Pie in December 2015, and has since collaborated with Tom on weekly online videos, and a live tour culminating a sell-out performance at the London Palladium. Their online video responding to the US election result has had in excess of 130 million views.

 

Andrew recently appeared at the Soho Theatre, London, in his fifth solo stand-up show “Future Tense.” All five of his solo shows have run at the Edinburgh Festival Fringe. Johann Hari of The Independent had this to say, “One of the funniest, sharpest, cruellest comedians out there. Prepare for all your internal organs to burst with laughter.”

 

Andrew is supported by award winning comedian Nathan Cassidy who’ll open the show, fresh from The Comedy Store, Bearcat and Mirth, Nathan has performed full-length shows at comedy festivals for several years. And Quick-witted Tim O’Connor, who has “been making people laugh since forever,” but has only recently taken to comedy club stages as it allows people to laugh at him in a more appropriate setting. Recently recruited to present a monthly radio show for Frome FM, Tim is a published comedy writer.

 

Doors open at 8:00pm, it’s definitely for 18 and over, and its ten notes for a ticket (from The Bear Hotel, Devizes Books, The British Lion, The Vaults, The Southgate Inn, or on-line at “We Got Tickets” and also some availability on the door on night; if you need a giggle, this performance-on-your-doorstep comes highly recommended.

https://www.facebook.com/events/162470411017096/

 

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Larkin to be Set Free

Probably the youngest and freshest duo on the Devizes music scene, Larkin, retain the classic combination of guitar and keyboards; a modern answer to Simon & Garfunkel, with a slice of Bastille thrown in for good measure. Even the cover of their forthcoming album, Set You Free, has a strong resemblance to that of The Sounds of Silence.

 

We’re eagerly anticipating this release, which is due in December. I probed Sam Bishop for what we can expect, being I know they’ve been working so hard on this crowdfunded project.

 

Set You Free will be all original material, generally conceived by Sam and written in collaboration with guitarist Finley Trusler. “The album is called Set You Free,” he explained, “because that was the first song as a duo we wrote together and everything that has transpired because of this!”

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Working on tracks for over a year now, Sam described, “The songs are about a variety of things, whether it be ex-girlfriends, events that have happened in my life, how crazy the world is, and even the plot of a film.”

 

With a totally DIY approach, they’ve played all the instruments on the album; Sam reasoned it’d be “a more personal feel!” There’s also old films sampled in the tunes, “to give more context and a vibrant feel, as I’m a fan of old cinema and it adds more layers to the tracks.”

 

These young guys are confident of their goals and exceptionally enthusiastic and motivated. “The album means a lot to us,” Sam continued, “it’s always been ‘a dream to release a debut album and thanks to kind donations while busking and gigging, we’ve finally be able to get into the studio and nail tracks.”

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Larkin have been working with fantastic producer Martin Spencer at the Badger Set in Potterne, and tell me he, “has been amazing; works tirelessly to get good results. Not only is he local, so we can keep the album linked to Devizes, but he is a good mate of ours and knew he’d give his best.”

 

I’d like to congratulate the duo, Martin and the team behind this project as it pertains to a bright future for music in Devizes and sets a goalpost for others to attain. If you’d like to witness them in their comfort zone, Larkin are appearing at the Moonrakers in Devizes on the 21st October, and they’re making Great Cheverall that bit greater, appearing at the Bell, there on 28th October.

 

But the big cheese here is their album release gig on a risky December 30th at an unconfirmed venue in Devizes. “The release gig will be amazing,” Sam explained with enthusiasm, “It’ll be in Devizes, with easy access from the town centre, and depending on how many emails, to let us know they want to come, the venue size will change accordingly. We’ll have a support band, and all our songs will be played as a live band, with saxophone, drums, bass and synth, as well as our keys, vocals and guitar.”

 

Tickets will be a mere three quid, which entitles you to a half price copy of the CD; I mean, what else are you going to be doing on that date, cabbaged on the sofa stuffing dry turkey sandwiches and watching the Enders Christmas special?

 

“It’d be great to see so many familiar and new faces turn up to support us!” Sam finished with, “We’ve put so much into the album and would love people to turn up and chat about it.

Let Larkin know you’re up for it, by clicking here!

More info on Larkin

 

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Emma Langford and the Quiet Giant

Ever had the awkward scenario where a acquaintance posts a song with a caption, “this is my daughter singing,” you feel obliged to listen, humour their parental pride and bend the truth that you reckon it’s awesome?! This was NOT one of those occasions.

 

I’ve been an online friend with Des for many-a-year; we share a love of comics and cartoons. He’s an exceptionally talented artist and sign-writer; his cartoon frescos adorn his hometown of Limerick, in school playgrounds and on shop windows. I was honoured when Des contributed a cover for my charity-based anthology book, “I am not Frazzle;” it became an iconic image in Devizes.

 

Never more apparent that creative talent filters through the generations; from the moment I clicked on that link and heard Emma’s voice, I was in love with her music. Renowned in Limerick, I’m dedicated to switching as many as I can onto this, I’d shout it from the highest mountain, if we had any here; the folk-rock pop of Emma Langford is simply sublime.

 

So while I could’ve approached this by hiding our friendship to promote Emma’s latest album, Quiet Giant, and try to find a tenacious link between her and Wiltshire, not to unhinge the tenet this website is of locally produced talent, I’d rather be honest. Plus, in this era of YouTube, you can judge for yourself from the couple of videos below; I ain’t a fibber.

 

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Akin to Andrea Corr or a young Kirsty McColl, Quiet Giant is Emma Langford, refined to perfection; nothing here is left to chance. Released on the 18th October, I confirm a crashing symbol and delicate piano opens ten tracks of absolute gorgeousness. All songs are written by Emma with a sophisticated, evocative narrative. It eases you in with certain grace, a couple of earnest mellow songs; the folky title track and smooth jazzy Sandman insure you’ve made the right choice for your listening pleasure.

 

Then Peter Hanagan’s Double bass and fiddles by Tadhg Murphy up the tempo for Closed Book, a storming tune skilfully separating honourable people from the general, ostensibly an effective running theme throughout Quiet Giant which makes its hauntingly nimble quality so endearing.

Emma Langford and her accomplished collective, aforementioned Peter and Tadhg, plus particular prestige for Cellist Alec Brown and pianist Hannah Nic Gearailt, insightfully have produced something special; Quiet Giant is a suave survey of dignity and passionate despondency with uplifting string arrangements and traditional Irish folk values, all wrapped in the wonderful cover art of Jacob Stack; you’d be sorry to have missed it.

 

When I heard Emma had a gig in Bristol and was looking for another date in London a few months ago, I attempted to hassle known local music promoters into booking her for a gig in Devizes, hoping it’d be a halfway house. But Emma explained she only had two days here, still she seemed keen to visit us. The promoters were in awe, told me she really needs to head for London for maximum exposure, “she’s too darn good for Devizes,” I was told!

So then I worried I was being selfish, trying to hook her into our tiny market town just so I can hear her live when they were right, she needs, and she did play a gig in London. Next time it’s bookmarked; I’m bunking the next day off work!

 

Order the pre-release of Quiet Giant here on Bandcamp; out on 18th October.

Like her Facebook page for more information and updates.

 

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Daniella Faircloth in a Shoebox; Unbinding Halloween Chills

It’s been about a year since the editor of Index:Wiltshire sent me to Swindon for the press screening of a new, homemade film. Slightly anxious at the prospect of being among “real” journalists, thought I was in over my head. Instead, I was welcomed by a family atmosphere, with more cakes than journalists (turned out it was the producer’s birthday too.)

 

Immediately I threw off those fears, this isn’t a pretentious Hollywood charade, this is Swindon for crying out loud; only provoking a new concern, how good could a locally made movie really be, would I need to humour wild Swindonian thespians?

 

Turned out I was pleasantly surprised, the film, Follow the Crows, was superb, but my bag of nerves not through yet. An unidentified apocalyptic event threw an oddball bunch of survivors into a baron wilderness, each with their own vicious agenda; the plot of the film unnerving when surreally, you’re sitting amidst the actors playing these fruitcakes.

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At the movie’s close I stumbled up in awe, cake crumbs scattered the floor; this was an awesome film and I felt honoured, as if I was initiated into a secret gang with this exclusive preview. But meeting the actors and one actress, Danielle Faircloth, who I’d just seen at daggers with each other on the screen, I had to acknowledge it was just an act; that’s what these guys do, and very realistically too. This exceptionally talented bunch weren’t about to carve me up over a tin of spam. No, we just shook hands and chatted amicably.

 

I have maximum respect for those who can so convincingly act, my personal performing career peaked when my Shakin’ Stevens impression gained me first place at the Cub Scout pack holiday talent show, the rest has been downhill since (I probably didn’t need to mention that.)

 

The Producer of Follow the Crows, Marcus Starr, explained a lot more work was needed to perfect the sound, and as I write this I’m pleased to announce the team claim a release date is imminent. More on this news as and when, but today I wanted to make a point, and introduce Swindon’s cosy, Shoebox Theatre.

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The Shoebox Theatre is a space in Theatre Square for talented performers, writers, musicians and directors to develop, train, and showcase their work, in hope of bringing something different and exciting to audiences of Swindon. And with the talents of Danielle heading a mature themed horror play, by resident theatre company, the Wrong Shoes, called The Unbinding, I’m rest assured this will be a supreme Halloween indulgence.

 

With a local component, The Unbinding devised from historical accounts of witches from Wiltshire; the play explores mob-mentality and our insatiable need to punish those who are different. Accused of witchcraft, four women are locked together, to await their sentence in the shadows. Scared and hungry they don’t know who they can trust, or who will survive.

 

It promises to be an intense performance, featuring stark realism, horror, physical theatre, strobe lights, and containing scenes of a sexual nature, with violence, and strong language some viewers may find disturbing; has to be scarier than wandering the streets collecting Haribo.

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Book your tickets for The Unbinding, opening on Halloween (31st Oct) and running until 4th November at the Shoebox Theatre via www.theunbinding.co.uk

 

The only thing not scary is the price; tickets at a tenner. Plus, you’ll be supporting the Wrong Shoes at the Shoebox Theatre, who, as well as creating theatre, the registered charity since 2015, also provides educational opportunities for people in Swindon and the surrounding areas to engage in original, contemporary theatre, both as performance makers and as audiences.

 

Look out for ingeniously titled, Much Ado About Puffin too, a performance for the children. Using skilful puppetry, beautiful music, and good old fashioned storytelling, Much Ado About Puffin is about old habits, new friendships and stepping out into the unknown, and runs this Saturday, 14th October.

 

For more information and other performances by the Shoebox Theatre: https://www.shoeboxtheatre.org.uk/

 

But don’t take my word for it; listen to Billie!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9u3P8BtMjy0

 

Introducing The Errant Stage, in a Bus!

The Errant Stage is a new​ ​mobile​ ​performance​ ​venue​ ​in​ ​a​ ​van, it​ ​offers​ ​affordable
space​ ​for​ ​artists​ ​and​ ​accessible​ ​theatre​ ​for​ ​the​ ​masses; sounds cute eh? Yeah, that’s what I thought too, that’s why I’m here, telling you about it!

 

The travelling venue, a big red van, is off exploring the West for an affordable
and sustainable future of the performing arts.

 
​”An​ ​initiative​ ​like​ ​this,​ ​which​ ​places​ ​accessibility​ ​and​ ​sustainability​ ​at​ ​its​ ​core,
nurturing​ ​new​ ​talent​ ​and​ ​enabling​ ​artists​ ​to​ ​tour​ ​their​ ​work​ ​successfully,​ ​merits​ ​all​ ​the
support​ ​the​ ​UK​ ​theatre​ ​sector​ ​can​ ​give​ ​it.​” -Simon Hart, Puppet Animation Scotland.

 

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This alternative, professional platform launched at the beginning of August and is
currently​ ​crowdfunding​ to raise enough money to complete the conversion to an
eco-friendly venue and get on the road. The stage has been created to offer artists an
affordable space to perform and create work, whilst allowing new audiences access to a quality of performance they may not have seen before.

 

The girls at the Errant Stage want to provide affordable​ ​performance​ ​space​ ​for​ ​artists,​ ​and accessible​ ​theatre​ ​for​ ​the​ ​masses​; from puppetry to performance art. What with Arts funding cuts greatly affecting the amount of new performances, the restrictive cost of venue hire and production for emerging companies, it’s a fresh and exciting project.
The alternative off-grid travelling stage has an audience capacity of 20+ inside, creating a
“welcoming and accessible,” “magical” and “wonderfully intimate” performance space.

 

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For larger shows and spectacles the van can swing open it’s doors and serve an unlimited outside audience. The venue offers artists an affordable professional platform to perform their work in front of an audience, whilst enabling that audience to be anyone, anywhere.

 
“Theatre​ ​and​ ​the​ ​arts​ ​is​ ​more​ ​than​ ​just​ ​an​ ​industry;​ ​It​ ​is​ ​a​ ​community.​ ​A
community​ ​that​ ​we​ ​want​ ​to​ ​continue​ ​growing,​ ​to​ ​keep​ ​putting​ ​new​ ​work​ ​in​ ​front​ ​of
new​ ​audiences.​ ​A​ ​community​ ​that​ ​is​ ​fuelled​ ​by​ ​passion​ ​and​ ​belief​ ​that​ ​the​ ​arts​ ​and
performance​ ​are​ ​essential​ ​to​ ​our​ ​human​ ​connections​ ​with​ ​each​ ​other​ ​and​ ​the​ ​world
around​ ​us;​ ​The​ ​Errant​ ​is​ ​our​ ​contribution​ ​to​ ​that,” said Wiltshire’s Kate Powell, and with  Jonna Nummela  from Helsinki, has had this vision for an alternative performance venue since they first met in drama school in 2011.

 

The pair lived together on a canal boat in London.​ ​Then, when Kate bought the van from Kilter Theatre in January 2017, and The Errant Stage concept began to take physical form, she quickly joined forces. Growing increasingly frustrated with the current restrictive funding climate, Nummela jumped on the chance to make space for artists and their audiences through a more accessible venue.

 
“The​ ​Errant​ ​Stage​ ​is​ ​our​ ​vision​ ​for​ ​the​ ​future​ ​of​ ​the​ ​performing​ ​arts.​ ​It​ ​is​ ​a
future​ ​of​ ​empathy​ ​and​ ​community​ ​instead​ ​of​ ​egoism​ ​and​ ​competitive​ ​industry,” Kate continued.

 
Support for the van is already evident, the team launched their crowdfunding
campaign and has raised​ ​over​ ​40%​ ​from​ ​70+​ ​backers​ ​in​ ​the​ ​first​ ​three​ ​weeks.​ The
Indiegogo campaign is looking to raise funds to enable ongoing maintenance and further conversion of the van into a more accessible​ ​and sustainable​ ​venue​ ​and will continue until the 21st October, 2017.​

 

Work started on the van back in January with structural repairs and insulation; Now attention turns to the inside of the van and its transformation into a multi-use performance space with high quality technical resources and a new, lighter stage design. They’re also researching sustainable power sources, from solar to wind, aiming to make The Errant Stage a trailblazer of sustainable off-grid venues.

 

The Errant Stage embarked on it’s maiden voyage when it was invited to the Ventnor
Fringe Festival (www.vfringe.co.uk) on the Isle of Wight in August 2017. Following the
success of this soft launch, the venue continued to travel the UK, hosting performances and scratch events at Puppet Place’s Bristol​ ​Festival​ ​of​ ​Puppetry​ and Skipton International Puppet​ ​Festival​.

With interest and return invites from various puppet and theatre festivals across the
UK in 2018, including new Moving​ ​Parts​ puppet festival in Newcastle and Manipulate
Festival​ ​in Scotland, it’s looking to be a busy and successful first season for The Errant
Stage.

 

Support the Errant Stage’s Crowdfunding campaign, running from 8th September – 21st October 2017.  https://igg.me/at/errant-stage-fundraiser

 

Next appearing at:
– Isle of Wight 23rd-28th October 2017, tour collaboration with Ventnor Exchange and
Isle of Wight Museums.

Mike and the Local Area Invasion Descend Upon The Swan

It was over a couple of years ago I stepped cautiously into the Black Swan, only to receive the pleasant surprise at its renovation and complete change of style. Since this time Devizes takes the alteration as red, and it thrives with eccentricity, vintage chic, quality tucker and music. However, its future is now uncertain as it closes its doors for a refurb and Waddies bring new landlords in.

We hold out for a silver lining, but for the time being, the Black Swan’s current incarnation ends next week. To celebrate its time at the helm of all things unconventional in town, the landlord has requested the presence of the big man, Mike Barham, whose prolific raw dynamism currently reverbs throughout our great county.

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His giant steps certainly get him around, playing the London Road Inn in Calne on Saturday 7th, he’s at the Hare & Hounds in Corsham on the 12th and on the 14th he crosses the border to Frome. In between though, he returns to his hometown for this closing gig at the Black Swan, but he’s inviting a self-labelled “Local Area Invasion,” with him, an amalgamation of our finest local musicians who’ll get to play a couple of songs each, prior to Mike blasting the place with oomph.

 

Yeah, save the date, Wednesday 11th October, where you’ll find at the very least, Jamie R Hawkins, Vince Bell, Larkin, Jack Moore, George Wilding, Jordan Whatley and Tamsin Quin; incredible line-up, for a school night, a virtual who’s who of the Devizes pub music scene sampler; Free!

Here are the details, the rest up to you: https://www.facebook.com/events/282938928863398/

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No Surprises Living in Devizes: What’s the Emergency?

 

“Hello and welcome to another episode of 999: What’s Your Emergency?” (Cue soothing countryside harmony.) “Today we’re in Wiltshire, where local Bobbie, Hugh Janus cycles into the village to inquire about Mrs Bun’s lost tart.” The creaking of an old bicycle on cobblestone pauses.

 

“Good afternoon Mrs Bun, I understand you’ve had a tart go missing from your bakery?”

 

“Oh, thank goodness you’re here PC Janus!”

 

“Do you think it’s been stolen Mrs Bun?”

 

“Oh bless, not at all, one of the puppies pinched it. No, it’s just I have these lovely cupcakes left over from the village fete.”

 

PC Janus smiles at the baker, “Never mind Mrs Bun, officer Dweeb and I’ll guarantee they don’t go to waste.” The baker smiles gratefully.

 

“Well, that’s the end of this week’s show; next week police in less conservative areas of the country will be tackling drug dealers, thieves and burglars.” (Pan across a sunset scene of downs, with cows grazing and a hummingbird fluttering, to a squad car parked in a layby with two officers admiring the view, while enjoying tea and cupcakes.

 

There you go Wiltshire Councillors; sounds better doesn’t it? Realism has no place in a reality TV show anyway; drama has never been less enthralling.

 

Councillors wanting the episode of a police action reality show set in Wiltshire to be akin to an episode of Heartbeat, were shocked to see edited results, and complained it’d have a detrimental effect on investment in the county.

 

In the same week I drove to Trow-Vegas for a new pair of work boots. Simple job, you park free, pick up a cheap pair of boots, and leave as fast as you came. You can’t do this in Devizes, shoe shops thinner than the soles of 70’s market-bought plimsoll, but I’d rather it not be a parade of hackneyed, chain-store trite, for our peace of mind and abject infrastructure.

 

The need to park without fee in the county town vital to its consumer attraction, I’m certain the Council will retain the idea. But parking free in Devizes, for tourism, those who need a few items without the hassle of large towns, and others who merely like to browse or saunter our town, will be a thing of the past.

parking

 

Face it, Trowbridge has no aesthetic value, it’s pure functional I’m afraid, which is sad but why I’m in and out of Dodge faster than you could say “shall we pop in Wilkos?”

 

Some, it seems, crave for something other than a pleasant tranquil Devizes, arguing on social media we need a McDonalds, and we need a Matalan and a Tesco the size of Wales too. They overlook a larger shopping centre needs a larger town to fund it, which brings larger social issues.

 

You could drive to Trow-Vegas, Chips-n-ham; spoiled for choice. But we can’t have our cake and eat it; you really want Devizes to be another Trowbridge? I rest my case.

 

You’d sacrifice the pleasantness of wandering relatively safely through our dwelling, our serene backdrop, and friendly tenet, for the chance to grab a discounted pair of shoes and stop for a Chicken McSandwich? Go on, get off with yer; Trowbridge bus leaves in ten.

 

Anyway, attracting chain stores to Devizes is about to get trickier, as while the county-town’s rarity of free car parking lingers, our suspicions a fortnight ago, that Wiltshire Council will focus parking tariffs on our Market Place came true. Kaboom, it’s now going to cost a quid per hour, £1:70 for two; more expensive than other similar towns. Who rattled their cage?

 

It’s a forbidding tax we’ve no choice but to accept, doubtlessly not reducing traffic as people’s needs remain the same; suck it up. Using an environmental excuse, as they did, was a smokescreen. As a town we’ve thrown our political opinions aside and upon a post on the Devizes Debate Facebook page, are in agreeance, it’s farcical, and as Andy Fawthrop summed it, “totally bonkers.”

 

To rub salt in the wound, the post by Our Wiltshire headlined: “Have your say…” when as we explained in a previous week, the whole consultation was veiled unless you enquired, even then I couldn’t locate the online file I was directed to. Akin to this obscurity, it was absent of a section in which to indeed, “have your say.” The questions, as Rosalind pointed out, were skewered. Even Iain Wallis and I were united in its injustice; I love it when we agree Iain, got my blue tie out and everything mate!

 

He rightfully pointed out its prohibited to fund other failing services with revenues from parking, and that it will have an effect on local business; of course it will, until such a time we cave under pressure and allow our town to explode with sprawling repetitive housing estates, tawdry commercial hypermarkets, gigantic billboards advertising the latest Nike trainers and, of course, overpriced parking meters.

 

The Council won’t be able to brush anything under the carpet when the cameras switch on then; hell in a town. Yep, this is the same council who were worried a flimsy TV show, of the variety no one really recollects its setting seconds after it’s over anyway, might have an damaging effect on local business; hypocrisy. Now I’m no economist, but I’d reckon racking up parking fees would be worse.

 

You ever think while you remain sane, the rest of the world has flipped? A world where it was suggested Dr Suess books were racist when given out in schools in US by Melania Trump, wife of the most bigoted man in the free world.

 

A world where we believe a tabloid that dogging is depicted in a children’s book, when they simply omitted pages to make it look like it. Where judges spared a criminal from a jail sentence, who unprovoked, stabbed her boyfriend, simply because she has a pretty face and good career opportunities.

 

Oh whatever Wiltshire Council, charge us a quid to stop in our own town; justice a farce anyway.

Successful cycling duo receive surprise welcome home from proud Seenders…

 By Zoe McMillan

 

After 9 days and 969 miles, Jenny Dalton & John Whalley finally made it home to celebrate successfully, completing their Lands End to John O’Groats cycling challenge.

 

If the intrepid duo were hoping for a quiet and unassuming return to normality though, they were in for certain disappointment as the proud fellow villagers of Seend had very different ideas…well it’s not every day you get to walk amongst local heroes, is it?

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They were certainly not expecting their usual Friday night drinks at the village community centre to be ambushed by a host of villagers, all togged up in cycling gear, Lycra and helmets in homage to their impressive achievement, nor were they expecting the celebratory banners, and poo balloons (don’t ask…intensive cycling plays havoc with your bowel movements apparently!) or the vast array of cycling themed delicacies on offer, including of course the cycling pairs particular favourite; the pork pie.

 

It’s not very often either, John or Jenny were lost for words, but on this occasion even they were taken aback by the level of support from the village and sheer enthusiasm for their tales from the saddle.

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To get an exclusive insight into the adventures of SPPCC, yours truly went undercover and masqueraded as a super hero myself, SPPCC’s very own ‘Sustenance girl…bringer of cider and pies to all long-distance cycling enthusiasts’…this allowed me to get up close and personal with John & Jenny and get from John particularly a first-hand account of the trials and tribulations he faced and the lasting affect his adventure will have on him moving forwards. You can read John’s account below.

 

The staggering and impressive achievement of the Seend duo should not be underestimated. They are two of the 650 that made it across the final finish line in John O’Groats out of over 950 that set off from Lands’ End and together they’ve raised over £5315 for their chosen charities; Vodafone foundation & Macmillan.

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The terrible weather conditions they encountered could not dampen their spirits as together they tackled each day as a unique challenge that stood alone…one day at a time, one more push towards the shared end goal. With knees still creaking, shoulders still painful and aching joints still evident it doesn’t seem possible that they would already be searching out their next adventure but they most surely are, and their friends and fellow villagers will most certainly be right behind them once again!!! We’ll let the villagers of Seend have the final word… ” Well done John and Jen. We all knew you would both flipping do it!!!”

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In his own words, John Whalley details their Lands End to John O’Groats cycle challenge:

 

Approximately 900 riders began this event, with around 635 crossing the finish line last Sunday, supported throughout by the very professional organisers, Threshold Sports.

I think the first thing to say is, ‘This was, without doubt, the toughest 9 days of my life!’ Jenny and I had trained very hard, all year for this, with 100mile rides, 4-day back to back tours, rainy rides, hilly rides, but nothing really prepares you for 110 miles, every day, for 9 days, with little sleep in muddy campsites, constantly damp clothing and the most horrendous weather imaginable. It was an emotional rollercoaster of pain and hardship.

That said, the sense of pride and achievement I now feel cannot be put into words. Stressed knee ligaments and cyclists palsy afflicted hands are a small price to pay for the new friends I met along the journey, friendships that I already know will last a lifetime as we supported each other through our own periods of hell, and celebrated our wins together each day.

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By its very nature, the event captures you in a bubble that can only involve preparing for cycling all day, cycling all day, and recovering from cycling all day, ready to repeat next day. There is no semblance of real life or normality, and with very sporadic internet coverage and constantly under charged devices, little chance to communicate with the outside world. So, visits from friends and family on the finish lines and pit stops, and messages from loved ones mean everything. We are so grateful for the support we have both received from our families, our friends and our small village of Seend.

In conclusion, this has been an extraordinary journey for me, something I could not have completed without my riding partner and friend Jenny, without the new friends we met along the way, and without the support of our family and friends. But I have also found new qualities in myself, I am stronger and more determined than I realised, I do not give up and I do not let others down when they are in need. I am now looking for a new challenge to see how much more is in me.

 

https://www.justgiving.com/fundraising/john-optional-whalley

Night Boat to Lavy

Back in 1980 my brother and I could choose one LP each for Christmas, my first real record aside from Pinky and Perky singles (Google them kiddo, they were the Alvin & The Chipmunks of their day.) My brother thought he was being mature when he opted for the Police’s Zenyatta Mondatta, and my choice was juvenile; Madness – Absolutely.

 

But from all the ska and two-tone bands of the period, it was the pop, fairground style of Madness which stood the test of time, because our generation could identify with them.

 

Through synth-pop, electro and hip hop, and soul, not overlooking my eternal love for reggae, my eclectic tastes relished them all along the years, and then the rave scene took me away. It seems now though, I’ve turned full circle and, zipping up my boots, I returned to the roots, the offbeat ska sound; when Madness ruled that Christmas morning.

 

While 80s mod bands warbled on subjects unrelated to the experiences of a seven-year-old scallywag, Madness sung songs of baggy school trousers and dirty shirts, of pulling hair and eating dirt; we did all that, we walked home squashing snails, and when the teacher came to break up a fight, well you get the picture.

 

Bands like the Jam I appreciate now, but at the time I didn’t have a clue what they were on about; a clown called Maurice, what’s all that about? And you know their song Eton Rifles? My adolescent mind thought they were singing about eating trifles.

 

Seems I’m not alone in this affection for the Nutty Boys, the area has gone mad recently. With the MACS theatre school surprisingly opting the Our House Musical for their next production, and now I’ve just picked up on the rumour that the unquestionably best Madness tribute act, Los Palmas 6, is visiting the sleepy village of Market Lavington on October 28th, to show the Music and Comedy Club their nutty acknowledgment.

 

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Not without connections, Los Palmas 6 boast authenticity, citing amidst their seven-piece band, saxophonist for Madness for over eight years, Steve Turner.

 

Established in 1998, Los Palmas 6’s objective, said Steve “was to offer the most accurate Madness Tribute, and we succeeded.” They proudly awarded themselves the title “best Madness Tribute Band in the World,” and with prestigious booking from the BBC, Virgin Records, Arsenal Football Club, Cardiff Castle, Alexandra Palace, Splash FM, Cobo Bay festival in Guernsey, and not forgetting The Army, SAS, Navy and RAF, nobody’s arguing.

 

Can you afford to miss this, at twelve quid a ticket? You’d be a nutty boy to wait as gossip is spreading it’ll be a sell-out. Get your ticket from Devizes Books, Market Lavington Post Office or www.ml-mcc.weebly.com

https://www.facebook.com/events/990621147714002/
https://www.madnesstributeband.co.uk/